Lovingly, Alexis

I want to be with you, Chad, and I know now that you want the same. Could you keep that conscience locked away a little longer? Could you live with yourself if we were to start meeting secretly? Could you fill me with your cock, your seed, on a regular basis without falling in love?

Lovingly,

Alexis

*** *** *** *** ***

Alexis,

Your letters leave me breathless. You penetrate my mind like a man penetrates a lover!

You wrote, "I want primal passion, without the emotions of a relationship," and indeed you are "a woman, not like many others."

"Do such women really exist?" I asked myself. It is a male fantasy. Even more so since you are married. You already have your commitment, your family, so you truly wouldn't be looking to me for that.

Can it be? A woman wanting sex, but not love? It goes against so much what life has taught me. I'm struggling so hard to be good--to not endanger your vows.

Last night, tormented by images of you, wanting to go to you, knowing you'd welcome me into your arms, into your body. Instead I went down the street for a drink... No, actually several.

The local bar attracts a young crowd, I started drinking about nine, almost alone in the place. By ten on a weeknight, it was filled up. The DJ had everyone dancing. I watched one woman who very much reminded me of you. She had the same blowsy, fun look you have. Her smile, like yours, lights a room. Her figure was similar, rich full breasts, wonderful, enticing curves. But different from you she was not wearing a ring. I'd not be crossing that line with her.

She was with several girlfriends. They were dressed in business attire; obviously co-workers who'd gone out after work together for dinner, and some fun. She was dancing with anyone who'd ask. One dance each, then she'd return to her friends. It wouldn't be long before she was asked again.

About eleven, now seriously drunk, I walked up to you, her. She wasn't wearing a ring. With drunken logic, I figured I'd seduce her, and that my temptations of you would be sated by her. Perhaps I'd even get into a relationship; something I abhor, just to help avoid the temptation of you.

She looked up at me and smiled. I had to be different from the other guys there, so I whispered into her ear, "I don't want to dance with you. I want to fuck you all night long." Immediately I heard what I was saying and was shocked. But it would be OK. She'd slap me, and I'd pretend it was you, and channel the pain and be able to avoid you, the tempting sexual morsel. I'd never have to risk if you were as risk free as you said. Avoiding risk, avoiding commitment has been my life's hallmark.

Instead, she simply turned away and talked to her friend. I slunk away. I ran into a friend then, Keiko. She comes into the club to dance, for the exercise and stress relief. She was in her first year of a Ph.D. program. She grabbed me and pulled me to the dance floor. I am the nice, older gentleman in her life. She cannot conceive of sex with a man so much older, Personally, I'd love to sample her compact, lithe Asian body, but I know it is denied to me.

Eventually, other men drifted towards her on the dance floor and she was dancing with all of us. I took the opportunity to fade away, back to the bar. I ordered a beer, then felt someone standing next to me. It was your doppelganger, she leaned in close and kissed me hard, wet.

"You pass the kiss test," she told me when she was done. "You can call me Alley," she said, hesitating briefly at the name, choosing one. "I have to be back here by closing at 2 to meet my friends. Do you live close?"

I couldn't believe my luck. A cab was pulling up as we stepped outside. We were inside my apartment within five minutes.

The only other time in my life I've met a woman so aggressive, the fresh air cleared her head, and we first had to sit on my couch, and make out for hours before ending up in bed. I expected the same kind of reticence from Alley.

Instead, once inside, she backed up against a wall and kissed me hotly. Then her fingers frantically worked my belt. "I have to see you," she announced. She reached inside my pants and grasped me roughly. She yanked hard, and then dropped to her knees for the briefest of blowjobs.

Standing, she strode down the hall to my bedroom, shedding clothing. She was sitting on the bed, legs apart, when I joined her, shedding too the last of my clothing.

Our first coupling was hurried, frenzied, noisy and hot. As I pounded into her, I was with you. Thrusting, fucking, mad to fill you. "Alexis" I gasped as I came. She didn't seem to notice, or perhaps as I was to discover later, didn't especially care.

After the briefest of post-coital cuddling she used her mouth and hands to awaken me. I crawled down and knelt at her alter, and used my tongue to good advantage too.

Our second session was long, but not languid. Two AM approached too quickly. We dressed, and walked her to her car, where her friends were waiting. We had only the briefest moment to say our goodbyes. She reached into the car, and took out her purse.

"May I have your number?" I asked. She reached into her purse, for a paper and pencil I hoped. Instead she came out with a wedding ring and diamond ring. She smiled sheepishly as she put them on.

"I don't think that is a good idea", she told me. "Have a nice life. And thank you."

The women slid into the car and were gone. So, I've crossed that line, Alexis. My attempts to refrain from you are not working out. I am depending on you to be strong. I am weak.

Chad

*** *** *** *** ***

Dear Chad,

It has been a week since I made the decision to meet you. I'm not writing to you because I have regrets... that would never happen. I'm writing because I can't get you or that blissful afternoon out of my mind. Finally meeting you to fulfill our desires is the best choice I've made in a long time.

Everything I have done in the past week reminds me of you and that day in one way or another. When I close my eyes I see you as you looked when you opened your door to find me standing there. The look of surprise that was quickly replaced with passion that washed over your handsome face still brings a smile to my lips. Had you reacted any other way I might not have went through with it. But, to my good fortune you welcomed me into your home...your arms...your bed.

