Might Have Been Ch. 07

The sex all summer had been incredible -- two to three times a day -- lingerie, oils, and sex in public places. I had fucked her in the back row of a movie theater, in her car in a shopping mall parking lot, and on a Lake Michigan dock in a thunderstorm. One midnight, we slipped onto a golf course to fulfill her fantasy of having oral sex performed on her while she lay on a putting green. Despite the occasional Mood, I was deeply in love, and wanted her to come with me to New York.

I walked into our living room. She was sitting on the couch, waiting for me. "I'm not moving to New York." She spoke with utter finality.

"No."

"Stay with me." She rose and stood before me.

"Tasha..."

"Don't say anything. I want to make sure you know what you'll be missing."

She undid her skirt and let it fall to the floor. She wasn't wearing any panties, and I noticed with surprise she had waxed herself. It must have been this afternoon as we had sex in the morning. She now had a thin landing strip pointing the route to heaven.

With a swift movement of her arms, she pulled her shirt over her head. She was now completely naked except for a pair of blue heels. Tasha wasn't an athlete, but our sexual calisthenics of the past six months had been a worthy substitute, and she was in the best shape of her life. Taut muscles crossed her abdomen, built not from a regimen of crunches, but from throwing herself back and forth on top of my cock. Her legs were lean and muscular from the strength with which her thighs and calves held me as I fucked her. The muscles of her arms and back were toned from her contortions as we worked our way through her books on sexual positions. She was small enough to be a plaything in my arms. I could lift her, and hold her against a wall as I fucked her, or I could turn her upside down in a standing sixty-nine. We had done all this and more, and I still wanted her now more than ever.

"You're beautiful," I said.

"You like it?" She pointed to her newly-shorn mound.

"Yes, very much."

She turned her back to me, and held her legs together while bending over. She gazed back at me from below. "Would you like to touch it?"

I stood behind her, and reached between her legs. She was smooth, so soft, and oh so wet. For all her sins, Tasha never needed to fake sexual attraction or arousal to get what she wanted -- her own desperation was aphrodisiac enough.

"Why don't you taste it?" she hissed.

I wanted nothing more. I dropped to my knees in front of my goddess, and worshiped her with my tongue.

She was tangy ambrosia. I kissed her denuded skin, and felt bolts of pleasure shoot through her. The merest kiss on her clit sent her into orgasm. She came again -- and again.

She gently ran her fingers through my hair as I pleasured her. "Oh, my sweet man. I love how you use your tongue to lick my cunt." She stretched out a wordless vowel for six seconds as my tongue did a tap dance on her clit, and then continued her verbal temptation. "But your tongue is just an ambassador for your mighty cock. You can heat me up and make me come five times..." She paused to let out another loud moan. "...six times -- but at the end, I'll want your cock inside me. I love you so much."

Each time she came, her knees buckled more, and I found myself lying back on the floor, as she knelt on top of me, grinding into my face while her hand reached into my pants to claim me.

"I'm so hot and wet for you," she moaned. "Will you help me with one more fantasy before you leave?"

I nodded as I licked her.

"You're going to think I'm such a slut," she added.

I knew she was just teasing, but I flicked my tongue double-time on her clit to show the effect her words had on me.

"Oh you like that, don't you? That I'm such a slut for you?" She laughed. "I have always wanted to feel two cocks in me."

What the fuck? She wanted an Evil Threesome?

"But I only want to be with you. You're the only man for me. You're the only one who can satisfy me. So I want it all to be you. I want you to fuck me, but I want you to finger my ass. Will you do that for me? Please?"

Anal play never appealed to me for the simple reason of hygiene, but I would deny her nothing in this mood. I nodded.

Tasha slid off my face, shifting her hips down to meet mine. She leaned over to kiss me on my mouth, licking her own flavor off my lips. She always avoided kissing me after I went down on her, until I washed my face and mouth -- but not tonight.

"Is that what I taste like? I wonder if other girls taste the same?"

"You are nectar."

I was rewarded for the compliment by her soft wet folds enveloping my cock. She positioned some pillows behind my back so I could reach her better.

"Feel how I wet I am. Wet your fingers inside my cunt," she commanded, "then use them."

I complied, feeling her shiver in anticipation, pressing up against me. Convinced she was ready, I tenderly probed my finger against the tight asterisk of her anus. After initial resistance, the sphincter relaxed and I was in.

Spasms immediately wracked Tasha's body. Her thighs clenched around me, and a wailing cry escaped her lips. I was now penetrating both her orifices, and she was transfigured, slamming her hips down around my cock.

I kept fucking her with my hips, and worked my index finger.

