Monster

"What is it? I thought you wanted to leave?"

The voice echoed from everywhere and to everywhere. He laughed. Her whole world consisted only of his laughter now. She just hid her face deeper into her hands and tried to block out the cruel and horribly familiar sound, feeling the wetness of her tears between her fingers.

Finally, under her sobs, she remembered a melody, and then another one, and another one. The one music that had always helped. She began to hum softly, the mere thought of the music soothing her fears and calming her a little ... .

***

Music. The sound of violins and flutes filled her head, every note washing out all memory, drowning his voice, and restoring her sanity. What, if nothing existed in this world any more? Just music. The contra-alto sang: "Deine Wangen müssen heute viel schöner prangen ..."

Snowflakes melted against the window. Those that still danced in the air were as grey as the sky.

'Hard to believe it is only noon,' Renate thought.

The window felt cool against her head, her breath formed a small grey cloud, into which her finger lazily drew shapes.

The lights from the windows on the other side of the street looked like Christmas. Maybe it was candles, not a lamp? Maybe it was a Christmas tree. They had their curtains closed, she couldn't see. Maybe they were all sitting there, eating Christmas goose, or whatever it was they had for Christmas, the opened presents from last evening still around the tree. The children too excited to eat more than a few bites -- or maybe just too full of candy.

"Ach mein herzliebes Jesulein, mach dir ein rein sanft Bettelein ..."

Christmas had never fully lost its magic for her. That had been one thing, he hadn't managed. It had been the only time of the year, she had felt some kind of closeness to her parents, and her siblings for some reason never tried to send her away on the days around Christmas when she wanted to join their playing. Maybe she should have gone home after all? They might even have been happy -- her mother had sounded disappointed at the phone, when Renate had told her she wasn't going to be there during Christmas break.

Right now they were probably eating, the Christmas tree lit, their windows glowing of a light as warm as the ones across the street. Then they would take a little walk through the winter landscape, happy that it snowed for Christmas, that didn't happen every year. She would be quiet and follow them at a few metres distance, but she would enjoy the sound of her younger siblings happy laughter.

"Schlafe, mein Liebster, genieße der Ruh ..."

Renate sighed. It was useless. She had stayed here -- it suddenly seemed impossible to call this place home -- and she could not get away. Or maybe ...

She jumped up from her armchair by the window so abruptly, that the sudden movement made her dizzy. But the feeling ceased after a moment, and with more energy than she had felt all day, she walked to the door. As long as the music was still playing, as long as there were Christmas lights in the windows all around.

"Und den Menschen ... und den Menschen ... und den Menschen ..."

At the very same moment the music got stuck, a feeling of pain tore through her body, her brain, something exploded in front of her eyes. And then, all went black.

***

Air. She needed air.

She didn't understand why she couldn't breathe. She couldn't see either, nor hear very well. The need for air grew as it dawned upon her that she was under water. How did she get here? What did it matter?

'Air!'

The darkness behind her was slightly lighter than the darkness in front of her, so she pushed with all her strength into that direction, and seconds later her head broke through the surface into a starry night. Her lungs hurt from the oxygen rushing into them, yet she believed she had never tasted anything sweeter.

Only slowly the blindness of her initial panic wore off, making space for a different fear as she took in her surroundings: She was at sea, underneath an almost endless sky that met only water at the horizon.

There was no wind, and only slight waves that rocked her slowly up and down. And there was nothing around her, no sign of land, nor an island, nor a boat or anything similar. The water was cold, she felt herself shivering, her teeth hit against each other. The air smelled salty, and she tasted a few similarly salty drops of water on her lip. She was drifting alone in the middle of the sea.

'What happened? Why am I here?'

If she didn't want to freeze, she had to move. But where to? It didn't matter. Anywhere could be good or bad. A few strong swimming movements made her feel warmer, she knew she had almost no chance to reach land ' if any land at all still exists', but it felt good to be trying, at least.

It did not take her long to be exhausted, and around her everything still looked the same.

'Am I even moving at all? How can I know I am not swimming on the same spot all the time?'

