Nobody's Fool

"You got a car?" I said.

"Still at your office, a few blocks up."

"Let's go."

"You are just going to walk down the street naked with an unconscious dominatrix on your back?"

"Hey, it's Midtown. Who'll notice?"

When we got to her car we found her tires slashed with Razor-Boy's blade. His body was still cooling in the gutter. This was the kind of shitty thing Cologne would come up with, but it made sense. Slow your quarry down. Miss Nobody pulled the straight razor from the flat tire and slipped it in the top of her stocking.

" How far is your apartment?" she asked.

"Around the corner. Do I look like a commuter?"

"What you look like, Gumshoe..." Her voice trailed off into a chuckle. "Let's go."

We got back to my apartment without incident, unless you count the tall, bookish spinster who was coming around the corner with her poodle just as we turned onto my street. She walked her nose right up JJ's ass. JJ began to stir. Spinster stepped back, took a look at the three of us and fainted on the spot. We left her with Fifi licking her nose.

When we hit my apartment Nobody started barking orders. She was moving like a hot machine.

"Secure the bitch. I'll set defenses. You got weapons?" she said.

"In the piano bench. Then run yourself a hot bath," I said.

"I'm fine."

"Now you are. When the adrenaline wears off you'll start feeling those shots you took. Get in the tub. I'll come in and patch you up."

"Just make sure that bitch doesn't get loose in here."

This was some kind of training kicking in for Miss Nobody. I wondered again what her story really was but I had no time to worry about it. I took JJ into my bedroom. She was beginning to wriggle. I grabbed five of my ties from the closet and tossed JJ on the bed. She was sprawled face down and naked. Because a naked hostage feels more vulnerable and dependant on her captors. Ah, who am I kidding? It was payback.

I bound her, wrist and ankle, to the bedposts. The fifth tie I put around her neck and tied to the headboard. The more she struggled, the less she breathed. Her legs were spread wide and her furry bush was parted to reveal her moist cunt. Her bunghole was tilted to the ceiling. Her muscled shoulders began to strain at their tethers. I left her alone to think.

I found that Miss Nobody had leaned my sawed-off against the front door, with a box of shells beside it. She had shoved the refrigerator in front of the back door. She even laid out some of my army surplus grenades along the top of my TV. I found her soaking in the tub.

"You really gotta clean your bathtub, Gumshoe. Show some class," she said.

I went to the cabinet and got out the kit. I poured a carton of Epsom salts in the water and checked out her thumb. I was also checking out her body. What a package. She had a thick nest of curls between her knock-out legs and furry pits to match. Her pink nipples poked up through the water. The thumb was not broken, but her rods and pistons were out of whack. I taped it up. Then I took the alcohol to her cuts. Fingernails can leave a nasty infection.

"This is going to sting," I warned.

"Don't be so nelly. It doesn't suit you."

"These scratches will be gone soon, but that gash she gave you with the gun butt is going to leave a scar."

"Good for my image. Let me do your back."

I turned to her and she daubed the fiery liquid on my ripped flesh. I could feel the burn all the way down my back, a perfect ten stripes in my skin.

"Looks like she left her mark on you too, Gumshoe. Every girl you fuck for the next two years is going to ask 'who was she?'"

"You need a pill? I got some left over from the last time I got my ass kicked."

"How quick will they find us?"

"Cologne has my wallet."

"I'll pass on the pill, then," she said. "I need to be sharp. They won't try anything here as long as they think we have the niece. We'll make sure they do."

She rose from the tub and I became instantly aware that we were standing naked, a foot apart. My interest was obvious. She took my swelling cock in her hand.

"Playtime later, Gumshoe. We have work to do."

She slipped back into her blouse and skirt. She left her underwear, tattered and damp, on my sink. She slipped on her spiked heels and sat on the throne to light a smoke.

"So, did you come up with a cunning plan to save our asses while you were soaking there in my tub?" I said.

"The plan is we stay alive. We kidnapped Benny "The Horse" Scarpetti's niece. He can't let us live. Which means we have to take his whole family out of the game or we will be looking over our shoulders for the rest of our lives. "

"How do you figure the two of us do that?"

"Benny is a walking cliché," she said. "If we make him mad enough he will have to make a scene. He'll call all his boys together for a big war council and order them out to bring him our heads in a bag or some shit. I say we hit the meet. We go in killing and we keep killing and we don't walk out until Benny Scarpetti and his sick family are nothing but a bad memory."

"Sounds workable," I said. "How do we go about pissing off Uncle Benny that bad?"

