Loving James Ch. 03byzolia_lily©
I had expected more. I shifted a little, felt him remove his finger, relube, and push it back inside me again. I could feel him there, but that was it. Strangely, the thought was reassuring. I could do this.
There was a brief twinge when he pushed a second finger inside me. I drew a sharp breath, then Alex's other hand closed around my erection. He began to stroke me as he stretched me out, distracting me and relaxing me all at once.
"Alex." I finally gathered enough presence of mind to begin. "I-I'm ready." I wanted to cum with him inside me, and that was looking less and less likely the longer he kept this up.
"Are you sure? I should really go another finger, I mean, I'm bigger than-"
"Now. I don't care, Alex, I need you." I don't think I truly believed he could hurt me. I was bigger and taller and stronger...
"Ok." He said cautiously and I watched him roll a condom down his length and lube up.
Suddenly his dick seemed bigger than it had before.
Alex moved up, positioned himself against me. I could feel his heat against my entrance, wrapped one leg around his hips.
"Ready?" he asked. I nodded hurriedly. "Ok." He said, breathed out, and started pushing forward.
There was pressure, then his head popped into me and there was a sudden sharp sting. I couldn't help my gasp, felt my erection begin to flag.
Alex stilled and I squirmed. The pain grew as I felt my hole flutter around him, trying to expel him. "Ok. Ok. Just try and push me out." His words tumbled over themselves.
"But I don't want you out." I managed to reply, most of my energy focussed on trying to relax around him.
"It'll be easier, doofus." He said, hands gripping my legs hard. "Just push, ok?"
I nodded and pushed, and it suddenly felt a little better.
"Alright?" he asked. I nodded and he began pushing again. I could feel his heat and hardness inside me, an uncomfortable sort of fullness. "Oh my god." He moaned when he was totally inside me, our skin pressed together. His eyes were closed, squeezed shut. His skin shone with a sheen of sweat.
I shifted slightly. This felt... weird.
"I'm in you." He breathed. "Babe, I'm in. God, you're so tight."
I wasn't even half hard now and I felt vaguely disappointed, even though I'd do this again in a heartbeat if Alex was enjoying it as much as he seemed to be.
"You ok, babe?" he asked finally. I met his gaze and nodded. He gave me a big smile, began to pull his hips back.
He completed a couple of long slow thrusts, bottoming out each time. The sting had faded. It actually felt... kind of nice.
I pulled him closer for a kiss. Even if it didn't feel as good as I'd expected, this was incredibly intimate and I wanted more contact with him. Alex moaned softly and thrust and my body arched almost involuntarily in response to the sudden burst of pleasure that coursed through me.
"Whoa." I said with a gasp, holding Alex closer. He snickered softly and kissed me again.
This time I was paying attention. I could feel the head of his cock rubbing against something inside me, sending shockwaves through me. It was so good it deserved another moan.
Alex's breathing hitched when I arched back against him, began to stroke the skin of his back and shoulders. He thrust harder into me, which only made those ripples of pleasure even stronger. I was fully hard between us again, waiting for every movement of his hips, every nip of his teeth or brush of his lips across my skin. I was leaking precum onto my belly, moaning with each bump against my prostate.
I guess I'd expected him to be talkative, but he was wholly intent on his task. His mouth was engaged at my shoulder and throat, and he spread his hands on my chest and flicked my nipples. I whimpered against Alex's neck.
This time I noticed that I did end up being the noisy one. And I couldn't have cared enough to try and stop myself from making the noises I did.
Delicate fingers began to stroke me and I tried to pull Alex to move harder within me. His breathing was ragged.
"Alex, harder," I demanded. He keened softly in response, but his thrusts were faster, if slightly more irregular. Oh god, it felt incredible. I was going to come soon. The sensation of his fingers stroking me in time with his hitting the nerves inside me and the shockwaves that produced was far too much.
"Alex," I moaned. I could feel my balls pulling up, tightening. God, I was going to- "Alex," I managed urgently. "Alex, I'm cumming, I'm- uh, uh-" Pleasure exploded through me, tingling sharply over my skin and making me cry out for him. My muscles went taut and I arched without any sort of conscious thought. Relief swept through me in a flood. Hot seed spilt across my stomach and Alex wailed softly, followed me over the edge.
His orgasm was a lot quieter than mine. He groaned softly and let himself fall on top of me, still twitching sporadically with the aftershocks.
I desperately wanted to giggle, but I didn't dare. The problem was, the more I tried to stop, the more irresistible the urge was.
He looked up just as I finally cracked and started to laugh.
