May to December Ch. 04

When he woke up, he called her before taking a shower. There was no answer. After his shower, he called her again. Still no answer. He made himself toast and coffee, and tried again after the simple meal. Nothing. He decided to try again in the evening, and went about doing his chores, feeling hollow. He thought about the Saturday, five weeks earlier, when he and she had worked together on his chores. He remembered watching her, wanting her, having her.

He closed the washing machine in disgust and went to sit in the bedroom/library. They had sat on that chair together, he recalled, and he had kissed her deeply, passionately. He groaned and reached for one of the books still on the side table where he had put it over two months ago. It was Corduroy, the book his Aunt Rachel had bought for him when he was five years old, and had lost his favorite teddy bear. He opened it and began to read. He fell asleep there, the book draped across his belly.

After dinner, he tried again, but Dawn did not answer her phone. Maybe she's gone out, he told himself. After all, just because he wasn't with her didn't mean she sat at home doing nothing. He would call again tomorrow. He spent the rest of the evening listening to Chopin and missing her. He knew that he had screwed up, that he should have stuck to his original plan to wear down her defenses by being around as much as he could. But he had worried that she might bolt if he kept coming on strong, and he knew she was the one he wanted, so he had decided to try it her way, and be hands off.

Too hands off, it now appeared. He should have known she wouldn't be satisfied with a couple of phone messages, that she would have wanted the solace of his physical presence. He should have known that no matter how aloof she was, she needed him as much as he needed her, and because of the way she saw herself, she was even more vulnerable to him than he was to her. He kicked himself mentally for being an ass, and hoped he'd get her the next day. But morning brought no answers either to his calls or his messages.

He knew, by the end of the day, that she had gone away. And he also realized that she had known she was leaving when he had left her house the day before. The pain hit him square in the chest, and he fought against fury and hurt, trying to rationalize the situation. He knew it was his fault, and he knew he should not have expected her to forgive him easily. After all, he had done nothing to make her think she might begin to trust him again. None of these very reasonable arguments made him feel any less like smashing the furniture and roaring in rage.

Scott left her a message before he went to work on Monday morning, telling her he understood that she was angry with him, and that he knew he deserved it, and asking her to forgive him and give him another chance. He said he loved her, though he knew she wouldn't believe him, and hoped she would give him the chance to prove it. He told her he would be working doubles most of the week, and would not be in touch before Thursday or Friday, and then he rang off. He managed to keep the emotions crowding his chest out of his voice, and went to work to drown his sorrow.

Dawn heard every message he left, because she checked her house phone's messages on her cell phone. She had been away for three days, and she knew that staying away was not helping her deal with the pain that had settled in her chest like a large rock. And she knew that now Scott was hurting, too, and that they would need to resolve it. Either he would be the one she was with, or she would send him away. She had a decision to make, and she had to make it soon.

On her way home, she stopped by Dana's for a visit. She hadn't been by there in a while, not since the incident at the fair, though they had come to visit her, and she felt she needed to talk to someone, just to blow the cobwebs away, to clear her head, to make sure she was doing the right thing. Dana met her at the door, her loose-fitting dress reminding Dawn that she was growing a little one inside her. She could see her friend's tummy like a little pout under the dress, and it made her smile.

"You're growing!" she exclaimed, returning her friend's hug. "You look great, sweetie!"

"I feel great!" Dana replied happily, taking her through to the large kitchen. "I started making a late lunch when you said you were coming. I want to hear all about whatever it is that's made you come here." Her smile was knowing, her eyes worried, as she looked at her friend. "Here, help me with this." She handed Dawn the chicken salad she had made, and pointed to the rolls. "Make sandwiches, please. Jeff will be home soon, so I might as well make them all now."

Dawn complied, and not wanting Jeff to hear what she had to say about Scott, she began to speak.

"It's about...a man," she said, wishing she could be more articulate about her personal life. If this were a novel, she'd be clear as crystal.

"I figured it would be," Dana commented, adding a leafy salad to each plate. "It's not that guy Jeff was telling me about, is it? The doctor?"

Dawn finished making the sandwiches before answering her friend. "Yes. What did Jeff tell you?" she demanded anxiously.

