Pearl Creek

"Are you going to let me go?"

"I don't think so."

"Why?"

"Because you might run away again, you run pretty fast I might not catch you again."

"What if I promise I wont."

"Never?"

"You are really a very silly man you know that? Fine I promise I will never leave you. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Shake on it." I tease shaking the hand I am still holding twice firmly and then I open my hand to let her go.

"Are you going to letmego?" She hasn't removed her hand from mine.

"Nah it feels good." She smiles brightly.

We separate when she sits down on the bench and I walk over and turn off the burbling valve, and then I reach down and pick up my somewhat crumpled bag of lunch sit on the grass and begin to examine the contents.

"Feel like a cucumber sandwich?" I offer.

"Mmm hmm." She answers and I thoughtfully pull out a large homemade bun that is well filled with finely chopped cucumbers and cream cheese.

"Wow that is a huge cucumber sandwich."

"Yeah I think she made the cucumber part in a food processor."

"A big food processor, what did you have to do to get this food?"

All of a sudden the horrible revelation from this morning floods back into my mind. "I mowed her yard." I say quietly trying to convince myself that was all I had done this morning.

"Compliments of Ms Elizabeth Banner." I elaborate at the second sandwich as I take a bite out of it.

"I believe she thinks I am a miner." I say between bites.

"You aren't? But you said you were."

"I said I worked at the mine. I do. I shovel slag."

"You are too smart for that job Alex."

"How do you know I'm so smart, what else could I do?"

"You were really good with computers in school."

"Not really besides I haven't kept up with that sort of thing since I graduated really I am obsolete".

"So how did it go today?"

Involuntarily I look at Nicky all of a sudden and spot a knowing gleam in her eye. I chew thoughtfully for a few moments.

"I am staying with Liz actually I asked her about you. She said you were still around, that you mowed her yard occasionally. She asked me if I knew anything about computers I don't so I told her to talk to you. I even got her to call you, I figured her yard could use some work and I wanted to see a familiar face. So... what was up with her computer?"

There is a moments pause as I re-evaluate where I stand. "Spy ware, I think it is more common these days. I had to search online for anti spy ware tools because I was so out of date."

"And that means her computer was running slowly?"

"And misbehaving" I reply ironically.

"Misbehaving? Computers can misbehave?"

"Yeah as usual the homepage had changed into a porn site with a bunch of stupid pop-ups attached to it." As I say the word porn I see a brief shudder pass through Nicky, for some reason a get a sudden surge of anger.

"You say my job is so beneath me you must have some rewarding work."

I see her blush deeply and look away. "I am unemployed."

"I worked in a warehouse stacking boxes for a while then in a greenhouse..." "That explains her strength and balance" my mind tells me.

"Not all that social yourself eh." I say.

"People suck." I raise an eyebrow at her seriousness.

"I admit they are a pain but they are our species." I reply. I feel angry and frustrated with this woman but I also felt I needed to be open and honest.

"I saw a picture that looked like you... on a porn site while I was cleaning up Liz's computer." The words reverberate in the air and then fly off with the next breath of air leaving nothing but absolute silence.

I can remember when my father came home one day laid off broke and drunk. We had had barely enough money to eat before. The shame in his face is permanently etched on my memory and what I saw in Nicky's eyes eclipsed that. Nicky stood up and turned to walk a way a hand on her cheek.

"No don't, you promised." I blurt stupidly as I jump to my feet and grab her shoulders.

She tries to shrug me off but I hold on. "Let me go." Nicky sobs.

"Nicky I am really sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" She growls angrily.

"I am sorry for acting like an idiot and humiliating you."

I hold my arms around her shoulders as she begins to sob I feel convulsions rise up from her diaphragm.

"Please Nicky don't go."

Slowly almost reluctantly she turns around and pushes her cheek into my chest, tears stream down her face. I pet her hair and rock her from side to side slowly.

"I wanted to be in a movie... I wanted to be a star... I, I made a lot of money. I was terrified initially then it started to get easier. Eventually I had to pretend to feel anything at all." Nicky sobs and then speaks into me it's almost like I hear her with my heart. Her grip slowly increases around my waist.

"You are going to hate me aren't you?" Her voice whines into the core of me between her sobs.