She stopped, just a moment, to take breath. At that very moment she felt it. For just one second: Something touched her foot, and she knew instantly that it was something alive. Looking down underneath her into the dark waters, she was sure she could see a shape moving. A big shape.

Her heart almost stopped, she didn't dare to move. As soon as she stopped treading the water, she sank down considerably, her face close to the surface. Finally she gathered all her courage, and let herself sink all the way into the water, opening her eyes there, in hope to see better. She had to know what was there.

The big shape moved in a slow circle around her, but she could still not recognize what it was. If it were a shark, wouldn't it have attacked her by now? And something in its movements didn't make it look like a shark. For a moment, she believed she had seen arms and legs.

'Maybe it's not after me? Maybe it hasn't even noticed, I am here.'

The need for air was stronger than the fear of being noticed, her legs kicked strongly into the water, and a moment later she looked up into the night sky again.

'I have to get away from here, I have to!'

She started to swim, faster this time, she hardly knew in which direction. With her head above the waves, she couldn't see it, but she was sure that the thing in the water was still nearby. She put her head under the surface again, opened her eyes, which hurt from the water, looked, nothing. Still, she had to keep staring around, as she pushed herself to swim yet faster and faster. Finally, she needed air again.

She could feel that it was still there, right behind her. Like a strange presence that followed her, like a shadow she could not get rid of.

After a few moments of snapping for air, her lungs and heart almost bursting from her efforts, her head was under water again. Dark. Just dark. No -- something was there. A movement of shade and ever so dim light. It was there.

'Or not? Just keep swimming. Keep swimming!'

She knew it followed her. And she knew she couldn't reach the horizon, behind which maybe there was land -- or maybe not -- before her strength would all be spent. And she knew that the thing knew that as well. It lurked in the dark waters; she couldn't flee.

'Air!' she needed to surface again.

Her feet kicked downwards to lift her up again, to get her head into the air. Just at that moment, she touched it again. No, she didn't touch it -- the thing touched her. It touched her, and held on to her.

She struggled wildly, waving arms and kicking with her legs, she looked down and saw the shape right underneath her, huge, everywhere, holding on to her. She had not been mistaken, it had arms indeed. And holding on to her foot with one of these arms, it started to descend into the endless black depths of the sea.

Her struggling grew less with every second that passed, her eyes stopped distinguishing the dim light from above with the unbearable darkness from underneath. When her mouth opened against her will and salty water filled her, all thoughts disappeared into darkness, and only a remote corner of her brain still registered that it pulled her closer to its body before ...

***

Renate's eyes flickered in panic over the furniture and walls of the room. The echo of her scream still hung in the air. Outside, the darkness of the winter day had given room to the even deeper darkness of the night. No stars where in the sky, and a few snowflakes where still dancing in front of the window, on their way down.

Inside, all was shadow, all was strange. It had taken her a few seconds to realize that she was lying on the sofa of the living room. The armchair by the window looked like a crouching animal. Now that she had stopped screaming, there was only silence. The record player was turned off. She couldn't remember having done this, nor could she remember lying down on the sofa.

What time was it? It must be late, and Renate could feel her stomach growl of hunger, she hadn't eaten since the day before. She stood up, and found her way into the kitchen in the darkness. From the corner of the eye, she believed to see something move, and her heart made a little jump. But a second look told her, that it was only the coat hanging on the coat hanger, and it probably hadn't moved at all.

Only when she was in the kitchen, she switched the light on. She squinted, as her eyes got used to its brightness. Then she pulled a package of pasta out of a cupboard, a big cooking pot out of another one, filled it with water. It was always a bit of work to turn on the gas stove, she almost burned her finger when lighting it with the aid of a match, and then she had to keep the button controlling the flame pushed for at least a minute, as it would go out again without this. Done with that, she put the pot on the flame, and threw the pasta into the water. She couldn't be bothered waiting for it to boil.

When the pasta was ready, Renate drained the water into the sink, searched for a bottle of ketchup in the refrigerator that was not yet empty, and then sat down at the shaky old kitchen table with the pot of pasta and the ketchup in front of her.

