My Bizarre Life Change Ch. 01-02bywatchdwag©
It was nearly two years ago that my life took a drastically different turn and I realize now that the person I was is gone forever and perhaps it's the best thing that could have ever happened to me. My wife Denise and I have been married for about six years. While we met in college, we didn't actually start dating until a year or so after graduation. Ironically in college, I dated her roommate and she dated one of my fraternity brothers. When we finally met again after college she was on a break from a guy and things just sort of came together for us.
We were engaged about a year after we began dating and married just after I started my own firm. I write computer programs and create software applications for several prominent companies in the Southeast United States. While I have only a dozen major clients, it has enabled Denise and me to enjoy a very comfortable lifestyle. She works as a realtor and does very well with her easy going and likeable personality. Not to mention the fact that Denise is a stunning woman.
Denise is 5'2" with gorgeous long brown hair. I've told her she reminds me of that actress that played on Charmed -- Holly Marie Combs. I even joked that she had cast a spell on me the moment we met and I have been smitten ever since.
Things went great with the two of us until the fourth year of our marriage. We had both agreed we didn't really desire to start a family. Nothing against children, but both Denise and I really enjoyed not having that additional responsibility. But something began to change and I felt her becoming more and more distant.
Perhaps much of it was me as I began devoting more time to my work. Our company client's dependence on technology and the growing marketing solutions available on the Internet created more business than I could physically accomplish. I hired a very talented young woman out of college to be more of the liaison to our clients while I spent the bulk of my time creating the computer applications and web based programs.
Lynn, my marketing representative was a natural at analyzing the company's needs as we built a flowchart for the technology solution. I then wrote the software and created the portals while she trained the client on how to apply them to their existing systems. It was a great team. While Lynn too was a striking brunette, I was very careful not to mix business with pleasure and kept our relationship strictly professional.
About four years ago, we moved into a really nice development where Denise & I met two people that would forever change both of our lives -- Cynthia and Frank. Frank was about ten years older than me and owned a Mercedes dealership in town. Cynthia was eight years younger than Frank and owned an upscale women's salon and spa. To say Cynthia was gorgeous would be an understatement. She could easily be a model with her long blonde tresses and lean legs.
Frank and Cynthia had a nice pool behind their house, secluded by a brick wall with an abundant nursery of beautifully sculpted hedges and flowers. They had a grounds crew that came in once a week to tend to the variety of flowers and bushes which adorned their back yard.
The four of us really hit it off and spent considerable time lounging out by their pool or relaxing on their spacious deck. While I enjoyed their company, I could not help but notice that Cynthia was a take charge woman from the start with Frank acquiescing to her requests. They seemed to have a strong marriage but there was no doubt who wore the pants in the family as Frank catered to her needs, did most of the cooking, and seemed to be at her beckon call.
Sometimes when my wife Denise would point out how attentive Frank was to Cynthia, I responded either she must have something on him or he was just one pussy whipped husband. There was something about him I just couldn't put my finger on. It wasn't that he was effeminate or sissy acting, but it did strike me he could be someone who played both sides of the field.
On one of the many occasions Neesy (my pet name for Denise) talked about how Frank did this or took care of that, I brushed it off that it wouldn't surprise me if the marriage was a sham and Frank was gay and his wife some dominant dyke who was really carrying on affairs with her clients down at the spa. While I thought I was being funny, Denise found no humor in me making fun of our neighbors with her growing friendship with Cynthia.
Our sex life had always been out of this world. Neesy was no angel when I married her and definitely was the more experienced between the two of us. It really turned me on when she recounted some of the stories in college when she and some of her girl friends had three ways with guys they brought home. I knew she and some of her sorority sisters engaged in girl-girl encounters and I really got worked up when I had her describe her having oral sex with another woman.
Sometimes during sex, Denise would recount the instances that one or more of her sorority sisters would get together. As I was going down on her, she would share how she had some inexperienced female pledge eat her pussy, just as I was doing at the time.
