Nights of Paralysis

Assume we had danced that tango. I'd have wrapped myself around you, clung passionately to you, and shown our friends how a tango should be danced as the dance of love. From that tango we would have become lovers. When you took me home because Alan was in no state to do anything except retch his guts instead of a perfunctory peck on the cheek I would have kissed you properly and dragged you into my flat.

Once inside you would have picked me up and carried me to my bedroom, flung me on the bed, and stripped my clothes off. I'd have stripped you and we would have spent the whole night making mad passionate love.

The reality was that I went to my solitary bed angry with Alan and I didn't really consider you as a possible partner. You had acted as a friend and I thought of you as a friend not a lover. You really should have danced that tango. It was another three weeks until we started where that tango should have led. Although you carried me to my bed it was because I asked you. I really wanted you to take the initiative and not wait to be given permission. Actually I ordered you. That is not the way a woman wants to be treated. OK, perhaps some women like that. I don't. I want to feel as if I have been overpowered. I don't really want to be forced. I want to enjoy the feeling that you have been overcome by passion for me. I would only allow you to go as far as I wanted you to. I wanted the fantasy that the hero is ravishing the heroine, me.

Now you, Martin, are a genuine hero, not a romantic fantasy one. Do you realise that makes you attractive to many women? If you were able to I'm sure you would laugh at that. You are really too kind, too considerate, too courteous to play the strong determined lover.

Do you know what my enduring memory is of you, Martin? I see you on your knees before me as I sit on the end of my bed. Your head is buried between my legs. Your tongue is driving me wild as you lick between my lips. You were the best I have ever met at cunnilingus. Your timing was impeccable, your restraint inhuman and your endurance incredible. That alone makes you unforgettable. If only you could have combined that with some sessions of mastery over me as the apparently helpless female. As it was, you served me and made me feel superior. I didn't want that all the time. I wanted you to lick me as a grudging concession from your male superiority. I didn't want you to give me everything I wanted as a complete surrender on your part.

You were great for my ego. My ego was too big already. Having you as a willing lover whenever I crooked my little finger was too easy to accept. Perhaps I chose James because he would never surrender to me. He couldn't accept that I wouldn't surrender either, not to caresses, not to words, not to his physical strength nor even to abuse. A marriage cannot have two rulers. It can have two equals or a leader and a follower but not two leaders fighting for mastery. If I had married you, you would have been my slave always. I wanted an equal. That you couldn't be.

Now I am here to serve you. I suppose that is a fair exchange for all the times you served me. You will have to wait a few seconds while I pull the curtains around this bed but then..."

Madeleine left me for a few seconds. I heard the curtain rings rattle and the room became darker. My erection had shrunk slightly from the draught as she had moved the curtains. It soon recovered as Madeleine's warm tongue slid against it. A hand cradled it as her tongue passed up and down the shaft. I would have groaned as her lips closed around its head. My cock entered her warm mouth. She sucked and released. I wanted to buck my hips against her, to force myself further in. I had to wait as she gradually eased my shaft further into her mouth.

My eyes stared blankly at the ceiling as my whole being was concentrated in a few inches of warm throbbing flesh buried inside Madeleine's mouth. Each slight touch was a torture of ecstasy. If I had been good at cunnilingus Madeleine was repaying that with accumulated interest. Eventually the pressure was too much. I shot my load into her mouth. She swallowed it all and kept her mouth sealed around me as my erection subsided.

Finally she withdrew, pulled a tissue from her handbag and wiped the remains from my now flaccid tool.

Her face appeared above mine.

"Goodbye, Martin." She said. "I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. That was a small thank you for being kind to me. I'll be back when I can. If you are lucky and we are undisturbed you might have another treatment."

She pulled the curtains open and was gone, leaving me lying, naked, as still as I had been all the time. I dozed for a couple of hours until the passing of the lunch trolley brought me to again. If I could I would have smiled at the memory of Madeleine's treatment.

After a couple of hours I heard a pair of heels click as someone entered the room. A woman's face bent over me. She was smiling broadly across her pleasant face; a woman in her early thirties. Her blonde hair was cropped close to her head with a hint of an outward curl.

