I Need To Know

Connie pulled up in her van. She came over to my car and got in.

'Jerry, I need to explain this insurance stuff to you. I want you to know I will not take anything from you. I need you to know that. Is that why you're staring at me, Jerry. I feel somewhat uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry, Connie. I'm really sorry for staring at you. This was the first time I saw you other than in distress. You are a beautiful lady. God, I'm so sorry for staring at you. I have no right to look at you like that."

"Jerry, it's okay. I thought you might think I was trying to use you and it bothered me that you would think that of me. Thank you for the compliment though."

"Connie, I buried my wife of five years yesterday and I find myself looking at you. It isn't right, not after one day."

"Quit beating yourself up for being human. Maybe we should change the subject back to insurance. I will only sue for the value of your insurance. I don't expect a million dollar suit here. We'll have to see what amount of coverage your wife had."

We walked into the insurance office together.

"Jerry Johnson and Connie Cain, we're here to see Mr Bower."

The receptionist looked up and gave us a business type smile and called Todd Bower. He was our agent for the insurance company. He came out and greeted us but was surprised to see us together.

"I'm so sorry to hear about your wife and son, Jerry. I know this has to be a traumatic time for you." He looked over at Connie. "I'm also sorry for the loss of your husband, Mrs. Cain. This is trying times for all of us."

"Todd, we both lost loved ones. Your company will lose some money. Hardly comparable losses. I know you mean well and thank you for your condolences but we want to get all this insurance stuff out of the way. It isn't the most pleasant of circumstances."

"I agree, Jerry. The claims adjusters are in my office. Who wants to go first?"

"If it's all the same to you, Mr. Bower, we'll come in together. You see, we are here to support each other in our losses. Also, my husband, Derek, was an insurance agent and I understand policies and might be able to support Jerry in that respect," Connie said.

I know that Todd was taken aback. He did say that we could come in together, even though it wasn't his preference in doing so.

The adjuster looked at both Connie and I and said, "I'm sorry, but this is not good business practice for both of you to be here together. I'm afraid that one of you will have to leave the office."

"Listen, Mr. Who-ever-you-are, I lost my wife and son, This lady lost her husband. I don't give a damn about your damn business practices. We can either settle this insurance claim right now or we will pack up pur papers and see you in court together. The choice is yours."

"Okay Mr. Johnson, I didn't mean to be so abrupt at a time like this. I do apologize. If the two of you will please sit down, we will get these claims taken care of."

Without going through a lot of insurance babble, Connie actually told the insurance company what we expected. My policy paid one hundred thousand bodily injury, per person per accident. That's what Connie asked for. Needless to say with her insurance expertise, she received it.

The adjuster told me that I would receive the pay off on the car which was eight thousand dollars, also five thousand medical on my wife and the same for my son. I had no other claim. Connie showed him an accidental death clause in my policy which entitled me to an additional ten thousand dollars for each loss unless they could prove it wasn't an accident.

The claims adjuster wasn't real happy but knew that Connie was right. The only comeback he had was that the accidental death wouldn't be paid until they had a chance to look over the vehicle for anything that may have contributed to the accident.

After the meeting I talked with Todd. "Todd, thank you for meeting with us. Please call me if you find out any information. You can call me when the investigation is complete."

Since he was my agent and not the claims adjuster, he treated us with more respect, and said he would get back with us as soon as the claims were finished.

"Connie, thank you. I had no idea I had money coming. I thought they would just pay for the car and then cancel my insurance. I need some way to thank you. Have you eaten lunch yet?"

"No, I haven't eaten much in the last few days. I think my appetite is starting to come back. Do you think it's a wise move having lunch with me?"

"Connie, we did nothing wrong. We both had family killed in an accident. Right now you are the only person I know that understands my situation. Besides, as much as I don't want to do it, we have to start comparing notes. We need whatever closure we can find. Now, how about that lunch?"

"I'd love to have lunch. I have a few things to tell you also. Let me call my mother so she doesn't worry too much. I might be thirty-two but I'm still my mother's little girl.'

