I must have started to tell this tale no less than a dozen times, but after a few chapters I keep ending up deleting it.
The simple truth it that it was an embarrassing time in my life, even now remembering makes my cheeks flame up.
Part of my problem in that respect is with the exception of just a few stories and some embellishment in my poor attempt to make my often boring life more interesting, mine are mostly true.
I worry that someone I know and work with might know some of that about me.
Yes, I really am a Physician, I really have been married three times, four if we count my twice marriage to my late husband Tom. I really did inherit a very large estate, and one that I had absolutely no right to other than the fact that a woman I loved was my friend.
Being naive, I even used my real name when I signed up here, but of course I figured out quickly the problems with that (so help me, some of you men..lol) and changed the last name and some other things.
I really am... just Sally.
I am also better now, I am more in tune with me, with who I am and what I like. Still, my cheeks can flame up at the idea of someone knowing, finding out the things inside the deep recesses of my mind.
I could not, I would never dream of letting most around me know the thoughts that pop up inside of me. In that respect I am just..normal?
Here, I can be whatever I wish, I can let it ALL hang out. I think I finally understand what my friend Lee explained to me, the magic in writing it down, letting it all out. Then rereading it, feeling once again the sensations, the memories that slide into my mind with the sensuality of my own words.
Wow did I take off here? But it is just to help any readers understand who I am, where I came from and how I came to be who I am now.
I think I became a naughty girl, far more so than when I was younger. That's what I think, anyway. I like sex, I like being with a man, I like being naughty sometimes. And I am getting older, the day will come soon when I just cannot be.
That period that comes to all women came to me also. The craving for sex, love, touch, peaked in me later in life and now into my mid forties that has still not left me. Our biological clock seems to speed up, mine was and is running wide open.
I grew up with conservative parents, good solid God fearing people. My early life was one of being the girl on the outside looking in. I was not blessed with beauty, or even a hot body. We all know the girl that is "just there" in our classes at school.
That girl was me.
Lord was I bashful. I would see boys, then men as I went on to medical school look down at my well covered breasts. I did notice that, it would make my cheeks flush even though I was completely covered, I would look down and hurry past, not daring to meet their eyes.
My breasts, those damn breasts! They weren't huge but they were out there, I had no way to hide them at all.
Only in the privacy of my room, with the door securely shut and locked could I take them out and inspect them. While I was maturing, it seemed like every single day they became bigger and more obvious, the thick bras I wore began to cut into me and I had to get larger ones.
I finally ended up wearing a "C" cup, not huge but full, the sides and top portions of the bra still cut into me and made them ache, but going larger was too much and that size slid around on me and gapped open. Of course having one slightly larger than the other is no help at all in that respect.
I was terrified someone would see me, see my nipples, my breasts.
In medical school, I had to undergo the horror of being inspected by other students, in many of the classes with hands on type training we used each other as subjects. It was trauma at the time yet exciting when alone in my room, my busy hand would reach for myself with almost a mind of it's own at the memories.
The first time I lay there with my legs open and a student put their finger inside it was a female, but later it was also the male students. I bit my lip, but I managed. The sheet over me was very little comfort.
Then our instructor actually discussed with the class about my being a virgin, the differences there, as I had to sit there and hear it. She was talking about ME, about MY vagina, my personal and secret spot that I was so shy about. One of the men in our class made a crack about me being the only virgin my age left in the entire country and everyone snickered. For some reason that helped with my shyness, I became stubborn and held my head up after that.
I am not sure but I think it made me feel special? All of those emotions tearing around inside of me, conflicting with each other were constant in those early years.
I did get better about my shyness, but not much. I also had to undergo the students poking at my bare breasts and looking at them but they mostly had developed their bedside manners by this time and I finally got over being totally reluctant.
Yes, I finally learned about boys, and men, and that some were much better than others. My first time with a young man was one of those situations where he almost didn't slow down as he went by.
I married a man, he drank, spent money, wouldn't work. I divorced him after he struck me once while drunk, then my second husband was arrested and when I went to bail him out I found that he was caught at a local parking spot with a much younger man. The charge was public indecency.
