Kat's Boytoy: Zoa Blues

"Oh, I know, I know. That's our arrangement." He went silent for a moment, then said, "It's just that usually you wake me up at some point when you visit."

I frowned. I don't know why I thought this wouldn't be an issue. I hadn't wanted to actually talk to Ben last night, just play with him. I opened my mouth to remind him that he was my plaything, I could use him without his input being required, and he should remember his place. But the truth is, I hadn't done it out of some desire for a new teasing game. I had kept him asleep because I'd been afraid to talk to him.

As I tried to think of what to say, he beat me to the punch. "Are you upset with me?" he asked.

Now, I swallowed hard, feeling another pang of emotion in my chest. "No," I lied softly. I caught myself and made my voice firm. "No, Ben. I'm not."

Even if I hadn't been psychic, I could practically hear Ben's frown. "Kat, please speak to me as a friend, not my Mistress. Are you upset?"

I sighed. "I don't want to talk about this right now."

"We need to."

"In a few days."

"But—"

"In a few days, boytoy."

That shut him up, though I could sense his frustration. After a few moments, he calmed himself down and said obediently, "Very well, Mistress." I sensed he held back the sarcasm, but could not keep a bit of stiffness from his voice. "That aside, Kat, I am very tense right now. May I please have an orgasm?"

I considered giving it to him. But I was still a bit upset. "You may masturbate," I said. "But you may not cum yet."

"Kat—Mistress... please reconsider. This is a little unreasonable."

That caused the pang in my chest to flare. Unreasonable? He should be grateful I was even letting him touch himself at all. It was not a treat I gave out very often, and this time I wasn't even going to make so I had to be watching.

"Let me rephrase that, boytoy. You will masturbate, starting right now, and you will not stop until you have edged ten times in a row. And you may not ask for an orgasm for another two days. Understood?"

"Kat, please!"

"Three days. Understood?"

"Kat—"

"Five days."

There was a pause. I could sense his cock was hard as steel, and his hand was already stroking. Pent up as he was, he would at least reach those edges very quickly. "Yes, Kat. Mistress. Understood."

"Good. We will discuss things soon, but I need time to think. Alright?"

"Yes, Kat."

"Alright," I said. "I will talk to you later, Ben."

"O-okay, Kat. Thank you. Good-bye."

I hung up right as his voice was starting to shake from the tension. I rolled onto my back and sighed, still holding the phone in my hand. I closed my eyes, but even though I still felt tired, I knew I wasn't getting back to sleep. My mind was too busy, whirling with thoughts. So, with a groan, I got out of bed, and dressed to go get some food.

Breakfast was acquired at a coffee shop a block down from my apartment. A little pricey, but I needed the caffeine and they made the best scones I'd ever had. I stared thoughtfully out the window as I ate, mulling over the situation, but not coming to any conclusions. As I contemplated, a blond haired young woman suddenly came up to my table, smiling brightly.

"Kat? Hey! You remember me?"

Confusion swept over me for a minute before it clicked. "Oh, hey! You're... uh... Andrea, right? From the... the Party..." I blushed a bit, remembering that night. A sort of monthly swingers party, where Espers like myself, and Mages like Andrea, played dominants while their boy toys and girl toys had to serve them, naked and teased. I hadn't enjoyed it very much, and neither had Ben, despite the scenario seeming to be something we'd enjoy. But that's where I first discovered just how possessive I could be.

"Hey," said Andrea. "How are you doing?" Her smile was warm and genuine. Truth be told, I hadn't had a problem with anyone at the party, except for Jasmin who had later forced herself on Ben. However, I hadn't kept up communication with any of the others I'd met there. I'd never gone back, so there didn't seem to be a point.

"I'm alright," I lied.

Andrea cocked her head to the side as looked at me, as if studying me. "Are you sure? You seem pretty bummed out." She motioned to the chair in front of her, opposite my side of the table. "You mind if I sit down?"

"Um... I guess, sure..." I could detect nothing but sincere beneficence from Andrea, but I really hadn't been expecting to ever see her again. The whole Party situation had left me a little skeeved out, and, if I was honest, Mages intimidated me. They didn't creep me out like Demihumans did, but the powers they wielded were in many ways far beyond anything I could possibly do. Still, retreating into my own shell to brood wasn't helping my situation. Maybe Andrea, another dominant female with powers, could give some advice.

