Picture This: The Farewell

Her laptop was open on the tray table in front of her and she was lazily flipping through pictures on the screen without really seeing them. There were pictures of ultimate destruction, of buildings in shambles and fires burning in the background. There were images of sadness, like the one of the old woman kneeling on the grass outside the remains of her home. There was a picture of a small boy barely holding onto a puppy, smiling that he had found his best friend amid the rubble. She should have been editing the images and choosing which ones she would send to the publisher. Aaron would expect a preview immediately.

Without thinking, she toggled between the windows on her screen to stare at a picture of a woman with olive skin and long, wavy sandy brown hair. She was laughing, and Rowan had caught the moment on camera. Rowan could not stop herself from smiling back at the image filling the screen. As she smiled at the photograph, she was flooded with a mix of euphoria and trepidation. Her heart beat faster and froze at the same time. The mix of feelings made her nauseous.

It had been two weeks since Rowan had seen Caroline, and she'd tried to immerse herself in her work. It had been easy to keep busy as she had photographed the devastation and recovery of the earthquake that had struck in Southeast Asia, but she had been working on autopilot the whole time. Her mind had been distracted during the two weeks by thoughts of Caroline and their farewell at the airport.

She had known Caro for nearly twenty years and they had been best friends for almost that long. Caroline's brother had been Rowan's first love and Rowan had been the first person Caro had called the night she'd lost her virginity, even though Rowan was halfway across the country at college. Caroline had been the first person to know when Aaron had proposed, and been there when Rowan had decided that she couldn't marry him. For the last seven years, Rowan's official residence had been the apartment above Caroline's garage, though she spent more days on the road with her camera than she did in her best friend's home.

Until Caroline's divorce.

When Caro had caught Henry cheating three years ago, Rowan had wanted to kill him for hurting her friend and their two children. Caro had crawled into her bed and refused to emerge for six weeks. Rowan had refused to go on any assignments so that she could take care of the people she considered her family. Once Caro had surfaced, they had found a new level to their friendship. They had learned things about each other that they had never discussed before.

But even with their deeper friendship, they had both been surprised by their farewell two weeks ago. Aaron had called almost as soon as news of the earthquake had broken, encouraging her to go cover it. She had agreed and Caro had driven her to the airport. Just before Rowan had gotten into the security line, they had hugged, just as they had done a thousand times in their lifetime. There wasn't even anything special or different about this embrace. They just held each other tightly, and Caro had whispered, "Be careful."

"Always," Rowan had answered, leaning forward to kiss her. The kiss was a quick peck, just like the hug, something they always did. Caro's hand came up to Rowan's cheek, though, and lingered there after Rowan pulled back. The unexpected touch had changed everything. Rowan felt an electric current and she found it difficult to pull in a deep breath. Her hands had dropped to Caro's hips as they stared into each other's eyes. In twenty years, they had never looked at each other that way.

And then Caro had stepped forward, eliminating any distance between them. Her hand had curled behind Rowan's neck, pulling her down as she stretched up to press their lips firmly together. As if it were the most natural thing in the world, Rowan had parted her lips and tilted her head, her hands gliding over Caro's back.

It was the most intense moment Rowan had ever experienced in her life.

Seconds felt like eternity. The rest of the airport faded away. When they finally broke away, they were both breathing hard. Neither one seemed have words, so Caroline hugged Rowan tightly again, briefly, and then walked away quickly.

Cell service and the internet had been patchy while Rowan was away, so their conversations had been brief. Neither had mentioned the kiss. Rowan had sent an e-mail with her flight details and then called from the airport. "Do you want me to call Aaron to come get me?"

"No. I'll be there," Caro had answered. Rowan had strained to try to hear something in her friend's voice that would reveal what she was thinking or feeling. Nothing had changed in her tone, though.

The plane was making its descent and the flight attendant was instructing them to put up their electronics. Reluctantly, Rowan closed her laptop, but her nerves increased even more without the attempt at work there to distract her. She bounced her legs while her heart thudded against her breast. In her mind, she began counting the minutes.