She had a "Big Sister" assigned to her in the sorority. It was she who had seduced her to girl-girl sex and would often take a strapon to my wife. It turned me on so much for her to tell me about the older coed fucking her while I worked her over with my rod. We would both cum hard at all of our oral banter and role playing.
We talked often about bringing another person into the bedroom although it never happened. Occasionally she asked if I would ever consider allowing another man to join us. Perhaps having sex with him. I could not believe she had even considered that. While I loved the thought of seeing her with another woman, and had no issue at all with her bisexual past, there was no way I was going to have sex with another man.
I can't really place a date on it, but it seemed that things sort of changed about two and a half years ago as we had sex less and less often. It was almost as if Neesy were just going through the motions. Looking back, I recall now one afternoon that she wanted to use one of her "toys" on me. She wanted to stick her vibrator up my ass. While I enjoyed having anal sex with her, I drew the line at her doing that to me.
She even went so far one night to playing with my butt while she was giving me an unbelievable blowjob but I made her stop. When she reasoned that I might like it, I can't recall exactly what I said but it was something to the tune she had been hanging around with Cynthia too long. I'm sure she had put this crazy thought in her head as she was likely in there banging her pussy whipped husband with a strapon every night.
Then one afternoon, my life came unraveled. I arrived home to find a note on the kitchen table. It was from Denise who explained things were just not the same and she needed time to sort her feelings out. The letter read that she felt things were missing in our relationship. She loved me but there were just things that I couldn't do or wouldn't do and it was selfish of her to try to make me change to be the person she wanted me to be. She wanted some time on her own to reflect on what she wanted with her life. Then the bombshell.....she had met someone. Someone who filled in those blanks. Who answered her needs -- another woman.
She pointed out that she had discussed this with Cynthia and our neighbor said maybe time apart might help. She wasn't sure she wanted to end our marriage but she needed to discover where she was with her life. The letter ended, "Eric, I love you as much now as the day we married. I cannot imagine a life without you. But right now I need time to think. Please don't contact me right now. Give me space. Perhaps if things are meant to be -- I'll be back. If not, life is much too short to live wanting something you just cannot have. Regardless, know that I will always love you. I know this is all so confusing. Please try to understand. Neesy."
My hands trembled as I read and reread the letter. "Wanting something she could not have? Someone who filled in the blanks? Another woman?"
I made a drink as I tore through the house wondering was this a joke. Our furniture was all there. Everything as she had left it but there were clothes missing from her closet. Winter items still hung on their hangers, cosmetics on the counter. At least she hadn't packed everything. Maybe this was a temporary thing. Perhaps a week or two to come to her senses.
Cynthia! The letter said Cynthia and she had talked. I tossed back my drink and bolted out the back door to our neighbor's house. Frank met me at the door as he studied my wild look. I pushed past him, not waiting for him to invite me in, as I raced to the kitchen where Cynthia was having dinner.
"Where is she?" I demanded.
"Where is who?" Cynthia shot back.
"Denise! The two of you talked. She said you were the one who said she should leave," I exclaimed back thrusting out the letter hanging limply in my hand.
Frank had walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table where he had been sitting eating dinner before I arrived. Cynthia read the letter, scanning the document, almost as if studying it for some code, some trace of subtext.
"So, she did it," Cynthia muttered as she handed me back the document. "I wasn't sure she would go through with it."
"You knew she would leave? The two of you knew that and you didn't tell me?" I shot back incensed that I had been betrayed by the couple I called friends.
"Eric, the two of you haven't really been happy in some time. At least Denise hasn't...and she's told you as much. If I could be so blunt," she began looking straight into my eyes, "and I'm not looking to hurt your feelings. But you haven't really made Denise priority one in your life."
Without even letting her finish I retaliated, "I'm out busting my ass to make a life for the two of us. We have a nice home, cars, look at the life she has... to come and go as she pleases. She doesn't even have to work if she doesn't want to. I know I spend a lot of time away, working, but that's the price of this. I mean it's not easy," I continued as Cynthia just stared back.
