Lyin' Eyes Ch. 05

"Mornin' Doctor," I replied in a noncommittal tone. I didn't know what was in store for this day and I was on edge. "How're you today?"

"Fine...fine," she replied. She looked at Laura and smiled gently.

"You okay with we discussed over the weekend, Laura?" Laura nodded but she wasn't terribly enthusiastic about it. She wasn't speaking and had been uncommunicative when she met me in the lobby downstairs. We'd come up on the elevator together. Doctor Jamison beamed at the two of us.

"Okay, let's get to it then," she said briskly. She looked at me for a long moment and her smile faded a little.

"Mr. Archer," she began slowly, "how much does a man with a degree in engineering know about the subconscious mind?" I shrugged.

"I read everything I could this weekend on the subject of hypnosis and the subconscious versus the conscious mind...right brain, left brain...reasoning versus emotion...stuff like that. I saw that the subconscious is where we get our imagination and impulse. It's where human beings store memories and emotional feelings, right?"

The doctor seemed to be trying not to glare at me. I suspected she figured I had just enough knowledge to be of danger to myself. I had to admit, but only to myself, she was probably right. Still, I'd found enough articles on the web to be able to see where she might be heading in our conversation.

"Yes," she said at length. "That's a pretty good summary of some of the major functions," she added. I was put in my place. She'd reminded me who was the expert here. I smiled faintly. Dealing with the good doctor was very similar to bargaining and negotiating contracts in the business world.

"If you didn't run across it in your...research, hypnotism is a way for a therapist to get in direct contact with that subconscious mind," said the doctor. "Hypnotism is a deep-relaxation technique, a tool that I can use to bypass the "reasoning" function of our consciousness and get deep into Laura's experiences and her interpretations of those events."

"Memories and emotions are what we want to focus on today," she said. "Specifically, Laura's memories of watching her father as he involved himself in a long-term affair with his sister-in-law, Ruth." She waited expectantly for me to respond. I sensed Laura was holding her breath.

"Okay," I said flatly. I really didn't know how I should react to that news.

"Yes...well, you know that Laura was born comparatively late in her mother's life, so late in fact that her brother is almost in another generation, correct?" I nodded again. "So for all practical purposes, Laura can be considered an only child?" I pursed my lips and thought for a second or two, but there was nothing wrong with the logic--nothing that helped explain Laura's conduct either. I nodded.

"Okay, Mark, can you accept the fact that Laura adored her father very much and that her mother never totally accepted her in her life. Laura was something of an interruption in her routine--not that she didn't love Laura, but she didn't quite know what to do with her." I'd been on a "Doctor Jamison" and "Mr. Archer" diet for a long time, but I'd forgotten why I'd insisted on her addressing me so formally. I let the more familiar use of my first name slide without comment.

"Yeah," I replied, "I can believe that. The first time I met them, I sensed a...uh...remoteness in Laura's mother. I was never really sure I had her attention even when she was looking straight at me. That impression didn't change much after a number of meetings." Doctor Jamison nodded.

"Anything more?" she asked.

"Well," I said reflectively, "her father was much the same, except that where her mother was retiring, her father was almost belligerent in his aloofness. I always thought he liked to dominate his family and everything around him." I thought for a long moment. "And, for what it's worth, I did see a certain closeness between him and Ruth. It was nothing to overt--nothing to comment on, but in retrospect, I can see there were signs the were closer than one would expect." I let more memories build in my mind.

"The curious thing is I don't recall Laura's mother ever objecting to Ruth standing closer than she was to Laura's father...for instance. I'd have to expect an affair lasting that long would not have escaped her notice, but she never reacted to it that I saw." I waved my right hand at the doctor to show her I was finished dredging up old memories.

"Correct," the doctor said shortly, "but it's more than that. As far as Laura remembers, her Aunt Ruth took over much of the functions of a mother while her mother confined herself to her poetry writing and the social club circuit. Until this weekend, Laura has successfully suppressed a deep-seated suspicion she is actually "Aunt" Ruth's child. A suspicion she is actually Ruth's daughter was one of the reasons she was so distraught when Ruth died." I digested that for a moment. I could see if I had been in Laura's place, that kind of confusion would eat at me.

