Rainey's Song Ch. 05

"Well, he has to be here," she muttered to herself, stepping inside and closing the door behind her. "He may be unorganized but I don't think he's the type to leave his door unlocked." Besides, she was almost certain she'd seen his car when she'd come up the path to the apartment complex.

Making her way cautiously toward the living room, she stuck her head into the kitchen but he wasn't there, either. Was he sleeping?

The living room was empty, so she made a left and headed down the hallway toward his office, pausing for a moment at the closed door to the right that must be his bedroom.

His office was at the end of the hall with a bathroom on the left-hand-side and a closet directly across from his bedroom door. Not many places for a six-foot-tall man to hide in this apartment but, still, he seemed to have holed himself up somewhere.

Turning in a full circle, she ended up facing the living room, her bottom lip once again found it's way between her teeth as she chewed it slowly in confusion.

"Aidan," she called out again, unable to think of anything else to do.

Silence. But then...tilting her head, she tried to catch a muffled noise and figure out where it was coming from. There! There it was again...it was like a muffled thudding noise. What *was* that?

"Rainey?"

At the sound of Aidan's voice, she jumped and spun around to find him standing in the hallway, half of his body inside the...closet?

"What are you doing in the closet," she gasped, trying to get her heartbeat to slow down as she took in Aidan's attire.

A ratty t-shirt that looked like it'd been softened by a few hundred washes clung to his chest and, paired with the well fitted, though equally old jeans, accenting the narrowness of his hips, Rainey found herself swallowing to moisten her dry mouth.

Giving her that damned grin, he leaned back against the door-jam. "What do you mean, what am I doing in the closet? What closet?"

*Oookay, so apparently the door across from his room wasn't a closet...*

"Um..." she said lamely.

Still laughing at her, he crooked a finger, saying, "Come here."

Her eyes holding his piercing blue gaze, she found that she had no other choice but to submit. He could be luring her into Hell and she'd gladly follow if only he'd keep looking at her like that.

Drawing close to his side, she felt his hand wrap around her upper arm and familiar shivers shot through her. Peeking inside the closet, or whatever it was, she saw a tiny box of a room; it couldn't be any more than about three feet deep and five feet wide, with a black sheet covering the center of what she could only describe as the wall.

"What is this?"

Nudging her gently into the tiny space, Aidan didn't respond, just followed her inside and closed the outer door behind them.

Encased in total darkness, Rainey could feel him moving around next to her, securing what must be another black sheet over the first door with Velcro. Then, he turned to the inner door, peeled that sheet off and Rainey heard the door ease open.

"Where are you," Aidan whispered even as his warm palm found her upper arm in the darkness and slowly stroked down to find her hand. Interlacing his fingers with hers, he said, "Watch your step," and gently pushed her ahead of him through the door, which he closed behind them and secured yet another sheet across that opening.

It was pitch black inside the room and Rainey was sure she could hear her heartbeat thudding in her chest. Her hand was still in Aidan's, he was casually stroking her palm with his thumb and, instead of wanting to shake him off, she found that she'd missed his touch. How could she have grown used to him in so short a time?

"Aidan?" Her voice wavered in the darkness. "What is this?"

"Just a second." Disentangling his hand from hers, he took a couple of steps away and, for a long minute, all she could hear was the faint sound of trickling water. Then, quite suddenly, she heard him flip a switch and a dull, red-brown glow overtook the room, making Rainey gasp in recognition. "What do you think," Aidan asked.

She could see his form, the dark planes of his face illuminated by the red light, moving toward her and, on a grin she tilted her head. "Well, I didn't know darkrooms came standard in two bedroom apartments but this is a very nice one," she replied with a wry tone. "Did you build it yourself?"

"Yep. It used to be the laundry room but I figured it'd get much more use this way."

"I know this is going to sound really ignorant of me, but this is amazing. I've never been in a real darkroom before," Rainey whispered, only to wonder why they even were still whispering.

"Well, then," Aidan said, offering her his elbow in the small space, "would you like the grand tour?"

Laughing, Rainey accepted the arm and decided not to point out that she could pretty much see the entirety of the room from where she was standing by the door.

"I do all of the film processing over there," he said, pointing to two tables flanking a deep, steel sink. "That tiny room there," he pointed to another small, space in the far corner, its door covered by a black sheet, as well, "is where I put the film on photo paper."

"And this," four or five steps brought them to the center of the room where a long wooden table was set up with four large plastic tubs full of liquid and a smaller sink at the far end, half-full of trickling water, "is where the magic happens."

Looking into the first tub, Rainey could see a large piece of photo paper lying beneath the surface of whatever chemical was in the tub.

"What does this one do," she asked, feeling like a curious little kid but not caring. Aidan seemed happy enough to explain everything to her.

