tagReviews & EssaysMy Response

My Response

byoldfogey©

I first started reading comments regarding the stories I have written and posted on Literotica, I disregarded some which were derogatory to both my (sometimes-fictional) spouse and myself. It’s important to differentiate between fact and fiction. As I tell those who read the series in which my wife, whom I call “Linda,” only those are factual. Given the fact that my wife died from a heart condition more than a few years ago, she obviously cannot respond for herself. I don’t feel it necessary to explain our choice of lifestyle to anyone. However I want to restate what I had hoped to convey in the stories, both true and fictional in the hope of correct these opinions and assumptions before others make them.

The comments generally centered on our love for each other. Some didn’t see how she could love me and be fucking other men. Others assumed that I didn’t love her for the same reasons. Some commented on the fact that I didn’t state that we showed any romantic attachment to each other and doubted we had an emotional relationship. Literotica is not a venue where most men describe in detail their love for their wife, or describe demonstrating it. On the other hand, many relate as I do how their love for their wife led them to giving them the same freedom they may have wanted at some time before their marriage.

Wake up, folks. Marriage is not a state that makes a woman property. You do not ‘own’ her flesh or her mind. I would be willing to bet that those who seem most ‘offended’ by my stories are those who believe otherwise. Well, I hate to be the one to burst their self-righteous bubble, but whether they believe it or not, their wife or girlfriend will occasionally think about other men. Regardless of whether or not your wife loves you and feels totally committed to keeping you happy, thoughts about what might have been or could be are going to pass through her mind. The difference between these women and the women in my stories is that the women in my stories have a husband who realizes this and is determined to keep her happy.

The same persons who are so determined to find fault with our morals are also the ones who probably believe that sex is for procreation only, to be hidden in the darkness of a bedroom. The idea that it gives them or their partner pleasure is abhorrent to them. They seek to foist these same beliefs on others, although they will sometimes grudgingly admit that it gave them some pleasure. What is so equally disgusting to me is that they usually do not want their partner to feel any pleasure in the act either. Okay, maybe that’s the core of their problem; they don’t consider sex fun, or an act that should be enjoyable to both parties. In my own view, I believe sex is meant to be enjoyable for all participants. I want my partner to reach at least the same orgasmic highs as I. It does not matter to me whether it is I who causes it or another partner as long as it is satisfying to her.

How can my wife/girlfriend or I still love each other after sharing sex with others? The crux of this is the apparent inability of some to separate the concepts of love, lust and sex. Can one exist without the other? I would argue that love and sex can’t be separated. If you love someone, sex becomes just a manifestation of that love. On the other hand, can you have sex with someone and yet not love him or her? Of course you can, that’s called lust. When lust and sex are shared between two people, the mixture is explosive. But it’s usually a pretty empty relationship that lasts less than a couple of years. If that lust that brings them together lasts long enough, it may grow into love, but it’s no longer based on sex alone. What is interesting is that both love and sex have to be nurtured for the emotion to grow. With lust, it must be a heightening of pleasure with each different event or it dies. Even an exchange of partners doesn’t save the relationship. By comparison, unrecognized love may increase. Sex may diminish between two people who realize they love each other, but the reason for staying together doesn’t. This is exactly the point at which one or both lovers may feel the need to expand their sex life and yet want not to lose their connection with their partner. Whether the partners who are in love with each other recognize and accept this need can be totally different between couples. My wife and I chose to accept the need. I have no regrets, and until the day she left me through her death, neither did she.

Yes, there are risks - disease and unwanted pregnancies, just to name two, but this is not a primer on sex education. You can or will find your own answers to those, just as we did.

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byoldfogey© 7 comments/ 19586 views/ 1 favorites

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