"Nicky look at me, hold your head up so I can see your eyes... there." I brush a strand of black hair off her forehead. Her face is chaos, rain has splattered her makeup and tears have spread dark eyeliner down her cheeks she almost looks like a clown. "Listen I don't hate you now I never have and never will. Do you believe me?"

Nicky nods sheepishly. She looks at my blue grey shirt and sees a wet black smudge where her face had been and looks at the ground.

"Sorry about your shirt" she says in a small voice still staring at the ground.

"It is an old shirt anyway; it even has holes in it. In fact why don't you have it you can use it to wash your face if you like." After flipping through all the little wooden buttons I shrug off the shirt and hand it to her I still have a white undershirt and in the warmth of the day I am more comfortable."

Thoughtfully I go back to finishing off the sandwich I had started earlier while she scrubs her face at the standing valve. I wonder if she can enjoy sex anymore, I wonder why I like her so damn much and if she is going to ruin me. I feel I should trust her but I don't trust my own feelings.

Nicky steps back to the bench and sits gracefully, her face clear bright and beautiful her familiar smile back, maybe all she needed was to let go a little. I wonder at how she managed to clean her face up so well, I studied drama in high school and found getting makeup off with water was like trying to get axel grease off with water. From where I am sitting on the grass in front of her I can also see that the water has run off her face and wetted the front of her shirt so that I can see the outline of her bra through her black T-shirt. I watch intently as she continues to eat her sandwich, she watches me back looking quizzical. Her jaw moves smoothly as she eats the soft food and her cheeks bulge just a little bit when she takes a bite.

"What's wrong with you?" She asks between bites still looking at me with the same quizzical expression.

"What do you mean?" I am genuinely confused by her question does she think I have a disease or something.

"Do you have a terminal disease? Why is it that you are so weird, you seem fascinated by things that I do that are so... mundane. Are you gay? You don't even seem interested in sex." She says loudly exasperated her voice nearly breaking on sex.

"As far as I know I am healthy, as far as I know I am not gay. I don't often get the opportunity to watch beautiful woman do things like eat and breath without them getting pissed off and leaving so to me it isn't mundane. I really am interested in sex but I am fairly certain that most couples save that sort of thing for at least the second date; I can be that patient at least. Besides as you know as well as I do I am unmotivated and snappish."

"How many second dates do you get?" She asks with her crooked smile. She puts quotes around the second dates with her fingers.

"Actually I have never had asecond date." I imitate her quote.

"I was talking about sex Alex" she condescends.

"So was I" I answer dryly.

"Really?" Disbelief stabs from her green eyes.

"Look around you, this place exports young women; there is no future here that's why your parents left isn't it. Besides as you may have noticed I have a habit of scaring them off."

"We must do something about this Alex." She reply's seriously thinking ahead of me like before. My heart skips a beat or two.

"So you wan-want a second date?" I am actually terrified and I suspect it shows.

"This is our second date remember?" She goads.

"No this morning at the café doesn't count; it was a chance meeting not a date."

"Oh I suppose it was" Nicky looks distantly at a cloud. "Ok how about we go for a second date to your place."

My heart jumps in my throat. "Ok, tomorrow perhaps?"

"What are you doing for dinner Alex?"

"I was going to eat at home"

Her voice cuts into mine just as I start. "You were going to eat at home. What about tonight?"

"Ok."

Nicky finishes eating the sandwich (an impressive feat) leisurely. I put a hand on her foot and she slips her foot out of her flip-flop and I squeeze it and then message it as we both stare at clouds for a while.

"Nicky?"

"Yes?"

"Can I... would you...? I mean do you want to kiss me?"

"Cute, Alex I didn't know you had it in you, sure." I could feel her smile despite that I was looking at her knees.

I go back to looking at clouds. "Alex you're doing it again."

"What?"

"Losing focus aren't we, get up here." I look up at her face smiling above me it shines warmth at me like the sun.

I climb onto the bench close beside her and wrap an arm around her shoulders. Now I look down on her a little. She looks straight up into my eyes. She looks at me with kindness in her eyes and just a hint of fear. I lean slightly forward and I feel her lips against mine. They tighten into a smile as I stay exactly in that moment. I push my tongue forward until it collides with her teeth I can just feel the top of her gums with the edge of my tongue. She opens her mouth slightly and I wait a beat then I begin to explore the inside of her mouth. The experience is sour like cream cheese and fresh like cucumbers. It is also warm and wet and small. Heat from her mouth slides down my throat and runs ethereally through me collecting in my loins. My heart thuds in my ears I feel suffocated and I withdraw for my life.

