Noah's Salvation

It became somewhat difficult, after the blinders were off, to return to a state where she saw Noah as just a friend. He was more. So much more...in him she saw strength and tender, gentle warmth...he knew her and understood her as no one else and Catalina realized that what she felt for him as love; she loved him with the same passion her father so openly and so often displayed in his words whenever he mentioned her mother and try as she might to hide her feelings, Catalina knew she would eventually reached a place where it would become impossible to conceal her true desire, but she willed herself to do just that for nearly a year as she waited and wondered if the time would come when she could approach Noah with all she felt in hopes that he would confess he felt the very same.

The chance to express her feelings came just after she graduated high school, about a month before she was set to move to New York, to begin school and Catalina thanked her lucky stars for it when Noah said he would stay at the house with her when a seasonal storm threatened the island while Clint was stuck on the mainland closing a business deal.

It wasn't the first time that Noah had stayed with Catalina while Clint was away and as usually, they shared a pizza while sitting in front of the television, playfully fighting one another for control of the remote, until they finally discovered a movie they both agreed was decent to watch and for a long time silence stretched between them while she rested her head against Noah's shoulder.

She felt comfortable and safe with him, he put her at ease, but he also made her feel a stirring deep within that she desperately wanted to explore as the movie ended and she set up to say she was going to bed and as she had so many times, she dropped a kiss on his cheek, but instead of moving away, she lingered close until he looked at her.

The opening, the moment, was too perfect to resist, or so Catalina told herself in the instant before she touched her lips gently to his, finding them to be just as soft and sensual as she had known they would be...it was surreal and wonderful and she melted into him, one hand on his shoulder, the other cupping his face as she deepened the kiss, feeling excitement rush through her as Noah wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close as his tongue delivered deep into her mouth.

It was hot and wild yet tender as he kissed her...explored her...his hand slid down her back to pull her almost onto his lap as her mouth merged with his again and again...it seemed as if they were trying to devour one another as she pressed her breast against his chest, feeling her heart and his thundering almost as one...they felt like one, in her mind as she drew a hand down his chest, feeling the hardness there as heated moisture began to gather between her thighs in a sensation that was unfamiliar but wonderfully exciting.

"Catalina..." His breath ragged, his eyes glazed, Noah cupped her face in his hands as he eased her back from him while trying to gather his emotions and thoughts. "Cat, this...there is no way we can do this..." It had already gone too far...he should never have returned the kiss she had began; he should have pushed her away the moment he felt her lips against his and for not doing that, Noah cursed himself as he untangled himself quickly from her small body so he could stand and stalk across the room.

His back to her, her raked both hands through his hair, trying to understand how it had happened...how...in an instant the world had seemingly spun out of his control and he cursed himself as he turned to find Catalina still sitting on the sofa, looking beautiful and sweet and innocent with her dark hair falling around her shoulders.

"Noah, I...I wanted to..." Her face flushed and she chewed at her lip. "For a long time, I have wanted to kiss you and I am not sorry I did." Nor was she sorry that he had kissed her so thoroughly back, though she was wise enough to sense that Noah was indeed sorry as he shook his head slowly, looking almost pained.

"Cat, I don't know what to say." But he knew what he wanted...what he wanted but had no right to have or long for as he did in that moment and unknown to Catalina, he had wanted her for months. "I think you know I love you and I would do anything for you, but this is something...sweetheart, you are special to me..." He lifted his hands in a helpless gesture and Catalina winced, certain she understood what he was trying to say as tears came to her eyes and she slowly forced herself to stand.

"I get it." She nodded. "I understand that you don't...you don't think I am pretty."

"God, Catalina, that is not what I am trying to say. I think you are beautiful."

"Do you?" A sudden hope flared in her eyes and it crushed him.

"Of course I think you are beautiful and sweet and wonderful and I adore you so very much more than you will ever really know, but what you and I have is a very special and very wonderful friendship..."