I left him there in jail. He was released actually very quickly, and he came home.
I wasn't there, and I didn't go back.
Then I met Tom, I fell so completely in love with him that I have no way to even describe that.
He was also flawed, somewhere inside of him my loving him and being totally willing was not quite enough. Tom had fantasies, they were there inside of him all the time, under the surface.
I call it a flaw, the odd desire to display, show off someone you love. An illicit desire, but if it actually is a flaw, then I carry my own inside me.
Tom wasn't difficult, not even in the slightest. He never really made me do anything at all, but he let me know he would like it if I dressed in a sexy manner, showed off my breasts, went without under panties, things like that.
He would act so happy and loving when I wore a top that let part of my bra show, or made sure he knew there was no chance of pantie lines showing through my dress. That was naughty, delicious to me and I began to like the feeling. He would practically pounce on me when we got home from an evening out like that. I felt so safe and warm in his arms, and Tom always took the time to make sure I got my own pleasure out of it.
Tom was not a large man in the male department and I didn't care. He way more than made up for it in stamina and the efforts he took to make sure he pleased me. I had a fascination with his male organ, for some reason he was far firmer than any other man I ever knew, including those I sometimes saw in my practice.
I knew that happened because of me! It was a delight to get him into that state, the best times were when he was out of control in his eagerness.
I began to tease a bit more when we went out, Tom became even more attentive, even more of a wonderful lover if that was possible.
Then one day I discovered by accident that there had been a situation with Tom's partner's wife. I knew right then my man had cheated on me. It sounded like the other man wanted me in exchange, to get even I guess. There were some bad times, I forgave Tom finally but I did a couple of other things during that period. For revenge I suppose, my rationalization.
Out on the dance floor with Tom sitting there watching, I let a man, a total stranger, take liberties. I did stop him when his fingers reached my nipples, but he most certainly got that far.
That was the first time I ever did anything like that, at least in public. Oh, I knew about men, I had done my share, by the time I married Tom I had been with a total of five. Those were all private situations.
For quite some time after Tom and I got back together he made no mention of me doing anything sexy, and I didn't. Then I noticed he reached for me less and less. We still made love once a week, or a bit less, but normal for us was almost every other day without fail.
I found myself wanting more, and after Tom begged off tired a few times I made up my mind to do something about it. I could understand his being tired, but he had always worked long hours. Of course times had gotten harder for his construction business, and he was under pressures there too.
I left my office early one afternoon, stopped by a tiny little shop I knew about and bought a new outfit. It was bright and multicolored, the blouse lay perfectly on me. The matching skirt was shorter than I normally wore, usually I wore styles that hid my legs and hips. At that time I carried an impossible to rid myself of extra 15 pounds, of course on my waist, hips, and thighs.
I tucked my bra into my purse, I left off the panties, too. I wore the outfit home, God I felt naughty just walking out to the street and getting into my car. I was completely aware of being totally naked underneath the thin cloth, with others around, so close and not knowing.
I made sure enough buttons were undone that a good expanse up my upper breasts would peek a boo as the cloth moved.
Tom's truck was pulled up beside the house, two other vehicles were parked behind it. I didn't think too much of that since he often had planning sessions at home, but I was disappointed.
Tom apparently had one of his meetings going on, and here I was dressed to excite my man, naked underneath the flimsy clothing, not dressed to meet with or be around strange men I didn't know.
I couldn't change back in the car, so I decided to just go in and dart up to our bedroom and switch into some slacks and a different blouse.
Tom came out of the kitchen carrying a coffee pot and two cups just as I opened the door. His eyes instantly took in my manner of dress, they widened in surprise.
"Hi, honey! Home early today?"
"Yes, I went shopping." I managed.
"I see that, wow, you look great!"
"I better go upstairs and change. Hey, you are spilling coffee on the floor." I pointed at the pot he was holding.
"Oh, shit!" He tipped the pot back, grinned. I grabbed a towel and wiped up the spill.
