Love, Trust and Communication Ch. 02

"So Mister, as you've seen the world, what did you miss the most being away for Iowa? It had to be the unlimited miles of corn, wasn't it?"

"Well, there was only one corny thing I missed." He cleared his throat and looked out forward. "I missed you." I was drinking a bit of coffee and it suddenly decided to go down the wrong pipe and I started to cough. "Easy miss, I didn't say that was all I missed." Then he did turn to me and pulled my head over for a quick full kiss, at 75 miles per hour. It was our first kiss in over 4 and a half years.

"Thank you for that kiss, and your words, and that you didn't crash the car on us. You never answered my last letter, and part of me was worried, and then resigned about it. It's been a yo-yo. Even last night, you show up, then I see Mary, and I do remember that name and you being on a beach with her?" Scott nodded yes.

"You had the key to get back into the apartment. You held it all these years?" He nodded yes again. "But you were going out with others, like I was. What made you come back? Even the cop said that you were going to be seeing him in a couple of weeks. You had lots of plans."

"Emma, some things were up in the air with me, some were still being fought out inside of me, but the biggest one we haven't dealt with yet. One of the reasons that I allowed them to brow beat me into submission into having you come is that the scared little boy is still around. He needed to see you, feel your breath, see your expressions, see those non-verbal non-written parts of you. The other thing, you've only see the scars on my face and arms. I've got more, but it isn't pretty."

My face must have become very worried before he added "Don't worry, nothing mechanical was touched." My face still was worried when he added, "There are some on the outside of my hip, not the inside." I laughed after it registered what he said.

"What happened in these past 6 months? We were going pretty good and then nothing out of you. And you came back with these beauty marks too."

"You can say that I got caught up in my work. A mortar round came into the compound that we were guarding. I caught a little bit of it. I was at a hospital in Germany for two months, then I went back to my unit. I wasn't hurt very bad at all." At that point, I grimaced, and I think he caught it. "It was more on the inside that I was fighting. You kept asking me what were my goals, what did I want to do. I had two months of not working to think about it. When your letter came in saying you wanted to make a go of it again, it made me really think things over.

"Mary and Jenny helped me a lot, as well as a couple of letters from Gene too. When I left Iowa and we started to write to one another, we were pretty clear that we weren't tied to one another. I didn't possess you and I think that I successfully kept that moat between us.

"It didn't mean that I didn't care, didn't feel anything about it. I had to grow up and be independent of you. Life was moving on. I took joy mostly in you finding new people, and I shared a little of the people I found. Mary was a great lover, but she was not for me. She's a much better friend, an arms length friend now. You'll understand later.

"There's been lots of changes in the past four years to me. I'm the same guy to a point, and to another point I've really changed."

"Scott, your second letter was different, you were different. What did I say to you then? Something about 'who are you and what have you've done with Scott?' Then yesterday, talking down Mark at the bar, and then keeping him out of jail and into rehab. You've grown so much, but I still see and have been hearing the Scott I fell in love with. He's still there too and ..."

"Emma, you've go to understand. I'm not talking down to you now. Believe me. I've been out in the world. We grew up in small town Iowa. The world is not like small town Iowa. I'm comfortable with the world, I've grown to like it. It's become part of me. What I don't know is how you will feel about it. It'll be a stretch for you."

"Wait a minute. You don't think I'm big enough for it?"

"I'm concerned, that's all. You're here, you're along for the ride. You're going to see lots of different kinds of people, see lots of different kinds of things, eat things that you never even heard of before. I know you'll be ok. If it gets a little bit too much, just let me know, OK?"

I'm starting to get a little pissed now. I'm not feeling trusted or respected. "Ok, just give me one thing that I'm going to have a problem with."

"Mary is going to marry a friend of mine. Her name is Jenny."

"AND YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME WHEN?"

Scott just looked at me with a little bit of pain in his eyes. "Listen Scott, I'm ok with Mary and this Jenny. I'm pissed about you not letting me know. Got it?"