Andrea's smile maintained as she sat down and leaned forward on the table. "So, I noticed you never came back for any more of the Parties. I want to apologize on behalf of all of us if we scared you, or made you uncomfortable." She paused, then added. "Jasmin told me about what happened between you two. I'm sorry about that, too. I'm not defending her actions or anything, but please understand, she really didn't mean either you or Ben any harm. She really just wanted to have some fun with you." Andrea let out a short chuckle. "I guess she thought she was going to get a protégé."

I frowned, but said, "It's alright. Really. It's not any of your faults. The whole thing just made me realize a few things. I'm just not comfortable with the Party situation."

"Okay, well. I just wanted to clear the air on that."

"Sure."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I felt a bit awkward, compelled to say something, but uncertain of what exactly. Andrea just patiently waited, before finally breaking the ice saying, "So, if you don't mind my asking, are you okay? You really do seem down."

I sighed and said, "Ben's leaving me."

Andrea's eyes widened. "Really?"

I had no intention of telling anyone about this, but Andrea just had that air about her that made you want to confide in her. "Not like we've broken up, exactly. But he's going to be leaving in a few weeks for a job in Zoaheim. Well, he says it's in Iteru, but it's right on the boarder."

"Zoaheim? Wow." She seemed genuinely impressed. "I've heard the horror stories about that place. I'm sure it's all exaggeration, but still."

"Well, he'd be in a secure facility, on an island, not actually on the continent."

Andrea nodded. "I'm sure everything is as secure as they could make it."

"I'm sure."

"Okay. So what's the problem?"

I sighed. "I don't want him to leave me. Not that far away, not for that long." I swallowed and looked down, feeling a flush of shame. "He's mine. I don't want to let him go."

"Sounds like you love him a lot," said Andrea.

"But I don't," I said. "That's the thing. If it was love, I'd be okay with it. But this is different. This is just... possessiveness... you know? And that... that..." I struggled to say it, but Andrea was patient. Finally, I was able to force it out, "And that frightens me." As soon as I said it, it was like someone clicking on a light switch.

I wasn't just saddened at the thought of Ben going away. I was afraid of my own reaction to the news. I didn't want him to leave because he was my possession, and some part of me genuinely did not want my "toy" being taken away. A toy I realized I needed. I didn't just have fun when I used my powers on Ben. I reveled in it. To be honest, I don't know if I could even ever enjoy sex again without using my powers to dominate and sensually torment my partner. Ben was just so perfect for me in that regard, because he took everything I dished out in stride, and he relished what I could do to him. Even if sometimes I got a little too intense, in the end, it just made him even more enraptured with me. I was pretty sure Ben was never going to be able to enjoy normal sex again either, after me.

But Ben seemed willing to accept the possibility of us parting. He'd been psyching himself up for this trip for a while now. I had just put it in the back of my mind and refused to think about it. And now it was killing me, because I was being forced to confront something I didn't want to deal with. Ben, despite our relationship, wasn't just a toy. He was a person. Someone I was more intimate with, mentally and physically, than any one else I'd ever known. He wasn't the first boy I'd been in a relationship with, but he was special far beyond any of my previous flings or casual boyfriends.

With him, I had power, and I was used to getting exactly what I wanted from him. Not just my actual psychic abilities, but the power of a true Dominatrix in possession of a devoted slave. I had gotten so used to that dynamic, that the idea of something challenging that, that real life would intrude and take away my toy, shook me in a way I hadn't felt since I was a child. I felt like a little girl being denied her favorite doll. I felt like the world's biggest brat. But most brats didn't have the ability to mind control others with a mere thought. I did.

And what if that inner brat decided one day to just say, "NO! MINE!" the next time someone tried to deny me my fun? What if the brat won over my better judgment and I did exactly what I wanted, seized someone's mind and truly forced them to do something against their will? Once I took that step, how quickly would it snowball, until I started hurting people and not caring, until I had an S.O.S. kill squad after my head?

So many issues all balled up into an aching pang in my chest. But looking at Andrea, I could tell she understood. She was a Mage. She knew exactly what I was talking about. I somehow couldn't imagine Andrea giving into the corruption of power, but even she had to be tempted at some point. Even she had had to deal with past failed relationships, knowing it was better to let them go than to use her powers to force them to continue.