Tom's eyes kept looking me up and down, I felt that familiar tingle that always swept through me when he looked at me that way.
"Come on in and meet the guys first, we got the contract for the storage buildings." I knew he had done some bidding on some buildings for a government construction project, some kind of a tram the city was doing.
"I...I better change first." I said, suddenly bashful.
"No, you look fine, come on." He turned and went into the study. I followed along.
Two men sat leaning over the coffee table, they had plans laid out in front of them. I saw them look up and smile as Tom introduced me.
"This is Gerald and Ted, they are doing the foundations for us." Both men stood up, Gerald was in his early fifties and slightly balding, Ted was tall and lanky wearing western style dress. I saw Ted's eyes drop to my bust, I knew that even with the colored pattern of the cloth that I was showing through it. A slow smile crossed his lips as he reached out to shake my hand.
I shook Gerald's hand too, he looked but glanced quickly away. Tom was grinning ear to ear. Mildly flustered, I excused myself, telling them I would let them get back to their work.
Upstairs, I changed into slacks and a plain T-shirt, I started to put on my bra again but changed my mind. I had seen the look on Tom's face and I still had teasing him in mind.
By the time I came back downstairs the guys had all settled into the living room, and Tom had brought out a bottle of peach brandy. He looked up at me as I headed for the kitchen to fix some snacks. This was a bit different, normally after one of his meetings everyone just left but I figured they were having a small celebration at scoring a nice big bid.
I was fixing a plate of crackers and chips when Tom came up behind me and gave me a hug. His hands went straight up to my breasts, I leaned back against him with a sigh.
"You looked so hot!" He said, as he flicked my nipples, knowing that drives me nuts.
"Hot? Me? What do you mean?" I asked, pretending innocence.
"We could see right through your dress!" He said, a catch in his voice.
"Oh, you could not." I protested, turning in his arms to get a kiss.
"Oh yes we could, with that light behind you we could see almost everything, you didn't have any panties on, did you?"
That hadn't really registered one me, I suddenly realized I had been standing there with the sunlight at my back through the window.
"No, I didn't and I still don't." I giggled.
"That was so hot!" He repeated.
"Oh, so you liked the idea of those guys seeing your wife's big titties?" I teased him.
Tom didn't answer, but his body shuddered.
"You liked them looking at my hairy pussy through my dress, didn't you?" I pressed.
"Yes.....I did. God you are beautiful!" He shuddered again.
I giggled again and disengaged, taking the platter in to the other room with Tom right behind me.
"Is there enough of that for me too?" I asked Ted, he was pouring himself another shot of the peach brandy.
"Oh, I am sure there is, plus I have another bottle in the truck." He smiled and picked up a small glass and poured me a shot.
I seldom drink but this was sweet with a nice flavor, I sat down to visit. Tom sat across from me on our huge couch with Ted and Gerald, I curled up in the recliner. I noticed all three of them kept glancing down at my boobs, my nipples were still poking out from Tom tweaking them in the kitchen.
They were talking back and forth about the job, but they kept looking my way. Ted got up and poured me another big shot when I finished the first one.
"So where did you buy the new outfit?" Tom asked out of the clear blue sky.
"Down at Marti's Hideaway, she got in several in the same style, they had one in a soft yellow that I really liked but it was too see through so I bought the patterned one instead."
"We like see through!" Both Ted and Tom said at almost the same instant. I looked back and forth at them and giggled.
"You guys!" I said, shaking my head.
"Well, that made my whole day." Ted said boldly, giving me a big grin.
"I sure liked it better than what you have on now." Tom added.
"What's wrong with what I have on now?" I asked, looking down at myself.
"Not a thing, the other outfit was lots more fun." Tom said.
"It's sure more comfortable than this." I lied, tugging at the side of my slacks. "I bought it to wear around here for the Summer, it's already getting warm outside."
"Why don't you go change back then, hon? We might as well all relax, it's been a real good day." Tom encouraged.
"Well. I could, I guess. If you don't mind? Or maybe that is what you would like me to do, Tom?" I looked at Ted and then at Gerald.
