Memories! Ch. 02

She was looking better, he noted with relief. But the dried trail of tears on her face told him that it hadn't been easy.

Settling into a chair by the bed, he took a deep, cleansing breath. "Darlin', why didn't you tell me?" he said softly, his hand gently stroking the ravages of her face. "Did you think I couldn't handle it?"

Silently, she turned her face to the wall, her breathing becoming erratic.

"AJ, I was going to tell you this weekend. You have to believe me. I just needed time..."

"Relax...relax." he whispered soothingly, alarmed at her discomfiture. "It's alright. We can talk all this out later. Right now you need to stay calm...rest. I'll take you home in a few hours, and you can let me 'baby' you for the next couple of days...doctor's orders."

1700 HOURS
AJ's Home
McLean, Virginia

"Babying" Sarah was proving to be an impossible task. Barely two hours had gone by, and it was all AJ could do to keep her in bed.

"Darlin', you scared the hell out of me today! You're staying in that bed if I have to tie you down!" he exaggerated.

"Oooooh, kinky!" she laughed. "Is that a threat or a promise?"

He wasn't amused.

"Just stay there...okay? I've got some soup and French bread in the kitchen. We can eat right here tonight."

He turned to leave, and Sarah immediately began to stir.

"STAY!" he commanded. "I'll be right back, for God's sake!"

She wasn't comfortable with this...not one bit. He was angry about the baby, about not being told, about being a father again at his age. He didn't have to tell her any this...it was obvious.

Quietly she sat, propped up on a massive heap of pillows that AJ had piled behind her, her lips thin and pursed. They'd hammer this out tonight, she decided, and then she'd drive home. If their relationship was over, then it was over.

Gently, she stroked her still-flat stomach... consoling the child within her. This should be the happiest time of her life, so why was the world crumbling down around her?

AJ returned a few minutes later with a white wicker bed tray filled with a hearty soup and large slabs of crusty French bread.

"Are you sure this is going to be enough, Darlin'?" he asked, doubtfully. "I mean, you're..."

"Please don't say I'm 'eating for two', AJ, or I'll puke right here...and believe me these days it isn't hard to do."

AJ stood staring at his love. Her tone wasn't promising. They needed to be discussing wedding plans, not regurgitation.

"You get started, Darlin'. I'll be right back with a T.V. table and my bowl. Now don't move!"

They stirred their soup in silence, each wondering what the other was thinking...wondering how to begin the discussion that was so sorely needed.

Finally, AJ removed their half-filled bowls to the kitchen, since neither of them seemed to be able to eat, and slid into bed beside her.

"We need to get this out in the open, AJ." she began, her voice echoing unnaturally in her ears.

"Why didn't you tell me!" he blurted out, trying to control his anger. "Why couldn't you come to me with this? Am I so terrible...so insensitive, that you can't even tell me I'm going to become a father! What in the world did you think I was going to do?"

"I was going to tell you!" she shot back. "I started to tell you a dozen times, but it was never the right moment. Harm said I should tell you right away, and he was right. I made a mistake. I should have told you the night you got back from Italy. I'm sorry..."

"Rabb told you...! You mean you told Rabb, but you couldn't tell me!" AJ was furious! He'd deal with the commander on Monday! Right now, the thought that she'd turned to her friend instead of him, was too painful to bear.

"No! It wasn't like that, AJ!" she asserted, feeling the situation beginning to disintegrate. "Harm saw the home pregnancy tester when he was helping me move. He was just trying to give me some advice. I would have come to you first if you'd been here."

Mac jumped out of bed and stood glaring at her lover. "AJ...I'm going home! I need to be alone...you're driving me crazy!"

This was the reaction he'd feared, and he had no one to blame but himself.

"Darlin'...come back to bed." he cajoled, his face masked in concern. "I'm sorry. Maybe you were right to worry about my reaction. I certainly have been a real bastard tonight! Please..."

Sarah felt the tears begin to well up behind her eyes. No! She wouldn't cry, she scolded herself. It would only complicate the issue. They needed to discuss the baby in an open and rational manner, and tears were counterproductive. She WOULD NOT cry!

She turned away, her breath coming in jagged little gusts, her control returning at last.

"You're right...we need to have this out." she admitted, returning to the bed beside him. "I admit I should have told you. I made a mistake, but I can't change that now. I can only apologize and hope you'll forgive me."