"Eric. Even now, you're not listening. You can't even open your eyes to what she's written you. Its not about the house, the cars, the trips, the bank accounts. It's about her -- what she wants, what she needs. Again, I don't mean to pile on right now. Knowing how you must feel. But even now you're responding with how you feel."
Cynthia continued, "You are a really good person. But I have to say knowing the two of you the way Frank and I have for two years none of this surprises me. Denise needs more than a caretaker, more than a companion...a roommate. She needs a lover. Someone who fills her basic needs and desires. Someone who, as she describes in her letter, fills in the blanks..."
"And you're saying I'm not her lover," I replied back.
"Not the lover she's looking for Eric," Cynthia retorted. "I've spent a great deal of time with Denise, and we've chatted. From what she's described, your love life is what you need...not what she wants."
"You two talk about our sex life?" I questioned back.
"Of course," she smiled. It was the first break of tension in the room. "We talk about it a lot. What you do, what you don't do."
"Don't do?" I interrupted. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Look, it's not my place to get involved. Frank and I don't want to get between you two," Cynthia responded.
"Sounds like you are involved...and been giving my wife advice. Bad advice." I shot back, a touch of resentment in my tone.
"See there you go. Someone else's fault. Never your own. It's always about you Eric. That's the problem. Denise turned to another lover because she couldn't get her needs with you. She didn't want to hurt you but she didn't get what she needed from you," Cynthia explained.
"And what's that? What exactly is she looking for?" I questioned back.
"Something that perhaps you can't give her Eric. It's not your fault really. It would require changes. Changes that I don't think you're capable of making," she went on.
"And if I changed...if I changed the way she wanted..she'd come back?" I asked. I searched Cynthia's face. She looked as if she was going to speak and then looked down, back at the kitchen table.
"Look, Cynthia. I know we haven't always been close but I love my wife. I love her more than anything in the world. I know I'm not the easiest guy to live with and perhaps I have been taking Neesy for granted, but I can change. I know I can make her happy," I reasoned.
"But Eric, you miss the point. It's not another man she's fallen for. She's having a relationship with another woman. Someone who is giving her something that perhaps you can't," she explained.
"Like what? The sex? Exactly what can a woman do that I cannot?" I said back.
"Well, first you'd need to know what a woman can do that a man cannot. You see Eric, you see everything through your eyes. What you have known. Not how Denise sees them. You need to open yourself up to feelings you've never shared. Be willing to experiment in ways you have never been willing. In essence change from the man you are to someone totally different and I'm just not sure you can make those kind of changes," Cynthia shared as she took a sip from a glass of Merlot.
"And if I did? If I did change. If I could become more the man she wanted, she'd come back? She'd come home?" I responded almost as if a plea for help.
"Again you're not listening sweetie. Its not a man she's looking for. She loves you...but she needs you to become the woman you can be."
"Woman? I can't be a woman," I scoffed.
"No sugar you can't. No question you are a man. A handsome man at that. But you can find a softer side. A side of you perhaps you never knew. I'd be willing to help you. Frank and me both, but you'd have to commit totally. Do everything I say, no questions asked," Cynthia was explaining before I interrupted.
"And if I did. If I did the things you say, you could get her to come home? You'd tell her I'd changed?" I questioned.
"If you had changed," Cynthia replied back. "But it won't be easy for you. I know you well Eric and I just can't see you adapting...giving in."
"Cynthia please, I'll do anything to get her back! I love my wife. I feel so empty without her. She's my whole world. Please help me," I pleaded.
Cynthia studied me. I could feel tears well up in my eyes. I couldn't remember the last time I had cried but I felt a tear roll down my cheek as Cynthia took my hand in hers. It was warm. Aside from our initial handshakes and the occasional peck on the cheek when we said hello, I don't think she had ever touched me before. Not in the two years we had known each other but something in her touch, the warmth of her hand, made me feel at ease.
"Frank, get Eric a drink... Jack and water right?" she said with a smile.
"Yea," I said nodding wiping the tear from my face.
