Heartless

"You have to leave now. I'm going to bed," I said harshly.

His face split in that damnable grin. "I'm going to tuck you in first."

"The hell you are. Out. You are leaving now." I moved around the couch and headed for the door. I jerked the handle and opened it wide. "Thanks for coming by. Now leave."

He dragged his feet to the door. "I'm glad we met, even if I had to knock you out to do it."

I couldn't help myself. I cuffed him on the shoulder and found myself laughing despite it all. "Tell Sara I'm fine. I'll call her tomorrow."

"Will do," he said as he turned to leave. Then he stopped and turned around to face me. He planted a firm kiss on my cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow and check on you."

"I won't answer my phone."

Then he was gone.

But he didn't stay gone. He showed up at my office the next day. He came in bearing a single lavender rose. Oh great another romantic, I thought, that's all I need.

"How sweet," I said with a voice oozing sarcasm. "A lavender rose."

"You know what that means, don't you?" He handed me the flower.

I took it and shoved it into a glass of water that was on my desk. "Yes. It means 'love at first sight'. Do you fancy yourself in love?"

He propped his butt on the corner of my desk and folded his arms across his chest. "You know, some women actually appreciate getting flowers. I hear that some even take a whiff of them when they receive them."

"I'm sure they do but you didn't answer my question."

"Let's just say I'm very intrigued. There's something about you that captures the imagination."

I frowned at him. What a line. "I thought you were just going to call me. I suppose Sara told you where to find me."

"You told me that you wouldn't answer the phone and I hate rejection. So here I am."

"Great. Thanks for coming by. Have a nice day."

He grabbed the front of his shirt and groaned. "That hurt. And I came all the way over here to take you to lunch."

"Thanks," I said as I sat down. "But I'm not hungry. I'm not feeling well and I'm going to go home in a bit."

"You're not feeling well because you haven't had lunch yet. I'll bet you didn't even eat any breakfast today."

"I'm not feeling well because I have a concussion," I said rudely. I wanted to take those words back the minute they were said. The smile left his face.

"I'm sorry, Amelia," he said softly. "I really am."

"I know. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

He grinned at me again. "So you do have a heart."

I was smiling and trying to hide it. "Naw, it's just the concussion. Makes me weak."

"Come on, lunch." He reached for me and pulled me out of my chair.

"I can't, Devlin. I have too much to do." I pulled my arm out of his grasp. "But thank you for thinking of me."

He leaned close to my face. "Something you should know about me, Amelia. I never take no for an answer."

His eyes were boring into mine and I could feel his warm breath on my face. I knew that I was blushing and that fact made me more angry than his endless persistence. "I'm afraid you'll have to take no from me. I have work to do."

"Fine," he said, pulling himself up to his full height of six feet, three inches. "I'll just have a seat and keep you company."

I flopped back into my chair as he moved around the desk and took a seat across from me. He was the most frustrating man I had ever met. "As long as you don't mind my ignoring you..." I turned my back to him and started plucking at the keys of my computer.

"I mind very much," he stated flatly. "If you don't talk to me I'll just sit here and sing all twelve verses of the Twelve Days of Christmas over and over." He started singing and I turned to face him. He continued singing. By the time he got to Five Golden Rings I was ready to stab my eardrums with my letter opener. Singing was obviously not his forte.

I grabbed several files off my desk and headed out the door into the hallway. I heard someone call out to me. I turned to see one of the office assistants jogging up the hall toward me.

"I just heard you have Devlin Jeffreys in your office."

"Yes, what about it?"

"Oh, my god," she squealed. "You have to introduce me to him."

"Why?"

She looked absolutely mortified. "You do know who he is, don't you?"

"Yeah, he's the character who nearly killed me yesterday."

The girlish glee returned to her face. "Man, you must have been excited when you opened your eyes to findhim standing there. He's the hottest thing going."

"He's just another guy." I was confused how she would even know his name.

"Tsk. Don't you read? He's like the richest guy in the world and he's in Fortune 500. He just moved to town and is bringing his business here. He's going to make this his home base."

"Is he the one bringing that manufacturing business in?" I asked. I had read somewhere that some young entrepreneur bringing new factories to town, complete with new construction and offices and all.

