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K: “Well, Bill was travelling a lot. Just before that, we had gone through a pretty tough time with me trying to get pregnant. Even when I took the pressure off, our sex life really never got back on track. I don’t think that I could ever describe our sex life as exciting. It was more warm and loving than hot and steamy.”
SS: “Did Bill satisfy you?”
K: “Well . . .I guess I’d have to answer yes to that. You see, I really didn’t have any great sexual needs or expectations when we married. There were many other things that were a much higher priority to me. In fact, I didn’t think much about sex. We did it. It was fun. It was what married people do. I think I could say I was satisfied.”
SS: “Would you describe you sexual repetoire as limited, normal, advanced, kinky?”
K: “Definitely “limited” looking back with hindsight.
SS: “What makes you choose that description?”
K: “Well, this is a little embarrassing . . . we usually did it missionary style, very little oral sex and it wasn’t really playfull. I seldom perfomred oral sex on Bill, and never asked him to do it to me. I’m not blaming him, I was not into sex at the time and probably would have been grossed out thinking about some of the more “creative” things couples do in the bedroom. I assume he still thinks the same way about it. I guess we were kind of up tight about sex and the way we approached it reflected that.” SS: “What about now?”
K: “Dr. Sharp, that’s really not a fair question. Bill is a very gently and loving man. In the last four years I have experienced things, you know, sexual things, that most women couldn’t even imagine. After those experiences, it is impossible to think that one man, any man, could give me the exitement and the sexual fulfillment I have experienced. I wish this wasn’t so. I wish that Bill could be a part of that. But he isn’t and I can’t forget the things I’ve experienced and pretend that I don’t know what I’m missing. Bill is my husband and the father of my children. That’s who I married and I am content with who he is.”
SS: “That sounds like a “no”!”
K: “I guess it does. (pause) Bill is very conservative. He really is not into sex much. He tries to please me and is very considerate. But sex with Bill is like vanilla ice cream. It’s everyone’s favorite, but after a while, its . . . its just plain vanilla. What you have to understand is that I’m not here to complain about Bill or to change him. My life is perfect just the way it is, only it can’t keep going on like this. Something has to give. I don’t want to give up my husband or my childern or our beautiful home. I would hate to have to give up the exitement of the Club. That’s why I’m here with you. To sort all this out.”
SS: “I think we are making progress Kathleen, but as you are probably aware, this is not going to be easy. If I am going to help you with this problem, eventually we have to bring Bill in to our sessions for this therapy to work. How do you feel about that?”
K: “I’m scared. Bill knows that I am seeing you but I told him that the problem wasn’t him that it was my depression. I guess I knew that this would be inevitable but I was hoping to put it off for as long as possible. Anyway, Bill is travelling next week, so that’s out. And quite frankly, I would prefer that for the first couple of visits, you spoke to him alone, you know to feel him out before we drop this bombshell on his head and he walks out on me.”
SS: “I’ll have to think about it. This is not going to be easy. But maybe you are right. I can meet with Bill alone at least once. It’s not fair to him or to you to drop the weight of this deception on him all at once. After all Kathleen, you have been living a secret life for how long, four years, five years?”
K: “Over six years.”
SS: “Over six years! And he dosen’t have a clue who is wife really is or what she’s been up to behind his back. No, Kathleen, it’s not going to be easy unless your husband is an exceptionally forgiving man and loves you very much. Let me know at our next session whether he is willing to meet with me in three weeks. You don’t need to be here for that session but I am going to warn your, the day must come when we bring Bill into this equation. I don’t intend to be a messenger between the two of you. You have to work this out together. OK?”
K: “I guess it has to be OK. Thank you Doctor.” SS: “All right, that’s the end of this session, I will see you next week at the same time and I will see Bill three weeks from today.”
END OF TAPE 3
Session 3 Tape 4
SS: OK, let’s begin. This is the beginning of Session 3 with Kathleen and we have started tape 4. Kathleen is here today, and she has given me good news. Her husband Bill will be attending our session after next week. Is that right?”
K: “Yes, Dr. Sharp, but I will not attend that session.”
SS: “That’s OK. I’m sure I will have to prepare for that session, and much of what we will do today and next week will help me with that. Let’s continue your story. As I recall from my notes, (pause) you had just started telling us about your first experience dancing at the club. Did you finally get up the courage to do that?”
