Memoirs of a Madman Ch. 01-02

Chapter One

My name is Andrew Kopcek and this is a story of personal tragedy. Like many tragic tales this one started innocently. It started on the day that I turned forty years old, April 1st, three years ago. Before I tell you about the ruination that has become my life, first let me indulge myself by telling you a little about my previous life. You see, I was quite normal in all outward aspects.

I was married to a beautiful and intelligent woman, my college sweetheart. We had two wonderful children that made the both of us very proud. I was a smart and imaginative engineer that had started my own business at the age of 32 and watched it grow into a thriving enterprise of over 70 people. I was a gifted musician that could sing and play guitar. I was many things that led my friends to quip on several occasions that they were envious of my life. Mostly I was simply a nice guy.

Of course, as is the case with most lives, appearances can be deceiving. There can't be a tragedy without discord. Sometimes it is a fire in a school. Perhaps a tornado carries destruction throughout an unsuspecting trailer park. Personal tragedy is often brought about by addiction to drugs or gambling. In my case the catalyst to tragedy was sex.

You might ask yourself "How can something as wonderful and exotic as sex lead to tragedy?" Consensual sex by itself is not tragic. It is amazing and beautiful and one of the wonders of nature. However, the pursuit of sex can lead even the most level headed person to stray away from the path of sane and explicable behavior and onto a steep downhill descent into a hellish carnival of desperation and despair.

This is my story. This is my roller coaster ride into erotic hell. As with any good roller coaster, this one has grinding slow ascents that lead to inevitable mind numbing peaks and descents so rapid that they leave you gasping for air.

The twists and turns make your body and mind queasy wondering if the ride will ever end. And of course there will be places where you find yourself looking at the world from upside down. As much as you want to let go of whatever is in front of you and raise your hands in the air, you find yourself gripping even harder as the next descent takes you into inky darkness.

And finally your weary mind tells you that the only fitting end to this ride is to release the tattered and semen stained seat belt, stand up in your seat as you sense the next rapid change just ahead, and step off into the rushing oblivion that waits.

Chapter Two

My 40th birthday party was held at Longmire Country Club in downtown San Francisco. About 100 friends and relatives attended. While outwardly I appeared excited about the festivities, inwardly I was dreading attending. Most of the people that would be there were social friends that I suffered badly. My true friends were scattered around the country and had not been invited by my wife. In actuality she did not even know about most of them. I travelled a great deal for my profession and my friends were the people who understood what I did and had similar lifestyles. Namely, they were my clients and competitors.

I was slurping at my second vodka martini of the evening when my business partner Doug James made his way over to me with a familiar face in tow. Terry West was one of our best clients and a true friend. Terry was the product development VP for Luna Valley, a retail chain of upscale outdoor furniture and home furnishings. Terry was one of my very first clients.

We started working together when he was a young manager for Macy's and I was an aggressive young engineer working for Global QC Metrics. When Doug and I went out on our own Terry was the first client I contacted and provided our fledgling company our first paying work. When Terry found out that his wife had filed for divorce from their 20 year marriage two years ago, it was me that he called. I brought a bottle of vodka over to his house and we commiserated the inequities of life and drank to the mysterious pain and joy that women brought into men's lives everywhere.

I had not seen Terry in over a year as his new job had taken him to the east coast. I was amazed at the transformation that had taken him from a somewhat overweight and dour looking man into this trim and dapper guy standing in front of me. After handshakes and greetings, I expressed my heartfelt appreciation that he had made the trip from Boston to San Francisco for the party.

"I wish I could tell you it was all for you" he said, after taking a swig of his red wine. I am in town for a convention and Doug here told me that I was invited. How could I pass up the opportunity to see you join the forties club?"

I again expressed my gratitude for his coming while at the same time reminding him that he would be joining the fifties club soon.

"Age is only a number" he said with a smile and a wink.

"Yes I see that" I replied. "You actually look like you have taken a few years off since last time I saw you."

