Oil of Roses Ch. 30

"I gather it didn't go well, my love?" Margo said, holding Kelly on her left.

Her lover's sobs were all the answer she needed.

"Are we still meeting for supper tomorrow evening?" Carol asked.

Kelly's head bobbed up and down.

Nicki wandered in from upstairs. "How'd it... oh, stupid question."

"Yes, unfortunately it is... be a love and make Kelly one of those divine liqueur spritzers of yours, peach I think is her favorite?" Margo said.

A nod.

"Yes, peach... and then go grab the hookah, load the pipe and come on in... this is going to take awhile."

* * * * *

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be on his best behavior tomorrow night," Kelly said, much calmer than when she'd come in, "but he saw tonight as his chance to deprogram me while I was away from y'all. I thought Mother was going to start stabbing him with her fork."

"You mean seriously stab him, say, in the arm?" Nicki asked.

"No, I mean seriously stab him, say, in the chest, digging for his heart. She apologized several times for not having calmed him down as much as she'd promised to. One of the reasons I'm sure he'll be on his best behavior tomorrow night was Mother explaining to him exactly what would happen if he wasn't."

"And that was?" Carol asked.

"An unequivocal moratorium on sex until she felt he'd paid his penance...and a divorce should he go looking elsewhere."

"I gather it's never a wise thing to cross a Culberson woman," Margo said with a smile.

"And not too much brighter to cross a Culberson man," Kelly replied, "unless you happen to be a Culberson woman... Goddamn it... I wish Harry could be there tomorrow night."

She missed the looks Margo and Carol gave each other.

* * * * *

After finding out that her parents were basic 'meat and taters' types, Margo called to reserve them a room at "Muldoon's", the steakhouse Nick had taken them to. She was rather taken aback by the level of service she received.

"Yes ma'am, Dr. Wohler, a room is ready for you anytime you request it, compliments of the management."

"That's very kind-"

"Would you like us to prepare anything special in advance? I happen to know the chef has a lovely prime rib that we could start roasting in preparation for your arrival tomorrow. And might any of you or your guests be interested in lobster? If so, I assure you it is no trouble at all to put in an order for some to be delivered fresh tomorrow, just for your party."

"Uh, I wasn't quite prepared for this warm a welcome... may I call you back in a few minutes with a more firm idea on what we and our guests might be interested in?"

"Certainly madam, but I warn you it would need to be in the next hour and a half if we're to order lobster for you."

"I'm sure it won't be more than fifteen or twenty minutes."

"I look forward to speaking with you again, madam."

As soon as she hung up, "Goddamn his charming Italian hide!"

"What?" asked Kelly.

"Nick has smoothed our way at Muldoon's... smoothed it so much that if I asked for the chef's mother, served on rice, I'm pretty sure we'd end up eatin' Mama!"

Fifteen minutes later, almost to the second, she was back on the phone with the maitres d'restaurant of Muldoon's, giving their order for the next evening.

* * * * *

Kelly picked up her mother and father in Margo's car, while Margo and Carol went ahead to the restaurant.

"Earl, you will behave tonight, or you will be a very lonely man."

"Kissie, I already told you I will."

"Well, you've told me you were going to apologize to our daughter and I haven't heard you do that yet."

"Well... you have me there... Kelly, darling... I apologize for last night. I was out of line and I know it."

"Daddy, it's alright," Kelly said from the front seat. "A daughter getting married is stressful no matter what. This arrangement must seem like I've gone out of my way to make it as stressful as I possibly can."

"Well, now that you mention it- OW! I was just agreeing with her!"

"And I was just voicing my opinion on the matter," Kissie said, regaining her composure after elbowing her husband in the ribs.

After they arrived and introductions had been made, the table for six in the private room was unnaturally quiet as everyone sat, uncomfortable in the silence but unwilling to break it. Finally the beeping of Margo's cell phone provided some relief.

"Excuse me, I'll step outside and take this."

She was only gone a few moments and when she returned she was pushing their husband in a wheelchair. Out from under the cover of hospital bedsheets, his right leg was a Frankensteinian nightmare of pins sticking out through the skin and through open patches in the cast that ran from just below the hip to just above the ankle. The knee and the wounds on that knee from the surgeries were also exposed to the air. His right shoulder and arm were in casts and in too many places his flesh bore the signs of the knife wounds.