He looked stricken, but I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his forehead and then his nose and then his lips. Then I pulled back to see his expression. He looked confused, but he kissed my mouth. I pushed him away, still laughing.
Alex gave me a flat look. "Are we making this into a habit?" he said bitingly.
"You were twitching. I can't help it."
Alex rolled his eyes and pulled out of me. I groaned.
"Ha." He said, eyes alight. "Not so funny now, is it?" he asked and flicked the used condom over his shoulder.
"Hey!" I objected, seeing it hit the front of my wardrobe and slide towards the floor. "I'm going to have to do some serious cleaning before mum gets home." I growled. Alex looked over his shoulder and grinned.
"Serves you right." He said.
"Shut up." I told him and pulled him to kiss me. He relaxed against me and I wrapped him close in my arms. "That was pretty amazing." I murmured to him, wondering if he needed some sort of reassurance. He hadn't looked for any yet, but that was unusual.
"I know." He said, then grinned evilly. "You should have heard yourself. I can only assume you didn't or otherwise you'd be more embarrassed about it."
"That bad?" I asked with a wince.
"I like it." He said with a giggle. "The neighbours probably don't though."
"Hey, Lexie," a voice said, accompanied by an arm around my shoulders. I'd been wandering around this damn party seeing if any of my friends were here yet. James would probably be late, but I had expected Andrew and Elspeth at the very least to be around. I knew it had been a bad idea to come without waiting for James.
But no one called me Lexie. So who-? Ah. Tim. Tim Blake. Bastard. Thought I'd left him behind in high school. Heat burned beneath my ribs. I hated him so much it hurt. "I heard word you found someone to do you on a regular basis." Fucking prick. Did he think his stupid nice voice would make me think he wasn't the same bastard he'd always been? Probably jealous. Or looking to score. Should tell him I do have a boyfriend now, and that he's a damn sight better lay than he ever was.
Mark Simmons was with him. Shit.
"Ha ha." I said sourly. Hate them hate them hate them. Bastards. "Well, you got it a little back to front. I do the fucking in this relationship." Tim laughed.
"No shit?" he asked. "Damn. Hate to see your tight arse go to waste." Fucker. Cannot believe he just said that. "But I can't believe you've found someone who'll bottom for you."
"I know." I said, trying to match his light tone, convey the depth of my loathing for him too. "Pathetic, right? Who'd have thought I'd be dating a sappy girly guy?"
Tim laughed. "Does he have any balls?" he asked.
"When he needs them," I replied with a shrug I hoped was casual.
"Is he here?" Tim asked. Christ, I hoped not. I did not want him and Tim to see each other. There would probably be a fight after what I'd told James about him. "I have to see this. I have to see the guy letting little baby Lexie fuck him." I turned around to scan the room, froze, my heart going cold and still in my chest.
James was standing behind me, jaw set, face pink.
"James." I blurted, caught myself.
"Hey, James," Tim said. James was one of the few people Tim called by his real name. Probably because he knew James could take him out. "Point out Lexie's boyfriend to us. I have to see who'd-"
A humourless smile twisted James' mouth. I winced in anticipation. This was not going to be pretty. "Yeah." He said softly. "That'd be ex-boyfriend."
I stared at him, suddenly dizzy and sick. He looked at me and not Tim or Mark.
I swallowed hard. He turned away.
"James! James, wait!" I grabbed his arm but he shook me off, roughly. If he tried to hit me I wouldn't even try to defend myself.
"You think that's funny?" he snapped.
"James, I'm sorry- I-" panic rose in a churning mass in my stomach. I'd never seen James this angry. He'd lost most of the colour in his face now. He was almost white.
"All you do is bitch and moan," he snarled. "And when it's to me, fine, I couldn't give a flying fuck. But to an arsewipe like him? I make you that unhappy?"
"No!" I protested. Fuck! I couldn't let him think that! "No, I didn't mean-"
"You think you can say that stuff about anyone? You think I'm just going to take it? Let you publicly run me down?"
"Just let me explain!" I begged. Fuck.
"What the fuck is there to explain?" he snarled, then turned and left the room.
I stood there helplessly in the middle of the terrible silence he left in his wake.
I wanted to turn around and tear Tim a new one, but there was no point. I was the one who'd chosen to take up his verbal sparring and had chosen to say those things.
Why had I cared so much what he thought after what he'd done to me? Why had I bothered to speak to him at all?
And now he was really going to be laughing at me.
Why not? I'd just lost the very best thing to happen to me in a stupid pissing competition .
The thought made me physically ill. I went to go after him, thinking to catch him and make him listen to me, but a hand caught my arm.