"The last time that you saw me was not a good time for me." He said, his smile faltering slightly. "But I've got my mojo back and it's amazing how a positive attitude can make you younger."

"Positive attitude?" I asked.

"Let's just say that my new attitude is out with the old, in with the new and always live in the moment." He said with a renewed smile. "I think that you could probably do with a little of that attitude yourself."

I noticed that Doug had not said a word since they had walked over, and that mostly he was focused on the gin and tonic that was nearly empty in his right hand. Doug and I had been partners for over ten years, and I do not think that any two people on earth worked as well together as Doug and I. He was the savvy marketing and sales guru and I was the technical expert with a gift for communicating with clients. Together we had created and launched our company. We worked together so seamlessly that often times it was like there was telepathy between us.

The strange thing was that as well as we worked together, our private lives were separate. He was a died-in-the-wool Christian conservative and I was a liberal intellectual. We had very little in common outside of our desire to dominate our little corner of our chosen profession.

The fact that Doug was saying nothing spoke volumes about his feelings towards Doug's transformation. As the director of the sales end of our business, Doug had a much closer look at the day to day dealings of our clients. I knew that there was something going on that made Doug feel uncomfortable.

"I was just telling Doug that games are part of my new attitude." Terry said while surveying the room.

I was about to ask Terry what he meant, thinking that he was now into fantasy sports or maybe he had taken up poker, when Doug excused himself and headed towards the bar.

"Doug is not a fan on my new hobby" Terry said quietly, watching Doug walk away. He thinks that what I do is going to lead me down the road to perdition."

I was about to ask the nature of his game when I saw that Terry had spotted something or someone across the room. I turned and followed his gaze and saw a tall woman with long blonde hair and a sequined red dress. She entered the room, took a quick glance around and immediately headed for the bar.

"Who is that?" I asked no one in particular, knowing that she was not a friend of mine.

"That is my new girlfriend" said Terry, not taking his eyes off of her. "Her name is Tina."

I didn't know that Terry had an old girlfriend, much less a new one. Curiosity won out over diplomacy and I asked "So where did you meet her?"

"I met her online last week" he answered, never taking his eyes off of her.

She sat down and appeared to order a drink. Terry finally turned away from her and addressed me again. "I met her on a dating site" he explained. "This is the first time I have met her in person." He looked at me with his lips pursed as though he was trying to make up his mind about something and continued "I have been on this site for a while. It has completely changed my life." He continued to look at me intently and added "...For the better" as though I was going to say something negative.

Then, having solved the riddle in his mind, he again smiled and said "Look, Tina and I like to role play. She shows up at places where I am and I have to try to pick her up. If I am successful then we play the game for a while and then go to a hotel for very hot sex. Sometimes we do other things too."

I was too shocked by his mentioning of sex to even think about asking him about what other things they did. I think that he saw this and he grabbed my arm and said "I would love to introduce you to her. Just do me a favor and play along."

We walked on a direct path to where Tina was sitting. I noticed that she was talking to my neighbor Kevin, and that she had her hand on his knee. I also noticed my wife talking to the club manager near the wait staff entrance. She looked at Terry and me walking across the room and raised an eyebrow. I would hear about this later. I knew she was wondering what Terry was doing here. Since his divorce she had not asked about him.

When we walked up to them it was actually Kevin who made the introductions. "Andy!" he said, and I could tell he was already on his fifth beer. "Andy, let me introduce you to Tina." I looked at Tina closely and put her age at somewhere around 32. She was beautiful and she knew it.

From having been in and around the retail business for a while I could see that she was wearing expensive clothing. Tori Burch shoes and David Yurman jewelry complimented her Armani dress. Why was she dressed like this for a birthday party?

Kevin continued "Tina this is the birthday boy, Andy Kopcek."

Tina held out her perfectly manicured right hand "I am very pleased to meet you, Andy. You look much younger than forty. What is your secret?"

Although my mind was racing with questions, I managed to stay cool and answer "Simple clean living and an Oreo for breakfast every morning."

