Island

He was now thinking about his life, the two parts of it, the first part, the first act of his life play, was the longest and seemed so distant now. He rarely thought about it unless he was with her alone, or when everyone was together and his eyes met hers. He knew why she reminded him of Act 1, but he had done his best to deny it for five months. He was standing frozen now because just a handful of hours ago he had completely freed the reason within himself and had fully embraced it. He loved her with all his heart, with all his soul. He loved her and wanted her more than he thought possible.

Act 1 of his life was reality, the second act of his life play, the island, was the dream. Cheryl had been partially right, the trip had been the adventure of a lifetime but it had also been the dream of a lifetime. That's what the island was, a dream after forty-five years of dreamlessness. It had begun the moment he let himself dive into her speckled gray, blue pools.

He realized now that he had struggled from that moment onward. He had used the other characters in the dream to run away, to keep a wall between himself and her blues, which was the opposite of what his heart had wanted. For five months he had felt more for her than he had towards any other woman. He felt real love for the first time, which was why he thought of the real world whenever he was alone with her, whenever he gazed into her blue pools. He would think of Act 1 because he knew the real world would never allow that love to exist, it would never fit, would never work outside of the dreamland it had been born into. He now knew he had fallen in love with her the second day on the beach, his head screaming in pain, so exhausted, so damn scared; at the moment they had gazed into each other's eyes. And now, after five months of denial, he had allowed himself to finally feel it all.

He had always believed if he was ever lucky enough to find real, true love, it would make him strong, would give him the strength to always do right, would make him into a good man. Maybe it did for most everyone, maybe for him though, real love created selfishness and weakness so great that he was willing to contemplate sacrificing the futures of four persons. His brow tensed. Maybe he was fooling himself. If it was true and real love he wouldn't be frozen right now, wouldn't be considering sacrificing the futures and maybe the lives of four people because she was one of those four. Maybe what he felt was nothing more than intense selfishness and fear on his part. Maybe it had nothing to do with her or love at all. Was it selfishness and fear paralyzing his body?

He kept staring towards the horizon. He figured he had a minute before he had to make up his mind.

Lisa's right arm hugged the trunk of a palm. Her left hand was at her face. Loose fingers covered her lips and nose. Her face was pinched, her eyes were welled, every few seconds tears rolled down her face. Her heart was racing for a few reasons as she stared at his motionless form on the beach. She was filled with fear and indecision, her mind reeled in confusion. She couldn't have been more torn about what to do. Yet in her soul she knew what she had to do and it broke her heart. She wiped her eyes and nose. She took a deep breath and started running towards him, quickly closing the thirty yards that separated them.

He felt her approach before hearing any sound. He didn't turn around when he knew she was there, nor did he look at her when she walked up and stood next to him. Neither of them said a word for ten seconds. During that brief period, a thousand images of her flashed through his mind, like snapshots of moments over five months -- her lying injured on the beach the very first day, the terror on her face screaming his name at Valor Valley, the first time he saw her nude; some were just little closeup details -- her lips smiling, her brow pinched, how the curve of her head had felt in his palm that second day on the beach, and of course, her love creating, speckled gray, blue pools. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He still didn't turn his face to her as he spoke softy, "I've just discovered how very weak and selfish I am, Lisa."

Tears ran down her face again. "No you're not."

He smiled sadly. "You know, I always thought when I found love, foundreallove, it would give me the strength and the will of Superman."

"Youarestrong."

"No, I'm nothing more than a very weak and selfish, middle-aged man, who has found love, real love for the first time in his life, who is now terribly afraid of losing that love and the presence of that woman in his life. I have suddenly become so weak and selfish I've considered sacrificing four other people for myself. I know this may not seem like the truth because of what I just said, and I know now I should have told you months ago, that... I love you, Lisa. I love you more than words can describe. I am so grateful we met, because without you, I would never have discovered what I've never had, never experienced before, thisreallove. I'll treasure you and it forever."

He heard her softly crying. He pulled his eyes from the horizon and turned towards her. She was facing him. His fingertips combed her windblown hair behind her ear and he kissed her temple. He cupped the side of her beautiful face with his palm. His thumb wiped a tear from her cheek. He gazed into her speckled gray, blue pools once more. "I love you, Lisa. I have loved you for months. I know someday you'll find a man who is as good, strong, brave, smart, and as young as you, and you both will fall deeply in love, a real and true love." He kissed her lips warmly but briefly. He lowered his hand from her pretty face, straightened up and held the handle of the flare gun towards her. "Take this. I think I may be too weak, too selfish, or too blinded with love to use it."

Lisa continued crying as she took the gun from him. She held it down at her side while her other hand quickly wiped her tears. She gazed into his wonderful eyes. She desperately wanted to feel his arms around her, she wanted to slap him a dozen times, she wanted to make crazy passionate love with him, she wanted to scream at him and ask why he hadn't said it all months ago.

Those thoughts reeled through her mind and heart as she swallowed to try to speak. Her voice was strained and high pitched, "I love you, Joe. I love yousomuch." Her face scrinched as her tears flowed faster. She wiped her eyes once more as she turned and looked to the horizon again. It was now directly in front of the beach. She stared with tear blurred vision at the distant container ship. At her side, the flare gun seemed incredibly heavy. It was also making her hand shake.

*

Miko Tamashiro walked out of the conning room onto the deck for a ten minute break. His captain was a good boss. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket and lit one. He leaned against the railing and gazed towards the horizon at the small island. He wondered if it was just a barren, bird infested rock, or a lush tropical paradise, like on those television shows.

Sometimes he got bored with his job as the radio operator, but knew at those times he would have been even more bored if he had become a salary man like so many of his friends. He couldn't imagine himself dealing with the crowded commuter trains twice a day that might take hours of travel time, no one could afford to live in Tokyo or Kyoto, plus the numerous office hours. In the merchant marine there were no commutes, and his job allowed him to visit many places around the world which he would never have seen otherwise.

It would be his first time in Honolulu. His shipmates had told him it was one of the best places for a port call. The majority of the people there were ethnic Japanese and quite a few spoke their language. Miko smiled. He didn't want to see more Japanese, he wanted to see blond American women. He sighed. The time in port would be less than he had anticipated. They were behind schedule because the captain had chosen to leave the usual shipping lanes and navigate around the storm. He hadn't wanted to chance losing any of the above deck containers in rough seas. Miko thought it had been a wise decision even though his shore time in Honolulu would be cut short.

He kept the cigarette in his mouth as he raised his personal binoculars to his eyes. He had recently purchased them in Shanghai, as good as anything Ziess made and they had been half the price. He focused on the little island and wondered if it was part of the Sandwich chain. It probably was. He'd have to look at the chart. With the binoculars, he could see it was a lush green paradise. Too small for human habitation. He wondered what kind of animals lived there.

His body abruptly stiffened straight to attention. He blinked his eyes three times and then fine tuned the focus. He kept the binoculars steady as he spit the cigarette from his lips. Miko blinked again when he saw the second one. He took a deep breath, then shouted, "Captain! CAPTAIN!" He watched the third glowing flare streak skyward. He turned and lunged towards the con room hatch. He yanked it open. "CAPTAIN!" He wondered if they'd have any shore time in Honolulu now.

(comments/critiques welcome)