If You're Reading This...

A line of black ink flowed from the waistband up the side of Matti's ribs and Savannah leant back, frowning, "You didn't have that before you went."

Matti nodded as Savannah cocked her head trying to read the scar torn script as Matti squirmed beneath her, kicking off her shoes and socks. Genesis 4:9. She stared at the words until Matti touched her lips, drawing her away from the words and back to her lips, to her mouth, to her needs.

Her hands fell to Matti's hips as her eyes drank in the dips and curves of her torso, rent with muscle beneath the scarred skin. Her fingers trailed the hem of Matti's trousers and then she slid her hand down over the material of her underwear, watching her face intently as her fingers searched for the sensitive nub beneath the cotton. Matti planted her feet flat on the floor and arched slightly, her hands clenching tightly as Savannah's fingers drifted down, searching through the soft creases of the cotton until Matti bucked slightly. Savannah smiled and leant forward, catching her lover in a deep kiss, her tongue prying through her lips and flicking over the inside of her lips as her fingers mimicked the movement on Matti's clit.

Matti's hips began to rock against the pressure of Savannah's two fingers sliding around the hood of her clit through the cotton underwear and Savannah felt a deep pulsing heat roll up from her groin passing through her stomach and into her chest as Matti's muscular body writhed beneath at her touch. A feint aftertaste of contentment followed the stir, slowing her ministrations as she paused to take in the moment.

Matti felt her pause and opened her eyes forcing a smile onto Savannah's lips. Matti's eyes darkened with curiosity and Savannah shook her head at the unspoken question that passed between them. A faint scent of musk tinged the air and she let her fingers glide lower, finding a slick wet patch of cotton below. Her pussy twitched in response and her fingers eagerly sought out the edge of the cotton, sliding around and pushing the material to one side.

Her fingers struggled with the restrictive material momentarily until she slid backwards along Matti's legs to allow her other hand enough room to pull Matti's underwear aside. Matti groaned and her eyes flared a deep golden brown as her hips bucked toward Savannah's fingers. Slowly Savannah advanced her digits, her eyes locked on Matti's slit as her fingers eased their way into the glassy wetness. When she looked up Matti was watching her with an intensity that made her uneasy.

"Are you okay?" the fingers of her other hand tangled nervously in the hair at the back of Matti's head. For all her experience with other women this felt like her first time. Or maybe it just felt like what she had always imagined her first time to be, instead of that awkward fumbling episode on a tiny bed so many years ago. Matti reached down and placed her hand on Savannah's, guiding her fingers into a steady rocking motion.

Her lips closed on the side of Savannah's breast, kissing, biting gently and then tracing their way to her nipples. Matti paused for a moment to admire the large pale aureola and then took Savannah's nipple into her mouth, looking up and catching her eye as she gently began to suck. Savannah's fingers plunged uncontrollably into Matti as the bolt of sensation drove through her breast and they both cried out. Now fully immersed in Matti, Savannah cupped her hand and used the heel of her hand to pivot her fingers in and out, leaning forward until her forehead rested against Matti's.

She began to speak as her fingers danced in and out of Matti's dripping folds, watching her lover's eyes blaze a deep bronze as she explored her.

"I've waited for this, I've dreamed of fucking you for so many nights, " she curved her fingers upward against the roof of Matti's pussy, increasing the pressure with each stroke. Matti moaned and twisted under her, kneading her breasts and causing her to lose her rhythm. A slick sheen began to cover their skin as Savannah jockeyed for her position on top of Matti who constantly twisted and turned to kiss or nuzzle at Savannah's skin. They continued to struggle with each other, both caught up in a desire to touch, taste and explore, neither wanting to pause or let go.

"God Matti, stop, just stop." Savannah panted, pulling her fingers from her lover reluctantly and stretching her wrist. Matti smiled at her breathlessness, brushing errant strands of hair back into place as she took in the flush in Savannah's cheeks and chest, "What's the matter Savs? Struggling to keep up?"

Savannah swatted playfully at Matti's shoulder, "I just need a minute. That was...I don't know what that was." She slumped forward against Matti's chest, running her fingers up her back, over more scar tissue, until she could pull herself into a hug against the soldier. "We need to co-ordinate this better...This is feeling more like a cage fight than sex."

