Pleasing Aphrodite Ch. 02

"My distance from my emotions was a big part of why my marriage failed. I loved my wife, but when it came to showing it, to saying it, I couldn't come through. I lost myself in my career, and while my emotional distance was a benefit a lot of the time, what made me a good cop made me a terrible husband.

"I thought I'd come a long way since then, but as my brother so eloquently pointed out, I've learned nothing. That's part of why he said I was an idiot, not just for being with a woman thirty years younger than me, but for being with that woman and not telling her how I felt."

I stared at him, trying to process what he was saying. He was showing me a side of himself I'd never dreamed existed, and I could see it was uncomfortable for him.

"But I didn't want you to feel trapped or obligated in any way. I didn't want to seem like a desperate old man either."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he shook his head and continued.

"To be honest, I assumed you'd meet someone else and this would all stop. I didn't want to get in the way of that happening. I still don't."

"Do you want me to meet someone else?" I asked, the tiniest pang of fear rising up inside me.

He shook his head, smiling again. "God no, I don't want it, but I've expected it. I've seen guys checking you out, Holly—guys your age. I figured it was only a matter of time before one of them caught your eye."

"But I don't want someone else," I said. It was the truth; I'd been asked out a few times by guys in my classes, but I'd never been even a little bit tempted or curious. "I want you. You make me happy, Patrick. You make me feel good."

He laughed softly. "I'm glad I do." He reached for me and I let him pull me into his arms. He kissed my cheek and held me close for a minute.

"I do love you, Holly," he said after a few minutes of silence. "I don't know what that means, really, if it defines anything more than my feelings, but I'm glad I told you how I feel. I might well be an idiot, but at least I'm an honest idiot now."

I shifted until our mouths met and we kissed for a few minutes, slowly and carefully. When I drew back I studied the expression on his face. It was a complicated mix of uncertainty and affection. My heart surged as a ripple of excitement moved through me, the slightest ache of arousal beginning inside me. I snuggled against his warm body, feeling safe and satisfied, and laid my head on his chest.

"Patrick?" I said after a few minutes of content silence.

"Hmm?"

I pushed myself up on an elbow and looked down into his face, feeling just a little bit shy all of the sudden, self-conscious like way back when we first started seeing each other and I'd realized I was attracted to him. For a second I thought about those nervous dinners with him, how thrilling they'd been, how happy I'd felt just being with him. It seemed like a long time ago, but it also seemed like we were there again, flirting and testing, a little uncertain.

I looked at him waiting for me to speak, and felt another surge of excitement. I felt almost dizzy. When I spoke I could only manage a whisper.

"I love you too," I said.