Dana grinned at her. "Nothing other than that he was younger than you, good-looking, and he'd break him in half if he hurt you!"

Dawn was silent so long that Dana came round to where she sat at the table and asked, "Is everything okay? You look like you've lost your best friend."

Tears welled up, and Dawn closed her eyes, willing them to subside. She needed to get it out before Jeff arrived. No matter how angry she was with Scott, she didn't want anyone but her judging him, and she didn't want anyone to hurt him or threaten him. She shook her head at the thought. How absolutely crazy that was!

Hurriedly, she brought Dana up to speed, and when she was done she added, "Please don't tell Jeff any of this! Promise me, Dana!"

"Let's eat," her friend said, nodding her agreement, and sat next to her, pouring milky coffee into tall ice-filled glasses. "So, basically, the two of you have been boneheads? That's what you're telling me!"

Dawn turned her face sharply to her friend, her eyes wide and disbelieving. "What? He's the one who hasn't communicated with me in five weeks, who makes promises to call and then doesn't. I'm the one who was acting like a damned stalker, leaving messages on his cell phone every bloody day!"

Dana sipped her iced coffee and smiled. "Dawn, tell me honestly, how do you feel about this guy?"

Dawn hesitated. "Come on, you're old enough to know by now what you're feeling!" Dana said impatiently. "Unless that's the problem. You don't want to feel anything for him, so he can't hurt you!"

"Dana, you know my history. Am I wrong to be cautious around a guy like this, who began to fall for me before he even knew who I was? I mean, come on!" Dawn stated one of her biggest concerns aloud for the first time.

"He knew who you were, Dawn. Your stories are you. He just needed to put a face to the woman. And now that he has, and he's shown you he wants you, you're running scared, and he's taken it to mean he should back off, which you've taken to mean he's a player. You can't fix this unless you talk to each other. You won't find a man to love by hiding away from them!"

The door to the garage opened, and Jeff walked in, his arms laden with shopping bags. Dawn went to help him, shooing Dana back to her seat.

"Let me," she said, and relieved him of some of the bags.

"Thanks, Dawn," Jeff said gratefully, and after he put the rest of the bags down, he strode over to kiss his wife. Dawn watched them kiss each other deeply, as though she wasn't there, and her gut twisted with need. There was someone who wanted to be with her like that, and she was too scared to let him in, and too fearful to trust him, and too embarrassed to fight for him.

She turned away, and began to unpack things from the bag closest to her hand, avoiding looking at her friends.

"Oh no you don't!" Jeff said behind her, and stopped her. "Go finish your visit. I've got this!"

Dawn gave up the whipped cream she was holding and went to sit with Dana, who was eyeing her with amusement.

"Gotcha!" her friend whispered conspiratorially, and winked. Dawn couldn't help the chuckle that escaped, and when Jeff looked round at them suspiciously, they both laughed.

"Mind your business!" his wife said, blowing him a kiss. He chuckled and went back to unpacking.

"You have to talk to him, Dawn!" she advised her friend in a low tone, so Jeff couldn't hear. "Even if it's to end it. You can't go on like this, not knowing how he really feels, not admitting how you feel. Limbo is an ugly place to live!"

"How do I forgive his absence, his almost complete silence?" Dawn demanded in an equally low voice, wanting to hang on to her resentment of his treatment of her.

Dana's face grew serious. "How does he forgive your pushing him away, sweetie?" Her tone was gentle, as though she knew the question would be painful for her friend. "He doesn't have to answer you. He doesn't have to come round. You've pretty much made it clear you're afraid of a close relationship with him, and there's only so much a person can take before he backs away. Hell, he might even be forgiven for thinking all you want is some hot sex from a hot young guy once in a while to keep you from climbing the walls. But what if he wants more than that? What if he's not willing to be your toy boy?"

There was no satisfactory answer to any of Dana's questions, and Dawn knew it. She saw how self-centered she had been from the beginning, assuming that Scott was the one needing to adjust his behavior to suit her impossible demands. Maybe she'd been alone too long and didn't know anymore how to be with men. Maybe she had never known. Maybe she was too old to start again.

"Stop overthinking this, Dawn! Just do something. Make a decision. It'll be better for both of you in the end!"