"Hello, Martin," she said. "I'm Doctor Smith, Mary Smith. I'm your lead doctor. I visited you yesterday evening when you reacted positively to Carol."

Mary's hands felt gently around my whole body as she continued speaking.

"Because she is a sister in this hospital she knows that you are continuously monitored at the nurses' station by closed circuit TV. Madeleine doesn't know that. Carol should have told her, and warned her not to go too far. It doesn't matter now. I have reviewed this morning's video and deleted it. You needn't be embarrassed.

I was worried that too much stimulation might be harmful. The monitoring systems showed that what Madeleine did with you had no adverse effects. In future, when you have female visitors, the nurses will turn the camera off. We don't want salacious videos of you sold on the internet, do we? It might not be good for me or the hospital. You are still newsworthy. The security services still want to interview you when you can speak."

She paused. Her head moved away before returning.

"Oops! You are reacting to me nearly as much as you did to Carol's initial contact. Naughty! I suppose you can't help it. I'm a happily married woman, Martin. I might encourage others to stimulate you. I'm not going to. I have to retain a professional distance. This is as far as I'll go."

Doctor Mary lent over me and kissed my forehead.

"The nurses shouldn't stimulate you either. Carol has lined up as many of your former girlfriends as she can find to visit you. I hope some of them will be as friendly as Madeleine was. Apart from the physical effects I am sure that they will be good for your morale. It must be nice to be wanted by so many women. The hospital has received several proposals of marriage for you. It is amazing what some women will offer a 'hero'. When you recover you can see their letters. We have only put some of your flowers in this room. I'm sure you don't mind that some of them have been distributed around the hospital. If we brought them all in here there wouldn't be room for your bed, or you."

Doctor Mary's hand caressed my cheek in an unprofessional manner. She looked behind her before kissing me full on the lips.

"Goodbye for now, Martin. Lie back and enjoy what Carol has arranged for you. I and the nurses will make sure that you won't come to any harm. You will get better and retrieve all your facilities. All you need is time for the swelling to reduce and then some physiotherapy. Everything else is in full working order just waiting for your brain to issue orders. We have been exercising your limbs with electrical and physical stimulation so we know there is no permanent damage. See you soon."

Mary's face withdrew. Her heels clicked across the floor as she left the room. I lay back and waited listening to the hospital's normal routine. Apart from the radio blathering away in the background I was very well aware of the normal sounds.

Nothing happened until the evening when the two nurses returned to give me another blanket bath.

"We've turned the monitor off, Martin," One of the nurses said. "So it won't record this bath, nor what happens when Carol arrives. We need to give you a good clean around your privates. Madeleine wiped you but that isn't really enough."

I felt a warm wet flannel gently soothing around my tool. It responded and was firmly held in a slim hand. A face topped by a nurse's head-dress came into my vision.

"While we are here, Martin, we are not going to miss out. Tonight is Chloe's turn. Another time will be mine. I'm Marie. While Chloe is down below..."

Her lips met mine. Her tongue gently insinuated itself between my unresponsive lips. Chloe's tongue was running up and down my shaft as her hand gently held my sack. Marie's tongue was exploring my mouth as if looking for a way out. To my surprise my tongue began to move as she probed. Marie pulled back suddenly.

"Martin!" She exclaimed. "You moved your tongue."

I had. I tried again. The movement was weak but definitely under my control. I licked my lips and tried other muscles. I was distracted by Chloe who was too absorbed in arousing me. My tongue and lips were all I could move. I tried to speak. I couldn't do that either. I resolved to have another try later. Chloe had covered my erection with her mouth. All I could do was enjoy her attentions. I felt a hot flush run through my body as I came into her mouth.

Chloe and Marie finished the blanket bath, kissed me on my cheeks and withdrew. I think Marie had been frightened by my tongue's response. I could understand her dilemma. She ought to record my action but how could she? She should write down what she and Chloe had been doing at the time. That wouldn't be good for either of them. What if I regained my speech and complained about their attentions?

I wouldn't, of course. I went to sleep again, all night.

Although people came in and out of my room the next morning I wasn't really aware. I was barely conscious of changes to my position, hands taking my pulse... Why? I was constantly wired up to monitors.

