Pizza Boy at the Door Ch. 20

* * * * *

The doctor was just finishing up with instructions for Josh when Kyle walked into the ICU room shortly after 2pm. "I've been freed, but they are making you my parole officer," was his happily made comment.

Kyle shook his head and smiled big before he hugged him. "I don't think I would be surviving this if I didn't have you to make me laugh inside and remind me that life goes on," he said after breaking the embrace.

The doctor smiled too and then said before he headed for the door, "He is all yours, Kyle. Get him to put on some clothes and get out so we have the room available for a person that really needs it."

Josh paused as he started retrieving his clothes from the closet though. The bloody spots he saw all over his suit, shirt, and tie as he pulled them out, reminded him how serious the accident had been. It also reminded him of the loss Kyle's family had suffered. As he began dressing, he asked, "How's your mom holding up?"

"Better than I expected to be honest, Josh. In fact, she did better at the funeral home than I did." His expression was suddenly very solemn again. "I know Dad's gone, but I don't think it will really hit me until we get to the house and I realize he is never coming home again."

Josh only had his pants and socks on, but he shuffled over to Kyle to hug him. "Just tell me when you need me, babe...and even when you don't. I'll understand."

Kyle nodded and then said, "Let's get a move on, baby. I have to have the 'big brother talk' with Beth and Susan, and you absolutely can't put off calling your parents any longer." As he looked at all the dark splotches on the shirt Josh was now buttoning, he added, "Plus tomorrow is going to be real busy...including the two of us going to the mall to get something to wear during visitation hours and at the funeral. Both of us only brought one set of dress clothes and mine are as trashed as yours."

* * * * *

Josh's mother answered the phone with a cheery 'Hello' on the third ring. Even with what all had happened, he still had no desire to talk to her yet and borderline coldly said, "It's Josh. I need to talk to Dad."

He despondently shook his head at Kyle as he heard her say nothing but: 'Jim. Your youngest son is on the phone and wants to talk to you.' After exchanging a few pleasantries with his father, Josh quickly launched into a condensed version of the accident and his night in intensive care. There was little more than a loud gasp and 'Oh my gawd' when Josh told him that Kyle's father had been killed in the wreck. In the background, he could hear his mother regularly peppering 'What's wrong?' - 'What's going on?' - 'What's happened?' inquiries at his dad. He obviously had his dad's complete attention though, as he impatiently shushed every one of them with: 'I'm finding out!'

After being reassured for the third time that Josh was basically okay, Jim Thomas began his questions with, "Why the hell didn't anyone call us last night? I would have thought at least the hospital would get in touch with your next of kin if you were unconscious and they thought you were seriously enough injured to stick you in ICU."

Instead of taking the easy way out and explaining how Kyle and his mom had been tied up in the ER being treated too, Josh decided to shoot the elephant in the room first. "Umm...probably because my next of kin was already here."

"What in the hell are you talking about, Joshua?" roared back from his father.

Josh sucked in a deep breath and then said, "Kyle was already there at the hospital. We got married three days ago, so he is legally my immediate next of kin." He rapidly added, "The only reason he didn't call you last night was it was so late and he didn't want you guys up all night worrying. It's not like you could have done anything and anyway, I'm okay now. I just called mainly to tell you we will be up here in New York an extra week because of the funeral."

At both ends of the phone call there was nothing but dead air for a moment. At least until Josh heard his mother's voice say, "What on earth has that pervert gotten him into now?"

Josh then overheard his father do something he had never done before: swear in anger at his mother. "Shut the hell up with that kind of talk, Pam! Dammit! Whether you want to deal with it or not, Josh is gay and they are married now. Legally! And dig out some of that Christian love you profess so often for your new son-in-law. Kyle lost his father and almost lost Josh last night too. Holy shit woman! Find your fucking heart and trust it, will ya?"

The stillness of dead air in his ear returned and remained until Josh heard only two more things. His dad; obviously off in the near distance; lovingly saying, "I'm sorry honey, but you are going to lose him forever if you keep acting this way," and the soft crying of his mother.