The strange feelings she had awoken with were still there, even now, almost half an hour later. She couldn't remember much of her dream, but she still remembered the feeling of panic. Now, however, all seemed quiet.

Despite being such a simple meal, the pasta was quite tasty. Maybe it was just the fact that she had been starving. Renate speared huge amounts at once onto her fork and stuffed them into her mouth. She chewed hastily and swallowed too quickly. When she had eaten about half, she finally slowed down.

A plant stood in front of her on the table. She had bought it just a few days after moving in here -- she was from the countryside, the one thing the city lacked for her, was green. It was a fern-like plant, quite small still, but growing happily. In fact, it had grown since she last looked at it: She was sure, that the long, leafless twigs hadn't been there before.

They were thin and looked supple, their ends rolling up slightly, evocative to the form of a snail. As she looked at the plant, those long, tentacle-like ends started quivering. It was normal for the twigs of the plant, or other things, to sometimes ostensibly shake a bit, as if there was a tiny earthquake -- the city was built on what once had been swampland, and a heavy car on the street was enough to make everything shake ever so slightly for several minutes. Renate had, however, not heard any car at all in the street next to her house. And there was something about the small movements of the plant that looked eerie.

'Probably I just still feel comfortable because of my dream', she decided, and took another spoonful of pasta into her mouth.

The plant was still now, and thoughtfully Renate reached out to touch one of the long twigs with her fingers. At the next moment it had wrapped around her wrist, like a tentacle, and another one was reaching for her other hand, then yanking her forward over the table. A few rests of pasta flew out of Renate's mouth as she screamed in surprise. A third tentacle was reaching quite obviously for her throat now. Renate had no time to think about how bizarre the situation was, all she could do was scream and try to come loose from the merciless grip. The little plant held her down on the table, wrapping more of its tentacles around her arms and neck, suffocating her.

Then, finally, Renate managed to get back to her feet. The plant let go of her, and flew a few metres before landing on the ground. The ceramic pot cracked, and dirt spilled over the wooden floor of the kitchen.

As Renate's heartbeat calmed down, she stared at the plant on the floor. It looked as small and innocent as always, she could not see any tentacles. At the same time, a sound started to fill her head. A laughing sound. A loud and malicious cackling.

Finally, the laughter stopped, and instead, she could hear his voice, which came from her own head, and seemed to fill the whole room:

"Hello beautiful! Now, why'd you do that? The poor plant."

Then, he started laughing again.

***

'Katja! Katja, where are you? Why did you leave me?'

"She didn't want to spend any more time with you. Surely not Christmas, you'd have spoilt it for her. Who would want to be with you, anyway?"

'No! No! That's not true. She's my friend.'

"You don't have any friends. Have you forgotten who you are?"

'You are lying! Go away, leave me alone!'

"Are you sending away the only one who has never tried to send you away? The only one who is always there? I will always stay with you, beautiful."

Again, his laughter, its echo bouncing off the walls of the apartment.

'Stop it! You aren't even there! You are not true!'

"Not true? Then why can you hear me? And what about the plant? I am just as real as everyone else."

'You are part of my imagination. That's what the doctor said, back then. You are not there. I am fine now. I am normal now. I only imagined you.'

"What is it that makes you so sure? How can you prove you exist? Maybe it's me that is real, and you are the one I imagine."

'No! That's a lie.'

"It's not. I am here, you are not. I only imagine you. And your parents, and Katja, and everything else. I have a very vivid imagination, you know?"

'You are lying. You don't exist.'

"I don't exist? Then why are you arguing with me? Beautiful, you should really get your head checked, this is worrisome, arguing with someone you imagine."

The laughter again. Even louder this time. It hurt, the laughter hurt.

'Make it stop, make it stop!'

Soaring pain. Bright colours flashed before Renate's eyes. At the same time the taste of blood. It took her a few moments before she realized, that she had bumped her head against the wall, with force, because she couldn't take it any longer.