Dana reached over to squeeze her friend's hand, and then said in a louder voice, "So, when are you coming by for another visit? We're having the end of summer barbecue in a couple of weeks. It'd be nice to see you here!"

Jeff came to sit with them at that point, and bit into his sandwich with relish. "Last year, you left way too early, and you didn't bring a date!" he commented between bites. "If you're gonna come this year, don't show up alone! It's high time you found some willing man to squire you around town. You need to stop chasing them away, missy!"

He grinned at the expression on her face, and asked his wife, "Don't you agree with me, Dana?"

Dawn looked over in time to see Dana's impish smile. "Yep, I certainly do. She might try for that sexy young doctor you were telling me about!" She winked at Dawn, who groaned.

"Hey, I said nothing about him being sexy!" Jeff objected, but he was smiling as he drank half the glass of iced coffee his wife had poured for him. "How is the good doctor these days?" he wanted to know, getting back to his sandwich.

"Busy," Dawn replied, and closed her mouth, unwilling to discuss Scott further. "Anyway, thanks for the invitation. I'll see what I can do about a date, because there's no way I'm missing it this year. It'll probably be the last time before Christmas that I can hang out with anyone. I have two new books to finish by December, and a bunch of editing for my clients. I'm gonna be too busy myself to scratch my head, let alone have fun!"

She rose as she spoke, and hugged her friend. "I'd better get going. I have a lot to do." She looked into Dana's eyes meaningfully for a second, then looked away and smiled at Jeff. "Always good to see you two!" she said, and accepted his kiss on the cheek. "See you in two weeks!"

"Call me!" Dana called after her as she walked out to her car.

"I will!" she replied, smiling at her friend's encouragement. Dana was right. There had been mistakes on both sides, and it was up to her, as the one who had started the whole mess, to fix things. She spent the drive home deciding how she would get Scott to visit and what she would say to him. It was dark when she turned onto her street, and her heart leapt in her throat when she saw the car parked in front of her driveway. He was preventing her from getting into her garage, but instead of being angry, she found herself laughing softly. I guess he's mad now too, she thought as she pulled in front of his car and parked.

Removing the key from the ignition, she took a deep breath and got out, watching him get out of his to walk toward her. It's like a scene in a movie, she thought, bemused, like a showdown at noon, and when they stood in front of each other, she knew things would be okay.

"Where've you been? I've been waiting here all afternoon!" His tone was accusing and worried at the same time, and Dawn smiled.

"I was with Dana and Jeff," she said, glad she could give him a truth to begin their conversation. "Come inside, please!"

She led the way inside, switched on a light, and invited him into her kitchen. "How did you know I'd be back today?" she wanted to know, turning to face him for a moment.

"I didn't. I took a chance!" He sat at the table, clasping his hands in front of him. She stared at them, the hands that had made her ache, the fingers that had touched her core, and felt her cheeks flushing with color. She didn't want to confuse the conversation with lust, so she turned away, asking over her shoulder,

"Would you like some coffee? It'll be a while to dinner."

"Coffee's fine, Dawn," he answered, his voice husky.

That made her turn around, and the look she saw on his face had her gripping the counter to keep from falling. She tried to look away, to turn back to the counter and the coffee maker, but she was riveted by the lust and the love he was not hiding from her. His face was serious, his eyes holding hers.

"Come here," he demanded quietly.

"I have to make the coffee," she demurred, finally turning away to give her hands something to do and her heart time to settle down.

"Coffee can wait," he said at her ear before his hands descended on her shoulders and he turned her to face him. "This can't!"

His mouth was hungry, aching, wounded, frustrated...every emotion he was feeling was conveyed in the kisses he rained down on her face, her neck, her shoulders, her mouth. He didn't wait for her to invite him in, but pushed his tongue inside and took possession of hers, and Dawn tasted the sweetness of being needed, of being wanted, of being loved unconditionally. When he let her up for air, he whispered against her lips,

"I wanted to be angry with you for running away from me. I was, for a while. But it didn't stop me from wanting you with every breath I breathed. It didn't stop me from needing to hear your voice. It didn't stop me from needing to see your smile, to be with you, even for an hour. I'm in love with you, Dawn. Totally. I'm not going to stop because we've been stupid. Are you?"