"Okay, I'll help you. Because I love you both and I want this to work but understand, you have to leave the old Eric right now. All vestiges of who you were when you walked through our door tonight are gone. I'm going to help you see things as Denise sees them. It will be a new world for you. One in which you will be extremely uncomfortable at first, but you'll see what it is you can be if you let go. But you have to do exactly as I say and everything as I say, do you understand?" she intoned.
"Yes, I understand," I replied
"And you understand that Eric is gone. You might be Eric at work, to your employees, your associates...but not here. Here you're Erin," she informed me.
"Erin?" I shot back.
"This is about you seeing through the eyes of a woman. Feeling what a woman feels. Remember, you're not competing against a man for your wife's love. It's another woman. If you want her back, you have to show her, demonstrate to her that you can be that other woman. That which she needs to fill in the blanks remember?" Cynthia explained.
I was really lost. How the hell was I going to feel like a woman? Frank walked up and handed me my drink that I gulped down. It was cold, wet, and I had nearly downed it before setting the glass on the table.
"So, can you do that? Can you be Erin?" Cynthia asked. I noted a glimmer in her eye that I hadn't seen before.
"I'm not really sure what you're asking me to do," I answered back.
"I'm asking you to make a commitment to do everything I ask. You do what I say, when I say it, and I'm confident I can get your wife to return. I'm sure of it. Is that what you want?" she asked again taking a sip of her wine.
"More than anything," I pleaded.
"Then I want you to get down on your knees. Kneel down here on the floor," she commanded.
What was she asking me to do? Beg? Was I supposed to beg her to bring Neesy back? None the less, I slipped down from the chair onto my knees facing her.
"Now face Frank. Frank, stand right here," she said pointing to the floor as Frank took up a position in front of me. "Erin, I want you to unzip his fly and remove his cock."
I couldn't believe she had just asked me to touch another man's dick. It was one thing to call me by a girl's name but to ask me to touch him. No fucking way.
"Are you kidding? You don't mean...you're not thinking about me doing him are you?" I shot back as I stood up.
"Well, that didn't last long did it?" Cynthia scoffed as she took her wine and raised it to her lips.
"Listen, Cynthia, this is too much. You can't expect me to do your husband. That's crazy shit," I reasoned.
"No problem Eric. We were just trying to help," she said softly taking a sip.
Pausing a couple of seconds, she broke the tension. "Look there's a nice lady down the road. Denise and I were just starting to get to know her. She's just recently broken up with her husband. Perhaps I can introduce you two," she went on.
"Are you setting me up?" I said almost incensed. "You want me to ask this other woman out?"
"Look, I was just trying to make this easy for you. For both of you. If you're not willing to be the person Denise is looking for, perhaps you might both be served best by moving on," she countered.
"I don't want to move on," I rang out. "I want my life back!"
"You don't get it do you," Cynthia stated. "That life is over. I offered to help and you don't want to be helped. Once again, it's all about Eric. Perhaps it's best you leave."
I stood up and turned to go back out the door. Her words still playing in my head. My feet felt like lead as I lifted one, then the other. I turned to face her, it was a moment I will never forget.
"If I do what you say. Exactly what you say...you're sure, Denise will come home?"
"I've already answered that," Cynthia replied back.
"And, who would know? I mean, who would know what you're asking me to do?" I questioned.
Cynthia smiled. She had a way of disarming you with her smile. "Just us sweetie. The three of us...and Denise of course. She needs to know what you are willing to do to get her back."
"And doing gay things with your husband...you would tell her that?" I asked feeling a hard lump in my throat.
"Sweetheart. Your wife is at least bi if not a lesbian herself. I think she asked you once if you'd be willing to do that for her, didn't she?" Cynthia queried.
"She told you that?" I asked almost in disbelief Neesy was sharing our bedroom chatter.
"That and much more. But you said no. Numerous times. Once again, it's what you want not what she wants. She asked if you'd be willing to do that. Eric told her no. Now, now you have to show her. Are you willing to go down on another man if she asks? Can you do that now?" Cynthia said back to me.
I couldn't believe what she was asking me to do. But I knew how much I wanted my wife back. She had asked me about having sex with another man. It came up quite a few times and I always replied indignantly the same way -- no fucking way.