It had worked: The laughter had stopped. Outside, the darkness was getting replaced by a grey morning light. Renate's head hurt, she felt dizzy.

She couldn't allow herself to sleep. Sleep was dangerous. She had to stay awake. She had to find a way to get out of here. Her eyes were heavy, the taste of her own blood stung on her lips. She needed water. Renate stood up, wanted to walk back to the kitchen. As soon as she was standing, the bright colours returned, crashing over her like waves, and she sank back onto the sofa she had been sitting on before.

***

'I know this smell.'

It hung heavy in the air, a thick and dangerous smell. It made her cough, and her eyes sting.

'It's warm. Much too warm.'

It was, really. And it wasn't the friendly warmth of sunshine. It was a blazing heat that made one side of her face glow, while the other side, turned away from the source of heat, felt cold.

In front of her closed eyes, there was an orange glow. A light, but not a bright or friendly one. It was difficult to open the eyes; she had to fight for every millimetre. When she finally managed, just a little bit, there were flames in front of her. She turned her head. The flames were next to her, too. And behind her. She was caught in a sea of fire.

The heat, and the smoke in the air felt unbearable.

'I have to get away from here.'

She couldn't keep her eyes open, she couldn't see if there was any way out. Blindly she stumbled to where the heat felt least painful, only to bump into something, a wall, a piece of furniture, she didn't know.

'I must open my eyes. I must see. I am so tired -- but if I fall asleep now, I will die. Why can't I open my eyes?'

A roaring sound, a scream, followed by a growl shook her, awoke her senses. Yanking her eyes open, she saw something behind the flames -- the shape of a huge body, dark like a shadow. Then the effort became too much, her eyes were closing again. She struggled to keep them at least partially open. Squinting into the flames, she saw something moving towards her.

'I have to stay awake. I have to keep my eyes open. I have to see when it's coming to me, I have to know where to flee to.'

Again she opened her eyes just a fraction, the shade seemed right in front of her. She turned to the side, and bumped into the next wall.

Then, the heat came closer, a different heat, a burning wind, like hot breath.

She fought against her eyelids falling down, tried to see -- the thing was right in front of her, for a moment she caught sight of a huge, dark head, of nostrils from which flames blazed into the air, glowing eyes.

Yet another fiery breath from the thing and another flush of heat washed over her. They did not touch her skin, though, just her clothes, which after a few seconds had disappeared. Her skin felt feverish from the heat.

Gradually she managed to open her eyes more, bit by bit. Crashing sounds around her alerted her that the building she was in was about to fall apart. And there she was, a wall behind her and next to her, and this huge head of some being in front of her, not letting her flee, staring at her with huge, glowing eyes. She could not see the rest of its body. The end of its long neck was disappearing between the flames.

The thing made another roaring sound, opening its mouth widely. Then, she could see its tongue, rolling out of that mouth, towards her, almost as thick and long as herself.

The tongue touched her feet, and slowly slithered up her legs, its heat burning on her skin. When it reached further up, between her legs, it lingered for a moment. For a second there was another feeling besides the pain of fire, but then it went up further, she could feel its rough structure, could feel how it was tasting her, like a fire trying the next thing it wants to burn with a few licks of its flames.

When it reached her face, the smell of smoke, the heat, the brightness of the flames in front of her eyes became unbearable. She felt more awake now, her eyes weren't struggling any more, they were almost completely open, but breathing was hard, there was only heat and ...

***

Renate's scream echoed through the room, her eyes wide open encountered darkness. Was it still night, or already night again? She didn't know.

The smell of smoke remained, however, and to her left there was an orange glow. Turning around, Renate found the tablecloth next to the sofa on fire. For a few seconds she stared at it helplessly, unsure of what to do. Then she jumped up, ran into the bathroom. A bucket with various cleaning utensils was standing next to the toilet. She turned the bucket upside down, everything spilling onto the floor. A bottle of some type of cleaner sprang open and the white liquid oozed out. Renate didn't notice. She filled the bucket with water and ran back into the living room, throwing the water over the table just in time, as a few flames already started licking at the sofa.