Harvest of Expectations Ch. 04

Darlene giggled again.

"I'll leave you the cognac," he added.

In a less than a minute Rich and Darlene had departed on their art appreciation project.

"I guess we've got the place all to ourselves," Jim said.

"Good guess," Hildy replied.

She started laughing and Jim could see that the cognac had a relaxing effect on her. He retrieved the bottle from the coffee table in front of the sofa and refilled their snifters.

"Want to move to the sofa?" he asked.

Hildy shook her head.

"I like it right here," she said.

Jim took his place alongside her again and shifted his weight to be more comfortable. Hildy took another swallow of her cognac. He leaned over close to her.

"Things worked out pretty well this weekend," he said,

He turned on his side and put his arm around her. He nudged her so that she would slide down further on the blanket and would be flat on her back. She did as his nudges suggested and when he dropped down to kiss her she didn't resist him— although she seemed less relaxed.

At first, her rigidity served to reinforce his image of her physical tone. He looked forward to the moment that he would actually have his hands and eyes on it, unfettered by clothing, and she would feel his own strong body as they pressed skin on warm skin. But as he surveyed her he noticed that she seemed less happy than when they were cuddling to the music with an occasional kiss.

"It's her first time, she's probably nervous," Jim explained away the change to himself.

He was nervous, too, but less than what he would have expected. It was all working out so well. He thought about how it had been so right to wait until the setup could be perfect, like it was at that moment. He'd been so wise to pass up his chance with Ashley, tempting as it had been.

All the parking lots and seats of Plymouths and Pontiac Catalinas seemed so second rate and, to his credit, he had avoided them. Even Hildy's father's attempted machinations of a separate motel room had worked in his favor. If Darlene hadn't signaled the green light to Hildy, then nothing ever would.

"Timing is everything," he thought in self-congratulation.

His remaining task was to get Hildy ready. He would be patient. He would be slow and thorough in bringing her along. The music would help. The third disc had already dropped onto the turntable. Soon, he thought, she would be as hot and wanting as Ashley had been, except that it would be his artwork on Hildy's canvass that would elevate her to that point while Ashley put her own self there.

He liked it more this way. There would be the right moment when he would whisper that they should retire to the bedroom where he'd put fresh, clean sheets on the bed that morning and hidden his package of Lubricated Trojans in the drawer of the nightstand.

All that was necessary was more patience.

"I know what you're expecting," she said without warning as he ended a long kiss and began caressing her bare arms.

He said nothing. He knew what she meant, and she was correct, of course. He wondered if a polite denial might be in order—a chance for her to convince him to carry through what they'd already started. Before he could utter the little white lie he stopped because he remembered how he regretted each little untruth he told her.

"The time is right," he answered. "Rich and Darlene won't be back. I've got protection in the bedroom."

"I can't," she replied. "I should have told you. My period started on the way down here this morning. We had to stop at a gas station so I could take care of it. That's why we were late. I'm sorry."

Jim didn't answer. It was hard to believe that everything could have been set up so well, and then gone so bad. It wasn't her fault, of course, and he wanted to be angry for not warning him earlier, but he could not force himself to be angry with her. He just let out a big breath to let her be sure of his frustration.

"I'm sorry," she repeated.

She sounded as though she might be getting upset, but Jim didn't say anything.

"I could take off my blouse and bra," she offered. "At least you'd get something."

It was a tempting offer. It would be First Base—or maybe Second Base. It would be better than a strikeout, and he'd never seen or touched her breasts.

"That's okay, Hildy, it would be like dumping out the ice cream and eating the cone."

He felt her laughing under him and he knew he had decided the right way.

"That's an interesting way to put it," she said.

She took a swallow of her cognac.

"Something always seems to get in our way," she continued. "It's not fair. I know you expected something different..."

"Hildy, all I expected from you is that you would be here with me and be the beautiful, sweet person that you always are—and you have truly done that."

The final record ended and the turntable clicked off, distracting them for a few seconds.

"That was a nice thing to say," she countered, "but if you really meant it you would have said it when I first told you. I know that you had something else in mind. It's okay; I understand."

Ouch! Those little white lies were stinging him again. It was his own doing, not hers, for they were his own little lies.

"But it was a nice thing to say," she said.

Her forgiveness didn't make Jim feel any better, for he asked himself what he might have done to earn forgiveness.

"Hildy, you're right," he confessed, "but it's what I should have said and that's what I say now and I mean it, if you can accept that."

She reached up to him from where she was lying. She put her hand around the back of his neck and drew him down to her. Jim relaxed and settled down next to her. They settled on the floor, embraced, being with one another.

Jim wondered if there was a point to it all—foreplay with no end design. But he was enjoying it, just the same. He noticed that when they kissed her lips had become soft and pliant. They were warm and he felt the muscles of her face and lips relax. She opened her mouth to him and she tasted sweet like the cognac that was still on her tongue. He liked the way her legs and back and arms had become loosened as though she had convinced herself that she had no need of any defense.

They molded together,, lying on their sides, faces touching. Hildy's skin was warm. Jim felt warm, too, and not just on his skin. They said no words, but she made little purring sounds from time to time that became more insistent at any instance he attempted to pull away from her. It wasn't the result Jim had expected not long before, but it occurred to him that he was glad to be where he was.

After a little while she lifted her top leg over and around his. Jim could not think of a way to get pressed against her any closer. They stayed there, floating wherever a tide or gust of wind might take them. There were no sails, no rudder taking them to any destination, in particular.

After a while Jim noticed that Hildy's breathing had become deep and regular and she had ceased pressing her lips against his. He drew himself out of her arms with great care so as not to wake her. She looked comfortable enough, so Jim went into the bedroom and came out with a heavy blanket that he put over her. She didn't even stir when he did it. He poured himself another cognac and sat down next to her and watched her sleep. He could tell that she was dreaming, but what about?

Perhaps it was the painting of Elvis and what Darlene and Rich were up to at the motel, but he doubted it. Was it about what might have been, or what had been? Did she think that she was still in his arms? He was regretting having gotten up from their sleepy embrace but he didn't know how to re-engage without waking her. He wondered if it was an experience that they might recreate at a later time, or if it could happen to them only once, and if so, should he be grateful or sorry that it was over?

He watched as her body floated up and down with the rhythm of sleep. As he sipped his cognac he heard his voice speaking in his head.

"Hildy, one day we will make love to one another at a time ay and place that we will choose, without regret or guilt or shame or fear of being found out. It will be ours and it will be right for us to have it.

TO BE CONTINUED