Only You Ch. 07

"Hey I still maintain that she was the one who dragged me into that house against my will. I can't help it if girls lose their sense of reason around me. One day you too may have that affect on women, old man. That is, if Roxie doesn't beat the shit out of any woman who tries to come near you."

The brothers laughed heartily. "I miss having you around," Dex said. "Even if you do tend to cause havoc wherever you go."

"Maybe I'll stick around longer this time."

"You planning on staying in the States?"

Derek shrugged. "I think I have a pretty good reason to, don't you?"

"Yes, I do." Dex turned serious. "What are you going to do about Lottie? I believe she's got to be dealt with."

"Oh don't worry about that. I've got it all taken care of."

********

Tegan couldn't believe it was Saturday. The rest of the week had whizzed by and she wasn't even sure what happened. She was positive it was thanks to Drea and Teddy, who kept her so occupied she barely had a moment to herself. Tegan knew they were just trying to be friends, but it was draining her.

Even now she lay tiredly in bed, her poor feet aching from their walk around Central Park. Then there was museum browsing and going into the stores on Fifth Avenue to pretend they were rich ladies looking to burn a little plastic. That was actually pretty funny, considering Tegan's mother had a personal shopper at half the stores they were in.

After a lunch of hot dogs and ice cream it was off to the Bronx to Simpson Street, one of Teddy's favorite places to shop. Drea had to practically drag Tegan away from a jeweler offering to pierce her ears. "You don't need any more damn holes in your body," she said gruffly.

She was so exhausted, it was all she could do not to fall asleep on the way home. After much cajoling, she managed to let Drea and Teddy give her a couple of hours to herself for a much deserved nap, but not before promising to hang out tonight.

Picking up the remote resting on the nightstand, she powered on her stereo. A drum beat tapped loudly before the opening of No One Will Ever Love Youburst right in. Tegan shut the stereo off, cursing The Magnetic Fields and random shuffle for torturing her. She rolled onto her side and shut her eyes tightly, willing herself to hit REM. It wasn't working. Derek was still on her mind and no matter how many sidewalk sales and museums Drea and Teddy marched her to it wasn't going to make the ache go away.

It hurt, having someone who felt so deeply about her so far away, unable to reach out and touch him in the most intimate of ways and instead settling for memories and images. She wanted to cry, scream, get angry at Derek for being so incredibly stupid and yet all she could do was lie there, feeling stupid and miserable.

She didn't hate him, this much she knew. In fact, she was pretty much far from hate as one could possibly get.

She could feel it, the chunks rising in her throat as a dizzying wave of nausea hit. Sitting up quickly Tegan bolted for the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before she retched the remnants of her lunch of hot dogs and a vanilla cone.

Flushing the toilet, she rested her cheek weakly against her hand. What the hell was happening to her? She couldn't sleep sometimes and even thinking about certain foods made her sick to her stomach.

And then it hit her like an eight pound brick. No, she couldn't be...could she? Her mind flew back to the weeks she'd been with Derek. She could only remember a few times they had actually used condoms. Her first time, the last time they were together...no protection.

Jesus, she felt so stupid. A mild panic started to set in. She couldn't be pregnant. It just wasn't possible. Tegan crawled to her bed, reaching for the phone. There was only one person she could talk to at the moment. Crisis didn't even begin to cover it.

********

"Well, I can't say I'm a little surprised you even called me after what happened a couple of days ago," Lottie drawled coolly.

Derek stared at the woman across the table from him, trying to remind himself to remain civil. "I just thought we needed to tie some things up, don't you agree?"

Lottie waved her hand absentmindedly. "Is that why you picked somewhere open? Scared I'll make a scene?" She indicated the small outdoor café they were currently in. It was another beautiful day in L.A.

He held back a grimace. More than anything, all he wanted to do was leave California as soon as possible. He studied the woman in front of him, as she snapped her fingers impatiently for the waiter, a bored scowl on her pretty face.

A surge of irritation flooded him. What the fuck could he possibly see in such a vapid and useless creature? Even Carrie, with her perma-bitchiness would never do something so cruel as what Lottie had done.

"Derek? Derek are you even listening to me?" His eyes focused once more on Lottie, who was glaring at him.