"Have you ever heard screams over a telephone line? They have a far away, hopeless sound."

"You really are a vicious bitch, aren't you?"

"You have no idea."

I followed her into the bedroom. She took in the sight of JJ's naked form spread-eagled on the sheets. JJ had her wits about her now and she was spitting mad.

"You fucks. You dead fucks. I will piss on your graves."

Nobody sat down beside her on the bed. She stroked her smooth ass. Her hands took their liberty on her ass, her cunt, her defenses. She took JJ's long hair in her fist and pulled her head back. The tie tightened around her throat. She growled in JJ's ear.

"You are going to come across for me, bitch. Make no mistake about that. The question is how long you want to flirt before you put out. I want Benicio Scarpetti's private number. You know it. I want it. I think you know where that leads. Gumshoe? Where do you keep your belts?"

I pointed to the dresser drawer. She opened it and took out a brown leather belt, as thick as a razor strop and half as wide. Without hesitation, she strapped JJ's helpless ass. The thwack echoed off the bedroom walls like a gunshot.

"Uncle Benny's number, bitch."

JJ began to laugh. "Is that the best you got, you little cunt? "

"Uncle Benny's number," Nobody repeated.

And she brought the whip down again across her victim's cheeks. Red and purple stripes began to flare on JJ's smooth skin. Her body began to buck and writhe. Her breath grew frenzied. This drove Nobody to increase her assault, her teeth bared, her arm a blur as she brought the leather down. JJ sucked in huge breaths, then roared them out again. As the belt cracked across her ass, she tilted it in the air like a cat in heat. She moaned from deep in her belly and came in a gush of juice. Nobody stepped back surprised. JJ laughed into the mattress.

"Mmmm, that was yummy," JJ cooed. "Maybe I should give you MY phone number."

Nobody seethed. She took the receiver off the phone and laid it by JJ's face. She stepped over to where I was standing, still naked, against the wall. My cock was harder than Chinese algebra. She stood in front of me with a look of command and said, "Fuck her in the ass."

"Do what?"

"You heard me, Gumshoe. Fuck that bitch up her ass. Hard."

"Lady, I'm no choirboy, but I draw the line at rape," I said.

"Rape? This slut has had more pipe laid in her than the L.A. sewer system."

"I won't do it."

She slapped me hard across the face. I felt my hands turn to fists, but I felt my cock jump too.

"You are going to get on that bed and fuck that bitch or I am going to whip your ass like I whipped hers."

"Don't be such a pussy," JJ chimed in from the bed, "Come fuck my ass. Fuck me good. It's a sure bet this little mouse won't give it to you like I will. Come on and fuck me, peeper. If you got enough lead in your pencil."

Nobody took my cock in her fist and with her bandaged hand pulled my face down to hers. She brought her hot mouth to mine and she kissed me hard. I felt the world turn beneath my feet. I felt my will become hers. She spoke low in my ear, "Fuck her for me."

JJ lifted her ass in the air. I got onto the bed between her shapely legs. I rubbed my cock in the wet mess of her cunt, then pressed the slick knob to her tight, little brownie. I thought of her nails on my back and I forced it in. JJ clenched then relaxed and my thick cock plunged into her bunghole. She screamed like a cat. I thought of her talons pinching my nipple and I began to thrust in and out, feeling her shudder with each pump. I thought of her scarring Nobody's cheek and I started pounding her. My balls slapped at her wet cunt. I took a fist full of her hair and forced her face into the mattress. She growled and moaned. Her body began to buck. She started barking like a seal and shot a hot squirt of cum all over my bulging balls. I blasted my cum inside her, then ripped myself out and shot arcs of white jism to spatter her muscled back. I fell back against the footboard and watched JJ's gaping bung slowly tighten back to a pucker. She moaned contented moans. I looked over to Miss Nobody and she was leaning against the wall, her hand under her skirt. Moisture gleamed off the skin of her inner thighs.

"You know, Miss Nobody, I don't think this is having the desired effect," I gasped.

"I didn't think it would. The slut's into it. I just wanted to watch you do it."

The phone began to whine that it was off the hook and a look of nasty determination came over Nobody's face.

"Gumshoe, I'm guessing you didn't get that big skipping Thanksgiving dinners and I'm betting you have a turkey baster in your kitchen."

"Yeah. I think so."

"Bring it... and the rubbing alcohol."