When the plane touched down, she shouldered her backpack and gripped her passport to make her way slowly down the aisle. She travelled enough that delays did not bother her. She knew once she was outside the narrow confines of the airplane, she would pass most of the other passengers in the terminal. She waited patiently through customs, her emotions mixed as she moved through the line. Part of her was glad for the extra time to prepare her mind and heart to see Caro, but she also wanted to get their reunion over. She knew the kiss had changed their relationship, but she did not know what shape that change would take.

After she cleared customs, she took her time walking through the airport, until she neared the security exit. She could see Caroline's curls in the distance and Rowan's step faltered. Caroline was sitting in one of the uncomfortable chairs, reading a book while she waited and occasionally looking up to see if Rowan was coming yet. As if sensing her, Caro's eyes lifted and connected across the distance. She smiled broadly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before carefully marking her spot in the book and standing.

Rowan's heart skipped a beat.

She made her way through the crowd of people to where Caro was standing. Caro immediately put her arms around Rowan and hugged her tightly. Rowan returned the embrace, thinking that it was just like every hug they had ever shared, except this time she noticed crazy things like the scent of Caroline's apple shampoo. The hug was brief, though. Caroline stepped back, cupping Rowan's face in her hands, her green eyes sweeping over her friend's face. Rowan couldn't speak or move. "You look exhausted," Caroline finally announced, stretching up to place a quick kiss on Rowan's lips. The kiss was like every kiss they had ever shared, except for one. Caro's lips were there and then gone. She released Rowan immediately. "Let's get you home. Didn't you sleep on the plane?"

"I'm not even entirely certain what day of the week it is," Rowan answered easily as she fell into step beside Caroline. As they walked toward the airport exit, they made polite chit chat with one another. Caroline asked about the flight and the trip. Rowan asked about the children. It was not awkward conversation, but natural. There was nothing different or unusual. Rowan finally began to relax as they walked through the parking garage to Caroline's black SUV. She placed her backpack in the hatch and climbed into the passenger's seat, listening as Caroline gave a running dialogue of the last two weeks. She settled comfortably into the seat, adjusted her seatbelt, and leaned back with a smile. Her heart was full with joy.

"Row," Caro's voice suddenly said sharply. "Rowan." Rowan started, her eyes popping open. Caroline's hand was on her thigh, shaking her lightly, and Rowan could hear her phone ringing. She fumbled in her pocket, looking around to determine how far they had driven. They were nearly halfway home, she decided as she glanced at her phone. It was Aaron. She tilted the screen toward Caro. "Go ahead," Caro said. "But tell him he's not allowed to send you on another assignment for at least six weeks."

Rowan answered the phone as Caro's hand moved from her thigh to her hand. She threaded their fingers together and continued driving as Rowan talked with her agent. Rowan tried not to react to Caro taking her hand, and tried not to think about the fact that it was the most natural feeling in the world to be holding her hand.

Aaron kept her awake for the majority of the rest of the trip home, and Caro did not release her hand until the vehicle left the interstate for the narrow roads of the suburbs. Caro pulled into the garage and they got out in silence. Caro tried to pick up Rowan's backpack and grunted. "How do you carry this thing?" Rowan took it and swung it easily onto her shoulders, glancing toward the steps that led to her apartment. "No," Caro said. "Come let me fix you something to eat."

Rowan followed her into the kitchen, depositing her backpack in the floor. "Just a sandwich, please. I'm too tired to chew," she said. "I'm going to the bathroom."

Rowan disappeared into the hallway and Caroline rummaged through the cabinets and refrigerator to fix Rowan's favorite sandwich. When she finished it, she glanced at the door with a frown. "Row?" she called, carrying the paper plate into the hall. She glanced in the living room, and then at the open bathroom door. "Rowan?" She wandered down the hall until she reached the door to her bedroom. Rowan was sprawled across the bed, sound asleep. Caroline leaned against the doorframe, staring at her best friend with a smile on her face. She sat the sandwich on the top of the dresser and crossed to the bed. She gently pulled off Rowan's shoes before laying down next to her, resting her head on Rowan's shoulder, and closing her eyes.

The morning sunlight was filtering through the window blinds when Rowan finally stirred. Before she was fully awake, she tightened her arm around Caro's shoulders. Caro made a soft sound of contentment, snuggling closer before looking up. "Good morning," she said with a smile.

"I'm sorry," Rowan replied without releasing Caroline. "I didn't mean to fall asleep," she continued. Caroline's arm was lying across Rowan's chest and Rowan allowed her fingers to dance lightly along her friend's flesh.