She laughed and said "Oreos don't sound very healthy and I highly doubt that your living is clean."

"The happiness that Oreos bring is highly underrated in terms of keeping me young" I explained, still holding her hand. She dropped her eyes slightly and squeezed my hand and it hit me that she was flirting with me. So far she had not even acknowledged that Terry was here.

I slowly released her hand and turned to Terry. I decided that I might as well play my role. "Tina. This is my very good friend Terry West."

She gave him a cool glance and said "Pleased to meet you" without offering her hand, which I noticed was back on Kevin's knee. She turned to me and said "Come find me later and I'll buy you a birthday shot." Then she pulled me down to her level by tugging on my shirt collar until she was whispering in my ear "...And maybe you can find someone here to give you a birthday blowjob." With that she turned back to Kevin and continued their previous conversation.

I was about to turn away when I thought of something. "Who are you here with, Tina?" I asked. "It's my party and I thought I knew everyone."

She picked up her drink and drained it in a single gulp, then turned back to me and said in a loud voice "I'm crashing this party. Anyone have a problem with that?"

The four or five people that heard her looked at her, then at me. I answered "Nope, no problem here" and turned and walked away. Terry walked with me. When we were halfway across the room I stopped and turned to him. "What the fuck was that?" I said.

"You did perfect, buddy" Terry said with a grin. "I think she likes you."

I took a moment to digest that and was going to ask a few questions when my wife Sylvia walked up to us. She was not smiling. "Hello, Terry" she said before turning to me and saying "Andy, can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

Before I could respond she turned away and began walking to the entrance. I turned to Terry and shrugged and then followed her. When we reached the door she abruptly turned to me and said "First of all, what is Terry doing here?" Her head was cocked slightly to the right like it always was when she was in prosecutorial mode. I never really understood her dislike of Terry. It went deeper than his divorce. Before I could answer she continued "...And I would really appreciate it if you would spend a little more time with me."

Again I was about to respond when she added "...And there is a woman in a red dress at the bar talking to Kevin. Do you know who she is?"

I hesitated a moment to see if there was going to be anything else before responding. "I'm not exactly sure who she is" I lied. "I think someone told me that she is a friend of the McCaffertys."

To this day I am still not sure why I lied. It was not in my nature and I certainly had no reason to tell anything but the truth. However, it was the first of countless lies I would tell over the ensuing months and years.

Sylvia looked at me for a few seconds. I think that it was my hesitation in answering that made her wonder what I was up to. Then she smiles and kissed me on the cheek. "Okay, enjoy the party. Just try to spend a little more time by my side. After all, I did throw you this party! I have to go check on the birthday cake. Oh, and please spend a little time with Alex. He came a long way to be here."

I watched her walk away. Sylvia was two years older than me. We had met when she was in law school and I was finishing my undergraduate degree. She had recently been appointed as a circuit court judge. This was the culmination of her career. She had been a prosecutor for over 20 years and was now ready to slow down and enjoy the fruits of her public service. She looked every bit the part, piercing blue eyes and platinum hair. She was tall and somewhat on the heavy side. When she was in her black robe on the bench and her hair was pulled back into a tight bun, as she usually wore it, I could picture her as a colonial judge back in Plymouth or Jamestown bringing hellfire and the wrath of God onto some poor sap who stole a loaf of bread or maybe a young tart accused of witchcraft.

I smiled and shook my head. I did love her. Although it was not the steamy, crazy love that we shared back in college. It was a familiar and slightly uncomfortable love. She was the center of my universe and I often wondered exactly where I would be in life if I had not met her.

I scanned the room for Alex. Like his sister he was tall, blond and blue eyed. Unlike his sister he was an odd duck. I knew that he would be by himself sipping a seven and seven. He was my age and had never married. In fact to my knowledge he had never dated. He was a brilliant accountant who spent all of his time working, playing games or getting high. A few years ago he had taken up poker and was quite successful. I liked Alex because he was brilliant and different, but I was never completely comfortable around him.