K: “Yes, I did. I will never forget my first time dancing on stage. I was one of the last girls out on stage. I was so nervous I couldn’t eat lunch. I was wearing one of Cindy’s tiny string bikinis, my wig and fake tatoos. Again, neither Vince nor Tony recognized me. For the first set, I just couldn’t take off my top. Usually the girls start wearing a short dress or negligee covering up their bikini, but by the first song that is gone. If you want to make tips, you need to lose your bikini quickly or the men concentrate on the other girls. You won’t last long.”
SS: “So you had to dance topless?”
K: “I guess you have never been to a ‘Gentlemen’s Club’”?
SS: “I have seen movies, but no, I have never been in one.”
K: “At Club EXstacy the girls eventually dance completely naked except for their high heels.”
SS:“Kathleen, I don’t believe it! You were planning to dance completely naked? With no clothes on? Did you do it?”
K: “By the end of the second set, I had my top off. I guess because I was so timid, all the men in the club were watching me and waiting to see whether I could do it. At least it felt that way to me! They started laughing and clapping and were really pleased with the way I looked and danced. By the time I left the stage I had almost $70 in tips. I think that’s a record at the club for a 10 minute set. As I dressed and left the stage, a whole bunch of men crowded around me and wanted to talk to me and buy me drinks. I felt like a celebrity. When I went back to the dressing room, Cindy and I counted my tips. I really think she was jeolous of how much I made. Cindy told me she never made that much for only one set, and I still had the bottom of my bikini on. I was so excited! I was flying.”
SS: “So how do you think this dancing naked affected you? Did you do it again?”
K:“Yes. Eventually I danced two days a week for two hours each day. I averaged over $600 a week cash. It was spending money that I used just for me. Did it affect me? Definitely. I felt as if I was adored by the customers in the club. That is a pretty heady feeling for a woman that never really put much emphasis on her looks. I felt emancipated, as if I could do anything I pleased with no one to stop me. Have you ever felt like that? Felt totally free, powerful yet still knowing that you were true to all your commitments? That’s the way I felt. It was if my life “doubled”. I felt twice as happy, twice as fulfilled. I still had my goals and likes and dislikes but now there was a whole new area of my life that was opening up to me. It’s really hard to explain.”
SS: “How did this effect your “plan”, your plan to get pregnant?”
K: “After my dancing experience, I knew I could do it. In fact, I knew it would be the right thing to do, just like my decision to dance was right for me. I still had to plan carefully, I wasn’t stupid. But I knew deep inside that I had what it took to make things happen, including doing a bachelor party!”
SS: “Kathleen, so far, nothing you have done up to that point has involed sex with anyone other than Bill. Is that true?”
K:“Yes.”
SS: “Didn’t it bother you that to implement your “plan” you would have to have sex with a man, actually many men, that were not your husband?”
Kathleen: “Truthfully, Dr. Sharp, I didn’t really think about it. I know that sounds hard to believe, but I never dwelt on the fact that my plan would necessarily involve sexual conduct. I must have been in denial, but really I think I was just naVve. It wasn’t something that I was interested in and I didn’t think that it would have such a big emotional impact on me! So I just didn’t think about it!”
SS: “When it finally dawned on you how did you deal with it? I would imagine you had second thoughts about such a crazy and dangerous plan?”
K: “Just the opposite, the idea of my new identity as “Lisa” and the thought of being able to let go sexually on stage was drawing me in. I wanted to experience these new feelings, this excitement, the idea that I was an alluring, sexual woman who was the idol of an entire audience of men! Actually, my plan now included adding this aspect to me life, you know, experiences that I had never allowed myself to think about, let alone participate in! I wanted it all and I believed that I could have it.” SS: “Were you now ready to have such sexual experiences outside of your relationship with Bill?”
K: “No, not really. How can I explain this. It was necessary! If I wanted to get pregnant, to implement my plan, I had to have sex with other men. It wasn’t an option. It could be distasteful or it could be exciting. I decided that I would look at it as exciting, as a “growth” experience. Dr. Sharp, I had never done anything like this before, or even really considered it! This was something new for me. The dancing was warming me up for it. But truthfully, I didn’t dwell on it. But at the same time, I didn’t mind that it had to be that way.”