"It's all right," Caroline assured her. "It was actually the best night of sleep I have had in about six months." She stretched upward and pressed her lips to Rowan's. The kiss had the same intensity as their moment at the airport. At first, the kisses were just lingering touches, their lips pressed firm. Slowly, they relaxed, opening to each other. Their tongues met shyly. Rowan's hands were resting on Caroline's hips as they explored each other's mouth. They were both breathing hard. Rowan's heart was pounding against her breast. Somewhere in her mind, a voice was screaming at her to stop. In an effort to ignore that voice, she rolled them until Caro was on her back. Caro's hands were on either side of Rowan's head, making certain there was no escape for either of them.

"Mama?" a voice called through the house, stopping them both instantly. It was like a cold bath of water coursed through Rowan's veins. Caro's eyes were wide open, no longer hooded by passion. Rowan pulled back so Caroline could get up.

Caroline caught sight of herself in the mirror and pressed her hands to her cheeks in surprise at the flush that brightened her face. She glanced at Rowan, who was pale, then hurried from the room. "Kira?" she yelled as she hurried down the hall. "What are you doing here?" she demanded as she stepped into the kitchen where she found her fifteen-year-old daughter.

"I forgot my Algebra book," Kira answered. "Dad brought me by on the way to school. Is Aunt Row home?"

"She got home last night," Caro answered. "I saw your book in the living room."

"Can I go see her? Did she bring us anything?"

"She always does," Caroline said causally, returning with Kira's book. "She's still sleeping, but she'll be here at supper tonight. Now, get going so you're not late for school." She kissed Kira's cheek and pushed her toward the door. Once the door was closed, Caroline exhaled with relief, pushing a wild strand of hair off her forehead. She looked around the kitchen, trying to order her thoughts and emotions. She opened the refrigerator, pulled out eggs and bacon, and began to cook breakfast. She started when she saw Rowan standing in the doorway.

"I feel disgusting," Rowan announced after a soft laugh. "I'm going to take a shower." She inhaled the smell of cooking meat. "That's the second best smelling thing I've smelled in two weeks," she announced as she crossed to the door, grabbing her backpack as she went.

"The second?" Caroline asked casually.

"Yeah. The first was you last night." Rowan did not wait to see Caroline's response. She shouldered the bag and headed up the steps to the small apartment that Caroline had insisted Henry add to their home, so she missed the smile that spread across her friend's face.

By the time Rowan had finished showering, Caroline was getting ready to leave for work. They embraced quickly as Caroline headed out for her job. Rowan edited some of her images and e-mailed them to Aaron, took a nap, and answered her e-mails. When the girls came home from school, she gave them presents and listened to them talk about their week. She started cooking supper and when Caroline came in from work, her heart skipped a beat. Nothing was different as they ate dinner.

After dinner, they settled in to watch a movie together, and Rowan was surprised when Caro sat down close to her on the sofa. Rowan laid her arm along the back of the sofa as Caro tucked herself close, her head resting on Rowan's shoulder. Hesitantly, Rowan dropped her arm across Caro's back, watching the two girls in the room. Eight-year-old Annie did not look at them at all, but Rowan did catch Kira smiling in their direction, an odd look on her face, before she turned her attention back to the movie. At some point, Caro's hand found hers, and their linked fingers rested in Rowan's lap.

When the movie was over, Kira yawned and said good night, kissing them both on the cheek. Caroline scooped the sleeping Annie up and carried her to bed. Rowan carried their popcorn bowls and glasses to the kitchen and was about to head to her apartment when Caro stepped back into the room. "Are you meeting with Aaron tomorrow?"

Rowan stared at her as if she was speaking a foreign language. It took her a moment to process Caro's casual words. "Yes. I think so. I sent him a few today. Caro?" Caroline was wiping down the counter and made a soft questioning sound. "Caro, are we going to talk about this?"

Caroline continued wiping the counter without responding. She shook out the dishrag over the trashcan, rinsed it in the sink, and laid it out to dry. Rowan watched her the whole time. Caro glanced at the door that led to the rest of the house, where her two children were sleeping, and then at the door that led to Rowan's apartment. By unspoken agreement, they moved to that door and walked upstairs.