When we were about finished eating, Connie looked at me. She was a beautiful woman but I could see hurt in her eyes. I knew she had something she needed to tell me.

"Jerry, I have to tell you about me and Derek. We met in college. We started dating and before we knew it we became lovers and then husband and wife. Two years later we started our family. As you know I have a son and a daughter, who are ages seven and five. I have pretty much been a stay-at-home mom. I have a degree in business management and do billing for The Doctor's Clinic. I can have my kids and see them too. Derek is, or was a business executive at Copco Insurance. He started out as an agent and eventually became part of management." Connie stopped talking for a moment. I knew she was choked up.

"What I need to tell you is that I know that Derek had a number of affairs. I caught him more than once. I will tell you that his affairs were not long-lasting. After the last one, about two years ago, I told him if I ever caught him being unfaithful again that I would take the kids and divorce him. He seemed to straighten up after that."

"So, did he have an affair with Lydia?"

"I don't know, Jerry. I wish I knew for sure. I have found nothing that linked them together. We did buy the house off Lydia four years ago. I guess they could have been together, but I can't prove it. I wish I could tell you more, but I can't." She was crying. I reached across the table and held her hands tightly in my own.

"Connie, you must have figured out as I have that my son Mikey was born approximately nine months after you bought your house. I remember Lydia coming home saying she had her biggest sale to date. We went out and celebrated and of course made love a number of times. Now, I have to wonder if Mikey was my son. In my heart he will always be mine, but you have to understand I have to do a DNA to know for sure if he was my biological son. I can't accuse Lydia without proof. Lydia has never done anything to make me distrust her." I had tears in my eyes now. We both stood up and Connie hugged me as a friend.

"Connie, is it alright to keep in contact with you? Tomorrow, I'm going over to the real estate office and gather up Lydia's things. Maybe I will find something. A date, a memo, a letter, something tangible."

"Jerry, call me anytime. I'm going to Derek's office tomorrow to gather up his stuff and to talk to his bosses about his benefits. I'm not being cold here. I really cared for Derek, but know I'm a widow with two small children to support.

The next day I stopped by Lydia's office and gathered up her things. She had a picture of me and Mikey on her desk. All her friends kept crying and it just made it worse for me. Everyone said the same thing.

"Call me if you need anything," or "Let me know if there is anything I can do." I did ask her friends if they knew Derek. It was a hard question but I had to ask.. No one said that they ever knew him. I didn't know if they were telling the truth or just protecting Lydia's memory.

I stopped by a DNA clinic on the way home. I was tested and I gave them little Mikey's hair brush and toothbrush. I can't tell you how hard that was to do. The clinic doctor told me it would be at least three weeks before he had the results. He mentioned that his clinic wasn't a televison show where they could get the results in an hour. He took down my information and told me to call him if I didn't hear from him by the end of the month.

I went home and scoured through Lydia's papers. I took down a few numbers that showed up a number of times on her phone records or on her daily log. In her appointment book on the Friday of the accident she had the initial D on the page and a time of 7:00pm written in. I figure that meant Derek at seven. Was it an appointment or an affair? I looked back through her appointment book some more and found a month and a half earlier on a Friday, the exact same information. D at six, what did it mean?

I called Connie that evening and told her I went and got tested. I also told her about Lydia's appointment book. She said she hadn't had time to go through Derek's stuff yet. She had to sign a lot insurance forms and had to go to the Social Security office and start her claim for her kids. I asked her if I could see her but she said family members were coming over this weekend and it probably wouldn't be a good idea. I told her I would call her next week or she could call me after looking through Derek's appointment books. We said our goodbyes and I continued looking for clues as to what happened.

Chapter 3

A few days had passed and I wasn't any farther ahead in drawing any conclusions. I got a listing of all real estate that was for sale within a twenty mile radius of the accident. My God, so many places for sale. I remember Connie had said that Derek had mentioned possibly buying a cottage, so I started there. It narrowed the list considerably. I jumped in my pickup and started driving by these cottages. I had a picture of Lydia with me to see if she was trying to sell any of the properties. The funny thing I learned about selling real estate was that an agent could sell any listing of properties. Not just the ones with their agency, but from all agencies. The commission was just split between the two agencies.

