Poor Hunter

Logically I knew it was not my intention to put everyone in danger, but I still felt like a fool. "Sorry Janet, I never meant for my actions to jeopardize the bank or its staff."

Janet gave me a smile. "Oh screw the bank; this is the best publicity they have gotten in a long time." She gave me a small kiss on the lips. "Besides you are my personal hero. You don't think I just whip off my top for just anyone do you?"

Janet wiped her lipstick off my mouth. "You deserve to let those people eat a little crow for their behavior anyway. I still have some friends at the sheriffs department. As far as everyone's concerned you saved us all from a real bomb. They are not going to deny it was a flash bang, but they are not going to admit it either."

I pointed at her with my good hand. "But Janet when the case goes to trial, everyone will know."

She laughed. "Those two fools already accepted a plea deal. They are never gonna admit it was flash bang. Their rep in the joint is much better if everyone thinks they were big time. Using an overgrown firecracker during a felony is not exactly "Armed and Dangerous' in the slammer. Enjoy your hero status, Hell, you may even be Grand Marshall in the town parade this year."

I shrugged, it seemed dishonest, but I was past caring.

Janet gave my thigh a squeeze. "Besides you owe me a blouse. the bank owes you some reward money and I intend to collect."

++++

I never did get to buy Janet that blouse, she even turned down my offer of half the reward money. My kids almost lived over at Janet's house during my hospital stay, and she refused to take any money for expenses.

"Put it back Anthony," Janet told me as I tried to force cash onto her when she picked me up from the hospital. "The two boys keep each other occupied, and your daughter is the girl I always wanted."

I knew better than to argue, but I was already mentally figuring how to put money into a college fund for her kids. As we turned the corner to Janet's house I was surprised to see a long stretch limousine parked in front of her home.

I was even more surprised to see my ex-wife Dawn and another lady standing on the porch.

Janet muttered "Somewhere a village is looking for its idiot," after she parked and was helping me out of the passenger seat.

Dawn and a stern looking lady kept to the porch as Dawn assisted me walking up the drive.

"Oh my God!" Dawn exclaimed reaching out to me. "I came as soon as I could arrange a plane and limo."

I stood still as Dawn gave me a hug. As she released the hug and stepped back to look at me I could see something flicker in her eyes.

I had never gotten into the whole health craze movement. Unlike most recently divorced men, I did not jump into an extreme exercise program. That plus the sedentary nature of my job had gotten me a "spare tire".

"Well no worries Anthony." Dawn said while pushing a finger in my stomach. "I have a new diet that will get you whipped into fighting shape soon enough."

I was in no mood for a Dawn veggie lecture. "The diet industry is the only profitable industry selling a product with a 98% failure rate. The overwhelming majority of people, even if they lost hundreds of pounds, gain back all but seven pounds after five years. Besides, I am already in fighting shape; I am too fat to run way from any fight."

Dawn tried to laugh it off. "Very funny. Well some walking and exercise will give you a new healthy lease on life."

My hand throbbed, and I was tired. "Dawn If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. A tortoise does not run, does nothing, yet lives up to 450 years. Now, tell me again why I should exercise?"

Dawn gave a look at Janet standing next to me. "I can see where you your get your co-dependent attitude concerning lack of exercise." I think Dawn was making a comment about Janet's chubby hips

Janet's eyes narrowed as she snapped." You know there is plenty of evidence that reports women who carry a few extra pounds live a lot longer than the skinny bitches who point out the pounds and are beaten to death by women who have the extra weight."

The stern lady next to Dawn pushed forward to offer her hand. "Hello Anthony, I am Dawn's publicist. We are all excited by this opportunity..."

Dawn interrupted her." What a great end to my story! I nurse you back to health and we all get back together as a family again!"

The publicist was nodding like a bobble head doll. "The Lifetime Channel was over the moon excited when we pitched it to them. We may even spin it into a series."

Dawn reached out to me. "This could mean a lot of money and fame for me...I mean us!"

"No" I said plainly and calmly.

"What?" Dawn and her publicist replied in unison

"No" I repeated. "What part of 'No' was unclear?"