She looked at me as if I had just fallen off the turnip truck. "Yes, that's him. You should try to get a date with him. What a catch."

Suspicion suddenly crept up my spine. "Did he pay you to say that?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," I said and continued along my way. I dropped off the files in the business office and returned to my own room. He was still sitting there, humming that disagreeable song. When he saw me he started singing again, picking up where I had left.

"Ok," I shouted at him. "If I go to lunch with you will you shut the hell up?"

He beamed at me. "I'll be like a clam," he said. "You won't even know I'm around."

"I doubt that." The man was getting on my nerves and I was starting to like it.

We left the building and climbed into his shining Mercedes. He turned the key. The engine purred to life and we were off. "Where are we going," I asked as we passed a number of restaurants.

"You'll see." He smiled that infuriatingly charming grin. "It's a surprise."

We drove to the lake where he parked near a secluded little park. He jumped out and ran around to open my door; then he moved to the rear of the car and opened the trunk. I walked over to see what he was pulling out. He had a blanket, a picnic basket and a cooler.

"Make yourself useful," he said, handing me the blanket. He guided me to a quiet area shaded by a giant oak where he set down his load and took the blanket from me. He shook it out and laid it upon the ground.

"When you said you wanted to take me to lunch this isn't really what I thought you had in mind." I cocked an eyebrow at him and sat down with my legs folded under me.

"It's a gorgeous day. What better lunch is there then one at the lake on such a day?"

"Well, it's not exactly what I thought a Fortune 500 guy would prefer."

He sighed and stopped unpacking the food. "I thought you were blissfully ignorant of that." He looked as if he was more than a little disappointed.

"I was until the sales assistant mentioned it to me. Does it make a difference, my knowing?"

"Only if it makes a difference in the way you treat me and act around me."

I smiled at that. "Not in the least. I shall continue to hold you in contempt."

He guffawed loudly as he pulled plates and utensils out of the basket and set them on the blanket. "At least you're honest. I hope you like cold crabmeat." My stomach growled ominously. "I'll take that as a 'yes' then."

"I guess I'm hungrier than I thought," I said.

"Well then," he beamed. "Dig in."

He placed some of the chilled fare on my plate and handed me a piece of crusty bread. He filled wineglasses from a frosty bottle. I did just as he said. I dug in with gusto. It was hard for me to believe I could be so ravenous. It must have been the fresh air but I stuffed myself that day.

Every time I looked up he was eyeing me with amusement. It was a bit disconcerting, having his laughing gaze watching my every move. I tried not to look at him. When my plate was empty he took it from me, handing me another plate. This one contained a mouth-watering slice of peach pie.

"I like watching you eat," he said with a delicious grin.

"So I noticed," I said.

"You eat like you really enjoy it. A person who eats like that really enjoys life—a good person to get to know."

I shook my head at him. The self-debasing smile should have told him everything; should have warned him off. "Why are you chasing me, Devlin?" It was an honest question.

"What makes you think I'm chasing you? How do you know that I'm not just trying to keep you from suing me for knocking you out?"

I always hated a person who would answer a question with a question. "I don't know—the rose, the picnic, the dinner and attention last night. If you were worried about a lawsuit you would have sent an attorney. It's pretty obvious."

He smiled his most innocent smile. "And I thought I was playing it so cool, too."

"I'm serious. What do you expect from me?"

His smile faded and he put down his wine. "I don't expect anything. I am hoping. I hope that we can be friends. I hope that maybe we might have something in common. I'm hoping to find out what makes you so irresistible."

I couldn't look at him. His eyes were staring at me, looking for answers. "Devlin, I don't know what you think you see in me but you'll be wasting your time if you continue to pursue me. Most men leave within three months and the others wish they had."

"I'm not most men, Amelia." I looked at him then. His gaze was very intense. "I intend to find out who you are and what makes you tick."

I shook my head again. I knew that he would end up angry or hurt or disappointed like all the others. "Do you know what they say about me?"

He nodded. "Sara told me."

I snorted. "Should have guessed. Do you have a masochistic streak or do you just have a thing for lost causes?"