"You kissed me back." Catalina did not hesitate to hand him the reminder the moment his voice faltered while they each stood with half a room separating them.

"I know. I know I did, sweetheart. But I shouldn't have."

"Noah..."

"You are seventeen years old."

"Almost eighteen."

"And I am twenty seven years old and I have one hell of a past behind me while you have your life ahead of you." His eyes sought hers. "There is so much that separates us and, in time, I know you will understand that and you will find someone..." It pained him to think that she could, that she would...she would find a man closer to her age...a man who deserved her as Noah knew he never could and Catalina winced as she took a single step towards him, her heart shattering in her chest.

"Your past does not matter to me."

"It matters to me."

"And as for the age difference..."

"That is only part of it and you damn well know it." Noah tried to sound hard and cold as he looked at her. "There is no chance that you and I can ever be more than friends, which I need you to understand here and now, because what happened tonight can not and will not happen again, Catalina."

"Noah..."

"I mean it, Catty. I am serious. I see a child when I look at you."

But she was shaking her head frantically, to deny his words as her tears rained down her cheeks and she pressed a hand against her stomach, as she so often did when she was upset or feeling hurt.

"You do not meant that. I know it. I know you felt what I did when we kissed."

"It was a mistake for me to kiss you back and I am sorry I did."

"No..." She shook her head. "No...you kissed me...you pulled me close to you and I...tell me you don't love me the way I love you, Noah." Her head held high, she did not waver in the least as she handed him the challenge and for half a moment, Noah was saw struck by her bravery and her beauty and more than he wanted his next breath, he wanted to pull her to him and kiss her again...he wanted to devour her...lose himself in her sweet touch and tender innocents, but he knew he had no right and that reality compelled him to stand strong when it would have been easy to be weak.

"I love you as a man loves a child he cares for and adores." He spoke to her softly, and slowly and she released a sob. "In my mind, you are a child and you always will be and kissing you was a mistake...I got carried away and I am sorry." Each word ripped at his heart as much as it clearly ripped at hers and Noah felt almost ill when Catalina turned and sprinted from the room, running upstairs to her room and an instant later, he could hear her bedroom door shut with a slam as he returned to the sofa where he sank down, feeling tired and battered and like an ass in every sense.

It had never been his intention to hurt Catalina in any manner...it had never been his intention to kiss her or hold her close as he had...but the feel of her lips and her small body so snug and perfect against his had shattered his willpower, leaving him vulnerable to all he had worked so hard not to feel.

For months, for nearly a year, he had been in an endless struggle to keep his growing feelings for Catalina at bay; he had done all he could to continue seeing her as a child when it had become increasingly obvious to him that she was a woman, or close to it, and added to that, she was a woman he desperately wanted and all the more frighteningly, needed.

He told himself it was insane, she was a child...she was not yet eighteen and she was about to go to college to begin building a life for herself...a he would not be a part of simply because he would never belong in the world he was certain she had the means to find.

The speech resounded itself in his mind again and again as he set on the sofa, trying hard not to recall how she felt and tasted and smelled...how it would have been such an easy thing to make love to her...the images of how he wanted to touch her, all he ached to show her, tormented him without mercy and the pain he felt was pain he assured himself he had every right to endure a thousand times over.

It was just before dawn when he finally dozed off, still cursing himself, wondering just what Clint would say should he ever learn that Noah was in love with his daughter...it was too much to imagine and as a result, Noah swore to himself that his feelings would never know the light of day. Ever. It was his secrete to keep...his pain to carry and he knew he would carry it for the rest of his life when he awoke the next morning to find Catalina in the kitchen with a cup of coffee and the daily newspaper and to his surprise and relief, she didn't mention what had transpired between them the evening before.

She smiled and put on a brave face, but her eyes told him she was hurt and he ached to say something to offer her comfort, but in the end, he decided against it and when Clint came home, all appeared normal to him...the world as far as he knew had not changed, but it had, for Catalina and Noah who were suddenly aware of one another in a new sense that left each feeling unsure at times and for Catalina, it was almost a relief to be able to escape to New York several weeks after the intense kiss and the words that had followed.