JANIS

That afternoon Janis came to see me. I could never forget Janis. Janis and I had been together for a mere six weeks. Physically we had been perfect together. At the time I was fitter than I had been before or since. I had needed to be to satisfy Janis. She was in her second year as a Physical Education teacher and was nearly good enough to be in the Olympics team as a gymnast. She came close but there were many good gymnasts that year. She had turned to me when she received the letter telling her that she hadn't been selected. She made love to me all night to try to put her disappointment behind her.

'She made love to me'. She had to. Even as fit as I was, I couldn't maintain the pace of her love making. I'd ride her for an hour or at most two before she flipped me over and rode me. Her long legs and arms wrapped around me like an octopus' tentacles and held me tight while she pounded her hips on mine.

Janis had been wonderful for my ego. She was tall, an inch shorter than me in her bare feet, slim, muscled, tanned and a natural long-haired blonde. She was too tall to be a model at that time. She would have made a potato sack look elegant. I escorted her to shows in London. Even entering the foyer on a wet Tuesday night seemed to be like a red-carpet event. I had to wear my evening suit to match her elegance. She used to wear tiny dresses from small boutiques. Her dresses were cheap, yet on her looked like designer originals.

It had been wonderful, too wonderful to last. She didn't enjoy the shows, the ballet, or the opera as I did. She enjoyed the occasion and the parade into the venue but the performances meant nothing to her. We had agreed to part after the six weeks and went our separate ways. I thought she had eventually married another Physical Education teacher. I knew she had won a medal at the Commonwealth Games but never at the Olympics.

Here Janis was again. In my hospital room she seemed overpowering. She hadn't changed as much as I had. There were a few faint lines on her face; her muscles were more tautly defined than they had been; her expression was slightly harder than it had been in her early twenties. She was still a beautiful and stunning woman who was supremely fit. As she bent over my face to kiss me her hair fell in golden curtains either side of my head as it had done so many times during those memorable six weeks.

Her kiss was as hard and fierce as I remembered. Janis's kisses had never been soft and sultry. I couldn't imagine Janis surrendering to any man. She would take what she wanted from him and leave him begging for more even as he counted his ribs to check that she hadn't broken them. Her first words were predictable.

"You are a mess, Martin. Apart from the bullet wound you've let yourself go. Look at this flab."

Her fingers slid under the sheet to pinch at the side of my waist. I don't have that much fat but by Janis's standards I was fat. Anyone who didn't run a half-marathon twice a week, as she used to and probably still did from the look of her, would be fat in her eyes.

"Let's have a look at the rest of you. I thought so. Your muscles lack tone. Apart from that..."

Her fingers flicked at my erection.

"...everything else seems to have started to go to seed. I'm not letting you neglect yourself like this. When you are out of this bed I'm setting up a training schedule for you. I'm surprised that you could still do that rugby tackle. If you'd been fitter you would have hit him harder and he couldn't have shot you. Let's see."

Janis grabbed my left leg and extended it. One hand felt my calf. Her fingers dug into the muscle like pincers. I could feel the pain yet couldn't react. She put that leg down and repeated with my right leg. I was sure I'd have bruises to show from her handling. That was just like the six weeks. Then I was bruised all over and applying soothing ointment to my tool every day after a session with Janis.

Her fingers slid up my thigh. A thumb dug in and my leg contracted. She pulled and prodded all over me. My legs and arms contracted, extended, twisted, turned as she sought pressure points. I felt like a puppet with Janis pulling the strings. Finally she lowered my torso to the bed.

"OK. It's not as bad as you look, Martin. Everything works and under a slight layer of fat your muscles are nearly as good as they were when we were together. Not as good. You need the exercise that you can't get laying here. I've done the exercises for you and until you get control of your body back I'd like to come here every afternoon to get those muscles moving. Unfortunately I can't. I'm here today, and tomorrow and then I'm away for a fortnight. But now..."

Janis slid off her track suit trousers revealing her gleaming golden bush. I had thought that Janis's bush had been wonderful. All these years later I knew that I had never seen one just as beautiful.