AJ looked at the rigid set of her lips, and the furrows lining her brow. He was putting her through hell, at the one time when she needed him the most.

He thought beck to when Marcella, his first wife had left him, taking their newborn daughter with her. Would he never learn!

"Darlin', " he began again. "Did you think I wouldn't want the baby? Was that it?" he asked, recalling their conversation the night he'd returned from Italy.

Wordlessly, she nodded...the haunted pools of her eyes filling the silence.

Gently, AJ leaned forward and touched his lips to her eyelids, his arms closing around her shivering form.

"Then I'm the one who needs to apologize. For a man who makes his living manipulating the English language, I must be the dumbest bastard on the planet. The things I said...I just didn't want you to have to give up anything for my sake...your career...your independence...anything. I wanted to add to your life, not detract from it. I was worried about you."

"I want this to be clear." he said, drawing her close to him, his eyes peering intimately into hers, "I want this baby! I love you...and the fact that you're going to have my baby is tantamount to a miracle from where I sit. I have absolutely no reservations. If you have even the slightest doubt, we need to talk about it right here and now."

Sarah smiled, tracing her fingertip along his lower lip, her eyes smoky and heavy-lidded. "You've proven your point, Counselor. No deliberations necessary." she said, gently pressing her lips to his.

AJ returned her kiss, probing heatedly between her lips, feeling an embryo of desire begin to stir within the pit of his stomach. He wanted her...badly...but after her trip to the emergency room this morning, her doctor had warned him that she needed to 'rest' for a few days.

"Oh, Lord, what you do to me, woman, but this is going to have to wait." he said, more to himself than to her. "Darlin', I think we have a headache."

Contentedly, they lay together like spoons the long night through, AJ's hand protectively placed over their child-to-be, awed at the miracle she'd given him.

When morning came, Mac rose and began to collect her gear for the short trip back to Quantico.

"Sarah...the doctor said you needed to rest for a few days, not a few hours. Climb back into bed here, and let me take care of you."

Mac felt another argument coming on, and she wasn't up to it.

"AJ, I have to be at work tomorrow. If you really want me to get some rest, then I need to be in my own bed on the base tonight."

"Sarah...You've got to make some concessions here. I know passivity is not something you do well, but, for the sake of this baby, you may have to adjust. The Corps is not going to 'fold' if you take a long weekend. Hell, I was planning to take tomorrow off myself, and I'm not worried about the JAG office." he lied.

"But AJ, you know about the Security Council issue...I'm right in the middle of it. I HAVE to be there...I have no choice!"

"There's always a choice, Darlin', it just depends on which one you want to make." he said softly.

She stood, as though frozen in time. "I have to go." she whispered, her eyes pleading for his support. "AJ, you have to try and understand."

AJ sat on the side of the bed, his shoulders slumped in resignation. Then, quietly he crossed the room toward his closet and took out a large suitcase. "Darlin', you just got yourself a houseguest."

0630 HOURS
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment
Thomason Park Housing
Marine Base Quantico

AJ was dressed and heading for the door "Are you sure that I can't talk you out of this? I can still call Tiner and have Rabb cover for me today."

"AJ...Go to work. I'll make as short a day of it as possible, I promise."

"I guess I have no say in the matter, then. I'll pick up some take-out for supper. Anything special you'd like?"

"How about a pizza...the works...with anchovies and double cheese."

"Darlin', you must be growing a garbage scow in there." he responded, his nose wrinkled distastefully. "The anchovies go on YOUR half!"

It was an easy 45-minute drive along I-95 North, into the beltway area and on to JAG headquarters. The commute was longer than AJ was used to, but not unbearably so. Within an hour after leaving Quantico, he was at his own desk, and hard at work.

"Tiner," he called on his intercom, recalling the promise he'd made to himself on Saturday night, "When Commander Rabb gets in, tell him I'd like to see him..."

1800 HOURS
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment

It was 1800 HOURS and Sarah still wasn't home. The pizza she'd requested sat congealed in the refrigerator, while AJ steamed in the living room.

Finally, the phone rang. AJ grabbed for the extention and spoke: "MacKenzie residence. Talk to me."

"AJ? It's me. I wanted to call and let you know I'd be late. I got hung up in a meeting, but I should be home in about 30 minutes."