I must have looked at about twelve properties. I headed for the next one which was a cottage called Valley View, where an older gentleman said he remember Lydia asking to show the property to a client. He said he thought it was a couple of months before. He mentioned to me that he told the young lady that he wouldn't be there and he gave her the key to the property. He showed me around. It was a small three room cottage, and was fully furnished. I couldn't help staring at the bed in the bedroom. The gentleman saw me looking and said he had clean linen in the drawer for the people who stayed. He still rented it out at a daily rate if anyone was interested. He did mention she had seen him again the week before and asked to show it again. He put the key in the mailbox for her but didn't think she showed up. I told him it was my wife and it was her that was killed that weekend. She was probably going to show the property again. He gave me his condolences and I was on my way.

Finally, I figured that Lydia was going to show the property to Derek. At least I knew that part was hopefully for business. On Thursday, I received a call from Connie.

"Jerry, I'm so sorry that I didn't get back to you sooner. I've had a lot on my mind lately and a lot of company still coming around, paying their respects."

I thought for a moment. No one has come to see me since the two funerals. I received a few phone calls but no one stopped by. My mom and step-father lived in another state and went back home. I talked to them a few times over the phone. No one from Lydia's family has been by since I gave them the clothes.

"I understand, Connie. I don't expect you to drop everything just for me. I did find out some more stuff today. Is there any chance we can get together tonight or tomorrow?"

"Tonight would be great, Jerry. I'll drop my kids off at my mom's place and come over to your place if you don't mind."

"Okay, I'll see you around six. I'll order in some Chinese if you like."

"Yes, I love Chinese food, Jerry; I'll see you at six."

After hanging up the phone I started cleaning up the place. I was running around doing dishes and even moping the floor. You would have thought I had a special friend coming over and needed to impress her. What was I thinking? I was doing exactly that. I guess I wanted Connie's approval.

Connie showed up right on time. She was dressed in a nice blouse and black skirt. She really looked nice. She saw me staring at her when I greeted her.

"Oh, sorry, I just came from another appointment. That's why I dressed like this."

"Shoot, I thought you might have dressed like that for me," I smiled.

She looked into my eyes. She could see through me, not even Lydia was able to do that. I was hurting, and I was alone. A very vulnerable situation.

"Jerry, before we talk about what we have found, I need to confide in you and tell you something personal."

"I'm here for you, Connie. You can confide in me. I promise it will never go any further."

"Derek and I were having big time marital problems. I know I told you that he had affairs. I thought he might be having one now but I don't know who with. We were headed for divorce and he knew it. He might have been looking for a place to buy that would still be in the area. I don't know. Mainly, what I want to tell you is that I fell out of love with Derek almost two years ago when I caught him in the affair with his secretary. I could never trust him after that. You need to know that I have never cheated on him, even though I had the opportunities. Hell, every woman has those opportunities."

"Why are you telling me this, Connie? I'm nearly a stranger to you. Why me, Connie?"

"I'm vulnerable, just like you. I lost my mate and am now widowed, just like you. I hurt inside and want to be wanted, to be loved, just like I see in your eyes. I know it's too soon since the death of our spouses. I know that, but I also want you to know that I will be available whenever you are ready. It might be the loneliness talking, but I trust you, Jerry. I know you heard the talk at the funeral home. I don't want men like them. I want a man that can be true to me, the way you were with Lydia. I can tell by the kind of person you are that you were always faithful to her, just like I was to Derek."

"I don't know what to say. Right now I feel like you're my only friend. I would like to see you often. We can just take it one day at a time."

Wow, she was something, and she spoke her mind. Thank God, the doorbell rang as our dinner arrived. We sat at the kitchen table and opened the boxes of food. Connie grabbed the chop sticks and started eating. I went to the drawer and got a fork. She laughed and asked for one also. We seemed to just click.