"Yes ma'am," Matti wrapped her arms around Savannah's waist and, gathering her legs under her, she stood lifting Savannah with an easy grace. Savannah started, instinctively wrapping her legs tight around Matti's waist and clinging with both arms around her neck. Matti paused, waiting for her to relax before kissing her gently and moving toward the reception desk, kicking her trousers off as she moved. Savannah felt a small trill of excitement and fear at the way Matti carried her to where she wanted to take her, lay her down and have her way with her.

The trickle of excitement turned into a flood of desire as Matti stopped beside the desk and released her grip on Savannah with one arm, reaching for the half empty bottle of coconut water on the desk. She took a swig and offered Savannah the bottle then, as Savannah loosened her hold to take it, she pushed her up on top of the desk and began kissing her way down Savannah's neck, over her shoulder and down to her breasts. She lifted the bottle to her lips then paused and watched as Matti's lips and tongue lavishly explored her apricot colored nipples, bristling with goose bumps in the soft illumination from the refrigerator light.

Savannah casually drained the bottle one sip at a time, watching as Matti explored her body, before dropping it to the floor suddenly and gasping as Matti gently bit and sucked the flesh where her breast joined her ribs. Her hands flew to Matti's shoulders and gripped tightly, "Bitch."

Matti grinned, "I haven't even begun." She pulled Savannah over the edge of the desk and lowered her to the floor. Savannah's back arched as Matti pulled her hips forward with effortless strength and then knelt down before Savannah, her tongue tracing the curves of her waist, biting gently as she moved over her hips, trailing kisses down the side of Savannah's thighs.

Where Savannah had been demanding Matti slowed the pace, exploring, seeking out Savannah's reactions then slowly eliciting them again and again, savoring every moan, every hiss and every mewl that slipped from Savannah. Still, Savannah could feel Matti's pent up desire growing in the way her hands tightened on her waist, the way her nostrils flared as they caught the silky scent of her wetness, the way she paused and chewed on her bottom lip before hoisting that muscle bound body up to kiss her lips. Distracting. She's distracting herself. She smiled infuriatingly as Matti pulled away from the kiss and searched her eyes before returning to her breasts. Just a little longer. A little longer before I let her finish her conquest.

Savannah looked down over the woman on her knees before her. In the fluorescent light from the fridge her scars glowed a deep bronze color, not so red and raw as they had seemed before, they almost fit her well. Warrior. Lover. Warrior and lover. Warrior or lover. Which one did Matti want more?

She ran her hands over Matti's muscular shoulders, feeling where the torn up skin was healing. She knew which one she wanted more. Matti leant back and looked up at her, running her hands over the waistband of her shorts, her eyes imploring permission. Savannah stroked her hair and nodded, "Please..." Her brain searched for a way to distill all those erotic dreams and fantasies of the past year into a sentence that would convey her need to Matti, "...please Matti." Matti nodded. That was all Savannah needed, she knew Matti knew.

Matti gently tugged her gym shorts down, pulling her shoes off in the same sweep, revealing her white underwear, a darkened wet patch beginning to seep through. She leant forward and tenderly traced small butterfly kisses across Savannah's thigh causing her skin to erupt in goose prickles. Her kisses drifted from bare skin to white cotton and traced their way over her mound, her lips mumbling over the rough feel of Savannah's dark blond pubic hairs beneath. She paused when she came across the wet patch then flattened her tongue and gently began to knead at the aroused flesh beneath. At first it was rough, some of the dry material caught on Savannah's clit and she gasped, but soon a slick mix of saliva and Savannah's moistness soaked through and the feel of the cotton between Matti's tongue and her clit became exquisitely smooth.

It was a languid effort compared to the flustered wrestling earlier and Savannah's fingers twitched through thin air then reached out and found their way to Matti's hair, twisting through the short strands as best they could. She writhed slowly under Matti, her toes curling and her fists clenching in her hair, pulling her face closer, imploring her tongue deeper, but the material of her underwear kept getting in the way.

