Nightmare

"Yes," I whispered hoarsely.

"What was happening?"

"You and the widow, you were…"

"Having sex?"

"Yes."

"You didn't want me to?"

"Yes, I felt so…so jealous, so angry and bereft."

He drew me even closer.

"You've been with her tonight. Did you…was it good?"

"No, it wasn't good, mother. It was rather sad, you see, I went to see her to say goodbye."

"Why, darling? I mean…I had the dream and I spoke so horribly to you…and I'm sorry…but why…was she upset….angry?"

"Well, she always knew…I mean she understood that I loved someone else. She has been very good to me…wonderful in fact…but she accepted that there was someone else right from the start. That's how we began making love in the first place."

"I don't understand."

"You see, one day I was feeling particularly wretched and I went out for a walk. I met her and we got talking. I'd seen her lots of times before. We'd talked occasionally, but this time she caught me at a vulnerable time. She seemed so open and understanding so I told her…I…told her about my feelings. Perhaps she just felt sorry for me…I don't know, but she invited me to her house…and that's how it started."

"So you've been in love with someone but you can't be with them…they don't want you?"

"Something like that. I mean, it is impossible."

Now I found myself, instead of being the recipient of his comfort, wanting to comfort him.

"Darling it can't be as bad as that. Surely there's some way you could be with this person – girl – you love so much."

"I am with her, but she is forbidden."

"But you're with me, Edmund."

"Yes."

Whatever "unnatural feelings" I had been having about Edmund, I had never for a moment suspected he had similar feelings for me. In my confusion the words were wrenched out of me, "My God, Edmund, you mean you've wanted me…?"

"Yes."

"Even before your father was killed?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, mother. I tried not to feel that way, but I did and that's it."

We were silent for a long time. Edmund sat on the edge of the bed neither of us looking at the other. As we later told each other, we were frightened at the enormity of what Edmund had openly admitted he felt for me, and my unspoken hunger for him.

To take what we both wanted would be to overstep the moral values of society and religion. We were like two people standing in darkness on the edge of an abyss, not wanting to turn back, yet knowing if we leapt out into the darkness there might be no solid ground on the other side.

At that moment it was clear that Edmund felt the burden of what he had confessed to me, while I could still hide behind my silence. I knew this was the defining moment. If I stayed silent I would leave Edmund to carry a burden of guilt while I at least could continue to pretend to a virtue I did not really have a right to.

The silence went on until I could stand it no longer. I touched his hand with mine and whispered, "It's all right my darling. I feel for you as you do for me."

It was out in the open and now we were equal partners in our acknowledged feelings for each other. This could now unite us or tear us apart.

I waited for Edmund's response. He had found his own feelings unacceptable and had fought against them, now I had spoken of my feelings, would he reject me?

There flashed into my mind a quotation from Edward Gibbon: "The most worthless of mankind are not afraid to condemn in others the same disorders they allow themselves; and can readily discover some nice difference of age, character, or station, to justify the partial distinction."

Edmund had not even allowed the "disorder" in himself, how would he feel about the same "disorder" in me? Would he feel, even say, "You are older than I; you are my mother and should know better"? Perhaps he would feel repugnance. Would he turn from me – never want to see me again?

He sat on in silence for a little longer, then in a voice barely audible he said, "I love you very much, mother."

It was enough. If we now leapt out over the abyss, even if there were no foothold on the other side, we would fall into the depths together. I made the move I felt would be decisive, I knelt beside him on the bed, turned his face to me, and kissed him long and hungrily.

He began to respond until we were almost eating each other, our tongues competing for entry into the other's mouth, our teeth gnawing at each other's lips.

He bore me down onto my back, his hand seeking my breasts beneath my flimsy night dress, while he continued to kiss my mouth, eyes, hair and neck.

I reached down and slipping my hand through the elastic top of his night shorts, I found his penis, hot and throbbing.

I struggled to remove his shorts, but it was too awkward, so he pulled away from me to remove them himself, while I slipped out of my night dress.

Naked in each other's presence for the first time, we paused as we looked at each other. I had seen him clad only in his shorts or swimming trunks many times, and had admired his strong, lithe body, but now I saw for the first time since his childhood days, his now fully grown manhood. The purple crown, shining with pre-cum, and the light brown shaft infused with blood, and I thought I could see it pulsating with the beat of his heart.

As he looked at me he groaned, "Oh mother, you're even more beautiful than I thought."

My own sex organ was wet with the copious discharge of my lubricant, and I was in that state when inhibitions have faded into nothingness and the long held back thoughts and desires come surging to the surface. As his lips sought my nipple and began to suckle, I gave vent to my passionate desire.

"Fertilise me, darling, make me pregnant."

I felt him pause, then taking his lips from my nipple he looked up at me.

"Do you mean you could get pregnant if I…if I…"

"Of course, darling. That's one of the things I want with you."

"But they say that if a mother and son, or brother and sister…"

"I know what they say, darling, but it doesn't have to be true. Now take me and give me a baby."

Whatever doubts he might have had about my reassurance, he was too far gone down the avenue of desire to pull back. I spread my legs wide to receive him, and as he came over me I guided his penis to my opening. He gently pressed into me until his full length was penetrating.

