Janus

Michael tossed the pallino into the pool of light cast by the back door light. He followed with his first ball. Scott was an engineering student, Michael wasn't sure where. Scott was working for some oil company in Alberta and the Territories. He was the one who liked what he was doing. Michael's first ball touched the pallino softly. "Very nice Mitch," Michael shook his head and laughed at Scott's friend.

*** 12:10 AM ***

It was colder when Michael came back outside seventy minutes later. He wondered over to the tree where he left his hoody and pulled it over his head. He glanced around and found Scott near the back door wreathed in the smoke from a barbeque. Michael had lost track of Scott. After tossing balls around the yard the three young men followed the crowd down to the basement. Michael played the little brother and fell into the rambling conversation surrounding Ashley and Acton. He nursed a Sprite with a few chunks of fruit he had fished from the dregs in the over-sized jar of vodka-fruit punch. He was caught up in the vibrant conversation and alcoholic humour until Lauren snagged him. She drew him into a corner where a few Arthur Curry School alumni sat catching up. Vimy gossip and retread stories of parties past wearied Michael but he tolerated it for Lauren's sake. He was conscious of her closeness and captivated by her smile. Around the room, he caught glimpses of affectionate hugs and kisses. Michael sat calculating the odds Lauren would give him a kiss before he had to leave. By the time they were talked out, the party crowd had thinned considerably. The stuffiness of the basement family room drove Michael and the others out into the fresh night air.

He was pleased Scott had not left. The tall engineering student's friend Nevin, Michael suddenly remembered his name, was poking at the barbeque grill. Lauren was hovering over their host Mark trying to supervise construction of a bonfire so Michael drifted over to the two young men. Scott seemed to sober when he noticed Michael. "I'm glad to see you didn't take off," he tried to encompass both men in his greeting but it seemed natural to end looking into Scott's blue eyes.

Scott's friend punched Michael in the shoulder playfully, "Christ it's still early buddy."

"Nevin is Mark's cousin. We are staying for the weekend," Scott added quietly. Michael remembered to stop looking at Scott's eyes. He switched to the grill where Scott's friend was herding a pair of alarmingly charred burgers and one desiccated Smokey around the grill. "Are you hungry?"

"Not for those, but yes I could eat something," Michael decided with a laugh.

"Tons of fresh ones here, what will it be?" Scott's friend started scooping up burnt patties and flicking them off into the night. He scraped the grill industriously.

"Just a burger I guess," Michael watched as the heavy set man slapped two burgers on the fire.

"You want anything Scott?"

"Maybe a Smokie," Scott's friend dropped a fresh sausage link on the grill.

"Let me see that for a moment. Do you have a knife?" Michael quizzed the two young men. While Scott's friend cast around the barbeque looking, Scott slipped a clasp knife out of his pocket and handed it to Michael. Michael's buttocks brushed against the front of Scott's pants as he edged the two young men away from the grill. The pair watched as Michael quickly began slashing the skin along the side of the Smokie link.

"Ouch that's gotta hurt. What are you doing buddy?"

Michael paused to move the two burgers away from an eruption of flame before replying. "If they are cut, they don't burst when they get hot." It was an elementary cooking trick like not reducing a patty of ground beef to charcoal.

"Hey, the juice has to come out of the dog somehow."

Michael ignored the observation. "Besides, it's easier to eat."

"So you prefer yours cut?"

Michael finally relented and grinned at the young man, "Sure if it's easier to swallow."

"Scott, he swallows," Scott's friend followed this up by giving Michael a friendly shove that knocked the lighter Michael into Scott. Scott steadied him with a hand on the shoulder. "Where's my drink? Scott, buddy, dude I'm out; back in a sec."

Scott dropped his hand and moved next to Michael. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"Sure, can you get me a soda? Sprite or something," Michael looked up at Scott before rolling the Smokie link and flipping the burgers.

"Vodka?"

"No"

"You don't drink?"

"Oh sure," but Michael found it boring, "I'm DD," he added feeling pressured to give a reason. Ashley was over with the group by the bonfire swilling Yuka Flats. Acton had been drinking heavily too, but Michael saw no evidence it was having any impact on the man.