"Emma, Jenny's African American too." He paused and gripped my hand. "There are going to be more things that aren't like it was where we grew up." He paused again. "I don't think that there will be any more big bombshells like this, but be real. We haven't had the time and the quiet to talk, have we?"

I looked at Scott, then glanced at Mary sleeping in the back seat, then back to Scott. "OK, I'm busted. My turn to overreact." I was quiet for a couple of minutes then I tugged his arm. When he looked over, I planted a kiss on his lips. "You're telling me I'm in for a wild ride, aren't you?" He nodded. "Is there anything I should be worried about between you and me?" That is when he smiled and shook his head no. "Anything between us we can work out. We've been doing that for a couple of years now. I think that we can work out just about anything." I melted into his shoulder, and fell asleep. When he hit the 200 mile mark, it was time for a washroom break and a driver change. It's been over 4 years since I drove stick. I hope that I don't look like a complete fool starting off in first gear.

This time I drove and Scott fell asleep in the back seat. I wasn't that uncomfortable about Mary. I've been hit on by guys before, I don't know about a woman though, never met a lesbian before. Well, any that I knew were that way. He trusts her, I trust him, I trust her?

We were driving along with Scott fast asleep. When she offered a piece of hard candy, she spoke to me directly. "I'd like to apologize to you. While you and Scott were talking, I woke a little from my sleep and over heard a few things. I did get back to sleep, but the damage was done."

"Mary, you just made talking with you easier." I didn't know how to broach the subject of her marriage partner. All I could think is that line from the movie, 'Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore.'

"Emma, penny for your thoughts?"

I think I know why Scott likes her. "Mary, how many bills do you have?" We both began to chuckle a little. "Where do you want to start? Scott told me your getting married to Jenny. You've been Scott's lover, then a great friend of his. You and Gene and Curt talked Scott into taking me along. I feel like a country bumpkin. I've never in my life been talked into driving straight through to the west coast for a wedding. I've never been out of Iowa. I'm only stopping now because either I'm going to run out of breath from speaking or hyperventilate out of embarrassment. Does that do it for you?" I followed this with a nervous laugh and a glance sideways. She was chuckling as she smiled at me.

"Emma, where do you want me to start? We got hours and Scott is going to sleep like a baby. He's been exhausted and he only started to calm down after we got to your apartment last night. He's been one worried man before we got there." She pulled out the cold coffee and offered me a sip.

"Why don't you fill me on what ever you want to fill me in on. I'm sure sooner or later we'll get to know one another, and it won't seem so strange. But before you really start, can you tell me a little about Scott being worried. I'd like to know why, that is if you aren't breaking any confidences. Please don't break any confidences with me, OK?"

"Emma, even with all I and even Gene and Curt told him to bring you along, he broke back into who he was 4 and a half years ago. Slipped right back where he was with you then. This is a guy who held his ground in firefights and didn't finch. He comes home and starts doubting himself. Either you are one powerful woman or he hasn't worked out everything that happened before. I suspect both."

"We have a lot of memories here, good and bad. Not physically talking for 4 and a half years has cost us something."

"Emma, don't sell anyone, including yourself short. We're all human. I also ran away from home to join the Marines. I was left at the alter by a guy that was more scared than I was. Whole town was there, there for nothing. I met Scott over a year after I was in Europe and we kind of clicked. I'm sure you know this, or at least I hope so, he was a good lover. Made me feel like a woman again, pretty adventurous guy."

I was glad she was looking forward just then. We weren't that adventurous then.

"But he knew something I didn't. We drifted as lovers and then called that quits. But we did stay on as friends. He listened to me go through a series of relationships. Don't let anybody fool you. The service is not a great place to find a partner. It's more like junior high. Lots of bed swapping, bruised egos... the whole bit.

"Scott said something to me one day that floored me. He said that I really liked this one woman. I thought of her as a close friend, but I heard what he was not putting into words. It freaked me out and I denied it for weeks. Then I came to realize that I did have strong emotional feelings for her. After I acknowledged that to myself, I realized that I felt physical feelings for her too. We were together for about a year until she shipped back to the states. She's home, married to her high school sweetheart now. She has a baby son now. It hurt when she left. But that is how it goes in the service.