"Shouldn't it be possible to find out?" I asked, more or less rhetorically. Doctor Jamison nodded.

"As a part of Laura's treatment, her need to give herself some finality on that, she'll be asking for a DNA analysis. Her mother and father are balking--Laura talked to them Saturday--but she and I have discussed the phone call and we both came away with the impression their reluctance is more contrariness than anything else. I think they'll come around and we'll have a resolution to that fairly easily and relatively quickly...and indications are Laura will be able to set aside her fear she was Ruth's baby." I nodded.

"Sounds like a plan," I said irreverently.

"Indeed it is," Doctor Jamison said primly. "But the waters get a little muddy from here on," she warned. "Laura's father and aunt did not, apparently, think a young girl would understand and remember her father coming out of Ruth's room with his clothing disarranged and, on one occasion, undressed to the waist.

In fact, although she did have memories from her earlier years, Laura didn't make the connection until she was a teenager and far more sophisticated than a four-year-old, but she clearly recognized the signs of a sexual affair by the time she was thirteen or fourteen. Even then, it seems her father and aunt paid only slight lip service to attempts to conceal their relationship." The doctor looked at me expectantly.

"So, Mark, from your delving into psychology this weekend, what do you suspect Laura's subconscious mind did with those separate and distinct feelings?" I tried to think. I wasn't sure what the doctor meant.

"Okay, Laura was unsure of her status within the family?" I asked. Doctor Jamison nodded. Beside me, Laura stirred. So far, she'd allowed the doctor and me to talk without interruption. I turned my body in my chair to face her more directly.

"It was worse than that, honey," she said. "There were lots of times I cried myself to sleep when I was in my teens because I didn't know who I was."

"Well, we'll know shortly and then...then you can slay that demon, don't you think?" I asked gently. Laura hesitated and nodded tentatively.

"I think so...yes," she said quietly.

"Good," I said confidently. One problem solved. "So you also looked up to your father at the same time you knew he was doing something wrong?" Laura nodded. I thought for a while. I held up my left hand, cupped as if holding a quantity of some substance.

"He was your father...you loved him dearly...but he was doing something that was hurtful." I lifted my right hand as if it held the hurt.

"You loved him...you hated what he was doing? Am I close here?" I made juggling motions with my hands. Laura nodded and I saw Doctor Jamison from the corner of my eye joining in the general nodding session. I frowned.

"I don't know where to go from there," I told the doctor. "How does that tie in to anything Laura is doing or thinking today?" Doctor Jamison beamed. She was needed.

"Mark, did you come across a Professor Westermarck and the process of "imprinting" in your reading?" I hesitated.

"Something about birds being imprinted with the false idea that a human was one of their parents?"

"Close, Mark. Some of the early studies into the concept of imprinting were done with animals and, more specifically, chickens, geese and a few other species of birds. One researcher went so far as to fly hang gliders and ultra-light aircraft with a flock of geese because the flying action of the ultra-light mimicked what birds do on long distance migrations.

"But it applies to human beings also. Your baby imprinted on you, as her father, and on Laura, her mother, probably within hours or days of being born. It doesn't stop there though. A baby, then a toddler, child, teen, and a young adult do not stop observing and learning from their parents. Most of it is unconscious...or controlled by the subconscious mind. You can think of the unconscious mind as mankind's connection with our instinctive, primitive animalistic side--with me so far?" I nodded my head shortly.

"Good. Now, remember the subconscious mind is where we store learned behavior. Sometimes what we learned clashes with what we recognize later is good and moral. When there is a conflict, it creates turmoil in the mind but it cannot always be resolved without intervention from the conscious mind. That's why people like me are around...and why hypnotherapy is one of my most valuable tools. When my patient is deeply relaxed and focused on me, I can bypass the conscious mind and speak directly to the subconscious mind."

