I Dream - I Dream of Her

My editor Angel has once again done a wonderful job of editing this story. My sincerest thanks to her for all the hard work and effort.

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The night is still. A gentle breeze blows through the trees and only the rustling of the fallen leaves disturbs the stillness of the night.

My thoughts are interrupted, I look up at the moon and smile. She smiles back, her wan smile, illuminating the night sky. To her right stands Taurus the bull, his head lowered ready to charge and defend his realm. On her left stands the stuff of legends, the Centaur, timeless and graceful he stands bow in hand a perfect balance between Taurus and the Unicorn.

My gaze drifts briefly to each one before I slip back into my own thoughts. I dream of her. The limpid eyes, tender and full of love, the long lustrous locks as black as the night and softer than silk. The soft tinkling laughter that is music to my ears and sets my mind aflame with unbridled desire. I dream . . . I dream of her.

The moon looks down in sympathy for the love I have and the love I do not possess. I lie down and close my eyes. Sleep comes almost immediately. The great Taurus snorts and paws the night sky, he has no time for love and emotion. Centaur simply nods, the understanding of ageless wisdom. Only the moon watches over me, we are alone she and I. The breeze ruffles my hair and gently kisses my cheek. Of all this I am not aware as in my slumber I dream... I dream of her.

The crowing of the cock awakens me from my ooh so perfect dream and I wake to the bitter harsh realities of the world. I look out the window; my friends Taurus, Centaur and the moon are gone. I lie back in bed hoping to grab another moment's sleep till the shrill voice of my mother reminds me it is a school day. I hasten out of bed and into the bathroom. 'Same shit, different day,' I think to myself, as I complete the mundane tasks of brushing my teeth, showering and changing into my uniform. It is while I am munching on my cereal that a sudden realization hits me.

'Oh my GOD! It's her birthday today.'

I curse myself for being an idiot, my mind racing with a thousand thoughts. 'What do I get her? Why oh why did I forget. Christ,' I think to myself, 'I'm only a kid. I have trouble getting lunch money. Where am I going to get enough money to buy her a present?'

Hurriedly I finish my cornflakes, kiss my mom goodbye and race off to school. My feet pound on the gravel path, my mind working overtime, I curse myself for the umpteenth time. Amidst all the chaos something I once heard my father say comes back to me, 'Of course,' I think to myself, 'flowers, that's it I'll get her flowers.'

A quick detour through the neighbor's gardens and soon I have what I feel is the perfect red rose. Not too big not too small, each petal perfectly formed and ready to flower into its full glory. 'Like our love,' I think with a sense of satisfaction.

I increase my speed and make it to school well before time. Immediately my eyes spot her, surrounded by friends and well wishers. I want to go to her to give her my token of love but I don't, I can't and so the rose remains in my bag till the end of the day. It is on my way home that I see her in front of me walking by herself.

'Here's my chance,' I think to myself, and mustering all my courage I approach her.

"Excuse me . . . th . . . th . . . this is for you. H.H.Happy birthday," I say.

She turns around and taking the rose from my hands looks at me. For a second there is silence. Her lips quiver and break into a smile. Slowly the smile is replaced by a chuckle, which turns into peals of laughter. "This is pathetic," she says, "even a loser like you should know better."

Her eyes are no longer soft. They seemed cold, frightening somehow. "Who are you anyway, I don't even know you?"

I try to tell her, tell her of the times we have bumped into each other, at the football field and on the way home. I explain to her that she once smiled and waved at me. "And that made you think what?" she asks her voice indignant, "wait till I tell everyone at school," she says throwing the rose away before walking off.

I gently pick up the fallen flower. After a day in the heat it has withered. Its petals have fallen away. It will never flower into the beauty and radiance to which I had imagined. Like our love, it is finished.

I somehow manage to make it home without crying, and rush straight into the bathroom, where the tears can flow freely. I cry, till I can cry no more. I feel drained, empty and emotionless. I fill the tub with hot water and slip in for a bath, contemplating my life. The water numbs my body and I do not even feel the pain as I slit my wrists. No longer will the moon smile down in sympathy at me. No longer will Taurus snort at my displays of emotion. The great Centaur will simply nod his head with the wisdom of one who has seen it all. I feel lightheaded as if floating. I lie back close my eyes and dream. I dream of her . . .