Quid Pro Quo Ch. 01

The problem is that the path isn't too easy to find going back down - especially in bad light and low cloud. They passed the last of the marker cairns and carried on going. The light was fading fast now and they knew they were off track - they were walking through virgin snow. They tried to retrace their steps, heading downwards all the time. Before the light faded completely they saw a line of tracks heading down and so they followed them...

And that's how they got into Red Burn. Red Burn is like a funnel almost. Coming down off the Ben, the topography, just naturally steers you into it. It's a more or less direct line from the summit plateau, to the pony track before the start of the zigzags, maybe a thousand or so feet below. Being in it is like being in a timewarp - It just goes on and on and on, without respite. Luckily for the girls the snow was soft and, for the most part, knee deep, and they could make progress, but it was slow and laborious, and slips were frequent. Fortunately the snow that made walking so laborious also cushioned their landings. Still it wasn't long before they were tired, cold, wet, and very aware of the serious situation they were now in....

"Bloody hell Nic. I really don't like this." Said Alison with a tremor in her voice that was audible even as she shouted over the wind. "There's nobody else up here and we haven't got a clue where we are - This is fucking serious.... I wasn't going to go looking for those two again, but when we get down I swear I'm going to knot their fucking scrotums together and hang them over a branch!"

"No worries Sheila - She'll be right!" returned Nic, with shaky bravado.

"Don't go Ocker on me mate - that's scarier than this..."

Nicola emitted a snorting, gurgling noise. In a warm pub it would have been a laugh, but both girls were shivering now, and that plus the tension engendered by fear transformed it into something completely different. The noise reminded Nic of squeezing the dregs out of a ketchup bottle, which set her off again. Alison stared at her friend.

"You sound like a pig shagging a donkey!" And both girls erupted. They clung to each other laughing, until, gasping for breath, Ali said "Come on then mate. The ground's down there somewhere" and downward they continued.

The girls had no idea of the extent to which they'd beaten the odds, but the one thing you can be certain of where luck is concerned, is that sooner or later, it runs out. As Alison and Nicola felt their way downward, the darkness was almost total. Nic was leading, and Alison was directly behind her, following the faint outline of her friend a couple of metres ahead. She heard a squeal and then Nic was nowhere to be seen. A second later, a cry of pain, and Alison made out the shape of her friend, stretched out prone on the slope below.

"Watch it mate" Gasped Nic. "Snow's soft, and there's rocks under it - be careful".

Alison inched forward until she was next to her friend. Nic had slid ten or so feet down the slope, and was lying face down, breathing heavily and interspersing groans of pain with "Fuck, fuck fuuuuuck....." Eventually she turned herself round, feet downhill, and levered herself into a sitting position.

"Jesus Nic - What's it feel like?" Alison couldn't hide the anxiety in her voice. "Can you stand on it you think?"

"Maybe - give me a minute - My foot went through the snow - It's hollow. - I twisted my ankle - Aaaahh. shitshitshit shiiiittt!!!"

"We've got to keep moving Nic! - We can't stay here!"

"Fuck - I know that, here, give me a hand..." Nic reached up and took Ali's proffered hand. She pulled herself upright in fits and starts, but when she tentatively weighted her injured ankle, she immediately sank back down with a cry.

"Fuck!! Shit! Oh shit - I'm sorry Ali, it's not going to work. Oh fuck! What are we going to do?"

"Can you slide down on your bum?"

"Better than walking on my hands." Grimaced Nic. It was slow, and keeping her injured leg raised was tiring, so they made frequent stops, but very slowly they progressed downwards. After an unguessable interval, they passed a boulder, the size of a car, and rested in its lee, glad to be out of the icy wind for a few moments. Alison took the flask and their remaining sandwich out of her bag and they ate, and finished the lukewarm coffee, shivering.

"What's that? - Up there, I think I saw a star!"

"Oh god, I hope so. Please please please" Begged Nic. "How are you holding up anyway?"

"Fucking freezing. Tired. Still thirsty - I'm going to start eating snow in a minute."

"Yeah - Me too, at least I've got this leg to take my mind off it."

"we're going to be alright aren't we?"

"We're going to be fine - all we have to do is keep moving - We've been to all night parties - this isn't that different."

"What the fuck kind of parties do you go to without me? Never invite me to one!"