She never stopped coming. Her voice was a cyclical caterwaul, rising and falling with the peaks of her passion, only ceasing for another breath to fuel another howl. Her body spasmed, as electricity traveled from her anus and pussy to the pleasure centers of the brain, short-circuiting all other neural traffic.

Tasha was no longer in control of her body. She could only cry and convulse.

My hips furnished the friction she couldn't, thrusting up into her. I felt godlike at my power over her.

Tasha's screams rose.

I had never seen a woman come like this. It was one continuous orgasm for a full two minutes. I used my free hand to roughly pinch her nipples, and I extended the two minutes to three. I was alive, and powerful. I was a blessed mortal who had the privilege of making love to the Goddess of Sex several times a day. With every cry of lust, every contraction of her pussy, every thrust of my cock, I lost myself deeper.

Tasha finally could take no more and pushed my hands away. She collapsed on top of me, quivering like a tuning fork.

I held her as she recovered, with her legs still straddling me and her pussy still clenching my cock.

After a few minutes, she finally regained her senses, and her hips moved on top of mine again. She kissed me with voracious lips. "Oh, I can still taste myself on your face," she moaned into my ear. "It's so sexy. Now I need to know what another woman tastes like."

That got a reaction from my cock, as I continued to piston inside her.

"Oh, you like that? You want to watch me with another woman?"

I said nothing, and just pulled myself deeper inside her.

Her laugh scorched my ear. "You do. How about Diane?"

Diane would do quite nicely. She was a slim, athletic redhead with a pretty face and great legs.

Tasha's hips continued to rise and fall on top of me, and her voice breathed fantasies. "Do you remember the first time you fucked me, and I screamed so loud she came over to see whether I was alright?"

How could I forget? I was so proud of that achievement I almost added it to my résumé.

"She can't get you out of her head. She wants to know what you do that makes me such an insatiable slave to your cock. I can't explain it. I just tell her it's you. You're magnificent. You're the best fuck in creation, I told her. I love you with all my heart, and the entirety of my cunt."

I could do nothing but love her and listen.

"But that just makes her more curious. I bet she would do it. I think she has experimented with girls. I bet she would again. Maybe I tell her she can find out how amazing you are in bed, but only if I get to experiment with her while you watch. I'll go down on her in front of you, and then you can fuck her while I watch over your shoulder and whisper instructions in your ear."

The image in my head was overpowering my sense of control. I whipped her around so I could be on top, and fuck her as hard as I wanted.

"Oh, you like that, don't you, my sweet man?"

I definitely did.

"You want to watch your hot girlfriend eat out Diane, and then have me watch while you fuck her? Maybe I can even help. I'll play with her nipples for you."

I was proud of the sexual stamina I had acquired with Tasha. Sex fifteen to twenty times a week, coupled with her Tantric exercises, had established my endurance to the point where I could fuck her for an hour if I wanted -- but not now. I felt my orgasm building.

Tasha read it in my face. "You're about to come, aren't you? Do it. Shoot your cum into my hot... tight... cunt!" Her eyes were blue fire and she wrapped her legs tight around me. I felt her heels digging into my ass.

I detonated inside her, and gasped my pleasure. My vision dimmed. She kept grinding her hips until I was still.

Tasha lay beneath me, continuing to kiss me with my cock still inside her. She moved her kisses from my mouth to my cheek, and then to my ear. I felt her breath in my ear, as hot as the fires of hell.

"I love you," she whispered. "We belong together."

I know.

"I need you. You can save me."

Always.

"You make me insatiable for your cock. I don't know how you can keep up with me."

Watch me.

"This is love. We have something unique and precious in all the world. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made for love."

They do.

"You say you love me. Love is all there is, Lance. It's the only thing worth living for. You're brilliant. You can find something else, something local."

I can.

"Stay with me," she whispered.

"Forever," I answered, speaking the word that damned me.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Neither Dave, nor my parents, ever understood why I stayed with Tasha. Irina was the only person I knew who would have understood. Once you sell your soul, you can't just discard your purchase. Otherwise, what was your soul worth?

I had made the biggest sacrifice I could make. I canceled my enrollment at Columbia, and she rewarded me with two weeks of ecstasy and no Black Moods. Somehow she never got around to inviting Diane for a threesome, but that didn't matter -- Tasha was more than enough for me.

The sexual high eventually diminished, and she was back to normal. Only now I had nothing left to sacrifice for her. Once I had given up on Columbia, she knew I wasn't going to leave her. She finally felt as secure and safe as she could ever feel.

The Black Moods diminished, mostly, but I hadn't expected the price -- that the exciting parts of Tasha would diminish with them. The highs and lows were inseparable -- you can't have a north pole without a south. She was still clever, beautiful, and my best friend, but she was also bitter, distant, and frigid.