"Sorry about that," he said as his blue eyes came back into focus. He looked up at the waiter, who returned with Lottie's sparkling water.

Lottie looked at him pointedly. "Cut to the chase, Derek. Why did you call me here?"

"That's a good question. I've been trying to figure that out. I feel like I should hate you for what you've done to me. But I can't help feel sorry for you."

Lottie scoffed, the sound turning into the most unbecoming snort. "You feel sorry for me?" She reached into her purse for her cigarettes, some French brand she always smoked and knew it drove him crazy. She lit up, ignoring the looks of the people around her. "You were always rather daft, weren't you?"

He stared at her, watching as she blew the smoke rudely in the direction of the dining couple next to them. "What happened to you?" he asked softly.

The irritation was gone now, replaced with a gentle look. She was silent, tsking sharply under her breath. Derek continued. "I remember how you used to be. You were so beautiful; you were a hardcore bitch, but I found it so attractive." His laughter was sharp and short, a hint of bitterness ringing underneath. "What the fuck does that say about me? Why do I keep finding these fucking girls to be with?"

"Girls?" Lottie stubbed her square out on the table before sipping her water. "Girls like what?"

"These damn girls with complications, all this baggage. Goddammit! Why does the bitch attract me?"

"Because anything else would bore you to tears," Lottie said simply. "If you wanted the nice girl, you would have found her already. Women like me excite you. You are thrilled by the chase."

Derek shook his head. "You know, I have to say I'm done. I don't want to be like this anymore."

For the first time in their conversation,

Lottie's looks softened. She reached a pale hand out and patted his fingers. "Of course you don't," she cooed. "It's who you are, Gorge. You'll always be the heartbreaker."

Derek slid his hand out from under hers. "No," he said firmly. "I won't. She deserves more than that."

"You mean the American cow?" Lottie's laughter rang sharp and cruel. "Do you really think she'd take you back after what you've done to her? Gorge, she's fat, not a fool."

"She loves me," he said quietly. "She wants to be with me."

Lottie waved his sentence away as if she were swatting a fly. "Listen. You and that...Tegan; you don't make sense. She's too green and she doesn't understand you, the life you lead, the things you've done." Her hand went to caress his once more. "You and I...Gorge you and I belong together."

Derek thought about what she was saying. They certainly did have a lot in common. Lottie knew about the world of cameras and in-depth questions, of people following out of clubs for pictures; of living in the spotlight even when you really didn't want to. Yes, Lottie was like him in so many ways...and he just couldn't stand it.

"You're right, Lottie. We are alike," he said. "And that's why we could never work out. You were too selfish and I was too stupid to take notice. Even now, you're still trying to hold onto me when I've told you I've completely fallen for someone else.

I love her, Lottie. I love Tegan more than anything in this world and nothing will ever change that." He moved his hand away from hers before standing up. "I want her, and only her. Not you."

Derek smiled at the look of stark astonishment written on her pretty face. It was probably one of the first times she had ever been rejected by a man. That thought made him smile. As he turned to walk away, he shot her a calm look. "Lose my number, will you?"

********

Tegan, Drea, and Teddy burst into Tegan's apartment, each carrying a small brown paper bag.

"Okay," Tegan breathed. "How are we going to do this?"

Drea reached into her bag and handed Tegan the small pink box. "Just go into the bathroom, pee on it, and then in ten minutes we'll know if Dougie Fresh is on."

Grimacing slightly, Tegan took the box from her. "Seriously though, was it really necessary to buy six different tests?"

Teddy shot her a look that plainly meant 'shut-the-fuck-up'. "Yes it was. Now get the hell in there and start peeing."

"I don't even know if I have that much urine in me at the moment," she protested as they walked her down the short hallway to the bathroom.

"Well fucking try," Teddy snapped. "And if you can't do it, we'll bring you some water. But you're not leaving from in there until we get some results." And with that, he snapped the door shut behind him.

"My, aren't we testy today Theodore." Drea shot him a dark look, her tanned arms folded tightly across her chest.