I had anticipated a brief, wild coupling, but I was wrong. Passionately worked up as he was, he held back from discharging into me. It was as if he wanted to make our union last as long as possible so that he could savour every moment of it. Far from being wild, it was a sweet, gentle coupling, his hand still caressing my breast, his eyes looking into mine.

How long he moved up and down in me while I flexed my vaginal muscle round his shaft, I don't know. I felt I was away in some heaven where time stood still and there was only the delicious experience of love fulfilling itself in the closest of all physical blending between man and woman.

I felt him start to move more rapidly in me and I moved with him. We seemed to be in perfect sexual harmony with each other, even to the point of having our orgasms simultaneously.

Again it was no wild, thrashing climax. As his first spurt of semen pumped into me, he gasped, "Oh Mother…" This he repeated with every pulse of his ejaculation.

As I came with him I had my own cry, "Oh my darling…oh my darling."

We clung to each other, held in the bonds of love and lust, and with every throb of his sweet warm seed into me I prayed a silent prayer, "Please let him fertilise me…"

When he had finished and I was climbing down from the heights, I anticipated he would withdraw from me. Instead he stayed with me, seemingly unwilling to break our union. As if some barrier had coming crashing down inside him, he poured out his love for me, speaking of how he had wanted me since he first entered puberty, how he had agonized over his feelings, and swearing eternal devotion to me.

This latter I had my doubts about, as many women had assured me that men, in the first flush of sexual gratification, are inclined to make such promises that they don't keep.

I, on the other hand, was giving silent thanks to the widow who must have taught him much about a woman's feelings and needs. I also made a promise, but it was a promise to me. I would never demand more from Edmund than he was willing to give freely. If in the near or distance future he tired of me, I would let him go without restraint. Should a child result from our union, I would accept the full responsibility. In the meantime, I would enjoy what Edmund had to give and I intended to give myself unreservedly to him.

In the midst of these slightly somber thoughts, I was surprised to feel Edmund's shaft hardening again inside me. "Surely," I thought, "he can't want to ejaculate into me already." I was wrong, he did want to.

He began to move in me again with surprising urgency given that it was such a short time before he had shot into me. Even Clive had needed an hour or two recovery time to achieve a second successful coupling. I, on the other hand, had no difficulty coming again very quickly, so Edmund's need matched mine beautifully.

This time my orgasm came before his and, as one might say, he was able to give me his full attention, making sure he stayed with me fully active until I had calmed down. Then he ejaculated, and I lay stroking his face and murmuring words of love to him as he moaned into me.

This time he withdrew soon after he had finished, but we continued to embrace each other, his hands stroking my breasts, as he pressed soft kisses over my face and neck.

Both we and the bed were in a mess. His sperm mixed with my fluid was dripping out of me on to the sheet, and there was that slightly fishy smell that seems to accompany successful sexual union.

Laughing I said, "Let's clear up this mess and then shower."

We stripped the sheet from the bed and replaced it, then went off hand in hand to the shower.

It was while I was washing his penis that it started to stiffen again, and with the water still flowing over us, he took me standing up against the shower wall. With his hands under my buttocks he lifted me up and down on his shaft until I was giving out orgasmic cries again, cries of my love and desire for him.

He waited until I had begun the downward slide from my climax before he pumped into me. This was to be the pattern as I have since discovered. He was concerned to see that I had achieved my climax before he ejaculated. This ensured that he was still with me as the orgasmic after shocks continued to rack me. As I was to discover, in this and so many other things he was always considerate of my needs.

Many times I have given thanks to the widow who taught him so well.

Returning to bed we lay for some time simply embracing each other, then, he began to suck my nipples. From there he traced a pattern of kisses down my body until he reached my vulva.

He moved so as to kneel between my legs and putting his hands under my buttocks, he raised my sex to his mouth. With his tongue he at first probed for my inner lips, and then thrust through into my vagina. His tongue flicked into me for some time, until he transferred his attention to my clitoris.

With his arms still raising my buttocks, his fingers lifted the little hood, and his tongue explored the little nub of nerve endings, sending waves of delicious pleasure through me. Another orgasm began to shake me and I held his head to me as I really screamed out this time. He had to hold me tightly or I must have broken away from him, I was vibrating so much.

As I once more began to calm, I broke from him, pushing him on to his back and took the crown of his penis into my mouth. I sucked and nibbled on it until I felt him beginning to jerk spasmodically as the sperm began to be thrust up his shaft.

It was his turn to hold my head as he squirted his hot thick semen into my mouth. I battled to swallow it, but it came so fast and in such a quantity, that it began to dribble out of the corners of my mouth.

As he finished and I had tried to suck the last drop out of him, I moved away from him and said, "Let's taste each other."

I began kissing him, pushing some of his sperm into his mouth. His face was still wet with my lubricant, so in fact we tasted a mixture of our own and the other's fluid. In a way it was a final exposing of our selves to each other, an act of peculiar intimacy that only those who love deeply can fully enjoy.