"Wow?" I hear in the darkness, I don't know how my eyes ended up closed; I open them slowly and see a pair of bright green eyes wide and looking into mine.

"Nobodies ever kissed me like that." She says slightly breathlessly.

"I wanted to kiss you like that for almost a decade."

With the whole day in front of us we get up and walk up the river and through the village. We hold hands and when we walk past people they turn their heads. By six tonight the whole village will know that lonely loser that shovels slag at the mill is "going out" with Nicky Andropov.

"The people here will think less of you for being with me you know." I say concerned.

"Fuck them all." She returns bluntly. "I know what I want and it has very little to do with what they think."

Somehow I know that she feels better than she did at the café and it makes me happy.

"There is my truck." I point to a dusty red '88 Ford F150 that has rust holes spattered like paint all around its lower hemisphere.

I ritualistically turn the key and pump the gas pedal a few times then give it a steady stream of gas as it misfires wildly producing a thin blue cloud from the tail pipe. I shove the stick hard at first gear and check to see if it made it by engaging the clutch. The answer rudely slams us into the cracked Nagahide bench seat and I turn away from the river. I suffer an apologetic look at Nicky. We leave town by a dirt logging road heading east over a wooden bridge after a few minutes I turn onto a road identified only by a sign that says "Pearl Creek FSR". Pearl Creek FSR snakes in 3D and to make it worse washout ditches at the low point have a jarring effect. I realise that I have become used to driving this road by myself with the steering wheel to hold onto. I slow dawn and look over to see Nicky grasping fending off the door with one hand while keeping the dashboard at a safe distance with the other. She looks pale and agitated as though she had been sitting on a paint shaker.

"Jesus Christ Alex where are you taking me?"

"You said you wanted to go to my place." I answer defensively feeling a little guilty for subjecting her to the ordeal.

All of a sudden the road climbs incredibly steeply (I have had my truck in 4WD as long as I have owned it) and turns sharply while climbing. The suspension creeks as large pointy rocks bump the truck around. Then suddenly the road levels off onto a landing that has grown high with grass and weeds. I stop, habitually kick the parking brake on and the only sound is the tink tinking of metal contracting.

I point to a sturdy log cabin just visible through the trees.

"Home" I say simply.

We both slam our doors shut loudly and I lead along a clearly defined path to my door. "A logger friend of my fathers squatted here until he had a claim just after they finished logging, initially he let me stay to keep the place up but a few months ago I bought it from him."

"How do you get up here in the winter?" She asks incredulously.

"Snow shoes."

Just as we reach the cabin Nicky lets out a gasp as she realises that the cabin is practically perched on the top of a cliff overlooking a vast expanse of valley and rolling foothills. I lead her through the door into the slightly dimmer light of the cabin. There are effectively two rooms in my cabin; a kitchen, dining room, living room combination with a black cast iron stove a few simple wooden chairs and a table there are three windows a large one at the front of the house taking advantage of the spectacular view and a couple smaller ones off to the sides that let in some much needed light. The other room is a guest bedroom at the back of the house with a loft above it. I switch a light on and immediately there is a more homely feel to it as the dim light and shadows are banished by warm electric light.

"Like it?"

"I can't believe you live here, where is the bathroom?"

"Thetoiletis just around the other side." I point through the wall. "Just walk out the door and around there is a path, you'll see it. There is a basin, soap and a towel there too but you will have to go to the creek for water."

"Come with me." Nicky pleads.

"I was going to get started on supper but ok."

"You have a rifle over your door." Nicky says as we step through it.

"That came with the house I don't actually use it except to shoot cans occasionally, it isn't registered and ammo is expensive. It's just a Lee Enfield 303 nothing special. There see its right here." I lead her right to the door of the outhouse. "And you can hear the creek right over there; I'll go back and start dinner."

"Please stay." Nicky's eyes glance nervously up at me.

"Ok." I stand guard obediently as she closes the door. I hear the sound of soft fabric as she takes her pants down and I can hear the sound of pee dropping. My heart has been racing since this morning but now it is making me nervous it's beating so fast and I can barely keep my hands from shaking. I hear her wipe and pull her pants up. The door swings open and I walk her to the creek filling the basin for her and washing my hands and face after she finishes we share the towel.