He smiled again. "Maybe a little of both." He reached his hand toward my face. "You have a little bit of peach on your chin." He wiped at my chin with his thumb and then stuck it in his mouth. "Mmm, Amelia flavored peach, tasty. Oops, missed some," he said as he leaned forward. He licked my chin with the tip of his tongue.

I felt a shiver run through me and I leaned away from him. He put his hand behind my head and pulled me closer. He kissed me on the lips. I wanted to throw my arms around his neck but I knew where that would lead so I pushed against his chest. "Stop, Devlin. I don't want you to."

He pulled back a little. "Amelia, I'm attracted to you. I know you're attracted to me. What's more, I like you. I think you like me too. I know you think that you can't trust anyone but why not just let it happen? Take a chance." He kissed me again. His tongue invaded my mouth and I turned to pulp in his arms. I melted against him.

He ended the kiss and pulled away. "That's one hell of a powerful reaction for a woman who thinks she can't love." His voice was husky and soft.

I stood up. "Take me back to the office."

"Nothing doing. You said you had the afternoon off and I intend to take advantage of it."

For some reason I felt like I was near tears. I wanted to get away from this man. There was something about him that put unusual thoughts in my head. "Fine, then I'll walk." I turned my back on him a stalked away.

I heard his feet running up behind me. I knew that I had to get away. He grabbed my arm and whirled me around. He wrapped me in a bear hug. "Don't go," he whispered against my hair. "Spend the day with me. You'll see that I'm not a bad guy. Just get to know me. I promise to keep my tongue in my mouth and my mouth off your face."

I almost laughed at that. I pushed away from him. "Devlin, I want you to understand something. I cannot give you what you want or need. It's no use. I've tried in the past but it's just not in me."

He grinned again. "But you haven't tried with me," he said with a wink. "I don't give up so easily. The more you push me away, the more I will keep trying."

I was completely exasperated. "Oh, are you in for a treat then," I shouted.

He laughed and put an arm around my shoulders. "Let's clean up our mess and take a walk. Let's enjoy this glorious day."

By the time we finally made it back to my office building to get my car the sun was dipping low. Mine was the only vehicle left and he pulled his Mercedes up along side it. He stopped me when I started to get out.

"I'll get the door for you," he said. He got out, ran around to open the passenger door and offered me his hand. I took it and allowed him to pull me out.

"You know, Devlin," I said to him. "I really had a good time today. You are a fun person to be with."

He smiled at my confession and turned my hand over to kiss my palm. "And you're kinda nice when you relax." Taking my keys, he opened the door to my Saturn. He stood in the open door after I got in and brushed his knuckles along my jaw line. "I'm leaving town tomorrow on business. I'll be gone all week. I'd like to call you when I get back. Will you have dinner with me?"

It was difficult to ignore the twinge of disappointment I felt at his impending departure but I managed it. "I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea. You're a good man, Devlin. You should be dating someone with as much enthusiasm for life as you. Anyway, thanks for the picnic. And the walk. And the arcade and the mini-golf and all the rest. You sure do now how to pack it all into one day."

"I enjoy my life. Maybe next time," he said as he walked away, "we'll go skydiving and water skiing."

"There won't be a next time," I called as he entered his car. I fired up the engine and pulled out in front of him. But I wanted there to be a next time. I had to remind myself that I had given up on men. I didn't trust them on the whole and I was suspicious of each individual. This one certainly seemed to be intent upon having me but I knew that he would be looking for a relationship and that would mean that I would have to be willing to trust him. I just could not do it.

It seemed such a shame to waste a sexy man like him but there would be more to it than cheap sex. He would want to be part of my life. I know that I should be grateful for such an invitation but I'm not like most women. There is a hole in my chest where there used to be a heart. That doesn't mean that I don't care. I help with the homeless and look after my elderly neighbor. If someone needs a hand they call me first. It's just that I have been unable to love a man since that day so long ago. They came into my life expecting warmth and sunshine and only found darkness and cold.

This man, Devlin, seemed like a nice guy. He seemed as if he was on the level but I knew that all that niggling doubt would come back to haunt me and I would end up hating him and I would ruin his life. It had happened so many times. I didn't feel the need to confirm my failure as a woman with yet another man to add to the collection. I decided that I would definitely not be seeing him again.