JJ froze at the words. I did as Miss Nobody asked. She took the bottle and screwed off the cap, being sure that JJ could see every move. She filled the baster with the fiery juice and held it over JJ's bloodied ass. She let one large drop splash on her battered bung and JJ shrieked. After a second and third drop the alcohol began to trickle down to her cunt. Nobody took the nozzle and slipped it in. JJ began to plead. She was whimpering when she stammered out the phone number. Nobody took the receiver. I dialed. Benny picked up on the first ring. I could hear him shouting as he picked up. Miss Nobody' voice took on a cold, business tone.

"Benny Scarpetti?"

"Yeah. Who da fuck is this?"

"I'm the evil bitch who has your niece tied to her bed."

"You fucking cunt, you are dead! Do you hear me? Dead!"

" Don't have a stroke, Benny. You remember me? I'm the skirt you tried to 'personally' audition at the club. The one who told you they must call you The Horse because you like to play the ponies because it sure wasn't because of your little dickie. The one you had your goons bend over the pool table so you could tease her twat with your inadequate little nubbin."

"You fucking bitch! You rat bastard!"

"Relax, Uncle Benny. We are taking real good care of your little Princess. She might even live to suck your pee-pee again. Here. She can tell you herself."

She put the phone next to JJ's trembling mouth, rammed the baster into her cunt and squeezed the bulb. JJ screamed like her soul was being torn from her. The ranting on the phone stopped dead. I ran to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face, the screams tearing at me. I looked into my eyes above the sink. A stranger looked back. This woman was capable of anything, even taking out the whole fucking Scarpetti mob. I burned with a lust for her like I had never felt. My cock grew hard again.

I went back to the bedroom. JJ was limp and simpering. Nobody was sitting on the edge of the bed, her elbows in JJ's spine and her skirt hiked over her belly. Her legs were spread and her luscious cunt was open to me, wreathed in a tangle of curls, butterfly lips purple with lust, gleaming with wet anticipation. I stepped between her legs.

"No you don't, Gumshoe. Don't you even think about touching me with that cock after it's been in this whore's ass."

She lifted her feet and dug her heels into the sheets.

"Eat my cunt. I'll show this bitch some screaming."

I dropped to my knees like a priest before the host. I kissed her wet slit and breathed in the scent of her sweat and her cum and her want. She fell back across JJ's back and grabbed the tie around her throat. I ravaged her sopping cunt with my eager tongue. Her screams of pleasure floated down from the window to where Scarpetti's nephew, in his lavender shirt and tailored grey suit, leaned on a lamppost. Each scream was a joy to me. I was helpless. I worshiped her down to her wicked soul. And as she came a gush of juices into my grateful mouth, she strangled Juliana Justina Scarpetti to death.

I don't know how much time passed. My thoughts were not my own anymore. My will was not my own. She told me to dump JJ's body in the tub and I did, without question, without hesitation. I dressed in black jeans, black sweater and combat boots. She started laying out my weapons on the kitchen table, checking their actions, counting shells and clips. She was casually naked. The sight of her breasts bobbing and the wiggle of her ass as she fed shells into the drum magazine of my M60 machine gun drove me wild with lust. I wanted to bend her over the table and fuck her hard, right there amid the bullets. But somebody knocked on the door. Nobody tossed me the sawed-off and grabbed up my .45. I ducked behind the sofa and aimed the shotgun at the door. She stood to the side and gripped the knob. She nodded at me. I nodded back and she flung the door open. There, looking sheepish, was Cologne.

Nobody grabbed his tie and yanked him inside. I shoved him into the easy chair and jammed the muzzle of the shotgun into his temple.

"Wait! Wait!" he screamed. "I just want to talk."

"Talk fast, then," I said. "Start by telling me why I shouldn't blow your fucking head off."

"Because I know things. Things you want to know," he stammered.

"Like?"

"Like where Uncle Benny is. He's called a meet."

Nobody tossed me an "I told you so" look. I eased the shotgun away from his head.

"Why should you want to help us?" I asked. "A couple of hours ago you had me tied to a chair."

Cologne looked down at his Italian shoes.

"Because... because now that JJ is dead, I'm next in line for the throne."

"How do you know she's dead?" Nobody asked.

"Because you're not."

Nobody looked at him for a while.

"Look," he said, "Uncle Benny has this town locked up. Everything goes through him. Everybody works for him. Well, I want more. Benny wants you dead. Your only option is to kill him first. I can tell you where to get him. Good for you. Good for me."

"I'm sold," I said. "Spill."

And he did. He told us that Benny had called in all his soldiers, all his crews, everybody. They were to meet at the old Electrician's Union Hall. He gave us the time, the place and the layout. Nobody got a look in her eyes that frightened me. She was raring to go.

