Junky Chronicles Ch. 03bySAbitch©
Sorry for the delay in part three, it was truly difficult to write for me.
A little warning, make sure you are wearing your seatbelts for this one, it gets dark. I recently had a little experience of my own and realized that what Natalie goes through isn't easy at all. Drugs are not something that people should try. I traveled to my hometown for New Years to be with all of my friends, but so much has changed. Turns out some of them developed a little habit of their own, the changes that took place in them as people scared me. I also realized that I couldn't possibly be a friend like Devon or Kaz to them, the people influencing turned out to be more important than my friendship.
I, however, did do some experimentation of my own and the regret was immediate the next day. I didn't like what it did to me and the person it made me. I also realized that people don't all have the willpower I had to vow to never do it again.
What I am trying to say is, don't get involved with drugs, it is not worth it. The cost is higher than anyone realizes and I am lucky enough to have a friend that slapped me and told me that she'd kick my ass if I ever did anything like that again. The real life Kaz, I owe her so much already and I know that I would do the same for her. Some friendships are worth fighting for, but like the friends in my hometown, it's better to cut your losses and move on.
As always, props to my editor LarasCasse, whom inspired me but did not have the available time to do the editing and my girl, who has inspired me tremendously in the duration of my writing of part three.
As usual, feedback is appreciated. I also want to share something I read with all of you. It just suits everything that has recently happened in both my and Natalie's lives so well.
"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the friendship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled and their work is done. They prayer you sent up has been answered and it is time to move on.
Some people come into our life for a season, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it; it is real, but only for a season.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
Today, thank the person who in one way or another has been part of your life, even if in a small way you can make them feel that you are indeed thankful for their presence as well as the beautiful moments they have given. No matter if they are your reason, season or lifetime." – Unknown.
Chapter Twenty One August 2006 - December 2006
Natalie and Alice's lives had become a constant rollercoaster alternating between highs and lows, bends from left to right and it always ended on the same spot, where it had begun. Megan's death had set the rollercoaster in motion and it was where it stopped, refueled and started the same journey again. Everyday it was the same thing, Alice went to work, craving heroin and Natalie every second. She loved being Megan in Natalie's eyes, the attention and love that Natalie bestowed upon her while believing that her wife never died. It started as an attempt to give Natalie a little bit of heaven back, but it escalated and now Alice found herself tangled in a web, pray to a spider that slowly tore her apart and feasted on her weakness.
Natalie still stayed home, so lost in the sea of heroin and her own world of illusion and fantasy that she didn't know what was real and what was fantasy. The only thing that mattered was her time that she got to spend with Megan. She lived and breathed for that fantasy, spending her heroin infused days waiting for Megan to come home. They would do a hit of heroin, talk about their days and make love for the remainder of the night. If Natalie was in any decent frame of mind she would easily see that even this fantasy was far from the life she had shared with the real Megan. But this illusion was all that Natalie had, she convinced herself, like Alice, that this was good. She felt real when she was on her heroin high, but soon she had gotten so caught up in the world she created that it became her very existence. Natalie was a junky, addicted to both heroin and the fantasy it created, what she didn't realize was that heroin no longer induced the illusion, it was her.
Kaz saw a change in Natalie, but she didn't notice how those changes was a simple cry for help. Her pregnancy went well so far, her and Ben's marriage returned to its normal state of bliss. She thought and truly believed that Alice had found a way to get Natalie back, slowly. In a time of bereavement one finds comfort in a different place than where would be expected. Kaz was so happy that they had a tiny bit of Natalie back that she had overlooked how deeply troubled Natalie truly was.
Devon had taken the time to try and save his vastly failing relationship, Michelle was convinced that Devon was in love with Natalie and was using Megan's death to win her back. Yes, he was still in love with Natalie, but he wasn't trying to win her back. Michelle simply refused to believe him, he was on the end of his rope, and he wondered if this relationship was worth saving. All he found himself thinking about was Danni, he hadn't seen her since they had signed on as the conservators of Natalie's business and finances. He too, was too caught up in the situation of his own life to notice Natalie's vast downward spiral. She deceived them, making them believe that she was healing. He thanked Alice for helping his friend when he couldn't.
The heroin affected Natalie differently sometimes, most times she was tender and loving, and other times she was rough and urgent. Alice enjoyed both, always finding herself jealous of the intense relationship and sex life that Natalie had once shared with Megan. Back when Natalie was still Natalie and not this desperate woman trying to hold on to what she had lost. Alice walked through the door of Natalie's mansion, the smell of food in the air. She walked into the kitchen and noticed the chicken roasting in the oven, rice boiling and vegetables on the side to be cooked later.
"Hey baby girl," Natalie smiled, walking over to kiss who she believed was Megan.
"Hey, baby. That smells great," Megan said kissing her tenderly.
"Hmm, I thought I would spoil you a bit," Natalie led her to a chair.