SS: “So, you started dancing twice a week. Certainly your husband suspected something?”
K: “Not in the least. I kept my costumes in a gym bag in the guest closet. Bill is not very domestic. He never goes through my things, let alon in the guest room. He never suspected a thing.”
SS: “Didn’t you feel guilty, hiding this from him?”
K: “No. It was my business, kind of like my job. As I said, we rarely discussed our work. This was just another job. It was business, and it was my business.”
SS: “So when did you finally decide to participate in one of the bachelor parties?”
K: “My first opportunity came about three months after I started dancing. A handsome young man came in to see me about booking a bachelor party for his friend. They were both wealthy investment bankers working in Manhattan. I am sure that their annual bonuses were double what Bill and I made each year. Anyway, the guest list for this party was full of wealthy, young professionals who lived mostly in Manhattan and New York. I realized that if I ever had a good excuse to implement my plan this was it!”
SS: “Were you physically attracted to this young man?”
K: “As a matter of fact, I was. But that really didn’t have much of a bearing on my decision. It was just that all the “factors” were right this time.”
SS: “I take it that you finally decided that you would be one of the girls at this party?”
K: “Yes! I convinced the best man to schedule it for a Friday night when I would be fertile. Also, Bill was out of town, but was expected back Saturday morning. I wasn’t ready to get home from this escapade and jump right into bed with my husband! But it was an important part of my plan that Bill and I make love around the date of the party so that he would think that he got me pregnant.”
SS: “It sounds like you thought of everything!”
K: “Everything but what would actually happen. I convinced Cindy to be the second dancer at this party and swore her to secrecy! She just thought that I was going though a “wild phase”, I didn’t tell her that I was trying to get pregnant. I called Bill that Friday after diner and told him that I had to attend one of my charity meetings and that I would be home late, just in case he called me and I wasn’t home. If he tried my cell phone I would tell him that I turned it off for the meeting. As it turned out, he never called, so the matter never came up.”
SS: “Didn’t all this deception bother you?”
K: “Yes, it did. But I viewed it as a surprise for Bill. Kind of like planning a surprise party. I knew he would be overjoyed when he found out I was pregnant. And he was.”
SS: “Even knowing as much as I do about you now, it’s still hard for me to believe that you, of all people, would decide to go through with this. I want you to tell me everything that happened that night and what was going through your mind so I can better understand your motivations and your mindset.”
K: “Well, Cindy and I showed up at the party about 9:30. Phil, one of the regular bouncers, was there as our chaperone. We danced together for about thirty minutes. After we finished dancing, we were both naked and the men were ready to party. Phil made the announcement that the “real fun” was about to begin. At Cindy’s suggestion, I was blindfold. She told me that way I would be less “connected” to what was going on. Also, it would conceal my identity a little better and help keep my blond wig on! Cindy put on my blindfold and led me into the middle of the platform. There must have been about 30 guys at this party, and all of them were hunks! I was trembling. I finally realized that this was a lot more than dancing! As I was lying on the floor, I felt Cindy starting to kiss me! I had never made love to a woman, but I knew that was standard fare for this type of party, to . . . I guess. . . . to, you know, get the guys in the mood. I felt other hands starting to touch me, to caress me. I was lost in the . . . END OF TAPE 4
Session 3 Tape 5
SS: “It looks like the tape ran out before you finished. I’m afraid I was so enthralled with your story that I didn’t see the light go off! Well, we have both taken a short break and now we are back. Alright. This next one is Tape 5. Good, its working.”
K: “Maybe it’s better that that all that stuff didn’t get on tape. It was a little graphic! I’m afraid I got carried away! But As I told you, it was one of the most amazing nights of my life.”
SS: “I’ll check how much we lost after you leave. I really didn’t want anything to be left out. You know, when someone finds out their spouse has been cheating, they have an insatiable need to hear every detail. It’s almost as if you are still lying if you don’t tell every gory detail. But I will recap. You were blindfolded at the party and many men, out of the thirty that were there, you estimated about 12, is that right?”
K: “Yes. Twelve to fifteen. As I said I lost count!” SS: “About fifteen of them had intercourse with you and may have ejaculated into your womb.”
K: “Yes, I think so, some of them were wearing condoms, and quite frankly I was out of it and lost track. But that sounds about right, execept that they were ejaculating everywhere!”