Savannah growled and pushed Matti away, standing and bending to strip the offending underclothes away, fending Matti off as she stole tiny kisses from whatever skin she could reach, stalling Savannah's quick movements and frustrating her into a fit of giggles. "Matti, no." With one hand she gently pushed Matti away, increasing the force to a small shove as Matti resisted, sending her sprawling backwards onto the rough rubber matting of the gym floor. Savannah took the opening and knelt before her prone lover, levering her back further with her naked body until Matti lay on the floor on hand under her head and the other idly stroking Savannah's breast.

"My turn. You don't get to come into my gym and make me work up a sweat."

Matti propped herself up quickly for one last stolen kiss and grinned at the surprised expression it drew. That was the cheeky smile, the old smile, before...

Savannah pushed the thought away and then couldn't help but smile back, one eyebrow arching up, "Behave yourself Sergeant, that's an order." Matti mocked a salute and let Savannah straddle her hips and strip her bra off. Matti lay back and arched as Savannah drew the material over her head, then caught her arms and pulled her down on top of her, locking her lips on Savannah's.

They broke free finally and Savannah laughed, "You really are terrible at taking orders."

Matti shrugged, "Guess you'll have to court martial me."

Savannah smiled and kissed her again, feeling the steady, elevated crash of Matti's heart against her chest as she rested against the soldier. Her hands wandered over the mottled and peeling skin around the collar line on Matti's shoulders, remnants of a constant sun burn. Small pocked scars marked where heavy packs had forced dirt into the pores of Matti's skin over days of patrolling without a chance to clean anything but her weapon.

But the skin in between was smooth, supple and tender to touch. She kissed her way down Matti's body, her lips drifting over smooth skin and raised scars, over the bumps of her ribs and the jutting hipbones. Her hands reached up and roamed across Matti's small breasts held firmly to her chest by muscle, tickling, pinching and playing with her nipples until she finally found they were particularly sensitive to intense kneading.

Matti lay still beneath her, occasionally twitching as she closed her eyes and centered herself in the feel of her lover on her. The cold, rough matting beneath her grabbed greedily at her back, irritating the torn nerve endings in her scars and making them burn as Savannah's weight pressed her into the floor. She relished the prickling pain. I'm alive. The pain tells you that you're alive.

Above her Savannah's sweat clad skin slid across hers, her legs entwined in Matti's giving her the leverage she needed to follow her hands with her lips, then her lips with her hands, her eyes never leaving Matti's face. She sensed Matti holding on to every moment and wanted to take it slower. But she could also feel the tension wracking her. She sensed the pain, she sensed the pressure building, knew that her lover needed release. She broke free and dragged Matti's underwear down her legs, burrowing her face in her pussy as soon as she had tossed them aside.

Matti gasped at the sudden invasion and arched up, her hands flying to Savannah's head, at first pushing her away, but soon pulling her closer. Savannah's tongue furrowed along her slit, exploring, her eyes straining up to catch any reaction from Matti. Slowly she picked out the most sensitive and flicked her tongue back and forth, flat, soft, hard, probing, changing until Matti shuddered. Probing. Lashing. But gently. Pleasure from pain. Of course it would be complicated with Matti.

She smiled, breaking her pattern and Matti groaned irritably and reached down to pull her face back into her. As Matti began to respond to the resumed stimulus she drew her fingers along Matti's lips, scooping up her juices to lube them. Gently she inserted one finger, then a second, reveling in the feel of the tight walls of Matti's entrance again. She paused her tongue strokes to lift her head and watch the soldier writhe in pleasure as her fingers danced and twisted inside.

She felt her lover's walls squeeze and then tremble and began to stroke in and out with a slow rhythm feeling another sudden release of juices lube her movement. Matti moaned and wrapped one leg over Savannah's torso and began to buck gently against her fingers in an attempt to draw her in deeper. She stiffened her fingers and increased the pace but Matti sat up, pulled away slightly and beckoned her up. Savannah smiled and complied and as she settled she found herself eye to eye with her lover as Matti hooked a leg over her waist rolled them onto their sides. Savannah settled her head on Matti's outstretched arm and kissed her deeply. The position released the grip Matti's thighs had on her hand and she started to slowly build the momentum of her strokes again.

Matti's eyes flickered as Savannah's thumb explored her clit, "No, not yet, just your fingers, " Matti thrust her hips forward slightly and held Savannah's naked body tightly against her own, using the leg she had slung over Savannah's waist to thrust against the fingers buried in her pussy. Matti closed her eyes and rested her forehead against Savannah's, lost in the pleasure flickering through her.