"I thought you said you'd be home early, Sarah." he said tersely. "I've been waiting for two hours!"

"AJ...I couldn't get away. I'd have called sooner, but I was in with a representative from the Diplomatic Corps and it just wasn't possible. I'm sorry."

"Well, alright. I'll be here."

The line went dead. Sarah stood staring at the receiver. AJ was angry again. It seemed like all they'd done since he found out about the baby was fight. She was at her wit's end. It couldn't go on like this.

Back at her apartment, AJ paced furiously. He was pushing too hard...he knew it. He'd been 'in charge' too long to remember how to flex to other people's wants and needs. He hoped fervently that this 'old dog' could learn new tricks, or he'd drive Sarah away, forever.

Silently, he sank into an overstuffed chair and stared once again at the ring box he'd been crushing for the past two hours. He had fallen in love with the ring the moment he'd seen it in a Florence antique shop two weeks ago. He'd known immediately that he had to have it when he proposed to Sarah, and so he'd bought it.

It dated back to the 1800's, and was a masterpiece in microcosm. The stone, a 2 carat princess-cut blue-white diamond, was set in a delicate hand crafted filigree of antique gold. It was breathtaking. It belonged on Sarah's finger.

Exactly 30 minutes later, he heard Sarah pull up into the driveway. Quickly, he settled on the sofa and began reading the newspaper, as though their tense moment on the phone had never existed.

"Hi, Darlin'." he smiled, kissing her lips as he took her briefcase. "I missed you. You look tired...come on over here, and let me get you comfortable."

Sarah was relieved. He wasn't angry after all. She'd had enough angst on the job today, she couldn't handle any more tonight.

"Let me get these clothes off first." she pleaded. "I feel like they're glued to me."

AJ followed her into the bedroom, and watched as she began to shed her uniform. Lord, she was a beautiful woman, he thought for the millionth time...brains and beauty too. It was a lethal combination. He was one lucky S.O.B.

Slowly he looked on, as she carefully laid her blouse and skirt across the back of a wooden chair, and kicked off her shoes. Clad only in satin and lace, she sensed his presence in the doorway and turned. "You're watching me." she said, the weariness beginning to fade from her voice. "Any particular reason?"

"Darlin', I'd have to be crazy not to want to watch you."

She smiled enigmatically, her hands reaching around to unhook her bra.

"Need some help with that? I'm working on my technique."

Her pulse began to flutter as he crossed the room, his arms encircling her, caressing the length of her back, before releasing the flimsy catch of her bra.

"I...I don't think your technique needs any...work..." she murmured, her voice beginning to fail her.

"Well, you know what they say, my love...'use it or lose it."

She began to reply, but his kiss stole the words from her lips.

Suddenly he drew back. Had they waited long enough? Was it safe to make love so soon? Sarah made up his mind for him as she began to fumble with the buckle of his belt.

"Sarah...are you sure?"

"Trust me..." she whispered huskily. "Trust me."

Relieved, he pulled her to him, feeling her nipples harden against his body, her lips feasting hungrily along his throat.

"Oh Sarah...what you do to me..." he breathed.

Suddenly, he bent and scooped her up in his arms, his warm breath caressing her swollen breasts. Then, crossing the room, he lay her gently across the satin comforter.

Sarah felt the heat rise within her as her lover began to shed his clothing. She loved his body. Hidden beneath his uniform, it was like a secret that only she was privileged to know...the source of her desire...her passion...her release.

Wordlessly, he knelt beside her on the bed and watched her blossom before his eyes as he gently tugged the final wisp of lace down past her hips, and discarded it on the floor.

Her breasts had begun to change, he noticed. Already they seemed fuller, her nipples and aureoles larger and more prominent. They would be more sensitive too, he recalled, remembering his former wife's pregnancy. He needed to be gentle.

Resting his weight on his forearms, AJ positioned himself between her legs, and slowly began to draw her distended nipple between his lips.

Sarah inhaled sharply, as though some tiny presence had slipped below her skin and had taken over her very being. Was this heightened sensitivity a by-product of pregnancy? If so, then it was a bonus...a definite 'perk'.

AJ, sensing her arousal, pressed his thumb between her lips. Then, withdrawing it, he began to trace slow wet circles around her other nipple, cupping the fullness of her breast...trailing slowly down between the juncture of her thighs.