SS: “And you said that you enjoyed it. You enjoyed this experience?”
K: “Yes, I did! I never thought I would, but I did!”
SS: “Was it the sex?”
K: “Well, as I described it for you, the sex was unbelievable, beyond my wildest imagination! But it was much more than that. Even though I was blindfolded, I felt as though I were in control. It’s so hard to explain. All those men wanted ME! They couldn’t get their hands off me. I felt like a goddess! And yes, the physical experience, the sex, was something I had never experienced before in my life.”
SS: “You had an orgasm?”
K: “After the second man, I think I was having one continuous orgasm! I don’t think I can even explain how it felt. It was pure sex and my body was responding in a way that I never imagined it would.”
SS: “You left off when you and Cindy were in the dressing room.”
K: “Yes. She was cleaning me off as best she could. As I told you …
SS: “You were a mess!”
K: “To say the least! I just kept saying “Wow” over and over again. Cindy must have thought I was on drugs. I wanted to get home and sleep with my legs up so as much seman as possible would stay in me. After all, my dream was to get pregnant and that was part of it.”
SS: “So you went home after you cleaned up?”
K: “Yes. Somehow I managed to drive myself home. Even though I wore a panty liner (I came prepared), white stuff was leaking down my legs onto the car seat. It’s a good thing the seats were leather or they would have been ruined.”
SS: “Were you able to sleep that night!”
K: Well, my head was spinning, but I did finally go to sleep.
SS: “Weren’t you feeling guilty about the way you behaved or what you had done to your marriage? Were you feeling any remorse?” K: “No.”
SS: “Well then, what were you thinking of.”
K: “This is kind of embarrassing. I was thinking of the sex. I masturbated about four or five times, thinking about what happened, wondering which of the men, you know, which of them had me. Then I fell asleep exhasted.”
SS: “And Bill came home the next day.”
K: “Yes, right before lunch, about 1 PM.”
SS: “Did you suggest that the two of you make love when he got home, as you planned?”
K: “Yes.”
SS: “How did you feel about doing that?”
K: “I went wild on him. I practically raped him. I think he was very surprised. I told him that it was that time of the month, but I never did anything that . . . forward before.”
SS: “Wasn’t it hard for you to initiate sex with your husband the morning after you had sex with all those men?”
K: “No. I was thinking about the night before. It just got me so turned on, I couldn’t control myself!”
SS: “What did Bill say when you told him you wanted to make love?”
K: “At first he seemed reluctant. I guess he was tired after the trip. But boy was he smiling when we got done!”
SS: “So you don’t think he suspected anything?”
K: “No, why should he?”
SS: “Well, it’s not unusual for people who have done what you did, you know “cheated” on their spouse, to be nervous, to suspect that there are some “signs” that they were unfaithful.”
K: “No, Bill had no idea what happened. There was no way he would have known. I really wasn’t worried much about him suspecting that there was something “different” about me.”
SS: “But there was.”
K: “Yes. I was different. I found that out over the next couple of months.” SS: “What do you mean?”
K: “I’m kind of ashamed to admit this . . . but I immediately signed up for another party. I kept telling myself that I really didn’t know whether on not I got pregnant and, you know, just to make sure . . . .”
SS:“Kathleen! You could have waited to see. I can’t believe it! It sounds like you were getting addicted to this promiscuous kind of behaviour.”
K: “I guess I really was. Actually, I did about five more bachelor parties before I stopped. I was three months pregnant at the time.”
SS: “So I guess that tells us that getting pregnant wasn’t your only motivation for getting involved in this kind of thing.”
K:“No, not really. I explained my motivation already. I’m not nieve, at least not any more. I’m pretty certain about why I did what I did. After the first time, yes, there were other motivations. I got hooked on the excitement of it, the pure lust involved. But only after I experienced it, not before.”
SS: “So, eventually you realized you were pregnant. Tell me what you told your husband. Did you feel guilty?”
K:“Yes, I did feel a little guilty. I certainly didn’t tell him “by the way, I had sex with about 20 men and one of them is the father” if that’s what you mean. But I was also excited and, I guess the best word to describe it is “fulfilled”. My plan was a success and my dream of having a baby, of Bill and I having a family, was going to come true. It’s just that now there was something else in the equation, my awakening sexual desires that I felt almost compelled to satisfy.”