"That's cool Mike," Scott followed his friend over to the drinks table and Michael played with the meat. Loud whoops of excitement followed a sudden explosion of brilliant light over at the fire pit. The assembled young people danced back as gasoline flames licked at the low branches of a gnarled Maple two and a half metres above the pit. Michael could see Acton with his arm draped over Ashley through the shifting flames. The chemical fire faded quickly and someone giggled a warning that the bonfire was going out. A few people tossed their drinks onto the logs, small flashes of blue light erupted. There was a suggestion to add more gasoline but Mark forestalled the plan by dragging a propane tank toward the fire.

"Now that is the way to start a fire," Scott's friend laughed beside Michael. They watched as their host ignited a Tiger Torch and stuck the fierce heat into the center of the haphazard pile of logs. Before long the intensity of the blue torch ignited the fuel. "Want some cheese buddy?" While Nevin dropped cheese on the two patties Michael searched the debris on ground for buns. He glanced toward the drink table and saw that Scott was heading back. He had the burgers off before Scott reached the back door. The three juggled full drinks and snacks back and forth for a moment and then abandoned the barbeque for the group around fire.

"That looks good," Lauren's face glowed as the light from the bright flames played across her face. Her eyes glittered.

"Do you want it?" Michael was distracted as a feminine hand holding a beer bottle reached up to brush some brunette strands away from soft eyes.

"I'll just take a bite thanks." She took the burger from Michael and he watched as her lips wrapped around one side and pulled a bit free. She held it out to him and then he was rewarded with a smile when he encouraged her to keep it. His heart quickened when she offered one last coy look and turned slowly away. Michael memorized the curve of her hourglass shape as she stood talking to a group of girls.

"She wants your hot meat." Michael turned back and looked past Scott to his friend with a grin. He shrugged, not wishing to put the idea of Lauren and him into words. He covered his embarrassment at the transparency of his feelings with a sip from the drink Scott had brought him.

"You want to share some of my Smokie Mike?" Scott asked in a low voice.

"Sure," Michael said. Scott rested the hand holding his own cup lightly on Michael's shoulder as if to steady the younger man and then brought the bun up to Michael's mouth. He watched as Michael bit a section away.

"That's it Mike, open wide, you take Scottie's cut wiener; juicy and hot. Oh God," Scott's friend moaned grotesquely, "It feels so good," he crooned.

"Shut up Nevin," Scott retorted mildly, "Just because this'd be the closest you'll get to sex."

Michael chewed the spicy meat slowly. People were gathering lawn chairs and a bench closer to the fire. There was the odd exclamation as a log exploded, otherwise the group of fifteen young adults settled into the primal pleasure of an open fire. Michael cleared his mouth with a sip and looked through the branches of the old Maple. The fire's glow blinded him momentarily, and then his vision cleared and he could see the bright stars above. Toward the south the full moon dimmed the constellations. A light prairie breeze lifted the slightest hint of moisture off the nearby lake and rustled the leaves. The voices around the fire seemed almost muted to his ears. Scott's friend stepped closer to the fire to pass a comment to Mark. The party rustled in its own way around him but Michael did not move. Scott's hand was still a comfortable weight on his shoulder.

Scott nudged his shoulder slightly to get his attention. When Michael looked, he was offering another bite of his Smokie. Michael accepted the offer with a tilt of his head. As the bun was gently presented, Michael felt the back of Scott's fingers move lightly over his cheek. The fingers lingered after he had bit down and then Scott pulled away. Michael smiled his thanks. Scott was staring at the dancing flames, his eyes seeking something in the coals. Michael stepped closer to the fire and tried to follow him into the blistering labyrinth of charred wood and orange embers. When he did, he felt Scott step closer.

Michael was aware now that the young man by his side was experiencing something of the same tremendous draw he was feeling. It was the warmth of friendship combined with an intense curiosity about all things Scott. It seemed natural to Michael to like the guy. Scott combined an easy humour with restraint and sensitivity. It was hard to imagine the confident university student taking a misstep or being at a loss for words. It was as if he managed his life as easily as he managed his long limbs and muscles. Scott seemed to welcome the magnetic pull between them. Michael was not sure why he would.