She holds my hand warmly as we walk back to the cabin.

"Do you like Indian food?"

"I don't think I have had any."

"One of the few options I have is potato curry lentils and rice so I hope not."

"Sounds good."

I pour some water from a large bucket into a pot for rice and reach into the fridge for some boiled potatoes and leftover lentils. Nicky flinches as I light the gas stovetop which makes a loud puffing sound and a few orange flames flare up from under the grilles. After a short time the house is saturated with the smell of cumin and cooked lentils. I again reach into my short refrigerator and pull out a litre of yogurt and add it to a plate of I have already put together with some lentils rice and yellow curry.

"Well, here it is." I announce as I walk to where she is sitting beside the table staring out the main window. All of a sudden I am very conscious of my meagre fair and realise that I was going to add some lettuce but forgot.

"You can have coffee or water with that." I add as I head back to the kitchen and serve myself.

I bring her a mug of coffee and sit opposite her at the table and begin to eat. She seems to be enjoying it but still my nerves reduce my apatite and I refrain from my traditional second helping.

After she finishes eating with a small amount still on her plate (as much as I hate wasting food I am even more averted to letting guests go hungry) Nicky walks over to me and kisses me lightly on the lips.

"Thanks that was good Alex; I may even eat here again." Despite the fact that I'm still feeling a little disappointed about my food I can't help but smile and feel good.

Nicky walks around the room examining my rather Spartan abode as I just watch her wondering why she is even here. She climbs the diagonally slanted ladder to the loft.

"Where does this electricity come from?"

I have been half hoping for that question for a while.

"I have a Pelton wheel and a dynamo running off pearl creek." I add proudly, projecting my voice up into the ceiling.

I pull myself up the ladder to see what Nicky is up to in the loft and walk over to my bed. I realise that Nicky is hiding a moment before she ambushes me from behind my dresser knocking me onto my bed. I can feel her thighs pressing warmly against the sides of my abdomen and she kisses my forehead. Biology kicks in and I feel warm all over as I feel my dick thicken and grow hard. All of a sudden Nicky seems to switch gears and she gets off me and takes all her clothes off like she was undressing alone for her morning shower. She sits on the bed and poses provocatively everything that was promised with her clothes on is exceeded. Her dark hair falls over her shoulder and stops just short of a pink nipple. She exudes health and beauty even kindness but no will.

"Come on Alex, fuck me." She says as though she had rehearsed those lines until they were a cheesy equivalent to natural.

"Is that what you want?"

"Yeah babe."

"Really?" An uncertain look passes across her face. "I am not going to do anything that you don'twantme to."

I look straight at her face seriously. Her façade withers slightly and she retracts into a more closed position. My eyes glance over her crotch as her knees pull together closing her pink slit.

"I won't pay you a cent you know, I would die before making you feel like a whore and the only favour I will accept from you is to do whatever it is that you want to." I surprise myself with my presence of mind while this burning desire within me urges me to hold her and run my hands over every inch of her body.

Nicky's act dissolves and she folds her arms over her breasts, tears well up under her eyes again.

"I... I'm sorry Alex; I just wanted to make you happy."

"I know Nicky, I don't want it unless you can be happy also, you can sleep in the guest bedroom downstairs if you want to." My voice feels hollow. I concentrate on not looking at her.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. The hand moved to my back and a head went to my shoulder.

"I want you to hold me Alex." Nicky whispers in my ear.

I reach across her back with my arm and try to keep looking away as I hold her to me. This apparently isn't fully what Nicky had in mind; she slides up to me and puts her legs across my lap. She curls up on my lap her head just under my chin. I can feel her breast squishing against my chest through my T-shirt as she holds my chest with her arms. I concentrate on her breathing, her head presses against my chin when she inhales. I feel the firm outline of her butt in my lap my dick rages painfully against its confining cloth but I remain motionless and hold her enjoying her warmth. I kiss her hair. Nicky releases an arm and untwists herself looking up at my. I look down over her face, between her jaw and her shoulder and see her breast like a perfect droplet of flesh the firm nub of a nipple, the creases where her abdomen bends and her legs. Unable to help myself I kiss the hollow spot between her neck and shoulder she cocks her head to the side to let me.