"You ready?"

"Just about."

And on they went...

From the top of the route, I set off South, along the crest of Carn Dearg. Eventually the ground angled downwards and I noticed the mist thinning. I struck off diagonally, past the head of Red burn. For a moment I thought about following the tracks down it, but it's murder on healthy knees - my creaky joints wouldn't stand a chance. I carried on across the slope, angling downwards and eastwards and as the slope aspect started to change, I reversed my direction, still heading down at a shallow angle. I knew at some point I'd cut the path, and then it was just a walk back to the tent. The cloud had pretty much cleared by now and the stars shone brightly through the tattered shreds. After nearly eight hours on my feet, my hip and knees were starting to complain, so I stopped to swallow some painkillers. The juice in my flask was lukewarm, but the little warmth it contained was still welcome in the cold wind. I'd brought two half litre flasks with me, instead of the one flask and waterbottle that I usually carried, and I hadn't opened the second yet. Obviously I hadn't been drinking enough, but I made a mental note to leave one behind the next day....

The pills didn't take long to start working, and with the wind blowing, my hood up, and the world reduced to the beam of my headtorch, I was soon lost in the labyrinth of my mind. Old conversations replayed themselves on an endless loop:

"Mummy still loves you Dad....."

"No she doesn't Son - Ask her...."

"I was stupid to find someone else so soon after leaving...."

"I DONT CARE!"

"When we're all living together again..."

"Mummy and I aren't going to be living together again son..."

I couldn't stop myself. My mind picked at those moments like scabs. If I'd said something else, taken a deep breath - or even just walked away..... Sometimes my mind would rewrite the conversations we'd had. Instead of shutting Susan out, I pictured myself reaching across the table and gently telling her that we couldn't turn back the clock and we should leave the breakup where it belonged, in the past. I hadn't though, and nothing I did now could change the fact that I'd lashed out when I should have reached out. I don't think you ever stop loving a person, but that doesn't mean you should be with them. Love doesn't fix everything - It just makes you hang on until you're guaranteed to be smashed to pieces when one of you does let go.....

I shook my head. I only seemed to catch myself in these thoughts when I was already deeply absorbed. I missed Susan, but what was really gnawing at my guts like I'd swallowed a rat, was the children. Susan had wiped them from out of my life. Sometimes I'd find myself admiring her ruthlessness, which as an ex-soldier I could appreciate. Mostly I just missed them. The only thing I'd ever been able to liken it to was the grief I'd feel if they'd died yesterday, but unlike death, time never dulled the pain - every day I grieved like it was only yesterday that I'd lost them.....

Some people look to God to deal with that kind of loss - I gave up my faith a long time ago, but mountains, for me, have always been full of magic. Even lying on the side of one of them with broken bones and an uncertain future, I could never feel bad, or unhappy on a mountain - certainly if I was going to die, I wanted it to be in a place like this. But climbing solo reminds me how much I still love life. Sometimes you have to get close to Death, to be reminded that you're not ready to make that journey. But one day it will have to be made, and when I leave, I want to leave from here.

I was all alone on the hill. Down below, house lights shone in Glen Nevis, but on the flanks of the Ben, there were no bobbing headtorch lights, to mark the presence of a kindred spirit. Years ago, training in Norway, a guy I was skiing with had begun to sing, I'd joined in, and ever since, that hymn has been my mountain song. Thinking of absent friends, I began:

"And did those feet, in ancient times,

Walk upon England's mountains green.

And was the holy lamb of God

On England's pleasant pastures seen......"

Nic was just about running on empty and Alison wasn't far behind. Neither of them had had a big breakfast, they'd had a sandwich each since then, and the wind and the cold was eating at their energy reserves as their bodies tried to maintain core temperature. From crawling down the slope on her bum, Nic had got wet through and there was the constant stress of picking their way down a steep slope with only the moon and starlight to guide them. They were huddled in the lee of another boulder, shivering and desperately hoping for the gully to end in flat ground.

"Maybe we should wait here." Said Ali. "How do we know there isn't a waterfall down there somewhere? we should have brought a torch..."