Tom just gulped.
"How about you two, would you prefer I was wearing the other outfit for you?" Gerald blushed slightly but Ted just grinned.
"We don't mind one bit." Ted said.
"OK then, anything to please our guests." I hopped up and tossed back my drink, held out the glass for more. Ted dutifully filled it to the brim. I left and went upstairs.
I quickly brushed out my hair and slipped on the thin skirt and blouse. If Tom wanted me to put on a little show then I was going to put one on.
I could feel the drinks starting to have their effect, I knew that two was about my limit and I was halfway through the third one.
All eyes were on me as I came back downstairs, I went back over to the recliner and curled up again.
"Is this better?" I asked, taking another sip.
All three of them nodded their heads, their eyes on my bust. I knew that my nipples would make shadows through the translucent material but barely, it was unbuttoned enough that the top and insides of both of my breasts were exposed. They couldn't really see anything though, just a hint.
Still, it was enough for me to get their constant glances and attention, and I was beginning to bask in that.
"I think I am starting to get a little bit drunk." I said, finishing the last sip of my drink. I reached up and fiddled with the next button on my blouse. I felt it give, just let it go.
Ted hopped up and poured me another.
"Might as well relax, hon. The day is done." Tom said.
"You guys don't want me drunk, who knows what might happen?" I teased, reaching down idly to scratch my bare leg, managing to hike the hem halfway up my thigh as I did.
I was sitting with my legs curled under me, now half of my leg was exposed. Three sets of eyes dropped right to my leg. I rubbed my bare leg with the palm of my hand, now I knew that it was almost all the way up to my bare behind.
All three of them sat there quietly and watched.
"This stuff is so good!" I said, taking another sip. I turned to a slight angle, adjusting my legs under me. I knew that would let my blouse gap open even more.
Then I straightened out my legs and reached down and flipped the foot portion up to elevate them. Tom's eyes were slightly glazed, so were Ted's. Gerald kept glancing at me, he had a flushed look on his face too.
"I need to be getting on home." Gerald said suddenly, standing up. "Any more of this stuff and I won't be able to drive, besides, Mary will be fixing dinner."
Tom got up, they shook hands, Gerald nodded to me and left. Then Tom sat back down, grinned at me.
I grinned right back. I could see that Ted kept sneaking glances at me, he leaned back on the couch and scooted down, his feet stretched out across the floor.
I realized it was to improve his angle, he was sitting almost directly across from me and my skirt was half way up my thighs. I took another sip of my drink, leaned forward and set it down. Then I leaned back in the recliner and stretched my arms over my head. My blouse opened even further when I dropped my arms back down.
I really didn't have any intention of doing anything more than tease a little bit, I could tell that Tom was getting excited, exactly what I wanted from him.
"It sure feels good to just kick back and relax now, I had a busy day."
"Tom tells me you work in a health clinic?" Ted asked.
"Yes. All day, every day I poke and probe people, stick my fingers up their behinds." I said.
They both laughed at that.
"That sounds like it could get interesting." Ted smiled at me. I noticed he slid down ever so slightly more. I pulled my right leg back and set it on the foot portion of the recliner. I felt the hem of my dress slip higher up my thigh.
I knew that both Ted and Tom could now see at least the bottom of my bare behind but the overhead lights were casting shadows across my body. Ted was now struggling to see, I could tell by the way he was sitting, and his eyes kept darting downwards.
"I see our guest really does like this outfit better, honey." I smiled at Tom wickedly.
Ted got a flushed look on his face, Tom just grinned happily. That was when the feelings began to overwhelm me, the combination of drinks and being warm, my teasing state of dress made me begin to tingle with pleasure. I felt my nipples snug up, and I knew a droplet of moisture had slipped from me.
I squirmed a little bit in my chair.
Then I got an idea. On the back wall behind our couch, opposite where I was sitting was our big china hutch. It was one of those with the glass windows, and it had lights inside. They were off at the moment, the only lights on in the room were from our overhead track lights and those were over my head and behind me. Our TV tray rack sat right alongside the china hutch.