"Let go." I snarled at Tim. He twisted my wrist and jerked me close. Pain shot up my arm to my shoulder. I yelped and tried to yank my wrist away. Tears of pain stung my eyes.
"So I guess your arse is free now." Tim said with a leer. Fucking prick. Motherfucking son of a bitch.
"Let go!" I yelled this time. He grabbed my shirt with his other hand. The room was awkwardly quiet. I don't think anyone knew quite what to do.
"Come on." He said, false sweet. "I'm free, you're out of options. We can have fun again."
"What makes you think I had fun?" I spat. "Let's see; was it the fact you never got me off? Or maybe the fact you fucked around behind my back and laughed about it with your friends? You're a selfish prick, Timothy Blake, and you're probably so diseased I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole. Not even if you were the last guy on earth. Now fucking let go of my arm."
His expression was murderous. His hand tightened around my wrist. I clenched my jaw. I was not going to let him see how much that hurt.
"I think he said let go." A cold voice said. Andrew was suddenly by my side. My knees were weak with relief.
"What's it to you?" Tim sneered. "You coming to ickle cry baby Lexie's rescue, are you?"
The solid pain of my knuckles connecting with his jaw was a good hurt. I'd never hit anyone before and I don't think I'd imagined I ever would. But that felt really, really good.
Tim let go of my other arm as his head snapped back.
"You little shit," he spat, raising a hand to touch his face and stepping towards me.
I was prepared to hit him again. Hell, I wanted to. I stepped forward and closed the distance.
"Hey, break it up!" Andrew said sharply, moving to stand between us.
I'm not quite sure what happened, but there was a movement in the corner of my eye and then I was throwing another punch and then we were fighting. Like, really fighting. Hitting and biting and scratching. And ok, maybe I was the only one biting and scratching, but whatever. It was still a fight. And besides, I think it worked.
Andrew hauled me away, still shouting over his shoulder at Tim and Mark.
He pulled me into the kitchen and pushed me into a chair. "What the fuck was that about?" he yelled. He had a bad blood nose. It was dripping onto his shirt. No wonder he was pissed.
There was no way I could tell him it was about me losing James. About me being a world class idiot and ruining absolutely everything. I glared at him instead. "I could have handled it." I was half surprised my words came out clear, my teeth were clenched so hard. Had I really lost James? That quick? Just a thoughtless instant and it was over? But I'd only just got him, I wanted to protest – as if it would make a difference. We'd only been together a week.
I felt like I was going to be sick. Panic made my chest tight.
"Yeah right." He snorted, wiped his face on his sleeve, leaving a big, dark blood stain on the fabric and a bright smear across his skin. "What were you thinking? He's like twice your size, Alex!"
I wanted to yell that I wasn't thinking, that I didn't care how big he was, I just wanted to hurt him. I hated him for making me hate him enough to be such an idiot, enough to ruin everything with James. If that made any sense at all...
"Fuck, I didn't start it! It's not my fault he's such a dickhead!" His nose was bleeding so bad that the blood was already running down his chin again. He reached up to hold his nose and try and stem the flow. "Whatever, I'm going." I snapped. I was not about to hang around here and fight with Andrew about this while James was going home and Tim and Mark were still around. This was not my idea of a fun party anymore.
I had to get out. I had to find James. I could see those moments clearly in my mind, replaying over and over again. James' face. The feeling of horror that rendered me speechless. The heart stopping moment where he'd said-
"Um. I need some tissues." Andrew said. It was possibly the only thing he could have said that would have made me stay with him. Especially since I looked at him and he was looking at the blood running down his hands with a bemused sort of look on his face.
I swore inwardly and looked around the kitchen. I grabbed the box of tissues lurking by the phone, and passed them to him.
Andrew grabbed a handful, pressed them to his face and tilted his head back.
"Ew, don't do that!" I told him. "You'll be sick! Lean forward and pinch the bridge of your nose."
"Why?" he asked.
"Fucking hell, how should I know? I'm not a nurse." I wanted to hit him, too. Here I was, standing around while he bled out, and I wanted to be running after James, apologising, throwing myself on his mercy... anything. I just didn't want to be here.
"I hate blood." He mumbled.
"Suck it up." I grumbled, disregarding the fact that I'd probably have been a quivering mess if I was bleeding that much.
"This is your fault." He accused me.
"Shut up!" I barked and glared at him. He looked at me in surprise and I knew I'd sounded serious. Really serious. He must have thought my face was red from anger and not from trying not to cry. The thing was, he was right. From starting a fight, to him getting hit in the nose, to James walking out.
This was my fault.
Every last bit of it.