Natalie heated the heroin, drawing it into the syringe, attaching a new needle and tying a band around her arm. Alice did the same, they each found a vein and pushed the needle into their skin. With soft pressure they released the brown liquid into their veins. After a few minutes the effects started kicking in. Natalie finished cooking while Alice went to shower, when she returned they ate and shared a hearty conversation about their day. Natalie saw Megan, she never saw Alice anymore, she believed it so hard and depended on it so much that she didn't have to be high to see her wife as the person close to her. Natalie kissed her with a roughness and urgency, like when she and Megan would whenever they smoked marijuana together.
Megan felt the urgency and returned it with every ounce of energy she could muster. She dug her nails into Natalie's neck, drawing her closer and closer to her own body. There was no pretending, no holding back, just an urge and a need that had to be satisfied. Natalie had an undeniable need for release and closeness, she quickly reached for the hem of Megan's shirt and yanked it over her head. Throwing it into a corner and pulling her close again, her hands roughly grabbing every inch of available skin. Megan's moaned into Natalie's mouth, the rough touching turning her on more than she thought possible.
She ripped Natalie's dress shirt open, buttons flying everywhere, she pulled it down her shoulders and immediately removed her sports bra. Natalie removed every clothing item from Megan's body, when they were both naked Natalie picked her up, Megan locked her legs around Natalie's waist. Megan started grinding against Natalie's torso, her movements fast and desperate, she needed the release. Natalie let her grind for a while, Megan's breathing became ragged, she broke the kiss and rested her head on Natalie's shoulder, her eyes closed and her movements fast.
Megan dug her nails into Natalie back, an overwhelming orgasm overtook her, her nails dug deeper and dragged along Natalie bare skin while her body twitched. The climax seemed to be prolonged, Megan let out a loud yelp and sunk her teeth into Natalie's neck, drawing a tiny amount blood. The orgasm subsided and Megan's body went limp in Natalie arms, Natalie laid her carefully on the kitchen counter, spreading her legs. Megan's arousal seeped from her core and Natalie immediately and greedily closed her mouth around Megan's sex, sucking hungrily to extract as much of the heavenly water as possible.
Megan's breathing increased again, hardly having had time to come down from her state of euphoria. Natalie bit down on her swollen lips and that sent Megan over the edge again, before Megan had time to breath she locked her lips around Megan's hard clit, she sucked it in deeply, running her tongue over the nub. She inserted to fingers into Megan's core, pumping hard and fast. Megan ground against the movements, two fingers became three, the speed and roughness never decreasing. Natalie's fingers touched Megan's g-spot, sending her over the edge for the third time.
Natalie didn't stop, she added another finger, her actions more desperate and rough with each thrust while Megan whimpered loudly. Before Megan knew what was happening Natalie formed a fist with her hand and gave one hard thrust, her fist sunk in to her wrist. She felt the pressure around her wrist, moving her wrist in circles to allow Megan to get used the feeling. Megan had never felt so full and powerless in her life, every movement sending sparks into her brain and every inch of her body. Natalie moved slowly for a few seconds, picking up pace again, she looked at Megan's face, contorted in a mixture of pain and pleasure.
Megan looked down into those crystal blue eyes, a look of primal lust in them. Natalie smiled and thrusted harder, faster and more urgently, Megan squeezed her eyes shut, her mouth open. She gave in to every new sensation she felt, her orgasm building slowly in her. Her muscles still twitched from the previous orgasms, sparks exploded behind her closed eyelids, her brain and trying to prepare for the major onslaught that was to come.
The orgasm overtook her, her body shook violently and her voice caught in her throat, she was unable to breathe while the climax coursed through her body. Natalie felt her sex clench around her wrist, making movement difficult, Megan seemed lost in the feeling of euphoria, every muscle tensing and her hands desperately seeking for something to grab onto. The climax went on and on, Natalie never slowing her movements, black spots appeared before her, growing bigger with each passing second until it overcame her completely and she felt limp on the counter. Natalie felt the muscles that had clenched her wrist relax and saw Megan breathing deeply.
Natalie pulled her fist from Megan, gently cleaning the juices that still flowed and looked at her sleeping beauty. She still wanted to do so much more, but she couldn't push Megan any further, at least not tonight. She picked the passed out Megan up and carried her to their bed.
Alice woke up hours later, to the sound of the alarm shrilling, she turned to switch it off. Her movements caused her pain, every muscle in her body hurt and when she brought her legs closer together it sent a pain up her torso. She reached the alarm and switched it off, falling onto her back again when the noise became silence. A smile crept over her lips the moment her memories from the previous night came to mind. She had never felt anything like what Natalie's had coaxed from her. The pain that she felt today was worth every second, she wondered how she would walk and do her work. Alice figured a few painkillers and staying behind her desk for the day would soothe the pain.
She looked over at the sleeping Natalie, marveling once again at how beautiful she truly was, Alice knew in that moment that she truly loved Natalie and also that Natalie would never truly love her. Natalie loved the illusion of Megan that Alice represented and for now Alice was more than willing to live with it, if that was the only love that she could get from the woman that she had loved for so long then she would take it gladly.
Chapter Twenty Two 21 December 2006
Devon walked into Natalie's house, it was quiet so he assumed that she was still sleeping, He had to talk to her, he and Michelle had just broken up and he needed the one person he trusted with his life. He turned toward the stairs and slowly made his way up, he reached her closed door and softly knocked, "Hey Nat, its Devon. I need to talk to you," he turned the knob and slowly opened the door.
