Lori

In June, I got a nice little summer job bagging groceries. The work was menial, as was the salary, but nevertheless, it was an income. Lori was the new cashier there, and she started a few weeks after I did. When I first heard about her, I thought, "Great, a new cashier. Is she good-looking?" Boy, was she ever. When I first saw her, she nearly took my breath away. Lori had long blonde hair, a sincere face with eyes like I've never seen, a ravishing body, and best of all, she appeared to be around my age (eighteen). It wasn't until I began to speak to Lori that I realized she was no ordinary girl. Oh, no sir, she was a real woman. So one night I was bagging groceries at her register. I introduced myself; she smiled and told me her name. Lori spoke to me once or twice for the next few days. It was nothing special, you know, just stuff like "This lady wants paper bags instead of plastic" and "Don't bag 'em too heavy." Quite a discussion, huh? As the evening progressed, our conversation ignited. While talking with her, I discovered that she was intelligent, confident, funny, and she had a killer personality, which magnified her exterior beauty a million times. Oh, and let's not forget that when she smiled at my lame jokes, she teleported me to Heaven. The best thing of all was that she seemed to have a great dislike for the other baggers (Yes!) and a greater interest in getting to know me (Oh, YES!!). I had experienced these feelings with a woman only once before, and those results were good, even though a relationship never really developed. I was beginning to admire Lori a lot once I got to know her a little better. Was this love? Man, whatever it was, I dived into it headfirst and had no intentions of ever seeing the surface.

A few days later, Lori and I worked together again. I bagged at her register constantly. The flirtation levels between us increased. At that moment, she was really the most enchanting woman I had ever met. No question about it, we were meant for each other. However, I found out that someone else beat me to the punch: she told me she had a boyfriend. Phillip. NOOOO!!!! (Oh, go ahead, Lori, I don't mind having my heart plunged into acid, really.) I should've known there was a catch. My God, couldn't she tell there was chemistry between us? Was she just not feeling the connection? Even though I was feeling like something you flush down the toilet, whenever Lori spoke of Phillip, dissatisfaction was laced all over her words, as if there was trouble in paradise. Thank God the odds of teen romances outlasting the "Pomp and Circumstance" march are pretty slim. Could there still be hope for me? Well, regardless of who she was with, I was still going to ask her for her phone number. And so I did. Later that night, she gave it to me.

"Am I the first bagger to get your number, Lori?" I asked.

"Yes, you are," she said.

"When should I call you?"

"Call me tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock."

"No problem. I'll talk to you later then."

And that was that. The night ended, and the morning sun arose. Ten o'clock was approaching. Time to call Lori. I dialed the number. Now I'll admit my heart was racing and my palms were sweating. I could hear the phone ringing now, and what happened next was something I don't think I'll ever forget --

"Thank you for calling Cook's Pest Control, can I help you?" the voice said.

What the hell? I thought. "Uhhhhh, nevermind."Click. I hung up.

-- Um, what just happened here? I know Lori didn't give me a fake number. Oh, she is so dead. I'm going to kill her. Why would she do this to me?! What had I ever done to her?! I wasn't some knucklehead jerk who flirted with her for obvious hopes of sexual conquests -- just please pay no attention to the fact that she did cause a certain lump in my shorts when I once noticed that she was wearing a thong. But nevertheless, I really cared about her, and I'm willing to bet the farm that she was aware of my attraction. I mean, really, there's not much subtlety when a guy asks a girl for her number. And now she's gonna stab me in the back by giving me a number that wasn't even her own! And of all places -- Cook's Pest Control. There had to be a deeper meaning behind that. But, the weird thing is, even though she did this to me, I was still attracted to her. Was I a fool to still want her? Probably. I've been known to do some stupid things in my time, that's for sure. Did I care? Absolutely not. Was this love or confusion? Hmm, confusion seemed to be winning the race.

So on the same day of the fateful phone call, we were back at work again. Amidst all this turmoil (not to mention the infernal summer heat), the grocery store where we worked was beginning to resemble those sweaty Turkish prison camps from that movie Midnight Express. Speaking of films, with all this zany crap going on between me and Lori, I was starting to feel like I was trapped in some Woody Allen movie (la-de-da), where the women are much more smarter than the men. When Lori came in to work a few hours after I did, she immediately approached me. The following dialogue is a pretty accurate portrayal of what went down.

"Scott," she called, dragging my name out, so it sounded like Scahh-ahht. "You didn't call me."

"Lori, shut up. Right now," I snapped. "You know exactly why I didn't call you."