"Then I met Jenny. We were together for about 18 months when she was discharged. She kept calling me, sending letters, we were skyping weekly. She wanted to keep our relationship alive, and I did too. By the way, my father is a Methodist minister, but he can't wed us. Against their rules. But he'll be celebrating with us. You'll meet him, he's a pretty great guy.

"And one more thing, if that jerk in the back seat tries to tell you a story how I flinched his girl friend, just hit him in the arm and tell him to come up with a better story. I saw her first." At that we both laughed.

We had a good time connecting. She told me about some of the things that Scott did and didn't do. She told me about her life in the Corps and who she was. I got to ask questions, questions I don't ever think I would ask in my life. She fell in love, first two times with men, next two times with women. Love is the most important thing in the world. She's a one person woman.

We got to talk about the wedding. "Emma, I do hope that you like dancing. Scott is pretty good and he was in demand when ever there was a dance. We taught him to waltz and polka. My Aunt Natalia, she married my mother's brother John. She's from southern Poland, the Tatra mountains. Yep, she's a Polish hillbilly." She chuckled a bit. My late Uncle John was from Eastern Kentucky hill country, Hazard county, coal country. "Well, she got everybody in the family to polka. So I carried it on. Scott would never get a chance to sit down."

Oh shit, I froze, and she saw it. "Emma, did I just hit a nerve? You got very quiet."

"I..I...I can't do that fancy stuff. Outside of some country line dancing and swaying together on slow tunes, I just don't do anything like that. We don't really dance like that around home. There's going to be no time to learn any of that stuff."

"Wait a minute. Can you count to three? You can polka. Or four? You can waltz. If you can do either, I'll get somebody to walk you through it. Scott is going to be busy at times, and I think that I can find somebody to give you a couple of lessons then. You game?"

"Yes, I'm game." I was quiet for a minute. "Why do you keep pulling me out of a hole? You're getting married, you have more important things to take care of then me."

"Scott talked about you over the years. He is my friend and I want him happy. And you do know that old but very true saying, 'Ain't no body happy if mamma ain't happy'. Besides, I want a great wedding for everybody. More fun, less stress."

Mary and I talked for another hour without stopping. I got to hear about who Scott was in this other life of his. He was still the same Scott; loyal, funny, caring, honest and straight forward. He was also a lot less uptight. And now, he's much more mature. He's much more outspoken than he ever was with me. That second letter I got from him, the one where he asked to be friends without strings attached was the start of him changing from the old Scott. He was being direct. Mary gave me enough stories to see that he really had changed for the better in that. Still, why was he so scared to act that way with me? What did I do? What do I do?

Then Mary started to ask questions about me, who I was, what I did and thought. She really cares about Scott. Up until now, she was taking it on Scott's word I was ok, then it was Gene and Curt's word. He has people that care about him. He ran away from me and found people that care about him. I know he's special, even though he's been a bit of a tongue tied lunk-head around me.

Suddenly, we heard a loud groan from the back seat. Mary looked back to see Scott holding his hands over both of his ears, he was in pain. We're both frightened. "Ow, it hurts, get some ice, please get some ice, quick."

The cooler was in the back seat and Mary frantically tried to grab it while talking to Scott. "What's wrong, please tell me whats's wrong."

"It's my ears, their burning, they'd been burning off all the while I was sleeping, quick, get me some ice quick."

Mary continued to look worried and perplexed, but I started laughing. "Scott, you know the rule. Whoever's not here, or sleeping in your case, we get to talk about. Now apologize to Mary. You're going to give her a heart attack."

He started laughing and Mary tossed the empty McDonalds coffee cup at him. There is no room to duck in a small car, and he caught it in the forehead. It had been another 200 or so miles and it was time for gas, a washroom break and some more coffee. The legs also had to be stretched. I pulled into the next midsized town that happened to have a college in it. We'd seen a sign for cheaper gas about a mile in and I headed for it.

