My Darkness...

Within my darkness there is of course a dedication... So to the one known as 'derfauster' this one is all yours...

*

You talk of darkness but do you have any thought to base this talk on? Herein lies darkness of the most terrible kind. Because you see my friend, this darkness was once lightness in and of itself. It was a real person. It was a person who had so much to give, and sadly she chose the wrong one to give it to. She mistakenly thought she'd met her dark soul master... You want to know what darkness really is? Then read on.

She went to her ocean today. She saw the sun glistening on the waves. She saw the girls walk by with their hard tight bodies, and the guys who followed soon after. She saw families playing, kids being chased by waves and young lovers walking hand in hand at the waters edge. She saw everything. And she saw nothing.

She hears the cries of a thousand sea gulls as they vied for what they considered their rightful place among the other gulls. As she sat in the sand watching the waves go about their endless crashing and retreating she allows her mind to wander back to a different and so much happier time. A time when self discovery was as new and as exciting as the thought of you was.

She smiles to herself as she remembers the first time he had ever written back to her as she commented on a story he had written of glass elevators and the likes of such. What got her going the most in regards to him and what made her want to get to know him better was his wicked and often times sarcastic sense of humor which was prevalent in all his responses.

Soon she found herself reading more of his writings with each one seemingly drawing her towards him and his self proclaimed darkness. As they progressed towards more than a casual writing interest for each other she felt deep down inside that she had finally met the One who could give her answers to the million or more questions she had. She even began to trust again. He called her his muse...and then later he called her his pet.

She stopped remembering for a moment as she glanced around and she realized no one else was around anymore. The families had all packed up and went home to their lives. The sea gulls had gone elsewhere to create more disturbance and the young lovers had retreated to their blankets as it was getting colder when the sun set.

She looks over to her ocean...her nemesis she considered it and she felt its magnetic caresses upon her cheek, touching her as a lover would...and she cries softly. Hugging her knees to her chest she stares morosely out towards the waves thinking how easy to would be to just take that first step. The wind blew a sharp gust in her face as if to push her towards the water and the sand was thrown into her eyes. She kept her eyes closed until the wind died down some and then put her head down on her arms.

There is a great and terrible sadness in her soul this evening. All the tears she sheds are in vain, and she knows this because too many other times she cried as well. It never brought anybody back, and it never brought things back to the way they had been before.

She now sees how he exploited her needs and her desires as he took what he wanted and left her there alone. Such were his actions that for the longest time she questioned herself and her own mind. Never quite sure if she had erred so badly the inadvertently pushed him away. Yet in the end she realized it was his own insecurities and insensitivities that had caused all this pain and sadness she was feeling. She slowly gets up and brushes the sand off her legs. She walks even closer to her ocean, noticing the waves are now beckoning with greater regularity than before. She walked until her toes touched the waters edge and she allows the ocean to gently massage her toes. She is comforted by the familiarity of the oceans touch and she ventures even further in as the waves are now reaching her ankles.

Her reverie is shattered by the discreet beep of her cell phone. She stops for a moment and fishes her phone out of her pocket of her pants. She sees the phone number and knowing it's him she answers tonelessly in a voice dead from all emotion; 'what.' He is a bit taken aback by the abruptness he hears and he tries to engage her in meaningless chatter. She listens to his voice and she is reminded again of a happier time when the sound of his voice would always bring on sighs of happiness and of longing and of times when she couldn't hear it enough.

She only half listens to his latest news of how he joined a local BDSM club. Exclusive, of course and by invite only. She hears him tell how much it will help him become the DOM he just knows he was meant to be and wonders of wonders, he even met a sub there who just happened to be an ex-client of his...and wonders never will cease because as it happens, she also belongs to this club.

She leaves the phone at the edge of the water with him still talking to her, telling her again how important it was that she be patient and there was so much in his world that was going on...and she walks slowly away. She steps deeper into the water. Now it's up to her knees and if she listens close enough she can hear the ocean calling to her like an old friend. The wind plays a song for her that only she can hear, and she walks out further to where the water is above her waist and it is pulling her forwards.

She looks one last time to the shore and she sees him there bent over her cell phone. He straightens up and he has her phone in his hands. He looks out towards the water seeing her, and then he puts the phone in his pocket as he turns to walk away. After all his new sub was waiting for him and she wanted a cell phone anyways and now he doesn't have to spend the money to get her one. He thought if he could hurry his new sub and him could just make the munch.

He smiled to himself and thought how easy it was to get rid of his old sub. All he had to do was ignore her until she gave up. He knew ultimately she would. She had told him so many times that he was in her head and he could know what she was thinking. He never gave another thought to the karma he had preached so much to her. Calling ones self a "DOM" certainly had its advantages, he was thinking.

She turns back towards the water and takes three more steps in. Now the water is up to her chest and as the wind sings louder its haunting melody as she gives one final thought to him she feels something under her feet swish by. She feels a burning in her heart and a feeling as if someone is scratching it hard.

As she succumbs to this feeling she hears the wind whisper: 'life is nothing but a joke and death is life's joke forever'

And she keeps on walking....

(c) Mystic Unicorn8/2006

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED BY ME