I Am Jack's Life Ch. 02

She smiled and nodded, "Of course, you and I have to have a birthday dance."

I returned the smile and shrugged my shoulders, "So what's the big deal then? I get four girls to dance with as it is, so why do I need a fifth?"

She brushed a lock of hair out of her face and studied my expression carefully. I kept my smile in place.

"I just don't want it to be super awkward for you or anything," she said after a bit.

"You guys having dates? That's nothing new. You guys always have boyfriends."

"Yeah, but not always all at the same time, and not during a party that's supposed to be, at least partly, for you."

I shrugged again.

She stepped up and hugged me. It was more than one of her hello hugs. She really wrapped her arms around me and put her head on my shoulder. I couldn't help it; my heart still skipped a bit. I was very aware of her body against mine. Fuck.

"You're my best friend, Jack; I don't want to see you hurt," she said softly.

Sigh. Oh yeah. That.

"Hey, don't worry about me, okay?" I pushed her away a little but left my hands on her shoulders to hold her at arms' length a bit. I leaned down a little to make eye contact with her. In the last year I'd gained a few inches on her, more than a few actually. Since our freshman year I'd gone from five-foot-nothing to about six feet. She was still about five-foot-four. I really had to lean down now to get eye contact.

"It's your party too. Don't worry about me. Promise?"

She smiled which made me smile. Because not only am I a sucker; she really was my friend and dammit if I really didn't want her to be upset over me.

"Promise," she said and leaned over to peck my cheek.

But she missed; I was in the process of straightening back up, and I guess she misjudged my movement, and our lips met. We kissed. Lips against lips.

It wasn't much more than the first time, a second, maybe two.

We parted a little bit, and my whole life surged forward. Destinies are forged by choices made in the aftermath of moments, and I was going to make mine right now.

I leaned forward and kissed her again.

She didn't pull away.

I moved my lips against hers and felt them move back. She was kissing me back. Two seconds lingered into three then four. My world exploded. Yeah, fireworks baby; that's how a first kiss should be.

Then she pulled away. Fast.

She looked shocked. And scared.

Fuck, I'd misread her. Shit shit, I'd broken the friend-zone rule: never make a move. Fuck fuck fuck.

I started to apologize, and she put her fingers on my lips.

"Don't, Jack." She said.

I moved her fingers away, "I was just going to apologize. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"But you aren't sorry, so don't lie to me Jack, okay?" Her voice was firm.

Well fuck, she had me there. I wasn't sorry. For four brief seconds I'd been the happiest I'd ever been in my life.

"I... uh..." I flailed around for words. I'd mostly gotten used to her aura of afflicting gibbering stupid by now, but sometimes, like now, it would hit me and I had nothing.

"Just... can we..." she started saying as she extracted herself from my hands, which were still holding her. I let go, shocked at myself.

"Let's just pretend this didn't happen, okay?" she looked at me imploringly.

I nodded.

I guess it's not a lie if you don't speak. I'd never be able to forget this. Which is true. Twenty years later and it still makes me flush with embarrassment. A grown damn man, with a wife, and kids, a million years more experience in kissing, and I still cringe at my fumbling and my rejection. No Beth, I've never forgotten. Sorry for that.

She walked back to the house and didn't look back at me. I hung my head in shame and finished loading the thousand-dollar lamps. Somehow I didn't break any of them. My hands were shaking pretty badly.

The next couple of days were agony. Beth didn't call me, and I didn't call her. It was the longest stretch of time I'd gone without speaking to her in almost two years. I was worried I'd ruined it, worried that I'd show up at the party and my friendship with Beth would be over. Not just Beth either, but the other three too. To say I was plagued with self-doubt is to say that Europe had kind of a problem with the Black Death, or that Native Americans adapted poorly to smallpox. I was wasting away. I needed someone to put me out of my misery.

That someone, as it turned out, was Kimmy.

The night of the party, I was supposed to be getting ready, but I was laying on my bed languishing in my imagined exile from my friends.

My mom knocked on my door and opened it, "Shouldn't you be getting ready?"

"Yeah, I don't know if I'm going."

Now, I dunno if my mother knew I'd been locked in the friend-zone with these girls. She certainly knew who they were. All of them at one time or another had come over to hang out, to pick me up, or for tutoring. She'd even taken a group photo for us on the lawn for junior prom. She knew, probably, that I had the most serious crush on Beth, and that I spent the most time with her. But I'm pretty sure she thought I had dated at least one of them.

Maybe not, though; my mother was pretty smart.

"Oh? Well, Kim is on the phone; you should let her know then." My mother said simply, and then handed me our cordless phone. Hey, it was '93. I didn't have a cellphone.

"Yeah, what's up?" I said, attempting to shove all the misery of self-inflicted agony I'd put myself through in the last couple of days out of my voice.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Uhm, nothing. You called me."

"Right. So hey, last minute I know and all, but my date has some funky strep thing, so I can't go with him."

"Oh, sorry about that."

"Oh I don't care, he was really not a great date anyway. Very cute, but not boyfriend material, you know? Kind of a jerk really."

Erm, okay. That's Kimmy for you. Blunt and honest.

"Sorry to hear that."

"So anyway, I was thinking about what you said earlier, how you don't have a date, but you needed a volunteer. I volunteer."

I think my brain skipped a beat.

"Huh?"

Again, you go with what you got sometimes.

"I mean, I'd be your date. If you want."

I blinked a few times.

Now, Kimmy was very cute. All of them were. Tall, pretty close to six feet, skinny, long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I certainly had fantasized about her before. Especially on the days she skipped a bra. Usually that particular fantasy also involved Anna, or Beth, or all three in some kind of cheerleader foursome that I will not go into, but yeah. I had thought about it before. Maybe not dating her, but certainly having sex with her. Not that I thought I was going to have sex with her tonight, but a date was a good first step with any of them.

"Uhm, sure. Great!" I said, catching myself and realizing that this was actually perfect. If I showed up at the party with Kim as a date, then Beth would relax and not be weird around me. Plus, hey, hot girl as a date. Bonus.

"Cool, pick me up in like, what, an hour?"

"Yeah, no problem!" I said.

"Cool, see ya," she said and hung up.

I had a date with Kimmy, the hot, blonde cheerleader.

Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad birthday after all.