Teddy's irritation mirrored Drea's. "Don't start with me, Andrea. I am so fucking pissed off right now." He stalked into the kitchen, slamming open one of the cabinets and reaching in for a short glass. Teddy opened the fridge, going directly to where he knew Tegan kept a small bottle of rum. He pouted a little of the amber liquid into the glass and downed it quickly.

Drea snatched the glass from him. "What are you doing? You know you don't drink rum like that!"

"Well what else am I supposed to do, huh? I can't stand to think one of my best friends has gone and monumentally fucked up her life!"

"Teddy," Drea started before he cut her off.

"No, Drea it's true! Tegan wasn't even considering buying pregnancy tests before he came along and corrupted her! I am so fucking angry, not using the sense God gave her to use protection. What if he gave her more than just a baby? I'm just wondering why these things never crossed her mind."

"I don't know, honey. But the most we can do right now is wait until we get the results. Once we know where we stand, we can go from there. The most important thing is that we're there for her." Drea snaked her arm around his trim waist, hugging her roommate to her body. "She's going to need us more than ever, Teddy. Whatever you're feeling right now, just put it aside and be there for her."

Teddy sighed. "I know. I just can't seem to wrap my head around this entire situation. And why the hell are you so calm? Usually you're the one about to flip her shit."

Drea smiled. "Couldn't tell you. I think since Tegan came back we've been so busy trying to make sure she was okay that we never really asked her how she was feeling. I think we just need to give her some time. She'll sort things out in her own eventual little Tegan way."

Meanwhile, down the hall Tegan was practically breaking into a sweat. She was trying to go over things in her mind, trying to process how she ended up sitting on the edge of her bathtub, jiggling her foot nervously, while waiting for three small sticks to determine the course of her life.

She couldn't picture herself as a mother. It wasn't that she didn't want children. The possibility that someone would be attracted to her was a hard concept to grasp. For a guy to actually desire to sleep with her was something she still couldn't fathom.

Guys never paid her much attention, until Derek. And now here she was, practically ready to leap off a building in anticipation.

What would she say to Derek? Things seemed so far gone now. Would he even want a baby? Would he still want her? She couldn't stop the panicky tears that started to crept down her cheeks. She rocked herself gently, trying hard as hell to soothe the questions burning inside. Whatever the outcome, whatever the decision, she knew Drea and Teddy would be there for her.

She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall in the bathroom. Time was up. Taking a deep breath, she reached for one of the tests, her hand shaking slightly. Tegan inhaled and exhaled deeply one more time before glancing down at the

results.

And there it was. Her future in black and white.

********

"Derek! Where the hell have you been? We need to check out ASAP if we're going to make it to the airport on time." Matt's usual cheerful tone had been replaced with something akin to irritation.

He was standing in the hallway, ready to pounce on Derek as he stepped off the elevator and trekked to his room.

Derek couldn't help but chuckle. Matt was always so laidback and to see him any other way was positively amusing. But he decided good-natured ribbing was out of the question, as Matt looked like he was ready to chuck something at his head.

"I just had to take care of some last minute housekeeping issues. No worries, Matthew."

"No worries? Have you met you before? Mr. Procrastination himself? I bet you haven't even begun to pack." He walked in with Derek and a look of utter shock crossed his face. Derek's black duffel was neatly packed, resting on the bed with his black messenger bag that held his laptop. "Am I in the fucking Twilight Zone or what?"

"Nah, no alternate universe. Just figured I might be productive at least once in my life."

"Mmm-hmm," Matt said with an air of suspicion.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with attempting to win a certain lovely DJ back would it? 'Cause I have to say, it's going to take a lot more than neatly folded clothes to get into her good graces mate."

"It's not about the packing, git. I think it's just another step for me in putting things right again."

"Really now? And what was the first step?"

"Saying no to Simon. And telling Lottie to piss off."

Matt's smile was warm and wide. "Brilliant, D. I am so glad you finally told her to jog on."

Derek nodded. "I know. For the first time in a long time I just feel absolutely and completely clear. I know what I need to do next."

"Back to New York, then?"

"Just me," he said as he picked up his duffel and swung the strap over his shoulder. "You guys should go on ahead to Houston. I'll just take care of things."

"Oh bugger that. You're not leaving me in a hotel with Jake 'Surly-Pants' Dunning for three days. I'll murder him, D. I swear I'll leave no evidence behind."