It was hard, to say goodbye to her father, though she assured him she would see him as often as possible, but her heart really broke when she was faced with Noah...she had to bite back the urge to kiss him once more as he brushed his lips over her cheek, causing her heart to break as he wished her well and she promised to call and write and visit often.

"Just take care of yourself." He stood with her on the docks while her father placed all her bags on the boat he had commissioned to take to the mainland.

"I will. I want you to do the same."

"I will be fine." His eyes reached into hers. "Catty..." There was so much he wanted to say, but he held it back, telling himself again that it was the right thing to do as she turned and boarded the boat with her father...she waved once and Noah felt his heart leave his chest and he knew it was going with her into the world that awaited her, while he stayed on the island, loving her in secrete and knowing it always would be that way.

Time and distance didn't have the means to lessen what he felt, Catalina was the very center of his world...she was his light...his true north...she was the one true representation of all that was good and decent and pure and no woman he met had the means to compare in any real sense; no woman possessed the grace and warmth and tenderness that made his Catalina so special and each trip she made home over the years was like a reprieve from the darkness for Noah, who savored seeing her and hearing her voice.

Along with her father, he listened to the stories she told about school, about all the different people she met there and the sights she saw...he waited in terror for the day that she would come home to announce that she had met someone she cared dearly for and Noah knew he would put on a brave face and pretend to be happy; he knew he would keep up the façade that he saw her as only a child...he told himself almost daily that all he felt for Catalina could never be put into words and while he did accept that fact, he still found himself oddly relieved each time Clint asked if she was seeing anyone special and Catalina said no.

The pattern went on for nearly three years, until Clint became ill and after he went to the doctor, he learned he had cancer...the world seemed to end for Catalina when she heard the news and despite Clint's protest, she immediately left school so she could return home and with Noah's help, she stayed at her father's side through the duration if his illness.

By unspoken agreement, Noah handled all the business affairs while Catalina handled the household matters while each lingered as close to Clint as possible as the end began to draw near, after a nearly two year long battle...he seemed a shadow of himself as the vicious illness devoured his body and Catalina did her best to appear confident and strong as when she set with him and Noah just days before Clint passed and he used the last of his dwindling strength to speak to them.

"Take care of my baby..." He looked at Noah with tired eyes. "I know...I know that she is stubborn and...I just need you to take care of each other..." He turned to Catalina who cried openly as Clint squeezed her hand.

"We will be okay, Daddy."

"I know...but I...I think you need each other..." She sensed there was more he wanted to say, but the strength to do it failed him and Catalina felt lost and alone when he slipped off to sleep and only two short days after the conversation, he passed quietly away while she allowed all her tears fall as Nick held her close to him, crying with her, as he stroked her back and told her again and again that he was sorry.

It broke his heart to see her in pain...it broke his heart to have to say goodbye to Clint, to a man who had been a father and best friend to him and for a time, he and Catalina leaned on one another, as they planned the funeral and listened to the reading of the will in which Clint left half the business to each of them, as he had already explained he intended to do and several days after Clint died they agreed that Catalina would handle all the office work and paper work while Noah oversaw the more physical, daily aspects.

They fell into an easy pattern, one that worked well for them, but the a tension existed between them that neither dared to mention, for fear it would lead to their having to discuss the topic Noah wanted to avoid...forget...the kiss they shared played itself in his mind far more often that Catalina might have guessed and unknown to him, the feelings she had tired to shared with him before she went away to school continued to steadily thrive in her heart.

