All Comments on 'Jennifer Was the Beginning'

I'll negotiate with the owner of the car so she gets you some clothes and pays the hospital bills.

Not how this works. Assuming the car was insured, she'll get her medical bills covered, and whatever can be negotiated with insurance for other costs: lost work, pain and suffering, etc. Nine times out of ten trying to get more directly from the vehicle owner is a waste of time and effort. If there was no insurance, collecting anything at all may be a lost cause. People who don't insure their vehicles are usually invulnerable to lawsuits, because they have no money or assets.

I'm trying to give this story a chance, but it's not easy when I'm only a few paragraphs in and you are having so much trouble keeping simple details believable.

Mobility issues for a person with broken legs.

Again, are these guys morons?

Go rent a wheelchair until the casts come off.

“I turned and noticed that I was at the right angle to look in the mirror and watch without her seeing me do it.”

First day. So not only is he a moron, he’s a creep.

Yeah, this really makes me want to keep on reading.

To hold your audience, you gotta pay attention to detail, and create characters that are either likable, or that hold the reader's interest for some other quality they possess. This guy does neither. Outta here.