I took a permanent job at Fermilab -- but without an advanced degree, it was a dead end. I was competent, but those who knew me looked upon me with disappointment and pity.

Ever since that night-of-my-dreams-and-nightmares, I had been dying inside, fantasizing about how my life could have been different. My involuntary celibacy meant most of my fantasies were sexual, but they were impotent ones -- until my accident with the resonance array allowed me to make them real. My experiences pursuing my Might-Have-Beens had brought me understanding.

My sexual fantasies had not served me well. They had provided the comfort of an ideal world where I could hide from my miserable real one. None of my fantasy women turned out to be who I thought they were. Even though I was not the man for any of the six women, I regretted nothing. The sex had provided pleasure and confidence, and the puncturing of my presumptions had been enlightening. Striving and ultimately failing with all six women had been the greatest conquest of all. It wasn't fair, or rational, that a man's confidence could be so inextricably tied to sex, but for me at least it was true. In failure, I had rediscovered my identity -- for the simple reason that I was taking risks, living and finding some pleasure in life after five years of regret and pain.

Amy and Courtney had taught me I was prone to placing women on pedestals they did not want or deserve. That fault was mine, not theirs. I had done the same with Tasha, romanticizing my sacrifices rather than being appalled by the choices Tasha forced on me.

Amber and Sidney had showed me that love was a two-way street, where lovers helped each other. My relationship with Tasha was exposed as parasitic in comparison.

Irina and Crystal had prophesied my future, either into hatred and misogyny or abject submission and loss of identity. Both women had been dark mirrors, and I would avoid their fates.

I understood Tasha -- who she was, where we were going, and what she had done to me -- no -- what I had allowed her to do to me. I needed to end it. I needed to leave my world of fantasy, go back to my own timeline, take responsibility for my decisions, and salvage what I could out of a life derailed. I needed to man up and take my chances.

Tomorrow.

Today, I wanted one more do-over -- the sex fantasy I had been dreaming of for five years. I recalled the night with Tasha before I was to leave for New York. My mind once more flashed over every act, every penetration, and every depraved and erotic thing Tasha had whispered in my ear. It had been a transcendent night of sexual euphoria, and I would live that night again.

I chose the appropriate moment, and jumped.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

My bags are packed, the car is loaded. It's time to say goodbye to Tasha. I walk into our living room. She is sitting on the couch, waiting for me. "I'm not moving to New York," she says with utter finality.

I say nothing.

"Stay with me." She rises and stands before me.

"Tasha..."

"Don't say anything. I want to make sure you know what you will be missing."

She sheds her clothes and is clad only in stiletto heels that match her eyes. Her hands on her hips point down to her new landing strip. She is gorgeous, sensual, exotic, and prepared for an epic seduction.

My future is in front of me. I see every sordid, degrading act we are about to do. I feel every penetration, imagine small dark nipples that hold firm in my fingers, and sense every caress of wet, pulsing, velvet walls on my cock. I hear every moan, erotic vulgarity, cry, and scream. Sexual heaven lies before me -- but its musky scent is overpowered by that of brimstone, emanating from the territory beyond.

"No," I say.

Tasha stands in silent shock.

I speak the words I always knew I should have said. "I love you, more than you will ever believe, but I won't give up my life for you. Goodbye, Tasha."

Her mouth moves wordlessly, and I see the tears well in her eyes as I walk out the door. Each step away from her is a knife in my heart.

The door closes on my apartment, on Tasha, and on my abandoned night of sex. I hear a wail behind me as I head down the stairs. It fades from my ears when I leave the building, but it still rings through my soul with every step I take toward my packed car.

My phone rings as the engine starts. It's her. She is trying to preserve her dignity by not chasing after me. That makes it easier -- I had feared she would follow me naked into the parking lot, to shame me into taking her back inside, where she would have another chance. I turn off the phone, and drive in the direction of the future I should have had.

Finally, once out of sight of the apartment, I pull over. A panic attack is gripping my chest, making it hard to breathe. I picture her crying, lying on the floor, unsure of what she should do.

Will she take her own life? I don't think so. I believe those were attention-getting stunts, but it is possible. I squash the fear down. Tasha has to make her own choices, I have to make mine, and I can face the consequences of both. The realization is a lead weight falling off my soul. I am free, and it is as terrifying and exhilarating as it should be.

At long last, I had one fantasy go exactly as I hoped -- maybe the multiverse was trying to tell me something.

I take a deep breath and mutter, "I am a Golden God."

Thanks partly to Tasha, I have the beginnings of a Cunning Plan. I grasp the resonance array, and think of home. There is one more woman I plan to see, but not in an alternate universe or an alien timeline. She might even hate me. If so, she will have the chance to tell me to my face. I intend to see her in person, and in my own sweet time.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

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