Ordeal

Choosing her moment, Claire sat me down and told me that she had something to confess that would hurt me. She said, "I took Lucy to the shops this afternoon - although it was a lovely day I was getting bored with the park. The mall was rather quiet but I started chatting with a black guy called Clarence. He was respectable, wearing a suit instead of the usual gear and he spoke very nicely. Like all the others he started enthusing about Lucy but then he looked at me and said it was easy to see were she inherited her beauty so I just said 'Thank you', quite forgetting to pretend she wasn't really mine. First he suggested going out in the car park to talk and then asked if I wanted to see his new car - it was a great big estate with tinted windows. Lucy was asleep so we put her in the back then we both got into the rear seat and I sucked his cock. I'm so sorry. I was an aberration and I swear I'll try never to do anything like it again - for a start I won't ever go to the mall again by myself".

"Why?" It was all I could think to say.

"I honestly don't know, some kind of need or compunction - I think that Gangsta and Otis must have somehow infected my mind. At that time, you accused me of enjoying the sex with them and I got cross with you for saying that but you were right, I loved it. I was worried how it was all going to end and of course I was sad for the way you must be suffering but I still felt that those days were the most exciting of my life. I got very sore but it didn't matter because I just couldn't get enough." Claire paused to let that sink in and continued softly, "Since then being near black men has an affect me and I can't control it. Every time we're at the mall I get very wet - my panties always finish up soaked and sometimes I can even it feel it trickling down my leg."

"Would you have liked to go further with this guy?" I asked.

"God yes," she said honestly, a small tremor shaking her body just at the thought.

Being realistic it seemed certain she was bound to stray again, with or without my knowledge. Also, I knew she still loved me and it was likely to be just pure sex, so logically, after what had already happened, her spending time with another man wouldn't do me any real harm. "I don't think I'd mind too much if you did, "I heard myself saying. It was a spur of the moment decision but almost seemed as if I had given the matter prior subconscious thought.

"What are you saying? Claire asked in disbelief.

"I'm saying that if you need to, you can see other men - that's just occasionally I don't mean every week."

I got a long loving embrace for my generosity and understanding and it was only when we stopped kissing that she said, "Clarence did ask to see me again - he wants to show me round his flat." She had his mobile number and they had a first date the following Friday. Waiting at home knowing what she was doing was a lot more difficult than I had expected, but she did make it up to me afterwards and I can say that my sex with her became better than it had been for a very long time. That first time she was home by eleven but soon it was 1 p.m. and after before she returned from her trysts. In general she stuck to a fortnightly routine, just occasionally asking to be allowed to see him more often. One such excuse was when there was some king of celebration at a club he patronised and he wanted to take her and introduce her to his friends.

The months went by and gradually I began to suspect that someone was visiting the house during the day while I was at school. There were various clues and twice I thought I caught a whiff of marijuana. Then one day I found the stub of a joint in an ashtray and so I pointed it out to her and asked if she'd started smoking. "A friend called in to see me - you don't mind do you?" she said innocently. I didn't ask who it was, Claire didn't volunteer and I think she took this as tacit approval.

During the Easter holiday the following year, we were in the kitchen having just finished lunch when the front door bell rang and my wife went to answer it. I heard voices and when she didn't return I looked down the hall to see her talking to two tall black men standing just inside the door. A couple of minutes later she came to me with a pleading look on her face. "I know it's a lot to ask but would you mind taking Lucy down to the park for a couple of hours?"

I know she still loves me and I'll never leave her but I'm resigned to this being the shape of life to come.

Postscript.

When Lucy was born (officially a month premature) the local paper printed a small item despite our wishes. A couple of months later, while still settling in at our new home, a parcel arrived having been redirected from our old address. It contained a small fluffy teddy bear. There was no message, name of sender or return address but the package had been franked at a prison. I threw it straight in the bin.