Josh hit the 'end call' button on his cell and looked at Kyle. "I think dad has his hands full right now. I'll call both of them back later." Kyle was pretty sure Josh didn't realize the smile on his face was caused by hearing him use the words 'both of them' in the promise.

* * * * *

The next half dozen hours flew by like being part of a DVD movie stuck on fast-forward. There was an endless stream of visitors dropping by...many with food in addition to their words of emotional support. In between shuttling the incoming dishes to the kitchen, Josh also took charge of the constantly ringing phone and wrote down the names of each person that wanted a message of sympathy expressed to the family. By the time the flood of people had finally ceased, the summer sun was down. Even though no one really had an appetite, everyone forced themselves to put together a plate from all the covered dishes scattered about the kitchen and eat something before retiring early for bed.

Kyle was obviously very drained from the near non-stop pace he had been on all day. As he undressed in the bedroom, he said very little beyond, "Thank you for being here and being so helpful, baby." Josh only smiled back at him before he pulled back the comforter and slipped into his side of the bed. Kyle crawled in beside him and immediately cuddled up with him, but stayed silent for a while. Finally he softly kissed Josh's cheek and murmured, "You know what I can't stop thinking about, Josh?"

"What Kyle," Josh whispered back in the darkness.

Kyle pulled him even tighter to him as the tremors in his body began. His usually strong voice was suddenly a combination of cracking words and light sobs. "Whether I could have survived if you hadn't. Losing dad is bad enough, but I really wouldn't have any reason to take another breath if...if..." The rest of the sentence was lost as Kyle gripped his husband like a steel hunting trap determined to never let loose of its capture. Josh rolled to his other side and starred at Kyle as he stroked his thick, dark hair. "You are my reason for living too, Kyle. I just wish I knew what to say or do to ease your pain right now."

"Just hold me. All night." Those were the only words he said before rolling over and snuggling back into the embrace Josh instantly enveloped him in.

When Josh finally heard the soft snores coming from Kyle, he let his mind wander some before he gave in to his own much needed sleep. 'This is probably the most intimate the two of us have ever been in bed, and I couldn't get hard right now if I had too. This is what love is...what real love is.' He planted a light kiss on Kyle's bare shoulder and whispered, "Find the peace you need in your sleep, my beautiful Tigger. Like I promised you in that helicopter when you said 'Together'...Pooh will be here for you...Forever."

* * * * *

As soon as the boys awoke on Sunday morning, it was as if someone had shoved the DVD back in the player and hit 'fast-forward' again. By the time they had showered, dressed, and gotten downstairs, all three grandparents were already sitting around the dining room table eating a light breakfast with Kyle's mother and sisters. They left for 9am mass in two cars; six of them in Grandma Roberts' big Cadillac, and Josh and Kyle in the BMW. Afterwards, the boys headed straight for the mall and quickly found two dark dress suits and picked out appropriate shirts and ties. Instead of heading back to the house though, Kyle drove to the funeral home. "I want to make sure they have Dad looking right before Mom sees him tonight," was the explanation.

'Tonight' had been in reference to the hours of visitation that were set up for 6pm to 8pm. Another double set of hours would be held on Monday afternoon and evening, and the funeral was set for early Tuesday afternoon. Josh held Kyle's hand and stood by him silently as the lid of the coffin was raised. Both of them shed shared tears as the ultimate reality sank in that Kyle's father was truly gone.

Back at the house, they spent more time navigating amongst the second wave of neighbors, friends, and fellow church members that were dropping in all afternoon...and most with even more food in hand. Josh managed to make Kyle snicker when he deadpanned, "Da-damn. You Catholics are worse than us Southern Baptists with the covered dishes." Josh smiled when Kyle sincerely thanked him for the moment of cheerfulness.

The visiting hours at the funeral home had been just as crowded as people poured in to pay their respects. It was amazing to Josh how there seemed to be a constant line waiting reverently and patiently to greet the family as they stood near the casket. As things wound down near 8pm, Kyle excused himself from one of the mourners and pulled Josh to the side. "I ran across something a few minutes ago that I think you need to see."

Josh screwed up his face in confusion, but allowed Kyle to take his hand and guide him to the large vase of red and white roses that were sitting next to the open end of the casket. "That one is really pretty, Kyle," he said but obviously still not fully understanding.