About three blocks off the interstate, I saw a strange sign. "What's a 'guy ros'? Scott screamed out from the back seat "Gyros, they got a gyros place. If it's a spit, we gotta eat there. Drop me off here, I'll order and you can pick me up after you get gas."

What the heck is a gyros and why is he so excited? I dropped him off and hit the gas station. Mary and I took care of business and then went back to that diner. Scott was sitting there on a picnic table with three large drinks and some something oversized bread overstuffed with charred meat, onions, tomato slices and some white sauce. He had the biggest smile on his face, and there was sauce dripping from his mouth.

Mary sat down and grabbed one of those things. "Couldn't even wait for us, could you? At the least explain to Emma what she will be eating," she paused, "and why. You owe her that much. Look at her, she's never had one."

Once again the question was asked right after his mouth was filled. I was getting to enjoy seeing Scott try to quickly swallow a mouth full of food while two women were impatiently staring at him. This time he gave me his wonderful 'I am pissed at you, but I'm really not' kind of looks.

"It was explained to me by JJ, one of the guys from my unit from New York. When a Greek immigrates to America, the first thing he says is 'Where can I open my restaurant'. This combination of several meats, primarily lamb and beef, spiced and roasted on an electric spit. The electric spit gives it the crunchy texture and flavor. It has some spices and onions. I asked for light onions. We're gonna have to drive with the windows open for the next 12 hours because of the onions. And, by the way the correct pronunciation is 'Year Ros', not 'guy ros'. What do you think?"

I'm still trying to figure out what the heck I'm going to eat. No way am I going to say I can't do this, I'd die of embarrassment. I look over at Mary, and she is on her second bite, and she's smiling at me. As I start to unwrap it, some of that white sauce starts to drip out, and she pulls the empty bag under my hands to catch it.

I took a bite, and it tastes pretty good. It wasn't barbeque, or ham and cheese or anything I ever had before. I went in for a second bite, and had to wipe my mouth after a piece of meat fell on to my chin then on to the bag. "Hey, this is pretty good." They held up their drinks for a toast. "Here's to new food."

I never knew what it was like to drive nearly 2,000 miles, let alone in a small car non-stop with two other people. We were going to drive the night too. We'd have two people awake. Somebody kept an eye on the driver.

At one of the gas stops along the highway, there was a Starbucks at the gas station. I've rarely gotten overpriced-cups-of-coffee-for-small-town-Iowa there over the years, but that was it. As I went to the washroom, Scott said he'd get the coffee and meet us back at the car.

I was driving this time and as the sun was down, I asked for the coffee. Mary passed to me this little cup of brownish fluid. "Scott said that he made it Italian style. A ton of sugar to cut the bitterness."

"Mary, this is actually a cup of coffee? Enough to keep me going for the next 150 miles?"

"Yea, I know it's cold, but sip it. Remember, small amount of volumne, large amount of flavor. It'll be a little different because it's cold, but try it."

First sip and I thought that I could chew it. The second sip, and it tasted a bit better. I knew I was in trouble by the third sip because I wanted more and there was only one sip left. "So this is what they drink in Europe?"

"Emma, as I said it's better just made. When you can smell it being brewed, it's heaven. If you have real Turkish coffee, they grind the coffee beans very fine and don't filter them out. If you're very very careful and it's the bottom of the pot, you can balance a small plastic spoon upgight in the cup."

Since Scott was snoring in the back seat, I reached over to Mary and patted her hand. "Thank you for convincing him to let me tag along. You have no idea what this has means to me, being here with both of you. You see, all I got from him were letters. This was 19th century stuff in the age of skype and google video. Now I get to see the rest of the picture. There is so much that is said in a shrug, a joke, a sigh. I know that you care about that man. I think that at this time, I hope that you've got a little bit less to worry about with me."

"Emma to be honest with you, I couldn't figure out why he was so much into you. I understand the possessive stuff, but after a few years, it slowly crept from his back burner forward. I know now, you two fit together. I told him he shouldn't be worried about the changes he made in his life, you'd accept him and grow with it. I guess my white lie and prayers weren't needed."

We drove on in silence alternating with singing songs that either of us pretended to know all the words to.