She was wet...very wet. A small, sweet sound escaped her lips as he began to gently massage the turgid nub nestled within her.

AJ..." she called, her body arching to meet him, her hands grasping his buttocks.

Her lover wrapped his arms tightly around her, then rolled quickly onto his back, taking her with him, positioning her astride his pulsating erection.

Again his fingers reached between them...probing, tantalizing until she lost herself among the stars, her mind a profusion of image and sensation.

Her body began to shake, screaming for the fullness of him within her. Quickly, he positioned his hardened shaft between her thighs, waiting for her to press her body against him, allowing him entrance to her moist, liquid center.

But Sarah wanted more.

His body began to shiver with anticipation, as she slowly traced her tongue down his chest, below his waist, to finally claim his pulsating member.

"Sarah..." he warned. "This is not a good idea. I'm trying to take it easy, but you're driving me to distraction!"

"It's a one-way ticket my love." she whispered softly. "Don't try so hard."

With that, Sarah took him fully into her mouth, tasting the saltiness of him on her tongue, feeling his control slip further and further with each embrace of her lips.

"Sarah!" he called, his voice a jagged cry in the darkness. "You have to stop!"

Frantically, he once again positioned her beneath him, entering her abruptly, thrusting powerfully between her thighs, struggling to carry her with him on passion's journey. Then he paused, his heart pounding in his chest, as though attempting to assume some last vestige of control.

Deftly, he slipped his hand between them, his fingers seeking and finding the small rigid hub of her passion, lighting a flame that flared instantly at his touch and engulfed them both.

Sarah cried out his name as the universe collapsed, sending her swirling beyond time and space. She felt him deep within her, the stream of his life joining with hers, their bodies one and inseparable, their souls united forever.

This was how it should be, how it would always be, she thought, laying limply in his arms. They needed to make their lives together work...because in that one pure moment of revelation...she knew that she could never live without him.

He couldn't sleep.

Warmed by the bright intensity of their love, he lay unmoving beside her, listening to the even hush of her breath in the stillness of the night.

AJ had always been attracted to Sarah MacKenzie. From the moment they'd met, he'd known she was something special, but never in his wildest fantasies had he ever imagined that she would become so dear, so vital to his very existence.

Now, in the afterglow of passion, he thought of the new life they'd created together...the product of their love, growing safe and warm in the haven of her body.

As though drawn by a mind of its own, he reached out and placed his palm against her womb.

Sarah stirred, burrowing ever deeper within his embrace, her breath warm against his chest.

"Can't sleep, my Love?" she murmured, her voice coming from a land of dreams.

Tenderly, AJ traced the gentle curve of her cheek with his fingertip.

Sarah opened her eyes, seeking in the darkness for the face of her lover. Then, taking his hand in hers, she placed a kiss within his palm, and pressed it to her breast.

"Darlin'," he began, "I have something I want to talk to you about...something I need to ask you."

He leaned his body over her, touching the bedside lamp, flooding the room with both shadow and substance. Then, reaching beyond her line of vision, he grasped the ring box and placed it on the pillow between them,

"Oh, AJ..." she whispered, her voice a reflection of her concern. "Please don't do this..."

"Sarah...It's time we talked about this. I love you. I want to spend my life with you...I thought you wanted the same thing."

"AJ...my Love...we don't have to be married to do that. I can't marry you just to give our baby a name. It's a kind and loving gesture, but it isn't right."

Her eyes became liquid with unshed tears. "AJ...I was raised in a home where love was defined by a piece of paper signed in city hall. I don't know why my parents ever married in the first place, but I'm sure it was for the wrong reason. I want more than that for me...for us. Please, my Love, tell me you understand..."

"Darlin', I don't just love you, I respect you...too much to lie to you about this. Maybe my timing has something to do with the baby...I'm not sure myself...but the reason I want to marry you doesn't."

"Sarah, I've lived most of my life alone, and except for a few brief moments, it's been enough. But I can't say that anymore. You're a part of me, Darlin', like the air I breath and the beating of my heart. I need you in my life, my Love, and I'm just old-fashioned enough to believe that the "piece of paper" is an important step in that commitment."

"Don't say 'no'...say 'yes', and let me be a part of your life. Let me love you 'til the day I die."

Hesitantly, Sarah reached out and closed her hand around the small, velvet cube, her eyes searching his, praying that he'd spoken truly and from the heart.