I felt a little better now. "Thanks, Andrea." I gave her hand a squeeze. "You have a way with words."

She chuckled. "I barely said anything, but I'm glad if I could help." She reached over and took my hand. "I know we don't really know each other, but if you need someone to talk to, I can give you my number, or my e-mail."

I thought for a moment, a little guarded, but telling myself not to be so insular. I nodded, saying, "Yeah, I'd like that. And, um, tell the others I'm not mad or anything." I paused. "And tell Jasmin that... well, tell her I'm sorry if there was any misunderstanding, but also tell her she needs to be more careful with people."

Andrea smiled. "I think she learned that lesson already, but I'll pass the message along. And Kat, if you ever want to just hang out, not the sex party thing, but you know, I'm sure a lot of us would be open to it. From what I understand, you don't usually associate with any other Espers or Mages."

I frowned, but nodded. "I, um, I don't. I dunno, I mean aside from my brother, I just never did growing up."

Andrea nodded. "I didn't know any other Mages, either, until I came to college. But the thing about being the only Mage, or Esper, around is you end up getting a skewed perspective on things."

I frowned. "Skewed perspective, huh?"

Andrea nodded. "Please don't take offense. I don't mean to say you start going crazy or anything. But in a way, it can get lonely. Unless you don't have a choice, you really should meet with other people who are in a similar position. It helps ground us all." She paused. "Do you even know any Demihumans?"

I tensed. "Demihumans creep me out."

Andrea chuckled. "That's a shame. One of the sweetest guys I know is a Rouccuan." She lowered her voice and blushed slightly. "And let me tell you, you don't know what sex is until you've been ravished by one."

I jerked back instinctively. "Ugh!" I muttered. Of course, then I remembered, I'd given Ben intense fantasies of being fucking the exotic, cat-like Rouccuan not too long ago. But I'd been braced for it then, I guess, and it had been done to tease him.

Andrea smirked, but said, "Alright, sorry. But I'm just saying. Don't box yourself in with only your boytoy to play with. And don't be afraid of us."

I frowned again, but nodded. "Thanks," I said. We exchanged numbers, and Andrea even gave me a quick hug before she left. I watched her go, mulling over her words. Things were starting to click into place for me.

She was right. I was afraid. This whole mess wasn't just about Ben. It was about my sense of control. Other than my brother Bobby, whom I had become distant from since we were teens, I had grown up as basically the only superhuman I'd known. And I'd kept those powers bottled up forever. I mean, I used them, sure, but never on the level of how I used them with Ben. In fact, if it weren't for Ben, I don't think I'd be even half as skilled with my gifts as I was now.

I'd gone so long just using my powers lightly, making things just a bit easier for myself. Getting to know Ben, I'd suddenly begun to embrace them, reveled in them. I didn't abuse them, mind. Ben was the only one I really ripped into. But I did catch myself being a bit more free with my abilities, reading people's surface thoughts before they even opened their mouths, so I'd be prepared for what they were about to say. Sneaking glimpses of people's knowledge in order to get directions without having to ask, or perhaps, to get "help" with a particularly tricky school project. There were even a few times when, if I saw someone walking down the street who intimidated me, I might psychically push them to ignore or stay away from me, because it was easier than actually crossing to the other side of the street myself.

Despite my self-discipline, I was getting used to getting my way. With Ben, the things I did to him were only excusable because he genuinely wanted it, but even then, I kept pushing things, perhaps a bit too far once in a while. I knew there were points where I made him hurt. He always forgave it or seemed to forget it once he was adrift in the euphoria of orgasm and the afterglow that followed, but that was just the effects of sex on the male mind. In the heat of the moment, I knew I could get violently aggressive with my playing.

And then Jasmine came along. Jasmine was another Esper, who'd wanted to include me and Ben into her circle of swingers. And while she'd pushed herself onto us, me in particular, she hadn't really intended to hurt us or do something against our will. She was just using an aggressive approach, like I had done with Ben. And she'd also been stronger than me. One drunk night, I'd let her take control over me, and Ben. And the next morning, I'd lost my shit over it. To her credit, when Jasmine realized how far she'd overstepped her bounds, she immediately stopped and left. I still felt sore over it, but I supposed I could forgive her. I'd be a hypocrite if I couldn't.

