Promise

"Another man Ken," she replied, her voice wavering and her hand shaking. "I rang Dave. You remember, the guy I was dancing with."

"You had his number Cilla?"

"Yes, he gave it to me that night."

I sat there staring at her. The love of my life and the woman who was breaking my heart.

"Not Dave please Cilla," I insisted. "Not him. Anyone but him."

"Why not him?" She asked quietly. "Why not Dave? He was kind of cute and I really liked him."

"Well I didn't like him," I lied to her, for lack of any other reason.

"You don't have to like him Ken," Cilla came back a little more spirited. "You don't even ever have to meet him again. Why not just agree and let's get this over with honey."

"Not him Cilla," I snarled at her, my control at last beginning to snap. "If I ever met him again then I wouldn't be able to resist smacking him in the face."

I'm not a violent man and normally very even tempered, but the thought of that bastard screwing my Cilla; of her writhing naked under him was doing my mind.

"So you'd prefer someone else then Ken?"

"I'd prefer it was nobody Cilla."

"But you promised Ken, and it's gone too far now for me to pull back," she went on. "There's a guy at work that I really quite like honey, and he's always chatting me up so I'm sure he'd leap at the chance."

"And how would I stop myself from thumping him then Cilla. It'd be exactly the same."

Cilla sat there thinking for a few moments, before replying.

"What about if I didn't actually tell you which of my colleagues it was then Ken. Then you wouldn't know."

"Oh yes sure Cilla," I shot back at her. "And imagine at your next company party that we go to. I'd be looking at every one of the sods and wondering which one had fucked you. The first one that looked a bit sideways at me and I'd probably take a swing at him."

"Pleased don't use the 'F' word Ken," Cilla admonished me. "You know I don't like language like that."

"Well what do you want then Cilla?" I shouted my temper taking over. "Screwing ---- balling ---- having sex ------ making love? It's all bloody fucking you know. If you want to go off and fuck some other guy then do so, but don't expect me to approve of it, and don't expect that nothing will change"

Leaving Cilla sobbing at the breakfast table, I stood and stormed off, unable to take it anymore.

-----------

Nothing was spoken of about the matter for the next few days but our relationship was beginning to fall apart. Though we never actually had a major argument, we snapped at one another all the time, and it didn't take the kids long to detect that something was amiss.

Something had to give, but I didn't think it was down to me.

"Can we talk please Ken?" Cilla asked me when I came home from work on about the fifth day. "We can't keep on like this honey."

"Ok," I agreed, hoping against hope that she had seen sense at last.

"The promise that you made me all that time ago Ken," Cilla started confidently enough. "When you made it to me that night I understood that you really meant it."

Cilla stopped and looked up at me with tears in her eyes, checking what my reaction would be, but all I could do was shrug my shoulders non-committedly, my stomach turning over.

"I really believed what you promised me Ken, that if the time arose, that you would allow me one little fling with another man. It took away all the worries I had honey and perhaps for the first time, I realised that you really loved me as much as I loved you. You must have done to make that commitment."

Then came the cruncher!

"Are you now saying that you didn't mean it Ken? Are you telling me that you lied to me in order to persuade me to marry you, and that our whole marriage is built on a lie?"

Oh shit!

"I didn't lie Cilla," I struggled to explain, unsure myself what I'd been thinking of at the time. I could hardly admit that I'd been half pissed that evening after what she'd just said. "I meant it, but I simply never imagined that the time would ever come that you would ask. I suppose I never considered the consequences."

"Well the time has come Ken," Cilla said slowly. "I'm so sorry honey but I simply need to know what another man is like while I'm still young enough and attractive enough."

By this time we both had tears streaming down our face, but Cilla didn't back down and nor would I.

"So what has bought it on so suddenly Cilla?" I asked. "Why now after all these years?"

"It's not so sudden honey," she replied wiping a tear from her eye and trying unsuccessfully to smile. "For years I've heard the other girls at work talking about all the men they've been to bed with, and how different they are. All the married ones have been to bed with several different men, and some of them since they've been married."

"And you approve of that?" I challenged her.

"Of course I don't," she shot back. "They were doing it behind their husband's back and that's cheating. Besides, they didn't have a promise like I do, and their marriages weren't based on such a promise."