I spotted him at the end of the bar where Tina sat. I noticed that she now had a small gathering of men around her. Alex was looking at his iPhone. I made my way over to him. I waited for him to notice that I was there. I had learned the hard way that he did not like to be interrupted when he was in the middle of something. Finally he looked up and I said "Hey Alex, what's going on with you?"

He looked at me with genuine happiness and said "Andy...dude...hey happy birthday!" He slipped his phone into his jacket pocket and stood up. At 6'5" he towered over me. "I have something that I want to show you." He started walking quickly to the far side of the room. I followed the best that I could. He walked very fast and bumped a few people aside as he went. I am sure that he didn't even notice. Like I said, he was an odd duck.

He arrived at the small table that Syl had set up for presents. Although she had made it clear in the invitations to not bring presents, it was a tradition among our friends that small humorous or memento type gifts were permitted and encouraged. There was already a collection of wine bottles and books along with cards piled across half of the table. Alex reached across, knocking over a wine bottle that I caught before it hit the floor, and retrieved a small brown bag. "Happy Birthday" he exclaimed, handing me the bag. "I brought this back from Korea."

I opened the crumpled bag and looked in. There were several items. I reached in and brought out the largest. It was a silver box about half the size of my phone. Before I could say anything, he took it from me. He applied pressure to one of the corners and the box popped open along one hinged side. He opened it up completely and showed me the inside. "It's a micro high definition video camera." He said. "I am doing some consulting work for this company helping them to research the market potential. It's not out yet. I got one for me and you. Don't tell anyone where you got this."

He said this in a rapid fire staccato that made me wonder if maybe he was on something other than pot. I had never seen him this excited.

"The lens is right here." He pointed to a corner of the box. "Just aim and shoot" he said touching one long index finger to a button on the bottom half of the inside. He panned around the room and then aimed at my face. "Playback is here." He pushed another button and the top half of the inside came to life. I could see what he had just recorded, ending with a close-up of my nose, with remarkable clarity on the three inch screen. "Upload wirelessly here." He said pointing. "You can control all camera operations remotely using an app on your phone. 50 of memory on the card and I gave you an extra. It's in the bag."

I looked in the bag and removed a small silver pouch.

"No, it's in the other container." He said a little sheepishly. That is some Thai pot I found. Best stuff I have ever had. Use it sparingly." I quickly stuffed the silver bag into my jacket pocket, wondering at the nerve it had taken him to get this stuff through Thai customs. I found the small plastic container with the memory card in the bag and put both the card and the camera in my other jacket pocket. It might be fun to play with later.

"Alex, this really is too much. You shouldn't have done this." I told him while thinking exactly the opposite. I loved tech toys.

"It's no problem, dude. You have always been good to me. I appreciate the fact that you don't judge me." I put out my hand to him to shake. I left it there for a moment before quickly dropping it when I remembered that he did not like to be touched. If he noticed, he didn't show it.

I appreciate it Alex. I really do." We were about to have one of those awkward moments when suddenly there was Tina with two shot glasses in her hands. She ignored Alex and handed me one of the shots.

"Since you wouldn't come back to me I decided to find you. Drink with me!" she commanded. She tilted her head back and drained her shot in one gulp. I didn't hesitate and drained mine. She smiled at me as the fiery liquid burned down my throat. I coughed and wiped a tear from my right eye. I managed to choke out "What was that?"

"Moonshine, honey." She smiled. Your friend Kevin had brought it for you. I managed to convince him to give some to me first."

I remembered her hand on his knee and thought to myself that it probably didn't take much convincing. I then recovered enough to remember that Alex was with us. I turned to Alex. "Tina, this is my brother in law Alex Erickson." I noticed that Alex was eyeing her curiously, his right hand rubbing his chin.

"It's nice to meet you Alex." She said primly, holding out her hand. Alex ignored it.

"Nice to meet you, too." He said, still ignoring her outstretched hand. "Have we met before?" he asked.

She slowly reached out and placed her hand on top of Alex's left wrist. He didn't move.