But Jasmine had frightened me. It was the first time I'd actually met someone who I knew could beat me if we tried to match our powers against each other. And she could probably have kicked my ass in a physical fight as well; I'd seen her naked, and she had the body of an athlete. And then, I'd been at the party, where'd I'd seen the powers of all her Mage friends. And while the Mages had all been nice and polite, I couldn't help but fear them a little as well. Plenty of Mages, if what I'd heard was true, were capable of blocking the power of an Esper, and their powers were far more outlandish and potent.

Andrea was right. Beings like us were rare, but we were out there. And when you were one of them, and you were the only one you knew for most of your life, you started feeling like a big fish in a little pond, in ways no non-powered person could really understand. Even if you didn't abuse your powers at all, just the fact that you had them tended to separate you from everyone else. Some small part of you believed that yes, you really were an exception. That, if nothing else, you inherently have less to fear from the world than most other people. Anyone wants to screw with you? You just cast a spell or use a bit of mind control, and they're no longer a threat. You get a sense of freedom like few people have. It gives you confidence. It gives you control.

And then suddenly, you meet someone else whose powers blow yours out of the water. And then you meet a bunch of other people who can do things you couldn't even image were possible. And then you realize there are millions of people out there who could break you in half before you could even start thinking to make them stop. You realize you don't have control anymore. You never really did. Which means you were never any safer than anyone else. You were never really better than anyone else. You have a slight advantage, but you're still a tiny fish in a tremendous ocean.

So what did I have to anchor that anxiety? Did I embrace the companionship of others with similar advantages? Did I try to come to an understanding with them when we came into conflict? Did I even bother training to make myself stronger, so I could meet with them on an even level?

No. I pushed them away. Kept to my own little corner. With only my precious plaything, my dear boytoy, who let me do anything I wanted to him, because he loved it. And I loved doing it. But even since that meeting with Jasmine, I had become more and more intense. More possessive. I realized it was no longer just about fun with me. It was about hanging onto him because he made me feel powerful. And when he finally got up and said no to me, I panicked.

I let out a sigh as I processed all of this in my head. My scones sat half-finished as I nursed a cooled half-cup of coffee. I don't want to make it sound like I spent every day agonizing over my place in the world, terrified of every shadow. I'm hardly the most outgoing person in the world, but I went about my days just fine, talking with others, working on my schoolwork, doing the occasional part time job. Everything I had just processed was all deep subconscious mental baggage that I never even gave much thought before. But now that I was dredging it up, I could see how it had started to affect my outlook on life.

Maybe it was time to change all that. And the first step was going to have to be learning to let go. I didn't want Ben to leave. I know part of him didn't either. But we could not stay as horny college students fucking around every other week forever. Life moves steadily on. Ben was looking towards the future. Even if he weren't going for this job or apprenticeship or whatever to Zoaheim, we were graduating soon, and then so-called "real life" was going to interfere anyway, as we tried to find careers and places to live.

Well, there was a chance Ben and I could still have a life together. But not like this. This nice little Mistress/slave relationship was, if nothing else, going to have to be put on prolonged pause before we could even consider letting it continue. And I had to begin that process now.

FOUR

When I got back home, I closed my eyes and concentrated. I cast out my psychic senses and easily found Ben. He was home as well, sitting in his apartment about a dozen blocks away, surfing the internet idly. I quickly flipped through his mind to see if he was busy. Apparently, he had no real plans, other than to maybe go see a movie tonight, maybe go to a bar afterwards and chat with some Demihumans to practice some High Zoan. Good. I could make this last a while then.

I cast out my thoughts, and Ben's felt his cock get hard. I felt along his psyche and touch the familiar network of nerves and impulses within his body and brain. I telepathically started playing with the nerves of his genitals, causing Ben to feel the sensations of several slick hands grasping and stroking his cock. I could "see" Ben gasp as the hands did their work, rubbing and sliding and squeezing his cock lovingly, a couple hands going slow, a couple going quickly, one cupping and rolling his balls. The hands switched rhythms and grips frequently, never letting him get used to one particular touch.