"What about if I went with another woman Cilla," I demanded, trying to knock some sense into her. "How would you feel? Would you be OK with that?"

"No I wouldn't Ken," Cilla blazed, an angry look on her face. "That would be cheating and I could never accept that. If you cheated on me Ken, then I'd leave you."

"But you want to cheat on me Cilla," I screamed back. "How do you think I bloody well feel about some other guy even seeing you naked, never mind about touching you and sticking his cock inside you."

"It's not the same Ken," my wife screamed back equally angry. "Why can't you see? Why are you being so difficult?"

We screamed at one another for a few more minutes and after I threw the table lamp across the room she stormed off to her room crying, calling me a lying unthoughtful bastard.

Twenty minutes later I heard the front door slam as I was in the kitchen trying to save the casserole that I'd found burning, fairly sure that I'd get no help on that front from Cilla that night.

'That's it!" I thought. "If she comes back and has been with some guy then we're finished. I'll demand a divorce."

My mood hadn't improved an hour later when the telephone rang, and I ignored it for a while, convinced that it would be Cilla mocking me after picking up some guy. Eventually however when it went on and on, I picked it up.

"Hello," I answered abruptly.

"Ken --- It's Anne," came the reply. She was still my wife's best friend.

"Yes Anne what can I do for you," I replied shortly. "Cilla's not here."

"I know Ken," she came back. "She's here with me at my house and is in a terrible state."

"Her fault not mine!"

"Maybe Ken," Anne went on. "But I thought I'd better let you know that she's here and not ..... Well not off doing something else."

I mumbled some thanks and felt the tension and fury leak out from my pent up body, thanking Christ, who I still claimed not to believe in by the way, that Cilla hadn't done anything silly.

"She told me what this is all about Ken," Anne carried on after a few moments. "It must be awful for you."

"It is Anne," I nearly sobbed into the mouthpiece. "Can you try to talk some sense into her please?"

"I can talk to her Ken, but I can see her side as well you know."

"Her side ---- her side? She wants to go off and cheat on me Anne. How can you see her side? How could anyone?"

"It's not how she sees it Ken," Anne told me calmly. "She honestly thinks that your promise was genuine and can't see why you think she's being unreasonable."

"What do you think Anne," was my only possible question. "Do you think she's being reasonable?"

"Well ..... Yes and no Ken," she replied. "But I do know that on her wedding day she was so reassured by your promise. She was so confused the day before that I'm not sure she would have gone through with it poor girl."

"She told you," I asked, completely taken aback by her announcement. "Cilla told you what I'd said the night before our wedding?"

"Yes Ken she did and was so pleased about it. She's often talked about it since and I got the impression that the two of you talked about it from time to time."

"Christ no Anne!" I retorted. "She teased me a few times in the early days and I joked about it as well. But the subject hadn't been mentioned for years till Cilla hit me with it the other day."

"Oh dear Ken," Anne sympathised. "Cilla's talked about it to me quite a lot over the years, and especially this last year. I got the impression she was working up to it, but I had no idea you didn't know, and for that matter, I don't think Cilla imagined you would react the way you did. I think she honestly thought that you would accept it as long as she explained herself beforehand."

"So what am I going to do Anne," I pleaded. "If she goes through with it then I don't think I could get over it. What are we going to do?"

"You know what she's like Ken," Anne reminded me. "With that religious background she had, Cilla has some very fixed, rigid ideas, and for her a solemn promise is a promise to be kept. If she goes through with it then I can understand how you would feel, but if you stop her then maybe she's never going to trust you again."

"So my marriage is fucked whatever I do then," I complained unhappily, not knowing where to go next. "I'm up the river without a paddle."

"You could try a counsellor of some sort," Anne suggested. "You know, one of these marriage guidance people."

"And where the hell do I find one of them at short notice Anne? I don't get the feeling that Cilla is going to hang around very long."

"That's right Ken. Cilla is just about climbing up the lampposts over this. She still loves you dearly but feels you're not being fair. It's almost as if you are cheating her out of something."

Jeeeeezus!

I couldn't win could I?

"Maybe I could help Ken," broke in Anne. "I've known you both for some time."

