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'No talking.' One of the guards urged. I picked up my flimsy plastic fork and began to eat. It was bland enough but I was grateful for anything. I ate slowly; I wanted to delay meeting my buyer for as long as I could. But the food only lasted so long and eventually I was taken away and led down another series of halls. As well as the fact that fighting here would do me more harm than good, all of my energy was drained. With my belly full of food and my body and mind tired from the day's ordeals my only desire was sleep. I heard the men around me discussing my 'transport' and wondered what it meant. Was I being sent somewhere else now? My own buyer couldn't even take me himself? Rich bastard I thought. I yelped when I felt the sharp scratch of a needle enter my bicep and stared up in horror at the man administering it.
'It's for the journey.' He said simply. I tried to ask where they were sending me, but my words failed me as I gradually slumped to the floor, my wish for sleep granted.
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- COMMENTS
tucanaalmost 10 years agoI won't deny that I am very intrigued by the story but so far the story resembles (much more like a shorter and simpler version of) The Rebellious Slave by HisPet21.
Anonymousalmost 10 years agoCould be fantastic but you included too many unimportant details. The wording doesn't flow well in many places.
"As well as the fact that fighting here would do me more harm than good,..."
"As well as" is not needed and it sounds like report instead of a story. Should read simply "fighting here would likely do me more harm than good, not to mention how tired I was."
But is she really contemplating fighting here? She has a spark of brattiness and defiance but is she really contemplating when to fight, or she is contemplating her best chance of escape?
There are many more examples of superfluous wording and unnecessary details that make this read more like a report and less like a story.
FA_JFalmost 10 years agoVery good set up. You have a good balance of basic personal/societal backstory and what is happening now. It is just enough to make us want more of all three elements. Her reactions, actions and thoughts all ring true.