Doctor Jamison seemed quite proud of herself. Her words were slow and considered. She was doing her best to explain things in layman's terms, as I had demanded weeks ago.

"Laura loves you, Mark, and does so very deeply. It's difficult for you to accept that now and she understands that. You need to know also that she sees you as a very focused, dynamic, and forceful man...a very powerful one. That's not an exaggeration at all, from what I've learned about you over the past few weeks. Can you appreciate that fact, Mark?"

I knew I had a slight frown on my face. I was an engineer who had developed into a businessman. My position required some degree of hardness and ruthlessness, but I took great pains not to bring my job home with me.

"I understand it intellectually," I told the doctor. I glanced at Laura. "But I'm not sure how that translates into anything dealing with our problems. I've never treated Laura or Alyssa in any way like I run my business. I made sure I didn't, as a matter of fact."

"That doesn't keep her from recognizing you as such, Mark," she said. "She could not avoid seeing those qualities in you, if for nothing else but the fact that your company is frequently a matter for discussion by people in the business community here in town and Laura was a part of that community until...recently." I nodded my agreement.

"Okay, Mark, here's where things take a sharp turn." Doctor Jamison took a deep breath. Laura tensed beside me. "Mark, you have to remember that logic, as our reasoning minds use it, does not exist in the unconscious mind, okay?" I shrugged. She was the expert.

"Well, let's just throw it out there," she said. "In her subconscious mind, Mark, Laura identifies your status in the community as equivalent or exceeding what her hard-driving father had when she was young." The doctor looked at me closely. Laura was watching my reactions intently, anxiously. Her fingers were twisting about each other with her agitation. I kept still for a long moment while I thought. I did not like the direction my thoughts were going. I cleared my throat.

"Laura sees me...or did see me...as taking her father's place?" I ventured. The doctor shook her head vigorously.

"No!" she said emphatically. "It's nothing like that."

"Then would someone please explain it to me?" I asked impatiently.

"Laura saw you as a hard-driving...a domineering man...as her father was," the doctor said slowly. "But she also saw...on a deep level it was vividly imprinted on her mind...that her father was having an affair. That was normal, if you will, in Laura's instinctive mind." I tried to absorb that. I turned to Laura.

"You thought I was having an affair?" I demanded. "That's why you were unfaithful?" I was incredulous. My temper, and I have a bad one, was dangerously near ignition. "Just what the hell made you think that?"

"No, that's not it, Mark," Doctor Jamison interjected. I waited, half-turned toward Laura but twisting around so I could see the doctor too.

"You see...on an unconscious level, Mark...always remember it was nothing she consciously considered at all...Laura's instincts were telling her you should be having an affair."

I didn't say a word. My mind was in turmoil. Doctor Jamison wet her lips.

"Mark, she saw that as what successful, powerful men did. If you had had an affair, there's every chance she would have looked the other way. If she'd caught you with another woman and could not ignore it, she'd have forgiven you almost immediately, no matter what her conscious mind was telling her. Her mother's acquiescence...or indifference...had already been implanted upon her too." I frowned.

"But you weren't cooperating, Mark," the doctor told me. "You were so clearly not having an affair, even Laura's subconscious mind could not interpret any late meetings, business dinners, or any of the myriad of business meetings as anything but exactly what they were." I looked at her stolidly.

"So, instead, she had an affair?" I said facetiously.

"Exactly," Doctor Jamison said firmly. I could feel my eyes widen in shock. The doctor continued talking while an icy fierceness engulfed me. I struggled for control.

"Her subconscious mind knew...quote, unquote...successful, powerful families participated in infidelity. When you did not--" I was on my feet without knowing I was going to rise.

"This is bullshit," I said carefully. "There's nothing here but some crap designed to give my wife a free pass for screwing around and betraying our marriage, not to mention me and our daughter."

I turned and was through the door before Doctor Jamison or Laura recovered from the shock of my abrupt, almost violent movement and harsh words. I didn't stop until I was safely enclosed inside my big SUV.