The eighteen-year old turned his attention to Ashley across the fire. Her hair shone in the firelight as she turned to one friend or another. Michael thought her easily the most interesting girl at the party, if not the prettiest. Acton sat complacently by her side, not the first handsome man his sister had attracted; they had all been good looking, but certainly the first to match her incandescent personality with his own fire. When Michael was small, he worshipped Ashley. As Michael watched, she paused in her conversation long enough to meet Acton's lips. She caught his face across the fire and shouted, "Mikey," gathering him into her joy as she always had as long as he could remember. His broad smile mirrored back her delight and their brown eyes twinkled. People directed friendly looks his way. You must be Ashley's little brother; the comment always came quickly and he never seemed to mind.

Michael joined the conversation around the fire. The chairs were taken so he requisitioned a heavy log and propped it near the fire where, like a number of others, he could play with it. Gradually the conversation coalesced into one. They were fifteen people brought together from across two provinces by degrees of separation. Curiosity fuelled the conversation and their similarities and differences was grist for the mill. Tired jokes and reminiscences floated with a new audience. Michael was shy that he had spent his eighteen years in stuffy Vimy, the young men and women had opened a door. He asked questions and people welcomed the opportunity to demonstrate their greater experience.

Lauren waited until Michael went to the drink table to grab a soda. She slipped an arm around his waist, and he hugged her. "Hi," he greeted. Her body felt good against his. She did not pull away so he let his hand drift down to the swell of her hip.

She pressed closer with her hands on his chest. "Let's go down to the beach." She made it sound like a great adventure.

"What, now?" It would be a long walk and even with the moonlight it would be awkward in this unfamiliar location. Michael wavered between a chance to be alone with Lauren and stumbling through the bush blindly seeking the path down to the lake shore.

"The party is at Elk Cove tonight. Kelly and Shareen have been texting me to come join them." Michael felt more ambivalence. Lauren shifted slightly against him and he was conscious of a pressure on his groin. "We'll just go down for a few beers, say hi to everyone and come back. It's early."

"Okay," Lauren reached up and kissed his cheek, "I'll just tell my sister," he added. Michael worked his way over to Ashley. After he told her, he noticed Scott slouched in a lawn chair listening to Mark describe tubing with Nevin when they were twelve. Michael squatted down beside Scott. "I'm running Lauren down to the lake. I just wanted to say goodbye in case you were gone when I got back. It was really great meeting you."

"Remember, we're staying here tonight."

"Oh right, cool, I'll see you when I get back then." Michael felt a flush of relief. He had forgotten what Scott's friend had said by the barbeque. They smiled at each other wordlessly. "Behave," Michael frowned sternly.

Scott laughed and looked over to where Lauren waited. He surprised Michael when he reached over and ran a hand through his hair, "Have a good time Mike." Scott smiled softly at him.

On impulse, Michael grabbed Scott's forearm, "Come with us."

Scott glanced back at Lauren "You just go Mike. She's waiting for you not me."

"Maybe, but she wants to go to a high school party."

"Cool, be with your friends."

"No seriously, it will be lame, if you come along I won't get stuck there," Michael forced the issue by calling over to Lauren, "Scott's coming with us." She was intent on her phone and simply nodded.

*** 12:45 AM ***

Scott and Lauren walked ahead of Michael. The breeze was stronger on the beach and the flames of the bonfire licked at the shifting group of teenagers. He could hear the excited shouts of the younger boys and girls. Figures moved down by the water. Michael wondered if Kara was with the others. He had not talked to her since the clean-up after grad. He had pulled her aside thinking her announcement was some drunken mistake. It was not. He was off to university in St. George and she was staying home with her junior and senior years ahead. It was over, she said. After sulking for three days it occurred to Michael that that he was fine with that.

There was a sudden whoop down by the water and two figures started racing across the sand toward Michael, "Novak, Novak." He kept walking toward the fire. They hit him hard, his feet flew out from under him and all three young men collapsed back into the soft sand. A cold wet body reeking of beer pressed down on him, "Good to see you man." Michael laughed and waited patiently for his friends to get off. "You bastard, you never come anymore. Ah, Lauren Mercier, I get the picture. Now I see why you wanted to come." Suddenly Michael was being humped violently.

"Get the fuck off you guys," Michael pushed his friend away with a laugh, "you're getting me wet." Michael accepted a helping hand and the three young men greeted each other properly. Scott was standing nearby so Michael drew his friends closer. "Gord, Allan, this is Scott."

