Of Mice and Men Ch. 05

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carey loved the feeling of Ethan's warm body next to his. It had been a long time since he had snuggled with anyone, and the feeling was great. The steady rise and fall of Ethan's chest lulled him to sleep quickly, but he didn't stay that way for long. After only a few minutes of dozing, he was woken up by Ethan's mumbling. He watched his once peaceful face as it twisted into one of fear. He whimpered quietly and tossed his head from side to side. Carey wanted to wake him up, and was about too, when Ethan began speaking.

"Won't... I won't..." he mumbled, as he lifted his hands above his head. Carey frowned.

"Ethan..." he whispered quietly. Ethan cried out and threw a hand over his eyes. He whimpered louder and louder.

"Please... don't..." he said, gasping for air.

"Ethan," Carey said louder, touching his shoulder.

"Don't, please don't..." tears fell from his eyes as he sobbed in his sleep.

"Ethan!" Carey had had enough. His shouting woke the other man with a start. Ethan sat up straight, tears falling from his eyes. He whimpered quietly and looked around. "What the hell were you dreaming about?" Carey asked, putting a hand on Ethan's back.

"I-I don't know. It was dark..." Ethan mumbled. "I was walking home... I was younger. I think I was in high school. I... ugh..." Ethan held his head in his hand.

"Are you okay?" Carey asked.

"Yeah. My head just hurts," he said. Carey stood up and walked into the bathroom, returning with a cup of water and a few aspirin in hand.

"Take these." He handed the pills to Ethan and he swallowed them with a drink of water. Carey took the glass and put it on the bedside table before sitting next to Ethan on the bed. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"There's nothing to talk about," he turned onto his side, his back to Carey.

"Why are you hiding from this. It's just a dream, isn't it?" Carey asked.

"Just leave me alone," Ethan said.

"Ethan, talk to me," Carey said.

"Fuck off, Carey!" Ethan roughly shoved Carey, forcing him off the bed. Carey stared at him helplessly as Ethan tried to silence the sobs that wracked his body.

"Ethan, what's wrong? You can talk to me. Not just as a shrink but as a friend... and more." Carey sat back down on the bed and rubbed Ethan's back soothingly. Ethan sobbed loudly.

"I don't want to!" he said, like a child.

"Why?" Carey asked.

"I-I don't know, please just leave it alone," he whined. Carey stared at him silently and sighed.

"Okay," he said, crawling into bed. It took him longer to fall asleep because Ethan's breathing wasn't so steady this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ethan, come on, it's morning." Carey gently shook Ethan awake. His eyes fluttered open and he sighed as he sat up. "Feeling better?" Carey asked Ethan nodded a little, unconvincingly.

"I just need a shower," Ethan mumbled and stood up.

"Yeah, okay," Carey nodded. Ethan stood and walked to the bathroom. Carey listened as the water turned on. He moved to the kitchen, in the blackness of the apartment, to start breakfast. He had only just started the eggs, when he heard a loud thump from the bathroom. He looked up and frowned, listening for any other sound. "Ethan?" he called out. When he received no reply, he turned off the fire quickly and ran into the bathroom. "Ethan?" he called again, as he stepped into the warm bathroom. Ethan was crouched on the floor of the shower, sobbing into his knees. "Ethan! What's wrong!?" Carey ignored the hot water pouring down on them. His clothes and fur were soaked and he shrugged it all off and knelt down with Ethan. Ethan continued crying, not saying a word. "Please, talk to me," Carey begged.

"I remember..." Ethan said, between sobs.

"Remember what?" Carey asked, confused.

"I know why I hate you so much. Not you... I..." Ethan grunted and held his head, as if he had a migraine. "Infected. I..." He sighed and shook his head, the tears mixing in with the water.

"Come on, Ethan. Talk to me I can help you!" Carey begged.

"I was raped!" he shouted, tired of Carey pestering him. He collapsed, even more than he already was. He drew in long deep breaths trying to get some air, but it seemed useless. Carey held him as he cried, not knowing what to say.

"Ethan..." he began, but stopped. Nothing he could say would help. He let Ethan cry, until the water turned cold and his ears were lying down with the weight of the water. His long whiskers slouched, too. Finally, after nearly fifteen minutes of uncontrollable sobbing, he began to settle down. Carey reached up and turned the water off. He grabbed the towel Ethan had set out for himself on the counter, and wrapped him in the soft material. He dried him off quickly, and led him to the bed, ignoring his own soaked fur. After Ethan was passed out in bed, he grabbed the blow dryer and dried the sprinkling of white fur quickly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ethan woke up from his deep sleep still tired. He felt like the tiredness would never end. When Carey had woken him up in the middle of the night from his nightmare, he had denied it. He told himself it was only a dream, but somewhere inside him he knew that was a lie. When he tried to remember where the dream had come from, it only gave him headaches, and this sickening feeling in his stomach. He kept prying at the spot in his mind that clearly didn't want pried at. It had been the spray of the hot water, and that final scratch at that blank spot in his memory that had sparked the horrible events that took place that night. Carey stepped into the room, sighing. A long silenced passed between them before Carey spoke.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Carey asked. Ethan nodded. Carey sat on the bed and put a hand on Ethan's shoulder.