At such close range the intensity exploded and Savannah struggled against the wash of thoughts that came with it. Her voice choked as she whispered, "Why does this feel so right Matti? It feels like..."

Matti's golden eyes flicked open and bore into her and their lips met again, this time fumbling with the urgency of the moment. She knows. She's been here before. She knows this bittersweet release of following through with a decision. Matti's arms wrapped around Savannah and pulled her closer with a crushing intensity, her fingers digging into Savannah's naked skin. Savannah probed Matti's mouth with her tongue, flicking it over her teeth and gently jousting with her tongue. Matti moaned and Savannah broke their kiss as both women struggled to catch their breath. Savannah felt Matti's walls spasm and tighten around her fingers and the woman arched her hips against her and tightened the grip her legs had around Savannah's waist.

"Please, harder. I need you..." Matti whimpered.

Savannah complied, feeling every muscle in her lover's body straining for release. Matti began to tremble and Savannah struggled to keep up the furious pace and finally, frustrated, pushed her lover onto her back burying her fingers deep into Matti's sex as she scrambled onto her knees between her legs. Her lips fumbled over Matti's mound, sinking down onto her clit, and she began lashing the aroused nub with her tongue. Slowly Savannah felt Matti tighten up again and she began to suck gently drawing more blood to the erect clit, boosting the sensitivity of the nerve endings and finally sending Matti careening over the edge.

Her legs clamped shut around Savannah's hand and her entire body was wracked with silent waves of almost agonizing pleasure swept through her. The walls of her pussy shivered around Savannah's fingers, released momentarily and then clamped again as Matti's mouth spasm in another silent 'O'. Savannah smiled as she watched her lover slowly relax. Her body slumped and her legs released Savannah allowing her to crawl up her body, kissing gently and raising goose bumps at every touch. Matti opened her eyes dreamily, her body shuddering with fading waves of aftershocks as Savannah settled against her, laying one hand over her chest, feeling her heart pounding against her ribs.

Matti pushed a sweaty lock of hair out of Savannah's face and kissed her forehead gently mumbling sweet nothings as her fingers traced her lover's face. Savannah kissed her gently, settled her head on her shoulder and curled up next to Matti, letting a wave of contentment sweep over her as she counted her slowing heartbeats. Savannah toyed with the dog tags around Matti's neck, two taped together and two more that bore other names hanging loose.

"Bet all the girls throw themselves at you when they see those medals huh?"

Matti smiled lazily at the ceiling, "Maybe. I don't know. I don't really..." Her voice trailed away.

Savannah propped herself up on one arm, "What? You don't have a string of girls? You seemed to have a few last time you visited."

Matti swallowed, "I, uh, I wasn't legally old enough before I joined. I hadn't really thought about it either, you know, I figured it would happen if I got close to someone. Then it was basic training, more training and suddenly a year after basic I was deploying - I was just seventeen. A year in the sand box, a few months back and then another tour...it was just easier to keep my distance."

Savannah laid the tags back on Matti's chest, realizing the extra dog tags belonged to dead friends, not military lovers. "Old enough to kill but barely old enough to fuck. God Matti." she leant her forehead against Matti's and kissed her gently. "I wish you'd told me how you felt earlier."

Matti shrugged, her lips reaching for Savannah's, "I might have. But I'm glad I didn't."

*

Savannah,

If you're reading this then I am so sorry for what you are going through, but at least my death may eventually bring an end to the constant uncertainty that I have thrown upon your life recently. Just allow me this letter, this one last act of selfishness for I know it will be difficult and painful for you to read this, but I need you to know what I have to say. Please.

I have made some hard choices in my life, I made one today when I didn't tell a young soldier he was dying, he was my closest friend out here and the last thing he heard in this world was a lie from my lips. I'm sorry that I lied to him, but I'm not sorry that my lies bought him a moment of peace. But that's the problem when you're a medic, you don't get to have that haze of ignorance as to how bad your situation is when it's your time. Nobody can lie to you about death – you've just seen it too many times, all I can hope is that knowing that you will get this letter will help me to find peace in those final moments. Please forgive my selfishness for needing this peace at the cost of the pain this letter will bring you.