Nic didn't say anything - lost in a world of cold, even the pain of her ankle had dulled - until she'd tried standing on it. She was more weary than she'd ever been in her life. She'd never even suspected a person could feel this drained. She hugged her knees and tried to think, but her thoughts slipped away from her - driven out by the cold that was pouring into her body from every point. She was already hypothermic; Soon she'd stop shivering as her body depleted its energy; Then she'd feel a sensation of heat; Then she'd slip into unconsciousness, and her breathing and pulse would become irregular, and eventually stop.

Alison wasn't sure at first if she'd seen something, but as she stared desperately into the darkness, a patch of snow below them gave off a faint glow. As it got brighter, she realised it was being lit by a torch. Someone was down there and getting closer! She thought she could make out a voice, but very faintly. It faded in and out. Was that singing? She turned to Nic and shook her.

"Come on! There's someone down there - Lets go!" Nic didn't move. Alison shook her again.

"Nic! We've got to move. Weve got to catch them - come on!!"

"Ssssssomeone ccccoming?" mumbled Nic - "OKKKK - moving" but she didn't. Down below, the light could be seen now, bobbing with the steps of its owner. Alison made her mind up.

"Wait here ok? - I'm going to catch them. Don't move ok?"

"...'K - Ssstay here - wwwwait for you..."

"I'll be back in a minute - just wait - stay where you are." And she was gone, stepping down the slope as fast as she dared. The light was a few hundred feet below her and off to her left, moving rightwards.

"Hey!!!" she shouted, but the light never wavered from its bobbing fixation on the path in front of the walker. "Hey!! HEY YOU!!" The wind snatched her words away.

As the light approached a point directly below her, she picked up a handful of snow, compressed it into a ball and threw it - no response. she tried again, and again.

"HEEEEYYYY!!" "HEEELLLP!!" As she lunged down the slope she lost her footing and fell headlong into the soft snow.....

"In days of old there lived a maid,

A mistress, truly, of her trade.

Of high repute, a prostitute,

The Harlot of Jerusalem!"

Singing lustily, I rounded a bend in the track, and saw the white outline of the sign that marks Red burn. My tent was about half an hour away. I wondered if I'd be bothered to make a brew before sleeping - Probably not, I still had half a litre of juice... I stopped dead as I saw snow, rolling and bouncing in chunks down the slope and across the track. "Avalanche!" went through my mind for a microsecond, but the slide stopped before it even started. I looked up the slope, and something flashed across the beam of my headtorch, heading for me. It smacked into the ground six feet away - a snowball? I looked up again. I reached up and pulled down the diffuser lens from my headtorch and switched the beam to high power. I could make out a figure above me, but where was its torch? That didn't look right? I pulled down my hood.....

Ali didn't slide far, but she sent a load of snow sliding and tumbling down the slope. As she got to her feet she saw the light had stopped moving along the track, and was turning in her direction, she made another snowball and threw it.

"Hey!! Over here!!"

As the light moved again. Towards her this time, her legs gave way and she sank into the snow. Suddenly she was more tired than she could ever remember being in her life. A man's voice came from below.

"Are you OK?"

"Not really."

The banality seemed to flick a switch inside her and she was laughing again, like she had with Nic hours earlier. By the time the man reached her she was sobbing and laughing in equal measure.

There was definitely someone up there, without a light, and they were shouting something. I shouted back. Something completely inane, like "Are you alright?" Of course they weren't fucking alright. One person alone - The lack of a light was bothering me. I always carried a spare, ever since a lump of ice had bounced off my helmet once, taking my headlamp with it - So I was thinking of head injuries. Was there an injured partner up there somewhere? My first aid certificate was about three years out of date by now. Also I wasn't in the best state to be doing a rescue. If any roped climbing needed doing, I wasn't equipped. But what was he/she doing on this side of the hill if there'd been a climbing fall? As I drew nearer, I could see she was female, and not dressed for climbing - or for being on the hill at all. Thin jacket, no waterproofs; no ice axe; and no crampons. - She looked like she'd dressed for a walk around Box Hill. "What an idiot" I thought. But idiot or not, she was on the hill, and I was here. Acrimony could wait.

I knelt down, and put my hands on her shoulders. She looked up into the beam of my torch, and then away. Without even thinking, I recited the lines like it was an exercise on a first aid course.

"My name's Phil. I'm here to help. What happened?"

She told me. There were two of them. The other was injured some way above. It sounded like a broken/sprained ankle. This one was called Alison and she was exhausted and looked like she was in the early stages of hypothermia. What to do?