But he was as clean as could be managed, the pajamas he wore where clothes were possible were fresh and pressed, and his hair was washed, cut and brushed into place.

"Good evening all, sorry I'm late but tunneling out of the Stalag was a bit of a problem and it's so hard to find a cab that can handle me and the chair."

"HARRY!" Kelly shrieked. She was out of her chair and hugging him before anyone knew she had moved at all.

"Easy darling, easy..." he said. "This dinner is important to us all and I wanted... I needed to be here. I needed to be here for you." He looked up at the strong-featured black man who had stood when Kelly had leapt from the table. "You, sir, must be Mr. Culberson," he extended his left hand, "I'm very pleased to meet you, I'm Harry Grimes."

Earl Culberson walked around the table and gingerly took Harry's left hand. "A pleasure," he said, releasing it and going back to his seat.

"And you, madam, you could only be Mrs. Culberson. There's no doubt where Kelly got her beauty."

"You are a flatterer, Mr. Grimes," she responded. "Call me Margaret, please."

"Then you must call me Harry and ma'am, your eyes may not be able to see your beauty anymore, but mine are working quite well and I'm not flattering anyone, just speaking the truth." Margo wheeled him closer and he took Mrs. Culberson's hand. "It is indeed a pleasure to meet both of you, for many reasons."

"Oh really Mr. Grimes... such as?" asked Mr. Culberson in a voice only slightly above a growl.

"Kelly told us about you and your wife's attitude towards her education. I wish my parents had been half as wise. Not that they were without wisdom... but I essentially wasted four years getting a degree that is of absolutely no use to me. Don't get me wrong, it was great fun to get, I do enjoy modern literature, but there were so many other things I would have enjoyed looking into as well."

"Margo, why didn't you tell me he was going to do something this stupid?" Kelly spluttered.

"That's exactly the reason, dear," Carol answered. "Because you would have fussed and fought him every step of the way and both of us agreed he needed to be here."

"So you're not above going around behind my daughter's back for what you perceive to be her own good?" Margaret asked.

"No Mama, they not... although, to be fair, none of us have a problem going behind any of our backs if we agree it's for their own good."

"I certainly can't judge you for that," Margaret replied, "it's how I've handled your father for thirty years."

A small laugh erupted from everyone but Earl.

"That's all fine and good, but what are all of your plans for Kelly's education now?" Mr. Culberson asked.

"EARL! They're marrying her, not adopting her!"

"No ma'am, he's perfectly within his rights to ask, and while we're not adopting her, families do look after their member's best interests," Margo said, picking up the ball. "Kelly's very intelligent, we're as aware of that as you are... often she's too smart for her own good. Between Harry and I alone, we make enough money, with all the side benefits such as health care coverage, that neither Carol nor Kelly would ever need to work. In Carol's case, she already has the full time job of keeping a household of five adults-"

"Five?" Earl inquired.

"-the fifth being Harry's sister Nicki, who is our roommate for the time being. As I was saying, she's very busy keeping a household of five adults running efficiently. With our divergent schedules and the many demands on our time during the week, she has her hands full.

"Kelly... Kelly has gotten it into her head that she needs to be contributing to the household's funds now. We couldn't disagree more. The three of us mean to see that she continues her schooling in the same manner as before." Margo smiled. "She's a very stubborn woman, but we're all pretty stubborn too, so I think we'll win merely by strength of numbers."

Kelly and her mother began to snicker while even Mr. Culberson smiled very slightly. The looks of confusion on the other three's faces had Kelly laughing outright.

"Earl, go ahead and tell them," her mother commanded.

"I was working as a correctional officer when Kelly was a baby. One of my fellow guards was ex-military and I was telling stories about what a handful she was when she was little when he told me of... I think it was a unit motto or slogan... that fit her perfectly. He found it on a baby's t-shirt for her, and until he died when she was thirteen, he always made sure she had a tee in her size that bore that motto."

"I'm afraid to ask," Harry said, fascinated.

"Outnumbered, always. Outmaneuvered, often. Outfought, never."

Carol, Margo and Harry burst into laughter. "Oh sir..." Carol wheezed, "seems some things don't change."

"I still have the last one I got from him, Daddy," Kelly said. "It's worn, but I retired it when he passed away, kept it with me."