It was grabbing at straws but I took her up on her offer, agreeing that Cilla would stay at Anne's place for the night and that the pair of them would come back to our house the next day for a sort of council of war.

I was not looking forward to it I can tell you.

----------------------------------

"Hi Ken," called out Anne the next day as the pair of them walked in.

"Hi honey," added Cilla, much more subdued.

The pair of us hesitated, unsure whether to give one another a welcoming embrace. In the end I took her in my arms to kiss her only to find that she turned her cheek to me.

"That's a damn good start," I remarked angrily, pushing her away from me.

"Sorry honey," she replied. "I don't know what made me do that.

"Stop fighting you two," Anne told us taking charge. Ken you sit there and Cilla you over there."

Anne then ran briefly through the situation as she saw it, while Cilla sat there looking miserable but perhaps not as miserable as me. Then she let both of us have our say.

Cilla told us that she had taken the promise seriously and that bearing in mind that I was virtually the only man that had ever so much as kissed her before, I should realise how important it was for her. She thought that it was unfair of me to renege on my promise just because she had left it so long. She still loved me dearly though my attitude over the last few days had shocked her somewhat, and she was having doubts whether I really still loved her.

"It's only sex after all," she finished with. "Just to see what another man feels like. It wouldn't effect how I feel about my husband in any way."

"Your turn Ken," said Anne. "Try to keep it short."

"I will," I retorted trying to keep my cool. "I admit I made the promise but I never really believed that it would happen. But that's not my point. The thought of another man making love to my wife just makes me sick to my stomach. I've changed my mind if you want, and I will not stand by and accept what you want to do."

Then I shut up before I said something stupid, immediately regretting that I hadn't told her that I did still I love her.

"So I'm just some sort of possession am I," Cilla argued back. "You can't stand the thought of another man using your precious bloody possession."

"That's unfair Cilla," butted in Anne before I had a chance to put my oar back in. "I think you ought to apologise to Ken."

"He doesn't want me to say sorry. He told me so," she responded, the whole thing getting out of control again, as I was unable to avoid calling her a silly cow for her silly remark.

"Shut up you two," Anne quietened us down with. "If you're going to keep on like this then you might as well get divorced."

"Divorced .... Divorced?" Sobbed Cilla leaping to her feet. "I don't want to get divorced. I love Ken and I don't ever want to leave him."

"Well sit down and shut up then Cilla," Anne told her. "Or that's where you might end up."

Calm at least partially restored, Anne carried on.

"Is there any way that you could agree to this Ken?" She asked me. "Anyway at all just the one time?"

"I can't imagine one Anne," I told her. "How would I know that once would be enough for her anyway?"

"Good question Ken," Anne responded. "Have you thought about that Cilla?"

"No not really," she mumbled back. "But it would be just sex and just the once, like he promised me."

"What about if you developed feelings for this other guy Cilla?" Anne went on.

"But I wouldn't Anne. It would be just the once and just for sex."

"What --- No evening out beforehand with a candlelit dinner Cilla," continued Anne. "No holding hands or kissing and no touchy feely stuff? Doesn't seem very appealing to me Cilla."

Cilla put her face in her hands and thought a little before she replied.

"Well ...... Yes I guess I was expecting a bit of romancing before hand, and I can't imagine having sex with anyone without at least kissing them and things. That wouldn't be very nice at all."

"So it's a quick dinner, a grope in the car park and then back to his place for a romp in the bed is it?" I threw it sarcastically, twisting the knife in.

"No. No." sobbed Cilla. "Not like that at all. I want a man to romance me and take his time seducing me."

"You've read too many bloody magazine stories you stupid woman," I retorted.

"That's not fair Ken," Anne interrupted. "Women don't think the same way as men. If Cilla is going to do this just the once, then it's her only chance and she wants it to be like a fairytale."

"And then come back to boring old me afterwards you mean." I shot back at her angrily, and we all sat there glaring at one another. "And carry on with our boring old sex life like before."

"Is that your main problem Ken?" Anne asked pensively.

"What?" I snapped back.

"That Cilla will compare you with someone else. That she might by chance find someone better in bed than you are."

With a sinking feeling, I realised that Anne had put her finger on what was maybe the main problem. Not the only one of course, but a big one, a huge one for any guy to handle.