She laughed. "Look, I wanna apologize, okay. You see, I told some of the other baggers that I was giving you my number and, like jealous pigs, they said it would be a funny joke if I were to give you a fake number. I was going to tell you but --"

"Well, guess what? You should have told. You shouldn't have done what you did." In my mind, I was wanting to add 'You're my dream girl, Lori. Just let me soften the breaks on Phillip's car, then I'll take you out someplace nice. Ever been to Burger King?' but thank God I didn't. "You know, I granted you with enough respect and intelligence to believe that you were just totally incapable of doing something as evil as this. I mean, what did you think I was going to do? I was just wanting to get to know you. You're a very intriguing character."

"Listen, Scott, I'm really, really sorry," Lori pleaded. "I do like you. And I still want to get to know you, too. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Please believe me. Here, I'll give you my real number if you'd like."

"Please, don't. I've lost interest in it now." Lie.

"No. Just wait a minute."

She wrote her number on a piece of paper and slipped it into my pants pocket. The real number this time. And I took it. Good Lord, her touch felt wonderful.

"By the way," I said, "why Cook's Pest Control? Do you think men are pests?"

"Sometimes," she replied, wearing a smile that just melted me.

So now the truth was out. It was a joke. This could only happen to me, I swear. Although my ego was in the negative range, I was still attracted to her. I still wanted to go out with her -- boyfriend or not. So I asked her out to dinner that night. Lori replied that she would have to ask Phillip's permission (What?!), and she would call me back after work. Yes, it was wrong of me to ask out a girl who was taken, but I didn't care. I had yet to meet this Phillip guy, so to make myself feel less guilty about asking Lori out again, I just pretended as though Lori was a single girl interested in hanging out with a charming guy like myself. No, wait, that's not right. Actually I don't know why I did it, to be honest. People do weird things alot, you know, and I guess this was one of those moments where the spotlight was on me.

Work finally ended and I was home. An hour passed, and Lori eventually called me. She couldn't go out with me, she said. She explained that Phillip was a very jealous guy, and he didn't want any other guys even looking at her, much less taking her out to dinner on friendly terms. I pleaded with her to change her mind, but she still refused. God, I felt so worthless. However, the conversation did take an interesting turn. We started elaborating more on what we wanted out of life. I told her of my deep love for jazz music and how I hoped to become a writer or a film director. Lori told me she didn't care for music that much (such blasphemy!). She said she once had dreams of being an exotic dancer (and you people wonder why I'm still attracted to her) but had changed her mind and was now more interested in teaching fifth grade English. She also told me how she was a regular church-going girl. I told her that most church sermons I had witnessed were perfect insomnia cures, and I believed in doing what I wanted to do was best for me, regardless of what some superior being tells me is right. This statement seemed to turn her off big-time. Other words were subsequently said which made me realize that we actually had little in common. I was losing interest in her. So the conversation declined and we hung up. Right then, I knew it: it was over. There was no chance of us ever getting together.

Weeks passed, and shortly my attraction to Lori dwindled into nothing. We still work at Winn-Dixie, and we're still friends. We enjoy each other's company. We now look back at this story and laugh. I've even gained a little respect for Phillip. I found out that he helped Lori kick her smoking habit, and she's refrained from alcohol because of him. Once, she let me read a love letter he wrote to her, and it was very deep. Even though I still think he had nothing on me, I could tell this guy was good at spinning out that sappy romantic shit that women never seem to tire from. I told her she had quite a catch, and she thanked me. She's really in love with him. Lori's happiness will always be mine, and if it's with another guy, then oh well, that's life, and I guess there isn't much I can do about it.

And don't worry, I'm still in one piece. Time does heal all wounds. I now know that what I once thought was love was purely infatuation. Nothing more than a crush. I'm now focusing on more important things: college, getting a stable career, and finding some happiness of my own. I try to take a good lesson from my experience with Lori and use it to my advantage with all my future dating encounters. For example, I now know that women can't get enough of a guy who was once wronged by a girl and then chose to vent his emotions through an amateur short story.

Anyway, I'm done ranting for now. Hope you enjoyed this little tale. Laugh at me, sympathize with me, empathize with me, do what you wish. In the end, it's all up to you, friendly reader. Oh, wait, one other thing before I go, I once told Lori that she would never forget me. She'd see one of my movies, or she'd read a short story I wrote for a magazine -- something along those lines, you know. Oddly enough, whatever may become of either of us, I'm almost positive I won't forget her either.