"Read the card," was all Kyle replied with at first. Then as he squeezed Josh's hand again, he added, "Your turn to find something to smile about, I think."

Josh let his eyes focus on the small sympathy card that was attached to the vase. His eyes immediately snapped to Kyle's and then just as rapidly back to the card. It was addressed to 'Kyle Roberts and family.' He ran his fingers over it and started to sniffle as the rest of the writing truly sank in to him:

'With our deepest condolences to your family and all of our love to you, Kyle. All of it from us both. Pam and Jim Thomas, Havana, Florida'

Josh literally folded into Kyle and let the tears come as he was held. Kyle started crying too, but managed to let seep out, "If there is any damn thing that can make this tragedy seem at all explainable and less painful, it's those words."

Josh looked up to him and nodded. "Yeah, we've been accepted it looks like, but the cost..."

Kyle put his finger to Josh's lips to silence him. "Do like your parents and I have, Josh...accept that it was meant to be and at least something good is coming from it."

* * * * *

Getting through Monday was rough. There had been a lot of little details to finalize in the morning such as pallbearers, what flower arrangements were to go to their home after the formal service, and the amount of front row seating needed for the family at the short, final graveside service at the cemetery. Diane Roberts had ticked off the list for the funeral home director. "Me and the girls. Jack's mother. My parents. And of course Kyle and his husband." She had said it very matter-of-factly and almost proudly. "Add another dozen chairs or so for the other relatives and older people that will be there too, please," was said as an afterthought.

The afternoon and evening were filled with the two sets of visitation hours. The family managed to eat a small dinner in between them. The constant flow of mourners finally dwindled to a trickle shortly after 7:30pm. Once back at the house, they sat around the large family room for several hours trading stories and memories that provided them reasons to smile instead of cry like they wanted to. There would be plenty of time for that on Tuesday afternoon when they said the final goodbyes.

When the boys eventually crawled in bed, Josh didn't need to say or ask anything before he wrapped his arms around Kyle. He just knew that Kyle still needed a comforting hold to be able to find sleep. Kyle just nuzzled back into him and said only, "I love you, Pooh," before the emotional exhaustion of the day put him out quickly.

* * * * *

The funeral service at the church the next day was packed. When the family came down the aisle together, there was one small detail that hadn't been worked out ahead of time...who would sit next to whom on the front row. Diane's parents took the initiative and stepped in first, taking the seats furthest down the row. Beth and Susan followed and immediately dropped beside them. Kyle guided his mother to the next slot and then lowered himself alongside her. Josh started to sit next, but paused and looked first at Jack's mother and then to Kyle. Grandma Roberts didn't miss the glance and gently nudged Josh to the seat. "You sit next to Kyle and hold my hand, Josh. We both will be needing you," were the whispered words that created his first tears of the day. By the end of the memorial, he had his arms draped around both their shoulders.

By the time the limo had followed the hearse into the cemetery, Kyle had silently reviewed a list of people he had noticed in the crowd at the funeral. His high school hockey coach. Three of his teammates he had played all four years with. The guidance counselor that had kept him on track academically so he could qualify for pre-med. The girl he had dated when he was a sophomore and junior and who had been so supportive when he decided to come out. It wasn't until he was escorting his mother as they followed the six pallbearers and casket to the tent over the grave site, that he noticed one other person from his past standing amongst the crowd huddling around the tent. Joe.

When the short final service ended, Kyle and Josh waited as each of the other family members individually stood and placed a red rose on the top of the closed container. Six red roses that had come from the vase Josh's parents had sent. When the boys took their turn, it was the six white roses from the same arrangement that they together gently laid atop the casket before laying their palms to the cold metal and softly uttering, "Goodbye, Dad," in unison.

They sat back down and added their own tears to everyone else's as the casket was slowly lowered out of sight.

* * * * *

Josh was standing off to the side of the tent while Kyle shook hands and thanked various people for coming. He suddenly saw the 'get over here now' look Kyle shot him when the tall and well built, good looking, blond-haired guy stepped up and gave him an intense hug. As he moved in beside them, he heard the guy say, "Come on, Kyle. We really need to get together and talk while you are home. I do still love you."