"Another college boy?" Allan asked.

"Scott Rutherford," Scott added and Michael realized he had not known Scott's last name, "Yes, I'm at the U of A in Medicine Hat." Gord asked if Scott had graduated. "God no, I have at least two more years of engineering," and that elicited a groan from both Vimy teens so recently liberated from cramped school desks. Scott laughed, "It's not that bad. It's a blast most of the time."

"You and Novak, I'd rather ranch with the Rents," Gord interjected. Scott glanced at Michael before turning back to his friends.

"My parents ranch down near East End." That began a conversation Michael could only listen to. He had a brief vision of Scott as the Marlborough Man riding the slopes of Cypress Hills, only Scott did not appear smoke and Michael imagined him in the worn Medicine Hat Tigers ball cap he was wearing. Scott went on to say he was not interested in ranching and his reasons revealed he knew the business. Besides, Scott had older brothers. Gord and Allan warmed to Scott quickly. Michael learned more about Scott in that brief exchange than he had learned all evening. He realized he was tongue-tied around Scott. Scott met his eyes and the friendly smile Scott offered Michael's friends melted away into a thoughtful stare before he seemed to recollect himself and replied to Gord's latest question.

"Michael dude," Michael turned toward a drunken fourteen-year old boy with a girl flowing out of her tight hipsters and halter top. Michael knew the girl. She was fifteen going on tramp-ho. The boy came to a shaky halt half a metre away with a partial erection. "Long time no ... I'm really drunk," the boy concluded solemnly, "Really drunk," he added for emphasis. A year ago the tousle-headed Riley might have slipped over from next door to share a fire with Michael till his mother finally dragged him home. Riley fell into Michael's arms for a limp hug and then staggered back a step. His companion tugged on his arm. Riley gave her a smile and turned back to Michael, "Later, call me dude." Riley raised a hand to his ear mimicking a phone with two fingers, pointed once at Michael, and then stumbled away with the girl. The girl guided him toward the fire, her corseted hips tight against Riley's skinny butt.

Lauren brought Michael a beer. "Thanks for bringing me down." He took the beer realizing he needed a drink. Kara was somewhere over in the darkness. It came to Michael he was not quite free of their relationship yet. Appearing at the beach with Scott and Lauren verified that he was not alone. His friends readily accepted Scott but Lauren had a double edge. He could flout her as a demonstration that he had moved on yet she represented exactly what Kara likely expected from him now that he was going away. Michael tried to push his ex-girlfriend back through the doorway into his past. "It is so beautiful down here," Lauren sighed turning to the lake. Her comment brought Michael out of his reverie. "I feel so connected here, you know?" She held out her hand invitingly. He took it and allowed her to lead him down to the water's edge. "This is what I like, seeing the old gang, sharing news."

"Yes it's cool," Michael nodded. He took a long pull at the beer. The handy reply, cool, it masked his real feelings. He had lived with these people and their relationships every day of his life and he needed to disconnect. If he kissed Lauren this moment Kara would notice and so might Lauren's nineteen-year-old ex boyfriend back by the fire. It was all a little incestuous for Michael. The only one not entangled here on the beach was Scott. Lauren lifted her lips and kissed him without warning and all reservations were driven from his mind.

Lauren did not give Michael a chance to react. With her lips pressed to his, she moved into him. Her softness made him hard as she hooked his shoulder with her beer bottle and ran her free hand up the inside of his hoody and T-shirt. Her fingernails scratched his flesh lightly and the movement encouraged him closer. Lauren swayed slightly allowing Michael's erection to rub back and forth across her shorts. She knew he was hard and exploited the knowledge. Lauren finally broke the kiss and met his eyes. There were no words between them, just the sounds of the lake water and the laughter back at the fire. Lauren considered his face as the hand beneath his shirt slid around his side, tickled his arm pit and then she scraped his sensitive nipple with her nails. Michael retaliated. His fingers fluttered on her smooth hip and then they curled up into the hem of her shorts and he pulled up until he reached the line of her panties. He could feel the first swell of her firm buttocks. Lauren's hand hooked his neck and he was dragged down for a second kiss. Michael thought she might pull him down right there in the sand and he was half willing for her to do it.