"Alright, Gumshoe, let's do it. Tie him up and dump him in the tub with the bitch. If every word he's told us isn't true, I'm going to come back her and stick his balls in the microwave."

I started to march him to the bathroom when she stopped us.

"Hold it," she said. "I need works clothes. It's a sure bet nothing of yours is going to fit me. Get naked, Cologne."

He didn't even begin to argue. He stripped with the grace of a man who was used to undressing in front of people. When he was naked, I bound and gagged him with duct tape and dropped him on top of JJ. He screamed and writhed like I had dropped him on hot coals. Tough shit. When I got back to the living room, Nobody was dressed in his suit. Her pant cuffs were rolled up and about a foot of belt flapped at her waist, but otherwise they fit. We loaded the trunk of my car with my arsenal and headed out.

The meeting hall was only about a couple of miles from my apartment. This is not that big a town. I stopped at a convenience store and bought a five gallon jug of spring water and a bottle of liquid soap. I dumped the water and filled the jug with gasoline and soap. I sealed the top and duct-taped one of my grenades to the side. Then we rolled on to Benny's. Nobody was squirming in her seat. Her hand kept finding its way to my crotch. In the closed car, I could smell that she was turned on.

The Hall stood alone among vacant lots like a wino's last tooth. It was surrounded by Cadillacs and SUVs. At the mouth of the alley behind the building I dowsed the headlights and killed the engine. I coasted up to the back door and stopped an inch before I hit it. According to Cologne, there were only two doors. The windows were covered with burglar bars. With my car blocking the back, the front door was the only way out.

We had covered the plan in the car on the way over, so we worked quickly, without words. Nobody took the M60 and headed around to the front. Her job was simple; kill anybody that came out the front door. I put the jug of homemade napalm in a duffle bag and slung it over one shoulder. Over the other I slung a bag of grenades. I grabbed the shotgun and climbed the fire escape to the roof. Cologne had told us true. The building was two floors of offices in the rear, but the front was a large meeting room, open to the ceiling two stories above. There was a skylight, looking down into the hall. There was no guard on the roof. Everyone was inside listening to Benny rant. I crept to the skylight and looked in.

The room was packed with enough men and guns to overthrow a third-world nation. Benny was on the stage at the back end, his scrawny body barely showing above the heavy, wooden podium. He was screaming and waving his arms. I couldn't make out the words, but the crowd of thugs were nodding and pumping their fists. He was working them into a killing frenzy. The sight made what I was about to do a little easier.

I pulled the jug from the bag and set it by the skylight. I laid the shotgun and a half-dozen grenades beside me. I pulled the pin on the grenade strapped to the jug, raised it above my head and smashed it through the skylight. The grenade went off just as the jug hit the floor in the middle of the mob. In an instant the room was awash in flames and screams. Those who weren't killed by the blast were on fire. They scrambled to the doors and windows. When they found them blocked, they began to pile onto to each other, clawing and scratching and burning. Those in the rear of the hall bolted towards the front door. I could hear the chatter of the M60 cutting them down as they emerged. I dropped another grenede through the broken glass. Then another. Then another. Then another.

When the grenades were gone, I grabbed up the shot gun, kicked in the door of the rooftop stairwell and headed down. A few of the thugs had found their way to the stairs and were heading up. The shotgun made short work of them. When I hit the bottom, the flames had begun to ignite the walls. I didn't see anybody moving except one man; Benny Scarpetti. The podium must have shielded him from the blast and flames. I was lowering the shotgun towards him when I heard Nobody's voice call through the flames.

"No! He's mine."

She came walking up the aisle, the M60 over her shoulder, stepping over smoldering bodies. Benny saw her and began to scramble away. She caught up to him and stood over him, her face glowing orange in the firelight and her teeth bared like a wild animal. He reached into his coat and raised a pistol in a shaking hand. She blew off his arm before he could aim it toward her. He shrieked like a monkey.

"Pick him up," she demanded. I obeyed. She dropped the machine gun, reached into the pocket of Cologne's jacket and pulled out the straight razor. With two quick slashes she cut his belt and his pants dropped around his ankles. She tore away his boxer shorts. She looked at his shriveled cock and withered balls and she laughed. Then, before I could say a word, she sliced them off and shoved them in his screaming mouth. Benny's eyes rolled up in his head and I let him drop to the floor. She spit on his agonized face, turned to me and said, "Let's go." I followed her through the flames.