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Click here"What time is it?" she asked. Not "I love you" or "That was amazing", but "What time is it".
"A little after seven" I replied, and handed her the clothing she was wearing earlier. She must have sensed the disappointment on my face.
"David" she said, "I just wanted to say thank you".
"For what?" I asked, now utterly confused.
"For making me feel whole again." she responded, "for letting me know in your own little way that there was someone beside me, if only for a little while."
All I could think at that point was "wow!". This was heavy stuff, and I had no experience dealing with "heavy stuff" like this. The heaviest it got with my girlfriends was "Thanks for showing me a good time" or "Would you come to my house for dinner with my parents". What this woman was saying and feeling was way out of my league. Her statement told me two things. One, she was lonely and she's been having a lot of trouble dealing with it. And two, she needed a mature partner to express her feelings with. I was no mature partner, mature for my age maybe, but not mature enough for her.
"Why only for a little while?" I asked, already knowing the answer to my stupid question. "I think you know why" she began, "There are too many risks for us to stay together, for you and for me". She was right of course. If the school found out she would be fired the same day, and I would probably be dragged through the papers, my life would be essentially ruined. It would be gossip, and even after the headlines were gone people would talk. At that moment my heart sank.
After putting her clothing on and cleaning up the mess we had left, she embraced me.
"I love you David, I always will, even if we cannot be together".
"I love you too." I said, then kissed her for the last time.
That was the last time I ever saw her. I transferred to another English class the next day, then a few weeks later my dad got a new job across the state and we moved out a few weeks after that. A few years after I graduated I went back looking for her, but she had moved somewhere out of state (That's what the school told me). I haven't found her to this day, and I don't think I ever will. I married recently, so I won't be looking for her anymore, out of respect for my wife. My penis wasn't a problem anymore after that, at least for a while. I was so depressed for the next 8 months following our separation I'm surprised I got out of bed during that time. When I think about it, I still miss her, but I try not to think of it very often, why cause needless pain? Besides, I move forward, not backwards.
This is my first story. Questions or Comments? Email me.
- COMMENTS
Northpacific2017almost 7 years agowith repetition you will evolve, but over all in my opinion, you did really well, I have read far far worse, at 67 I am old, maybe experience counts for some thing.
North
littlegirlinloveabout 20 years agoI think your story was great... I only read it cause of Mr. Anonymous?s comment and your reply. I wanted to see what I thought. I am no expert writer but I do have experience. your story has a great description of the sex scene, an actual story followed by a good ending, and most of all heart, something my stories lack. for a first story you did great. actually for a 5th story it was great. I will keep reading if you keep writing.
-Sarah
xbox15241about 20 years agoAuthor"I'm not sure why I spent the time to read all of this."
- I don't know either, but while I can't answer your own question, I will take the time to answer the rest of your comment. For some reason, I am a little confused as to how I "missed" the story. This wasn't supposed to be a novel, this was supposed to be a short story. Short stories are only supposed to show a "snapshot" of a person's life. Of course, I could rewrite it and tell you every little thing they said to each other for the past year, but if I did that, I would be writing a novel, wouldn't I? A short story is a little different than a novel, in that you have to balance character development while at the same time making the story a manageable read. Short stories are meant to be read in one sitting; a novel, however, takes many hours to read (depending on how fast you read of course).
This story is somewhat long for a short story (4400 words), so to expand it to the point where it would be a multiple chapter story would have made it an unmanageable read. I certainly agree with you that expanding it a little bit would have made it much better, but I also don't think that it's so bad that it's not even a story. Is it the best erotic story ever written? Of course not, but I don't think it's that bad either. I've actually been thinking quite a bit about this story during the last year, and I was wondering why people seem to like it so much (I'm not pumping myself up here, stay with me). And you know what, I still don't understand why so many people like this story. It's well written, yes, but you're right in that it lacks character development. It's not a perfect balance between length and character development to be sure, but I think that I still came pretty close.
Also, keep in mind that this was my first story. I wrote this in a few hours one night when I was bored, so it's not going to be the perfect story. No one can ever write the perfect story their first time out, and I am no exception. I actually don't want to say this, but thank you for confirming my doubts about the story with your comment. Perhaps your observation will make my writing better in the future; certainly I hope that I can improve on my first effort.
"I'll give you 50% for at least trying, but I don't know why."
- You seem to not know a lot of things, but I can't argue with your score; it's subjective, so I could have no hope of winning such an argument. However, before I wrap this up, I'd really like to know who is telling me this. I love these anonymous comments, because not only are you free to criticize, but you are also free from criticism yourself. I will hold out the faint hope that you will come back here and read what I have said, because I'd really like to see how to truly develop a story. In other words, since you seem to be such a great judge of quality erotic fiction, I'd like to see a prize-winning example of yours to see how it's done. If you haven't caught my drift, I'm saying that I don't take you very seriously because you don't have the guts to post. If you can't write, that's cool, just don't be so critical about someone's work. When we post our stories, we put ourselves out there to be judged, and what you say does have an effect on us. So, instead of leaving a nasty comment, try to tell what the author can improve on, and also what he did well. I have no respect for anonymous posters who leave nasty comments. In fact, I think that you should have to register to post, but unfortunately that is not a requirement. Too bad.