Kyle's response was to wrap his arm around Josh's waist and pull him tight to his side. He then used his left hand to grab Josh's left and raised them up to near eye level. "See these, Joe? They are called wedding rings. Meet my husband...my very legal husband...Joshua Roberts-Thomas. His love is all I can handle. Or need."

Joe squinted at the rings and then gave Josh the once over. When his eyes had finished the quick survey, he rolled them at Josh and said, "Well if all you want is a twink..." Wisely, Joe didn't finish the sentence.

Kyle's eyes were glowing when he emphatically stated, "He is already more of a man than you seemed to have grown up to be." They each stood drilling their eyes into the other for a moment, and then Kyle calmly said, "Thank you for coming, Joe. I do mean that, but perhaps it's best if you leave now before things neither of us can take back, get said."

Joe shrugged and started to turn away, but he stopped and leaned in to Josh to whisper in his ear. "I'll get him back. Just know that. I will."

Josh moved his face as close as he could to Joe's and grinned as he said, "Not a chance. We are one. Watch this." He then turned to Kyle and confidently questioned, "Together?"

Kyle smiled and squeezed Josh's hand tight and answered, "Forever!" He drilled his eyes back into Joe's again before speaking further. "Would you please excuse us now. Josh and I have one more thing to do out here and it's not for public viewing." The words were far more a demand than a request.

Joe started to reply, but swallowed the words as he spun on his heel and walked off. Once he was out of earshot, Josh mumbled to Kyle through clenched teeth. "I was just about ready to pop him in the jaw and roll his ass in the open grave."

Kyle couldn't help but laugh a little at Josh's country boy, occasional uber-butchness surfacing again. He quickly turned serious again with, "Speaking of that open grave, we do have one other family tradition to complete." Josh looked at him curiously as Kyle pulled him towards the mound of dirt behind the tent. He handed Josh one of the spades stuck in the piled earth and grabbed the other. "Get a shovelful and follow me," was his instruction.

Once they were standing over the grave with their loaded shovels and looking down, he explained further. "Dad's family have always done this when a parent dies. The male children have to start the process of filling in the grave...supposedly so we can start filling in the hole in our hearts, too." With no additional words, Kyle tilted the shovel and watched through wet eyes as the dirt bounced off the metal box at the bottom.

Josh followed his lead and watched as the clods of earth slowly fell off the turned shovel. After returning the tools to the mound of soil behind the tent, they held hands as they walked in reflective silence back to the waiting funeral home limousine.

* * * * *

Once they returned to the house, they were immediately caught up in the almost family reunion atmosphere. The dining room table was splayed with a buffet of countless new dishes of food that had mysteriously appeared. At least fifty or sixty extended family members and close friends were spread around the first floor of the house and out on the patio and pool deck, nibbling at the plates on their laps as they talked. Most of the discussions revolved around memories of Jack Roberts, but was also interspersed with other family updates between people who usually only saw each other at times like this. Josh noticed that Kyle's somber mood lifted some each time he took pride in introducing him to someone as the newest official member of the family.

After the house cleared out eventually, everyone retired to the family room and spent several more hours further attempting to bury their sorrow by sharing even more happy reflections back to when Jack Roberts was still among them. By the time the boys headed off to bed, there had been far more laughs than tears for the first time in more than four days.

* * * * *

As soon as he got stripped down to just his boxer briefs, Kyle flopped on the bed. He covered his eyes with his right arm and let out a loud huff of air. Josh was still in his socks and dress slacks when he moved to sit down on the bed beside him. "You okay, babe?" was accompanied by a gentle touch to Kyle's bare chest.

Kyle shifted his arm from his eyes and smiled as he reached up to cup Josh's chin in his palm. "Yeah, baby. I am still feeling like shit in the brain, but I made it through thanks to you." He sat up and tugged him into an embrace. After a soft kiss to Josh's nose, he went on with, "Finish getting undressed and lay down with me. I want to feel your love." Kyle then pushed his underwear down and kicked them from his feet. "I need to feel your love, Josh."