The apartment was an open room with a small kitchenette, two chairs and a television, and a bed in the corner. Rowan turned on the light and turned to face Caro. Now that they were alone, neither could find the words. Rowan's fingers were flexing into fists and relaxing. Caro was looking into Rowan's face. She wet her lips, took a deep breath, and said quickly, "I love you."

"I love you, too, Caro. We've loved each other for a long time." Rowan answered. "But. . ."

"No, dammit, Rowan, I love you," Caroline snapped. "I'm in love with you." She took a deep breath and began pacing the small apartment. "You've been my best friend since the first day of high school, but you can't tell me you hadn't noticed the change the last few months, the last few years."

"Yes, but . . ."

"No, buts, Rowan. I . . . I don't know exactly when it happened, but somehow, my feelings for you changed in the last year. You are the first thing I think of when I wake up in the mornings and the last thing that goes through my mind before I go to sleep at night. When I do sleep at night, that is. I've not slept good for six months trying to figure out what to do with all these feelings that have been jumbled up inside of me."

"That's it, Caro, you are all jumbled up," Rowan insisted. "You've not dated since Henry left. You are lonely."

"Do you think I haven't taken that into consideration?" Caroline insisted. "When I first . . . when I started feeling this way, I went out on a few dates. I didn't tell you because . . . because I was so confused about what I was feeling, and I didn't know what you were feeling, and I didn't want to hurt you." Caro stopped pacing and faced Rowan. "I didn't plan to kiss you at the airport; it just happened. I didn't know how to act on my feelings; in fact, I didn't think I ever would." Tears were glistening in her eyes. "I love you, Rowan." Caro searched Rowan's face. "Say something."

Rowan opened, and then closed her mouth. Words would not form. Finally, she closed the distance between them, cupping Caro's face in her palms. She parted her lips before lowering them to Caro's. She pressed her lips to Caroline's and Caroline responded immediately. Their lips moved against each other, sucking gently. Caroline pressed close to Rowan, wrapping her arms around her friend. For the first time, Rowan was aware of every curve of Caroline's body. She could feel Caro's breasts pressing against her body. Her hips were cradled against Rowan's, and Rowan couldn't help but think how they were a perfect fit together, but she did not think about anything but Caro's lips for long.

Her tongue glided along Caro's top lip, then slipped inside. She tasted Caro, her tongue dancing along the roof of the smaller woman's mouth. Caro sighed, trying to push herself even closer, her arms tightening around Rowan. Her hands roamed over Rowan's back. Rowan released Caro's face from her hands, but did not stop the hungry kisses. Her hands slid across Caro's shoulders and briefly caressed her arms before moving to her hips. From her hips, she explored Caroline's butt, then her waist. Both of Caroline's hands were in Rowan's short hair, holding her head in place as she drank her fill of Rowan's lips.

Rowan moved her hands up Caro's sides, her fingertips brushing against the outside of Caroline's full breasts. Time seemed to be standing still. Everything in the world had disappeared except this moment. Still not breaking the kiss, Rowan moved her hands to Caroline's collar. She hesitated a moment before dropping her fingers to the top button of the blouse. She opened the first button with trembling fingers. Their tongues twined together, their kisses only broken by their need to breathe.

Caro's blouse hung open and Rowan's hands moved her breasts. She cupped them in her palms, her thumbs brushing against Caro's nipples through the satin material of her bra. Caro tugged Rowan's t-shirt out of her jeans and her fingers brushed bare skin. Desperately, Rowan broke the kiss and dropped her forehead to Caro's shoulder, looking down Caro's body as she struggled to catch her breath.

Caro turned to kiss Rowan's temple and stroked her hair softly. "I can't," Rowan whispered. "We can't."

"You don't want to?" Caroline asked, her tone wounded and doubtful.

"Oh, God, yes, I want to. I don't know if I've ever wanted anything more," Rowan insisted, lifting her head. "I don't want to lose you, to lose your friendship. You've been part of my life for so long, and if this happens, and it doesn't work . . ." Rowan could not bring herself to finish. "We have to do this right." Caroline's eyes filled with tears and Rowan quickly grabbed her friend's wrists. "Please don't be upset, Caro. I . . . I love you." And as she said the words, she realized that they were true. She didn't know how long it had been true, but she was in love with her best friend.