Do you still think about that day or have you moved on to the "next woman", your next "conquest"? Do you get hard when you remember how it felt to be inside of me, how we fit together like we were made for each other? I have not had a pair of dry panties since I left you. I yearn for another afternoon in your arms to the point that my entire body aches from the wanting.

When I think of that look of lust in your eyes, when you shut the door behind me, I remember every detail of our lovemaking. I know I shouldn't use that word. It was sex...nothing more, just the two of us satisfying each other until we lay breathless in a tangled heap of arms and legs. I still find myself having to stifle a gasp when I remember the way you pushed me against the closed door, kissing me tenderly, passionately. Your lips moved over mine so softly as you licked, sucked and pulled at mine. I still feel the outline of your hard cock on my stomach as you crushed yourself against me. My body still feels warm in every place that your hands and mouth caressed and explored.

It is almost as if I can still feel your lips moving down my neck, your warm breath making the tiny hairs stand up all over my body. Your hands slowly sliding down my arms and coming around my waist as they slid down to my ass, pulling me into you. You groaned as your fingers kneaded and dug and into the fabric of my jeans.

My hands roamed over your back and through your hair as you continued to make your way down my neck. You pushed my shirt off of my shoulder and your lips set fire to the tender flesh by biting and licking lustfully. I wanted you inside of me so badly, I rocked my hips forward and sighed deeply urging you to keep going. Your other hand slipped under my shirt, dragging your fingernails along my ribs as you made your way to my breasts. My heart beat so fast and loud under the heaving mounds I was sure you could feel it as you gently lifted and held them in your hand.

You stepped back, looking at me, your eyes half closed, the lids weighted with desire. You pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it to the floor at our feet. Your gaze returned to my breasts, seeing them exposed for the first time. I had not worn a bra; I didn't want to waste time with removing clothes.

I was content to let you set the pace, although, I fully expected a frenzied, passionate act of animalistic sex. You surprised me. The gentleness and tenderness that flowed from you were not at all like your letters had led me to believe. The affection that I felt in your every move intoxicated me, from the way that you caressed my neck to the way that you softly gripped my hand to lead me to your bed. My body burned with need for you. My veins pulsed with molten lava as you wrapped me in your arms and kissed me lustfully as you lowered us both to your bed.

I let you undress me, slowly, as you studied and memorized all of my imperfections. Gliding your warm hands over every part of me. When you had finished exploring my body it was my turn. My turn to undress you and take mental notes of every freckle and dimple. My mind will always hold the secrets of the hidden imperfections that no one else knows you have, the imperfections that are so alluring to me. The heart shaped freckle that lays almost unseen on the sensitive flesh where your leg meets your pelvic bone, the dimples on your ass when you squeeze them together tightly as you did when I ran my tongue across the supple cheeks.

I have an image of your entire body stored away in my mind where only I can enjoy it. Chad, the way you laid yourself over me and slowly pushed into my velvety sheath is something I'll not soon forget. I still can feel your hard cock sliding gradually into me, filling me slowly. The swollen ridge just below the head as it pushed along the walls of my pussy, opening me, stretching me, and making me cling to you. I raked my nails along your back and I sighed deeply as you rotated your hips once you had entered completely. Oh, Chad, I can still feel you inside of me. Can still feel the rocking of your hips against mine as you started to thrust in and out as you gave in to the passion of the beast that has laid hungry... starving for too long.

I loved the feel of my breasts crushed to your bare chest as you moved in me, the sound of you breathing as you quickened the pace. The groan that rushed past your lips when I wrapped my legs around your waist and pulled you deeper when my orgasm flooded through me. I had not felt that kind of pleasure in a long time; it was as if it was the first time all over again.

I remember vividly the way you kissed me, moaning into my mouth when your orgasm wracked your body at the same time. It was an incredible feeling to me that we reached that level together, in unison. And then after we had laid in each others arms for an hour, holding, stroking and caressing our legs tangled, the realization had started to set in...it was only temporary. I had to leave and go back to my life. I had to get dressed and walk away like it meant nothing to me.

Chad, it did mean something to me, more than you'll know, more than I wanted it to. It scares me to think about how much it meant to me, actually, how much I let YOU mean to me. That's why I'm writing to you now. I can't meet you again. I wish that I could, but I just can't take that risk. I wanted sex with no strings attached and I ended up doing what I asked you not to do...I fell in love. You said, "Can it be, a woman wanting sex and not love, that it went against what life had taught you? I guess your life lessons were well learned, it may be possible for some but I guess not for me.

I can't let myself be with you again and fall deeper and harder. I know we'll still see each other and have to pretend like nothing has happened and that I will want with every fiber of my being to have you touch me again. I'm sure we will still share secret glances when we are in the presence of others, still feel fire shoot through our veins when we brush against each other, but we'll at least have the memory of the one time we did give in to the clawing beast of passion. It will be a treasured memory for me...always.

I'm sorry that I was the one who was weak, that I broke my vow to not fall in love. I hope you can forgive me for that.

Lovingly Yours,

Alexis