After we ate I told her about the man at the cottage. She handed me Derek's appointment book and on that fatal Friday, he had lvv 7:00 PM. I quickly turned back in his book and looked for the Friday the man spoke of. There it was, big bold letters, LVV, 6:00PM.

"What's LVV, Jerry?"

"Lydia, Valley View. They were going there."

"So, Derek was looking to buy a cottage?"

"Maybe, maybe not, they were going to this furnished cottage. Hopefully to check it out. Why didn't Lydia tell me? She, always tells me about possible sales. Why didn't Derek tell you? You're his wife. Wouldn't a man tell his wife if he was going to buy property?"

"At least we know where they were headed and that they were there once before," Connie said.

"Yeah, almost two months ago and no one seemed to know about it. Weird huh?" I replied.

We kept comparing notes. There weren't any connections in the past that popped up. Connie showed me some strange phone numbers. She told me she thought some of them were one night stands. She couldn't get the phone records from his office since it was a business, so all she had was his cell phone record. I went through Lydia's cell phone but I hadn't received the last month's bill yet. Connie said it was the same with Derek's. We would have to double check in a couple of weeks when their final cell bills came in.

I walked Connie to the door. We stared at each other for a minute. She was so pretty. She was about three years older than me but that meant nothing. I wanted to hold her, hug her and kiss her. Would it be so wrong to want someone?

She was about to open the door when I said, "Connie."

"Yes, Jerry?"

"Can I kiss you one time? If you say 'No' I'll understand."

She came to me and we kissed. Lightly wet, slightly opened mouth and very sensual. As we were kissing I pulled her to me and held her close. The kiss seem like it went on for minutes but was only a few seconds. As we parted slowly, she had a tear in her eye as did I.

"Thank you, Jerry. I really needed that."

"So did I Connie; so did I." She opened the door and left.

The following week I started back to work. It was actually a good thing. I was able to do something besides thinking about Lydia and now Connie. I talked to Connie at least every couple of days. We didn't see each other because we both knew we would move too fast. We became close phone friends. She would tell me about her kids and about her parents. She didn't hear much from Derek's parents. She did take the kids over periodically so they could see each other. She told me that a lot of Derek's parents' warmth toward her kids had cooled down. Apparently Derek had told them about a possible upcoming divorce.

When I got home from work one evening I was going through the bills and came across an unpaid hospital bill. It was for the removal of a fetus. What? A fetus, was Lydia pregnant? I couldn't sleep that night. The first thing in the morning I headed to the hospital to have this bill checked out. A doctor came up to me and said it was for a removal of a fetus when my wife was brought in. They told me she probably didn't even know she was pregnant. She was comatose when she was brought in. The fetus died in the crash and had to be removed to try and save Lydia's life. It was about a month or two old.

The billing department told me that the bill would be paid by my insurance. It was just that after one month they send us a copy. They did tell me that I received a copy of the bill when Lydia's body was released. I told them that was a trying time and I probably didn't see it.

That reminded me to go back to the DNA clinic to see about my tests. I headed over to pick them up. On the way to the clinic I thought about the unborn baby. Again the time frame sucked. That would have been around the same time she showed Derek's the cottage. Dammit, that one I would never know about.

When I got to the clinic I had to wait. It seemed like hours but was only about a half hour. The doctor called me into his office.

"Here are your DNA results, Mr. Johnson, and here is your son's."

I didn't pick up on the word son's.

"He was your son, Mr. Johnson."

I started to cry. I couldn't help it. It was now official - little Mikey was my son. The doctor came around and patted me on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson, but at least it gives you closure."

I thanked the doctor and left his office with my tests. I called Connie on my cell phone.

"Hello."

"Connie, I need to see you."

"What is it, Jerry? You really sound stressed out."

"I got my DNA test results."

"And?" asked Connie."

"Mikey was my son - my son, Connie. The little boy that died was my Mikey." I was crying again.

"I'm so happy for you, Jerry. I know you needed that closure and you wanted Mikey to be your son," said Connie.