"It had occurred to me," I whispered my admission.

"How would that make you feel Cilla," she rounded on my wife. "If this new guy made you orgasm more times than you ever had with Ken? If he gave you an evening of sex the like of which you could never have imagined. Could you forget him? Could you go back and be as happy as before with Ken?"

That knocked me back, I can tell you. But before I could say anything, all hell broke loose.

"Now you're both ganging up on me," screamed out Cilla in anguish, leaping to her feet. "Neither of you understand what I'm going through. Neither of you understand how much I need to know what another man's like. I thought you would understand me Anne. I thought you were my friend."

"I am Cilla," Anne protested. "I'm just trying to....."

It was as far as she got before Cilla shouted at her, the pair of them going at it hammer and tongs.

"SHUT UP THE PAIR OF YOU!" I screamed at them both, leaping up. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE."

The two women fell silent and stared open mouthed at me. Neither of them had ever seen me react so angrily in all the time we'd known one another.

"I've made my mind up," I told them, my voice falling back to a reasonable level.

"I won't be put off Ken," Cilla sniffled. "You promised."

"Yes I did," I confirmed looking her in the eye. "And we've always brought our kids up to keep their promises, so if it's that important to you Cilla, then I'll keep mine."

There was a stunned silence as they both looked at me in astonishment, hardly believing what they had just heard.

"Oh shit!" Anne mumbled hardly audibly.

"You mean it honey?" queried Cilla cautiously. "You really mean it."

"Yes Cilla I really mean it," I replied with far more confidence than I felt. "You want to go screw some other guy Cilla, then go and do so. Enjoy yourself. Make the bloody most of it."

"And you don't mind?" Cilla asked haltingly.

"Of course he damn well minds Cilla," Anne broke in before I could respond. "He hates the idea. Stop torturing him."

"But you'll let me do it?" my wife looked for reassurance.

"Yes, I said I would."

"And you'll forgive me afterwards honey?"

"That's what I promised you isn't it?"

"But why Ken," she questioned me. "Why the change of heart so suddenly?"

"Because I suddenly remembered how much I love you Cilla."

That caused her to sit up a little.

"You really love me enough to let me have sex with another man and forgive me honey?" Cilla wimpered, a new tear running down her cheek. "And you'll still love me afterwards?"

"I've promised to forgive you Cilla," I replied, choosing my words carefully. "Whether I'll still have any love for you afterwards will have to be seen."

"I don't understand Ken."

"I promised to forgive you all those years ago Cilla," I reminded her. "But I didn't and couldn't promise to continue loving you. It's simply not possible to promise a thing like that. How the hell do I know how I will feel when you come back to me after screwing some other guy?"

There!

I'd played my trump card and would have see how it all played out. But Cilla hadn't yet realised that.

"I'll make it quick Ken I promise you honey," she said softly. "Just the once, I promise you."

"Don't rush it Cilla," I replied calmly. "Take your time. Maybe look up that guy Dave that you fancied if you want to. Have a proper affair. Take as long as you want and get the whole thing out of your system.

"And you don't mind?" Cilla demanded, her face creasing up. She was beginning to sound worried. But not yet that worried.

"I didn't say I wouldn't mind. Just that I'd forgive you, but don't you dare tell me about it, who it is, where you're seeing him, how good the sex is. I don't want to know anything about it. Not ever!

Just tell me when it's finished, however long that takes, and we'll see how we feel about one another and whether we've got a future together. After I've formally forgiven you that is of course."

"But I'll still love you honey," Cilla cried out. "You're the only man I'll ever love."

"You don't know that Cilla," I told her sadly. "Neither of us knows how we'll feel."

With that, I stood up, picked up my coat and walked towards the door.

"Where are you going honey," Cilla cried out.

"To get the kids Cilla," I replied. "I'll keep them out till late this evening. Give you a chance to make a telephone call in private if you want."

Cilla simply slumped back in her chair with a vacant look, but Anne leapt up and grabbed me as I left the house.

"You're either an unfeeling idiot or a bloody genius Ken," she gushed out at me.

"Perhaps I'm both," I grinned at her weakly.

"I hope it works out for you." Anne grimaced. "I can see what you're up to, trying to frighten her with the consequences, but I don't know if it will work."