He kissed her again, as though he couldn't wait for her answer because he needed the flavor of her on his tongue. Dawn moaned as he kissed her, forgetting all the carefully worded phrases she had been rehearsing to say to him when she called him on the phone. His presence and his need overwhelmed her, soaked into her pores, filled her. He eased his mouth from hers, and asked again,

"Are you, Dawn?"

"No," she whispered back, smiling through sudden tears. "I'm sorry, too, Scott. I pushed you away because I'm afraid. I don't know how to be with someone like you, and I was even wondering if I'm not too old to learn how now. But no, I don't want to stop!"

"You're very hung up on numbers, aren't you?" he asked, sighing. "How old you are, the number of years between us, the number of weeks we've known each other, the number of times I didn't call." He held her face between his hands so she couldn't look away. "None of those things matter. The only thing that matters is how we feel about each other."

He kissed her again, stopping her from answering him, sucking her tongue into his mouth, eating at her lips ravenously. He was trembling with emotion, she realized, when next he let her go, and they were breathing hard, foreheads pressed against each other.

"I need you, baby. We can talk later, but right now, I need to be with you. Please!"

Dawn pushed against his chest enough to look into his eyes. "Your message said you were working doubles, and wouldn't be in touch till Thursday or Friday. It's Monday evening. Are you playing hooky?" she teased.

Scott picked her up and kissed her mouth hard before answering. "I switched with someone. I have to be at work at 11. Which doesn't give me a lot of time." He kissed her again as he went up the stairs.

"I guess I'll have to give you the grand tour some other time, eh?" she asked on a chuckle, and gasped when he paused on a tread to suck on her again.

"Just tell me where you sleep," he responded, resuming his climb, and followed her directions to the last bedroom. Turning in, he saw a king-sized bed, covered in a bright peach and green quilt, and he smiled.

"Big bed for one person," he commented with a grin, depositing her on it and coming down beside her.

"I like a lot of room," she said huskily, her heart leaping as his hands began a leisurely exploration of her curves, sliding under her top to cup her breasts, undoing the clasp of her jeans and teasing her mound, and all the while feathering her skin everywhere it was exposed with light, teasing kisses.

"You smell delicious!" he whispered. "Help me get these off!"

Dawn sat up and helped him undress her, and then she helped him with his own clothes. His body was so honed, it made her mouth water. How could someone like him ever find her attractive enough to want to stay? Her thoughts were interrupted by eager hands, trembling slightly, reaching for her to pull her under him. His mouth devoured hers, before continuing a leisurely trip down her body to the prize he sought.

"You know what to do, baby," he instructed hoarsely, and looked deep into her eyes, as he began to eat her, savoring her like candy. His groans of pleasure surrounded her, his mouth aroused her past fever pitch, and Dawn had to fight to keep her eyes on him, as he wanted her to do. He suckled her clit, pushing two fingers deep into her core and teasing her back entrance, making her squirm and moan and finally, after he lapped at her from anus to clit and pushed his tongue deep into her soaking vagina, making her scream in fulfillment.

Dawn settled her bottom back on the bed in a daze, her legs trembling in reaction to the orgasm that made it impossible for her to speak. He didn't give her a chance to come down from that high before he was plunging into her wet center, ramming her to the hilt over and over, grunting with each stroke of his rod into her.

"Tell me you belong to me, Dawn. Tell me you're mine." His voice was hoarse with love and lust. "Tell me!"

"I'm yours, Scott!" she cried as he took her higher.

"And I'm all yours, baby! Always!" Scott rocked into her body, riding her hard and deep, taking her flying with him. Their cries echoed around the room as they shook through another powerful orgasm, gasping for breath, fulfilled.

Scott rolled off her, turning to his side so he could pull her against him and curve his body around hers. He was exhausted, but he hadn't wanted to wait till Thursday to contact her. Something had driven him to change shifts and come today, and now he was glad he had. He knew they still had to talk, and he sensed that Dawn had things she needed to say to him. But now that he knew she was his, he could wait to talk till he got a couple of hours of sleep. Dawn was already heavy in his arms. He smiled and relaxed.