Earl Culberson felt his resistance to his daughter's 'marriage' to these people begin to relax, ever so slightly, as they all laughed together.

The waiter came and took their drink orders, Harry calmly ordering a shot of Tullamore Dew despite the disapproving look of his wives. When the drink arrived he proceeded to sip it very gingerly throughout the rest of the evening.

And when the question arose of how they all met and ended up together, Kelly was surprised to find that Harry, Carol and Margo's brief narrative flowed smoothly, complete as to the emotional realities, but very vague on the physical aspects, as well as leaving out any hint of any unusual sexual proclivities.

By the conclusion their appetizers had arrived and Margaret said, "Kelly, help me to the restroom please."

Once inside the otherwise empty facility, Kelly made use of one stall after guiding her mother to another.

"I suspect there was quite a bit left out of that story for your father's and my benefit," her mother said, her voice softly echoing around and about the metal walls.

"Oh God yes, Mama... the last thing I think any of us need to see is Daddy hearing some of the reality of the four of us and our situation."

"In particular, I sensed more than a little whiff of... bullshit... about the first evening all of you met."

"Mother!" Kelly exclaimed. "But yes, you're right, that was heavily edited for family viewing."

"I thought so... I've watched, long ago, and listened to enough old romantic movies, both good and bad, not to recognize the 'go to soft lens focus, and then show shots of waves crashing into the rocky shore' trick... glad your father didn't notice it."

"So am I."

Outside at the table, the conversation was considerably different.

"So Mr. Grimes... what would I find if I searched your house?" Mr. Culberson asked.

Harry looked him squarely in the eye. "A good many things, sir, some of which would undoubtedly offend you... but the largest thing you'd find, in fact, there would be no avoiding it, would be an egregious violation of our Fourth Amendment judicially-inferred rights to privacy. What would I find if I searched your house?"

The two men stared at each other, neither budging an inch.

"I have by God had enough," Margo proclaimed. "Mr. Culberson, this is going to be short and sweet. We love your daughter, each and every one of us, every bit as much as any of us love each other. We're complete with her as a part of us, complete in a way we weren't before, and she's found her completion with us as well. My husband-to-be's first thought when regaining consciousness, earlier than he should have by the way, was to call his lawyer and then to wait, sans pain relief, until his lawyer could arrive so as to amend his will to include all of us, Kelly too. At that point, Mr. Culberson, the jury was still out on whether or not he was going to live, although the early ballots looked favorable... but he didn't know that. And regardless of what you might believe, had he died, the three of us would have continued as a family because that's what we are... a family.

"I hate sounding like this, but I've had enough of you acting as if your approval is needed. Your daughter is above the age of consent, all too possessed of a will of her own and has made her decision. We'd love to have your blessing, freely given, but trust me, it's not required.

"I'm so lucky to love and be loved by the three finest people I've ever met. I'd appreciate the hell out of it if you stopped treating them, treating all of us, like we're criminals or freaks."

Earl Culberson sat back in his chair and looked at Margo, studying her. "Interesting definition of 'short and sweet', Dr. Wohler."

Margo was still blushing when Kelly and her mother returned from the restroom.

Once she had her mother resituated at the table, Kelly sat down and looked at Margo, then at her father. "So," she said, "I gather from your expressions that Daddy has talked himself out of sex for awhile."

"Kelly! Margaret, did you..."

"Yes Earl, I most certainly did tell her, and she no doubt told them. It's what husbands and wives do, Earl, they communicate. Surely you remember that?"

"You might want to take it a little easy on him, Margaret," Carol said. "He's only trying to protect his child the way we'll try to protect ours someday."

"Children?" Mr. Culberson blurted. "You're considering children? And all springing from your loins I suppose, Mr. Grimes."

"SIX MONTHS, EARL!" Margaret announced.

The waitstaff delivering their food turned a little pale.

"What?"

"Six months without sex... keep going, jackass, and make it nine."

"Margaret!"

"Daddy, your outnumbered, you're outmaneuvered and you're damn close to being outfought... you might want to watch it," Kelly snapped.

He shut his mouth and stewed in his silence.

"Actually, no Mr. Culberson... in fact, at present I have the slight issue of a vasectomy I'd have to have reversed. But that aside, I know that Margo would like to have a child by my oldest and dearest friend, a man who's been her friend nearly as long."