I looked around. The gully was full of snow with no large rocks or boulders in sight, so I scooped out a hollow in the snow and dropped my pack into it. I didn't want it sliding away, and I couldn't ask Alison to hold it. I fished my down parka out of it and quickly put it on.

I'm not great at deciphering non-verbal signals, but I had an idea what the look on her face was saying. After all she was literally dying of cold and I was putting on a warm jacket.

"I'm warming it up for you - You probably don't have enough body heat to loft the down."

Then, with the adze of my axe I dug out a generous bucket seat. After a minute or two, the down had lofted and I was starting to overheat, so I put the jacket on Alison before finishing.

"OK this is the plan". I took out a stuff sack from my pack and from out of it pulled out a silvery lump, that unrolled until it was the size and shape of a sleeping bag - which is what it was. "You get into this and wait here - Don't move. Give me the jacket back now, your friend will probably need it. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Before I left her, I gave her my spare headtorch, and decanted half of the juice from my unused flask. I left her with that and my bag of gorp, [nuts, chocolate and dried fruit] and the instruction to eat, but carefully.

As I carried on upwards looking for Nicola, her friend, I did my usual thing - Second guessing myself. Alison would be fine if she stayed where she was, but if she rolled out of the bucket seat I'd dug, for any reason, then, in that bag, she'd slide a long way - probably across the pony track and down red burn - she'd be smashed to pieces. But I didn't want to take her up here and use up energy she didn't have, and I didn't want to try moving her down to the track, because I had no idea how much time her friend had left. Alison had described symptoms consistent with the later stages of hypothermia - slurred speech and lethargy. I wanted to get to her fast. Anyway, it was done now. she would either be there when I got back, or she wouldn't.

As it happened Nicola wasn't far away, and she was still conscious. I put my parka back on as soon as I saw her, then continued up to put her in it.

"Hi Nicola? I'm Phil - What happened to you?"

Nic was paralysed with cold. She could see the light down below, she heard faint shouts. A second light appeared. One of the lights started moving upwards towards her. It stopped for a minute and then carried on. Through all of this she was unable to think; To move; To speak. She hugged her knees shivering uncontrollably, barely aware of where she was or how she'd got there.

A man was kneeling in front of her. He took his Jacket off and draped it around her shoulders. Taking her arms and pushing them into the sleeves, zipping it up, pulling the hood over her head. He was speaking to her, but she couldn't seem to hold the words in her head long enough to understand them. Then he was covering her with something. pulling her forwards and sliding something under her bottom. Now they were inside a kind of tent - Was she dreaming? He was holding a flask to her lips and she gasped as hot liquid filled her mouth and spread fleeting warmth through her body. He took the flask away for a moment and rummaged in his pack, still talking. Shouldn't she be able to understand him? What had happened to her?

When I got to her she was still shivering violently, which was good, but she was almost catatonic, which wasn't. I had to put my parka on her, taking her arms and pushing them into the sleeves, pulling the hood up and zipping her into it as if she was my daughter, Emma. Even at a time like this there was something to remind me of her. Well this girl was someone's daughter too, and the rat that chewed away at my insides, would chew away at her mother's if I didn't do what needed doing. I slapped the memory aside. "Focus!" I thought.

Anyway, at least I was equipped. I've had enough unplanned nights on the hill not to carry bivouac gear. A Blizzard bag, currently keeping Alison from freezing to death, and a two-person group shelter, or bothy bag. It's basically an oblong nylon bag with no floor, just a flap at each end to sit on. I worked one of the sit flaps under Nicola's bottom, squatting in front of her, and then pulled the other end over my head and sat back. We were out of the wind. I gave Nicola a drink from my flask and watched her. One of the symptoms of exhaustion is an inability to keep food down. Just when you most need to take on fuel, your body makes you throw it back up. So I watched, and when it seemed she wasn't going to be sick, I leaned forward and put the flask to her mouth again. It contained an energy drink, not because I wanted to take an energy drink on the hill with me, but because that's the nearest thing I could get to powdered fruit juice. Still, it was the best thing Nicola could be swallowing about now, and the bitching I'd done about the cost of it, against a bottle of blackurrant squash seemed very stupid now. I wanted to cut down on weight - Serendipity. Isn't it wonderful?