I had lunch with Sara on Wednesday of that week and I told her my decision. She got angry with me. I watched as her face went from sunny and pleasant to darkly thunderous.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She hissed the question at me as if I had just attacked her. "He's a great guy. He really cares about you. Can't you see that?"

I sat in shock at her reaction. I hardly knew the man and he didn't know me at all. I had appreciation for the fact that he was a member of her family but I would have thought that she would be more inclined to protecting him from me, not pushing us together.

"Sara," I began. "Don't you think that it's better this way? You know what I'm like. Do you really want him to end up like the rest?"

Her anger ebbed away and she touched my hand. "Melia, why do you do this to yourself? Anyone can see that you want to be loved by someone. Why do you always shut them out? Do you feel that you are unworthy of them?"

I really had no answer for her. "Just see if you can get him to leave me alone, will you? I've tried to discourage him. I've even been downright rude."

She laughed a little. "I know. I've seen it. He remarked on it. He thinks it's a big act and so do I. Once he sets his mind to something he doesn't stop until he gets success. He's pretty headstrong. I don't know what good it will do but I'll speak to him."

I was relieved. I thanked her and we finished lunch. I thought of that conversation the rest of the week. I wondered if deep down I did feel unworthy. Maybe she was right to ask that question. Maybe it was a question I needed to consider.

Looking back I tried to remember a time when I knew a relationship with a man that was unfettered. My father had been demanding. He was never pleased with me or proud of anything I accomplished. He spent most of my early childhood ignoring me when he could or beating on me when he couldn't and most of my teen years chastising me. My grandfather had no use for granddaughters and chose, instead, to give his attention to my male cousins.

Before Billy and I became more than friends I had dated a couple of different guys. They only wanted to hike my skirt up. It was always something that the men in my life wanted, whether it was sex or for me to be something I'm not. They never just wanted me for me. Maybe the problem was that I believed myself to be unworthy of a man that could give of himself, if there was such an animal.

I had to put those thoughts aside because of the ache that developed in the center of my chest. I threw myself into work to keep my mind from wandering back to a pair of laughing hazel eyes. When Friday night rolled around I was tired and glad for the end of the workweek. I had just gotten home and kicked my shoes off when the phone rang. The caller ID confirmed my suspicion. It was Devlin.

I shut the ringer off on the phone and the volume down on the answering machine. I had no interest in speaking to him at that point. Damn that Sara, I thought. She was supposed to have taken care of this. I grabbed a book that I had been meaning to read and headed for the bedroom. I wanted peace and quiet and I didn't want to deal with that man.

I was dozing lightly sometime later when I heard a noise. I was instantly alert with my heart in my throat. I sat up, listening, holding my breath. I heard it again. A footstep, followed by another, in the hall outside my room. I slipped silently off the bed, tiptoeing to the closet where I kept my revolver on the top shelf. I didn't make it in time. The footsteps got closer. I reached behind the vanity and grabbed my ball bat. The hunk of wood hadn't seen any action since I gave up softball the year before. I was just raising it over my head when the form of a man came through the bedroom door. With a mighty swing I brought the bat down intending to crush the intruder's skull.

The man deflected the blow with a raised arm but fell to the floor under the attack. I raised the weapon again. I saw the intruder raise his arm again. It was bleeding. Then I saw his face. It was Devlin. I almost hit him just on sheer principle.

"What thefuck are you doing here?" I screamed at him.

"Jesus Christ!" he yelled back. "I think you broke my arm."

I felt awful. And I was angry. "Serves you right, you dumb son-of-a-bitch. What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

"You left he front door open. I knocked but there was no answer. I called you several times and you didn't pick up. I was worried about you." He had gotten off the floor and was cradling his arm.

I tossed the bat on the bed. "I didn't answer the phone hoping you would take the hint. Didn't Sara speak to you before you came over?"

"Yeah, she gave me your message. I wanted to hear it from you, if you don't mind." This was the first time that I had seen him angry. He looked even more yummy than when he was smiling.