"Carol told you about that?" Margo asked, calmly.

"Yes, and believe me, I have no problem with it... she also told me she at some point wouldn't mind bearing the child of another family friend, a gay man. I suspect that insemination will occur artificially in that case. I imagine Margo's will be done the old-fashioned way, should Eddy's wife agree. I think she will. As for Kelly, well, it's not something we've had the time to discuss.

"And I'm fine with all of that. Families originally evolved for the protection of children and the management of assets. I foresee us eventually having a houseful of children. And it doesn't matter who the father is, what will matter is who the 'Daddy' is... and that will be me, along with many very close 'uncles'."

"Mr. Grimes," Margaret asked, her voice soft and soothing, "do any of the rest of you have any parents still living?"

"Both Harry's and my parents are dead," Margo answered, "as far as Carol..."

"Mine might as well be, as far as I'm concerned," Carol replied.

The smile on Margaret's face was almost transcendental. "Earl, I think you'd better get used to the idea of grandchildren."

"But they're not ours unless they're Kelly's and she hasn't even said-"

"Whether they're of my body or not," Kelly replied, "they'll be mine"

"And therefore ours," Margaret said, her smile never fading. "Get ready to be a grandfather, Earl."

As the meal passed, mostly in silence except for the sounds of people enjoying superb food, Earl Culberson did some hard thinking. It was obvious that his wife was happy about the situation, or at least was not unhappy, and he knew the promise of grandchildren at some point in the future had her on the edge of euphoria.

As the last roar of a dying lion, he threw out a final question. "As I realize only one of your marriages will be legally recognized, I don't imagine there will be pre-nuptial agreements for the four of you."

"No, of course not-" Margo began.

"Actually there will," Carol said, smiling. "Harry had me talk to Mr. Daggett about it while we were arranging the name change. I've discussed the name issue with Kelly, just not the financial arrangements." She turned to Mr. Culberson. "Sir, I've already had my last name changed to Grimes. I have no fondness at all for my family name. As I understand it, Margo will do the same when she becomes the bride of record, for much the same reason. While I should let Kelly tell you her decision about her name... well, I just can't... she'll be keeping your family name and taking ours as well, going by the last name of 'Culberson-Grimes'. You and your wife mean that much to her.

"But while I was arranging to have my name changed, Harry had our lawyer draw up our... well, our contracts. The reason we didn't tell you, Margo, is you would've argued with me about what I've chosen to do. Each partner is assured one quarter of all assets no matter how they leave the partnership. That includes my assets as well, of course."

"You don't have any assets from what I understood," Mr. Culberson said.

"Actually you're quite incorrect, I have an inheritance of approximately two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Would you like to see it?"

"SEE IT?"

"Yes, at present it's still sitting in cash in a very secure room at the house. Nevertheless, that's the contractual arrangement we'll be entering into."

"Earl, are Margo and Carol beautiful?" asked Margaret.

He looked puzzled. "Yes, both of them are quite lovely, each in their own way. Why?"

"May I touch the two of your faces, please?"

Margo and Carol both sat for her as Kissie softly, delicately, examined their faces, primarily with her fingertips although not exclusively so as she also used her palms and the backs of her hands as well. Both of them felt the tenderness in her touch and realized that they'd been very lucky where their in-laws were concerned.

"Earl, they are lovely. Accept that they're not after Kelly for her looks alone, and you know they're not after her for her money... each of the three of them is worth more than our estate is ever likely to be... admit that it must be love, sit down and shut the hell up. They love her, she loves them, it's marriage. It's what happens when people feel that way. They want to spend the rest of their lives together and we're going to let them do it. They're a family."

His final resistance beaten down, Earl Culberson admitted defeat. "Will there be some sort of ceremony for the four of you?"

"Oh yes sir, Mr. Culberson, we're planning a doozy," Harry said, grinning.

"Call me Earl... and is there any chance you might deign to invite an old asshole and his wife, who is always right and should never let him forget it?"

Carol got up and went to him, throwing her arms around him and hugging him, kissing his cheek. "Yes sir, Earl, the two of you were going to get an invitation no matter how this ended... we weren't going to give up hope, for Kelly's sake, that any burnt bridges could be rebuilt."