Alice froze, Devon was not supposed to be here, if he saw this he would flip and take Natalie away from her. There was nowhere that she could run, even if she wanted to, she was frozen in place and Natalie still softly snored next to her. She watched with horror as the door swung open, Devon looked into the room. He looked from Alice to Natalie and back again, his face twisting into anger when the realization hit him. For months he had watched the two together, then he simply believed that Alice helped Natalie heal, but certain actions from Natalie made him uncomfortable.
There were tiny things that he never made anything of, but seeing this he understood it all clearly. Alice had wormed her way in and somehow created the illusion of Megan in Natalie's mind that was why Natalie sometimes slipped and called Alice by Megan's name or the pet name that Natalie had for her wife.
"What the fuck is going here?" Devon asked between clenched teeth.
"It's not what it looks like," Alice said quickly, pulling the sheets higher.
"Get out of that bed, get dressed and make it quick. WE need to talk," Devon turned and walked out.
Alice was scared, she jumped out of the bed, her pain and discomfort long forgotten as she hurried to get dressed. She almost ran down the stairs and found Devon in the kitchen, looking at the clothes that still lay all over the place. He felt a rage he hadn't felt before, how could Alice do this? Does she not realize that she was ruining Natalie's life? He's thoughts rushed through his head, each fighting for consideration, but all he felt was rage. He walked to the other side of the kitchen, what he saw there sent him over the edge. There lay needles and a powder substance in a small bag. At first he didn't grasp what it was, he looked at it and the full realization of what was truly going on hit him like a speeding train. He turned around and looked Alice in the eye.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" he asked venomously.
"Devon, please I can explain. It is helping Natalie, don't you see that she is happy again? I was helping her," Alice shouted almost hysterically.
"How is feeding he drugs making anything better? What is wrong with you? Did you think before you started this little experiment? Natalie is not living! She is trying to hold on to what she lost," he spat back at her.
Alice broke down in tears, she fell to her knees and sobbed. Devon felt no remorse for her, how could she ruin his friend's life like this? Why didn't she come and ask for help or told them what was going on?
"I want to know everything," Devon said in a cold voice.
Before Alice could speak Kaz walked into the kitchen, Devon had phoned her in a panic and she rushed over. Her stomach had grown and a tin bump was now clearly visible, she was almost five months along. Kaz looked at Devon, dread filled her heart when she looked at the clothes that was splayed over the floor and the needles and bag that Devon had placed on the counter.
Alice saw no way out, she was scared, so she spoke between her sobs. She told them everything, from the first time that they had smoked rocks to Natalie's first use of heroin. She told them about the hallucination and illusion that Natalie had lived in since. She tried to justify her actions by telling them that she had truly believed that she was helping Natalie, but neither believed her. All they saw was the actions of a desperate woman who would do anything to be loved by the woman who could never love her.
"How could you do this to someone you claim to love and care about?" Kaz asked in an emotionless voice.
"I thought I was helping! But I got hooked too and I lost control of the situation," Alice said still sobbing.
"Alice, we all smoke weed together, to relax or share a good laugh. When we do it we never do anyone harm and we all vowed that we would never do anything to hurt the other. What you don't realize is that you did irreparable damage to Natalie, she is not healing. The drugs and you are making her live a tortured existence, you are not Megan and you will never be. No one will ever be, Natalie does not love you the way you want her to and she never will. She had given everything she had to Megan, she will never love anyone that way again. You are an illusion to her, do you truly believe that, that is helping her? Never moving forward, stuck in the same place of her life forever? You should have come to us," Devon said on the brink of tears.
"I love her and I would do anything to see her smile," Alice retorted angrily.
"If you really love her, you will leave now and never speak to her again while we try to fix the damage that you had done," Kaz said coldly.
"Leave Alice, NOW!" Devon added.
Alice scrambled to her feet and ran to the door. She got in her car and drove to her house, tears nearly blinding her. She didn't know how, but she arrived home safely, walking through her front door she felt her life falling to pieces. She immediately made her way to her own stash of heroin, heating up enough for four people. She pulled it into the needle, injecting herself over and over again.
Natalie woke up and made her way downstairs, still in desperate need of release. She hoped she would catch Megan before work for quick release. She walked into her kitchen and saw Kaz and Devon standing there, waiting. She looked at them and down at the needles that they had lying before them. She immediately filled with dread, knowing that they had discovered her secret.
"Where's Megan?" she asked, that was all that mattered.
"She is dead, Nat. She has been for six months," Devon answered.
"If you mean Alice, she left," Kaz added.
Natalie looked at them, confused, "but Alice was here the other day, she and Megan still talked and laughed."
"Because you believe that she is Megan, Nat," Kaz said looking at her intently.
Natalie looked at them, wondering how they could possibly think that Megan was Alice. How can they mistake the two? She didn't care, she turned and walked away, she knew where to find her wife. Devon followed Natalie, wanting to stop her from leaving as she grabbed her keys. He took her arm and swung her toward him, "we need to talk."