A small chuckle escaped as Derek hefted his laptop over his other shoulder. "I'm sure you guys will be fine," he said. "Just do this for me? We've been planning this tour for awhile. Don't let my fuck-ups stop us from doing what we love."

Matt waved his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright. NerdsUnite! will live on in my stead. But I swear if he even mentions something I don't like I get to punch him in his great big ruddy face."

Derek clapped him soundly on the back before pushing him out the door. "You have my full permission."

"Good. And good luck, D."

"Thanks mate. I think I'm going to need it."

********

Tegan pulled down the flimsy paper gown, being mindful of ripping the thing. It was all she needed to be half-naked in the gynecologist office. She sat on the examination bed, her bare legs swinging back and forth. What the hell is taking so long, she wondered. The suspense was killing her.

After taking the six pregnancy tests two days ago, Tegan decided that getting a second opinion was definitely necessary. She just wanted to make sure that everything was alright. Drea and Teddy were waiting outside in the lobby for her. She didn't feel like being alone today.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the heavy wooden door opening. A handsome woman with dark brown hair wearing a white coat stepped through. Her smile was a bright and warming one as she came into the room. "Tegan," she said happily. "What a lovely surprise."

"Hey there Dr. Lansing," she said politely.

The older woman waved the title away. "Tegan, honey you know you don't have to be so formal with me. I've known you since you were seven years old."

Tegan smiled. In her nervousness she forgot all about Brenda Lansing and her friendship with her parents. "Sorry about that, B. How's the other Dr. Lansing these days?"

"Oh Nick's doing just fine," Brenda said about her husband. "He's been busy with surgeries, you know the drill. We still have a date to play tennis with your parents." Brenda sat on the leather stool next to Tegan as she glanced at the series of papers in her hand. "Now let's get down to business. I see you came in to get some blood work done as well as take a-a pregnancy test."

Tegan tried to ignore the slight falter in her speech and nodded her head. "That's right."

Brenda peered at Tegan through her dark green frame glasses. "Well, I just wanted to let you know that everything is fine. The results came back negative. You aren't pregnant."

Relief, bordering on euphoria rushed through her body. So the home pregnancy tests were right. Tegan felt her body sag with the news. Although she was happy, she couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness.

The older woman could see the gamut of emotions on the younger's face. She had seen Tegan grow from a shy, sweet girl to a very grounded and pleasant young woman. Brenda Lansing had been quite surprised when the nurse in her office handed her the manila file folder with Tegan's name on the top.

Reaching out, she patted Tegan's knee, her warm brown eyes staring plainly into the light ones. "Honey, you know whatever you tell me stays in this room. Your mother will never know what we discuss."

Tegan took a huge gulp of air into her lungs. "I just feel so stupid, B. I know I know better. And every time I think what my mother would say if she found out..." The rest of her sentence was hidden as she buried her face in her hands.

Brenda moved closer to the girl, giving her a brief hug. "There there," she said. "It's okay. The important thing is you actually came in to get a professional test done."

"What can explain the nausea or the exhaustion?"

"Well sometimes an extreme change in life can up your stress levels, leaving your body feeling tired all the time or dizzy. Stress can also cause your period to be late as well."

Picking up a pen, she pulled out a pad from her pocket and scribbled something down before ripping the paper off and handing it to Tegan. "Here you go. This is a prescription for birth control."

Tegan slid off the table and eased herself back into her blue jeans and black flip flops.

"Thanks, B. I really do appreciate it." She gave the older woman a tight hug.

Brenda smiled. "Just remember to use protection always, Tegan. You were lucky this time. Be safe." She left the room quickly, shutting the door behind her. Tegan tugged on her black v-neck t-shirt and picked up her large, bright green purse. It was one of the gifts her mother gave her, some designer bag made famous by celebrities.

Tegan never was one for purses, but for some reason she saw it in her closet this morning and felt like carrying it around. She slipped the prescription in the bag before leaving the room.

When she got to the waiting room, she found Drea and Teddy watching some random soap opera on the small flat screen television. They looked up when she entered, both their faces expectant. "Well, what's the deal?" Drea asked.