"It was right before my freshman year in high school. It was during summer break," Ethan began. "Mike and I had gone to the movies and he went home, he only lived like a block away. But I lived like half way across town. Since my parents were never around I had to walk everywhere." Ethan took a deep breath, and continued after he got a reassuring back rub from Carey. "It was really late, and it was raining. The streets were empty and I wasn't in the best part of town. But I was a cocky teenager and didn't think anyone would mess with me," Ethan mumbled. "It was just this one guy. He wasn't that big, but I was pretty small for my age," he explained. "He dragged me into an alley and covered my mouth. He just tore my clothes and used my shirt to gag me, using some duct tape to keep it in my mouth," Ethan said, spacing out as if he was back in the alley. "He didn't last very long. But I remember how his claws scratched me. I think he was an otter, or something? I don't know. All I remember is he had these long claws and these bright eyes that glowed in the moonlight. After he was finished he tore the tape off and told me that if I ever said anything he would kill me," Ethan said. "It's not like I was going to tell. I thought... I thought that nobody would take me seriously. I was just a kid it never even occurred to me that men could be... uh... raped, too." Ethan stumbled over the word, shivering when he finally spat it out.

"You know that's not true now, though. Right? This doesn't make you any less of a man," Carey said. Ethan nodded, though it wasn't very convincing. Carey brushed his fingers through his hair, trying to soothe a worried looking Ethan.

"I went home, and got into the shower," he continued. "I just scrubbed for hours and hours. The water got cold a long time before I finally stopped. I went through an entire bottle of body wash but I just couldn't get the feeling of him off of me." Ethan's voice quivered and tears fell down his cheeks. Carey soothed him as he cried for a moment, before pulling himself back together. He took another deep breath. "I threw my clothes in the dumpster, locked myself in my room, and went to sleep. I just ignored what happened. I never even thought of telling anyone. It just never crossed my mind. I just kept shoving it into the back of my mind and pretending like it never happened." Ethan shook his head. "God it just feels so weird. Like there was a puzzle piece missing from an otherwise complete puzzle, and now that piece has just been shoved back in there and you can see the whole picture." He held his head again.

"You should really see someone, besides me I mean. I know it will be hard at first, but it's important. I don't know anything about this kind of thing, repressed memories and handling rape victims. But I know a few friends from school who will know how to help you," Carey said. Ethan nodded.

"I think I can talk to somebody now. Before, I would just freak out whenever I got anywhere near the memory. I didn't know why, I just panicked," he sighed.

"It's okay, Ethan. We're dealing with this now. This means you can finally move on with your life," Carey said, throwing a bit of happiness into the situation. Ethan smiled, but only a little.

"I really want that," he said, crying from relief.

"And you can have that. Just remember that it's going to take some time," Carey said. "Like you told me, you can't expect to get better after one breakthrough. But look at me now, I spent the whole day outside yesterday, and even met three new people," Carey smiled. Ethan smiled with him and nodded.

"I'm proud of you for that, by the way," Ethan added, as his tears began drying.

"Thank you. I'm proud of you, for facing this," Carey said. Ethan nodded, obviously unsure.

~~~~~~~~~~

"How was it?" Carey asked, as Ethan came back from his first therapy session.

"It was... hard. There was a lot of crying, and all I'm gonna say is it wasn't from the shrink." He laughed, embarrassed. "But I feel like I'm finally getting control of my life," Ethan nodded.

"We're a great couple, aren't we? An agoraphobic, anxiety-filled, rodent-man, and a rape victim with a temper like the incredible hulk." Carey smiled. Ethan sighed and laughed.

"Yeah, we're not perfect. But I love you." Ethan kissed Carey. "I hope that's enough," Ethan hugged him tight.

"I love you, too, and yes it is enough," Carey leaned into Ethan's embrace.

"I think if we just give it some time, and put in a little effort, we'll get better and we'll have all the time in the world together," Ethan said.

"It's good to see you so positive," Carey smiled.

"Yeah, I guess. I just have a good feeling about this. About our future. A really good feeling," Ethan nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TBC...