It was a daily struggle, to work with him and not allow the feelings to show...she had to keep Noah at a certain distance at all times...yet it was useless because his image never left her mind...she thought about him night and day and no other man made an impact on her, for her heart was Noah's, even if he didn't want it. Or her. Or what she longed to give him in the life she was certain they could have...the life and family...the dreams she wanted so much to share with him tormented her endlessly and she discovered she could not shake them from her heart or mind as she stood alone in the office, listening to the storm rant and rage while worrying as to why Noah had yet to return.

A glance at the clock on the wall told her he had been out for nearly twenty minutes, which certainly allowed him enough time to check over the fleet...a nervous flutter deep in her stomach made her feel suddenly ill as her mind was bombarded with thoughts regarding all the possible dangerous he could encounter in such horribly bitter and brutal weather and just a single flashlight to guide him.

"Shit." Turning from the window, she scanned the room, chewing at her lip anxiously, wishing she had insisted he not go...wishing that she had went along with him...wishing that she could take one more chance to express her feelings to him...the feelings she was almost certain he had for her.

No longer the naïve, easily rattled seventeen year old she had been the first time she had kissed him, she was now wise enough to know when a man wanted her...she knew that Noah looked at her in a manner that suggested he saw her as far more than a friend, and she pondered that as she walked aimlessly around the office, wondering if the risk was wroth it, yet knowing, deep inside herself that it was as she sighed and nodded to herself.

The worst that she could happen, she reasoned, was he could reject her again...break her heart again...send her running...shaking her head she dismissed the fears and sighed just as the door swept open and wind and splattering rain followed Nick into the room as he pushed the door closed, cursing as he did.

"It is horrible out there." His words were muffled as he pealed off his raincoat and let it fall to the floor as Catalina picked up a towel from the desk and handed it to him as he looked at her and smiled.

"I was starting to worry about you." She watched him dry his face and hair. "Why do I have a feeling there isn't much chance I can make it home tonight?" That suited her fine, she did not have any desire to be alone in the house she had once shared with her father and she felt relieved when Noah nodded.

"I think we are both stuck here for the night."

"I hope the power doesn't fail."

"Yeah." Turning from her, he tossed the towel onto the floor with his raincoat, cursing his luck...to be stuck in a small office with Catalina all night...fate clearly had it out for him, or so he mused as he raked a hand through his damp hair, aware that her eyes followed him.

"Sorry." Catalina softly offered the apology. "I...I guess I should have let us leave sooner but I was worried and..." She suddenly began to question her decision to push him as he cast a look at her with curious eyes and she turned and walked to the old back sofa that rested in the corner, feeling tired as she set down.

"Don't be sorry. Things needed to be checked over."

"I guess." She looked down at her hands.

"Catty?"

At the old name, she looked up to see him walking towards her to pause beside the sofa as his eyes found hers and held.

"What is it?" His voice was gentle. "Come on? I see it in your eyes." He knew her well enough to sense when she was troubled and Catalina smiled as she drank him in...he looked close to perfect as he stood there with his hair damp...his eyes warm...had she not loved him already, she was certain she would have fallen hard in that moment as she shook her head and again released a sigh.

"I was just thinking..."

"About?"

"The past." She looked back at her hands, noting that the room was quite while winds and rains and thunder battered the world beyond the office.

"Your dad?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah." And more. But she didn't say as much.

"I am sorry." He set down beside her on the couch. "I know it still hurts."

"I miss him more each day..." Tears came to her eyes, but she blinked them away.

"Me too. A lot. I sometimes think he will walk in the door,"

Smiling, she brushed at her eyes with her hand. "Same here. I...I guess I will never fully accept that he is gone."

"He will always be in your heart." He reached for her hand and Catalina lifted her eyes to his and he smiled gently. "I see a lot of him in you and I can tell you, he would be proud, to see how well you have ran this business..."

But she was shaking her head at his words. "We. Me and you. We have done it."

"I guess we have."

"We make a good team."

"I have to agree with that, babe."

"And I..." Her voice nearly broke but she wouldn't let the fear guide her. "I happen to think we could really...what I..." She drew in a breath. "Noah, I love you."