Janis fitted a condom on my erection with practised ease. She moved over my hips and plunged my erection inside her. She pounded on me until I came. Her legs and arms had pulled me in deep. Even if I'd had control of my limbs I couldn't have escaped her grasp. This time I hadn't had to respond. She had done everything for both of us. As she relaxed across my body I knew that she had reached her climax as well. She'd never let me go before she was satisfied, no matter how much I'd protested.

She lay on me for about ten minutes before climbing off, rolling the used condom off, mopping herself down and dressing. She kissed me sharply on the lips and left.

"See you tomorrow afternoon, Martin," Janis said as the door swung to.

Almost immediately Chloe and Marie were in the room. They carefully checked my body and the monitoring machines. They seemed satisfied.

"She is a man-eater, isn't she, Martin?" Marie asked. I tried to reply. My lips quivered slightly.

"Still," she continued, "you seem to have come to no harm. What she did to your arms and legs was good practice if you are skilled enough. We aren't. It is obvious that she is. I wish you could tell us how good she is at making love. You certainly looked like her helpless victim. Was she always that controlling?"

I tried to nod. Was I deceiving myself or did my head move ever so slightly? I tried to lick my lips because my mouth was so dry. Chloe noticed something.

"Do you want a drink, Martin?"

I tried to nod again. I couldn't. Could I blink? Yes, slowly an eyelid closed and opened again.

"Well done!" Marie exclaimed. "Can you blink again?"

I did. It was still a slow blink but it was my first obvious conscious movement.

"OK, Martin," Chloe said. "Blink once if you want a drink, twice if you don't."

I blinked, once.

Chloe brought a bottle with a spout. She carefully tilted it to allow a teaspoonful of water into my mouth. That small amount of water was bliss. My tongue moved slowly to roll it around but that took fierce concentration and effort. I swallowed.

I could swallow! But the few movements I had made had exhausted me. Slowly I closed my eyes.

"Tired?" That was Marie's voice.

I opened my eyes and blinked once.

"OK. We'll let you rest. Carol will be here in about an hour."

I felt a pair of lips brush my forehead and a tear dropped on my cheek. Was it Marie's or Chloe's tear? It seemed important that I should know. Why?

I heard them leave the room and I was asleep.

CAROL

I woke up and opened my eyes to find Carol beside me.

"They told me you could open and shut your eyes. When I visited you before you were staring blankly at the ceiling. Can you focus?"

Carol's head appeared in my view. I tried hard to resolve the fuzzy image of her face. Suddenly something worked and I saw the concern and the lines on her face. I was seeing Carol as she is, and not my memory of her from years ago.

Carefully I moved my eyes slightly left and right, scanning Carol's face. She was watching me intently.

"That's brilliant, Martin. A lot better than yesterday."

I tried to keep my eyes in focus as she bent over me and kissed me. I couldn't. But my lips began to respond to hers. She flinched momentarily as she felt my lips move before she continued with a long gentle kiss. Carol had never kissed me like that all those years ago.

I almost sighed as she pulled her lips away and settled down beside me. Until she rested her breast against the side of my head I hadn't noticed she wasn't wearing her Sister's uniform. I had been too busy scanning her face to notice that she was wearing a silk blouse. Her warm breast lightly covered with silk was causing the reaction I had showed to her first visit.

Carol's hand down my body, slowly and sensually.

"I'm pleased that I have that effect on you, Martin, but you seem to be having an effect on all the women who visit you. I found Marie in tears. Do you know why?"

I couldn't answer.

"You are so different from her partner. She says he is undemonstrative and can be jealous with no reason. He is even jealous of you. He doesn't need to be. You can't do anything to Marie, except react as you do to me."

I wanted to ask why Marie's partner was jealous. I couldn't, but Carol answered my unvoiced question.

"He wants to marry Marie. She isn't sure she's ready for that commitment and he's scared that he might lose her. She keeps pushing him away, rejecting any intimacy because that might lead somewhere she doesn't want to go -- yet. But you? Marie can express care and even love for you because she knows you can't respond inappropriately. Once you do start to move she'll probably be less touchy feely. Chloe won't. She flirts with any reasonable man and you're much more than a reasonable specimen."