Edmund was finally sated but his penis had barely slacked, so I turned my back towards his, and pushing my buttocks against him, I guided his penis into my vagina. His hand reached over me to take hold of my breast, and locked together we drifted off to sleep the sweet sleep of lovers who have found their fulfillment in each other.

I woke early in the morning and of course, during the night we had parted. Early as I had awakened, Edmund was already awake and resting on his elbow was looking at me. As I came fully awake he gently pushed me onto my back, parted my legs, and coming over me he entered, slipping his shaft slowly into me.

He lay still for a long time, looking at me and occasionally plucking a kiss from my lips.

"Don't wait for me this time darling, just enjoy," I murmured quietly.

I lay relaxed, stroking his face and hair as he began to move again. I wanted to give without receiving, but in fact I was receiving. It was a moment of realization that we truly belonged together. We were wrapped in a bond that might be called, "deathless." In this early morning coupling Edmund seemed to be trying to communicate that he belonged totally to me. In my relaxed surrender I tried to communicate my complete giving of self to him.

He came into me with slow deep thrusts, seeking to reach to my depths. I wrapped my legs round him to give him the greatest possible penetration.

I had no orgasm, and had not sought one. I was simply happy to feel his seed steadily driven in. Looking back, I have often felt it was this joining together that gave me the one other thing I wanted with Edmund, a pregnancy. I wanted his…our…child inside me.

When he had finished Edmund lay for a while, still united with me, looking at me and saying, "You are lovely, mother."

I gave a little chuckle and said, "Darling, I think we've added an extra dimension to our relationship. Don't you think it ought to be Zintra in future?"

He laughingly agreed.

"Darling, it's a work day. We can't lie here all day."

"That's what I want to do," he complained…"I mean, not just lie here…"

I chuckled again, interrupting him; "I'm fully aware of what you mean, my love, and would agree with you entirely, but we haven't made any arrangements for a honeymoon. We'll have to wait until you come home this evening to continue our communication."

He grinned, and getting out of the bed said, "Then be sure to be ready to continue when I do get home."

Looking at him seriously I replied, "I shall be ready all day."

Throughout that first day after our "wedding night," I was caught between feelings of elation and wonder that I had found in my own son a passionate lover. At times I actually wondered if it had really happened. Perhaps it was an exquisite dream and I would wake up to bitter disappointment?

Any doubts that I might have had about the reality of what had occurred were dispelled almost as soon as Edmund walked in the door that evening.

I had kept my word that I would be "ready all day." Under a loose dress I was wearing nothing, and as he bent me face down over the kitchen table and thrust urgently into me from behind, I was indeed ready.

I gave backward thrusts as he pushed into my depths, and when I came he clung to my hips, working with me. Then I felt even more urgent thrusts into me as he poured his seed into me. I felt a passing sense of wonder at the quantities of semen he seemed able to produce. "Lucky me," I thought.

We managed to get through the evening meal before we rushed off to shower and clamber into bed.

Edmund began kissing me, beginning with my lips, then gradually all over my body.

At one point his lips touched my anus, and I said, "Take me there, darling."

"I don't want to hurt you," he said doubtfully.

"It's all right, sweetheart. If you spread some of my fluid and your pre-cum over the entrance and just inside, it won't hurt me."

He did as I bade him, and I lay over the edge of the bed, feet on the floor and a couple of pillows under my stomach.

Edmund stood behind me, and I felt him tentatively probe with his shaft for my anus. Then he was carefully pushing in. There was no pain, and I flexed my anal muscle round his length, making him groan with ecstacy.

He had his hands on my hips pulling me towards him, so I reached back, and taking one hand, drew it to my vagina and said, "Stimulate my clitoris, darling."

His finger began a circular movement round the little mound, and he quickly had me coming. It was one of those simultaneous orgasms again, with Edmund just a little behind me in starting his.

As I screamed and bucked against him, I felt his sperm shoot into me like a canon firing. I think I must have gone out somewhere into space, because at my climax I was in a world of exquisite, pulsating torment that I wanted to go on for ever.

As I came to myself again, I felt Edmund, still inside me, relaxing and drooping over me. I pulled away from him and rolling over to the centre of the bed, I extended my arms to him, and he came into my embrace.

For a while we talked quietly and our words were of reassurance.

Whereas I had doubted Edmund's words of life long devotion, I now learned that he had the fear that for me this was simply an interlude. How, given what had passed between us sexually, he could doubt my fidelity in relation to him, I found it hard to understand. Yet I suppose most of us have our doubts that the other can remain in union with us permanently.

Now we were at peace. We taken out leap into the darkness of the abyss and seemed to have found solid ground the other side. The solid ground was an extension of the bond that had been between us since his birth, the enlargement of that bond to include the act of sexual love.

Yet I knew that the sexual act in itself can contain both life enhancing and life destructive elements. I prayed that our acts of sexual union would conform to the latter.

As I had hoped, our union was fruitful and Anne arrived nine months almost to the day after our first coupling. Edmund's fears were not born out, and Anne is a very beautiful and intelligent child, much loved by Edmund and me.

I add that our other fears of a short term or faithless relationship have not been fulfilled. Edmund and I are still passionate lovers six years after we first began coupling.