The publicist went into damage control. "Anthony I am on your side here, so you need to listen to Dawn."

I shook my head at her. "No matter what the argument, you always find someone on your side you wish was on the other side."

The publicist acted like I had not spoken. "I know you have been through quite a trauma recently and may not be thinking straight. I believe that the recent head damage along with the shock of your and Dawns recent, ah...separation may have clouded your judgment. You need to consider this carefully. It is rare that opportunities like this knock on your door."

Janet gripped my arm to help me toward the door before turning to speak to the publicist. "In that case you best call before coming to visit. We would not want to confuse you with opportunity knocking on the door."

Dawn jumped in front of me. "Anthony, STOP! What are you doing? We need to be together. YOU need me. You know you will never find anyone like me ever again."

I looked at her for a long moment. "Dawn, that statement makes no sense. I do not even like you, why in God's name would I look to find someone even remotely like you?"

Dawn tried another tack. "The future is not what it used to be Anthony" I winced at that statement as she continued. "This is going to be a best selling book and a national TV show. Do you really want to be written as the evil husband? I mean if I walk off this porch, when I get done with the story, even the dog will hate you."

"That is incorrect Dawn. The dog will not care."

Dawn spun on Janet. "You are one of these bible thumping believers. Isn't there something in Corinthians, or Genesis, about forgiveness or some such stuff you can use to help me here."

Janet let go of my arm to face Dawn and her Publicist. "Well, I do not have any bible verses to help you, but I do have a verse that may help Anthony." She looked at Dawn and pointed her arm toward the street. "Get OUT of my House!"

Janet turned to wink at me. "That is from Exodus."

Dawn and the Publicist were stunned. "YOU can't talk to me like that!" Dawn stammered.

Janet kept walking me toward the door, speaking without turning around. "I'd shoot you two in the head, but that would just be a flesh wound."

Dawn blurted out. "We will see what the Sheriff has to say about your threats!"

This time Janet did turn around holding her cell phone out. "Uncle Bob, the town Sheriff is number 6 on the speed dial."

When Dawn and the Publicist did not accept the phone Janet continued. "I have a loaded 12 gauge shotgun, 8 acres of land and a shovel. DO NOT screw with me, or the people I care about."

I limped through the door as Janet closed it behind me.

+++++

Dawns book was quickly in the bargain bin, and her movie went...well, if there is something lower than straight-to-video, hers' was it.

Dawns 15 minutes of fame were quickly over, however to her credit, she did try to see the kids, when it fit into her schedule. We could tell the level of Dawns career by the mode of transportation when she came to visit. Limos gave way to town cars, then taxis, then shared shuttles. Dawn was still a force of nature, bearing gifts and tall tales of "projects in development" on each visit. Last time Dawn blew into town she was in the company of an aging washed up actor driving a beat up old Mercedes. My son caught Dawns most recent production, some bad low budget reality show way up in the four digit channel range on our cable TV system. Janet commented that Dawn suffered from "Vapidous Lookatus"

"What is that?" I asked.

Janet explained "Vapidous Lookatus is a debilitating condition that forces the afflicted to seek notoriety without the joy of accomplishment. Often sufferers are found wandering on little-known cable channels in the middle of the night. Finally, they are left to fade into anonymity, only sporadically appearing in personal hygiene or reverse mortgage advertisements. Dawn deserved our compassion, and seven seconds of our attention."

The kids thought that was funny, so I do not think Janet was serious, nor that Vapidous Lookatus is a real medical condition.

I was pleasantly surprised when meeting Janet's brother. He was also an 'Aspie'. That explained a lot of her understanding. Janet and I eventually got together. It was a logical move as we had so much in common and pooling our family, and resources allowed us to live your average middle income lifestyle. The kids love Janet and so do I. Heck, I was even invited to ride the main float in the Founders Day parade!

People think you need to have money to be wealthy. I found that a rich man does not always have money. It is not what you have, but who you have with you.

Special Thanks to Dave T for his tireless effort at editing. God Bless his patience. All and any errors are mine.