Releasing her hand, he stepped over to the tub and used a pair of tongs to remove the photo paper from the tub, allowing it to drip a little before dropping it into the next one.

"The first one is developer, which is basically what makes the image show up on the photo paper. This one," he said, swirling the tub that now held the newly developed image of a child's large-eyed gaze, "is what stops the image from developing once I get it how I want it. The next tub is full of 'fixer,' which helps keep the photo from fading once it's finished developing."

"The last one," Rainey leaned over to see what he was pointing to, "is a water bath that rinses off all of the excess chemicals."

"And then you hang them to dry over here," Rainey guessed, wandering over to a taut clothesline stretched across a corner of the room. Several processed pictures were hanging on the line and she leaned in close to inspect them.

Two of them were of a plump-cheeked little boy on a swing, his head tossed back in a silent laugh, the sky and clouds slanting over his head like a tapestry, the rich contrasts of the black-and-white print took Rainey's breath away.

A few others were street scenes: a pierced and mohawked teenager standing at a bus stop in the rain; late afternoon sunlight rippling beautifully down a series of stone steps with a view of the waterfront in the background.

When Rainey came to the last photo, she couldn't help but smile. An group of older women sat in white wicker chairs in a gorgeously blooming garden, sun slanted down through the leaves and branches of a sycamore visible in the distance and a low table in the middle of the group held a quaint tea set and a cake with a few slices cut out of it.

One woman in particular was focused a little more than the rest; she had high cheekbones and a sweetly curved mouth that told Rainey she'd been stunning in her youth and, even in more advanced years, she was still quite lovely. It was the eyes, the piercing eyes squinted in laughter, that jumped out of the photo and told Rainey who she was looking at.

"Your mother is lovely," she murmured, only to catch a surprised breath when she turned to find Aidan standing right next to her.

"She is," he said, smiling fondly at the picture. "But, how'd you know who she was?"

"You look just like her," her voice was low. "The smile, the cheekbones, the eyes...you definitely have her eyes."

"So she tells me every chance she gets," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "She's the reason I love photography so much, actually."

Rainey turned to look at him, once again struck by the utter beauty of this man; she had to fight the urge to touch him. "Is she a photographer, too," she asked, desperately trying to stay on subject.

"No, she's too...analytical to be an artist. Too logical. But, she encouraged me to do what I was passionate about. When I was in school back in England, all of the boys wanted to be doctors or lawyers, you know? That's what their parents wanted them to be, so that's what *they* wanted to be. But there I was, the odd one out, playing around with disposable cameras all the time, dreaming about being a photographer. I always felt..."

"Like there was something wrong with you," Rainey guessed. "Like no matter what you did you'd feel 'wrong' about it. Following your heart meant people thinking you were weird and doing the expected meant you felt incomplete."

Aidan gave her a strange look, but let out a surprised laugh. "Yes. Exactly. How..."

She shrugged, walking away from him, pretending to inspect the photos floating in the water bath. "I've just...felt that way my entire life. I've always known I love writing, I get lost in it sometimes...it's like the world just disappears and everything around me is a poem or..." she shook her head, her laughter turned nervous and strained. "Never mind, it's stupid."

Once again, he came up behind her without her noticing, but this time, he turned her around to face him, forcing her to duck her head to avoid his eyes.

She was startled to feel his hand on her forehead, brushing the hair away from her face; her eyes shot to his and she felt her breathing quicken.

His hand found its way to the side of her face and he cupped her cheek. He looked confused, a little wary, as he searched her face, his eyes finally coming to settle on hers.

"It's not stupid," he said at last, his voice barely above a whisper. "People your age are all still trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives, they're trying to figure out who they are, but you've already done that. Sure, that sets you apart from them, but that's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Then why do I feel like I'm missing something?" The words passed through her lips without her thinking them. With Aidan holding her so tenderly, they just seemed to come out on their own and hang in the air between them.

He stared at her for a long time, she could feel his breath against her cheek; the only sound in the room was the faint trickling of the water bath at her back. Did his hand tremble a little?

Or was it just that she was shivering all over?

His eyes dropped to her lips and she found herself hoping, praying against all better judgment that he would kiss her. When he leaned toward her, the fabric of his jeans rustled gently against her own.

Her eyes fluttered shut and she heard herself sighing into the semi-darkness, her entire body tingling in anticipation of the moment his lips would meet hers. Then, she felt his lips press lightly against her forehead and her heart dropped like a lead weight to her feet.

He didn't *want* to kiss her, well, not the way she wanted him to. Had she been wrong about his feelings for her? Nothing was making sense anymore.

His lips stayed against the sensitive skin of her forehead for long seconds and she heard him sigh as he turned his head to press his cheek against the place that his lips had set on fire.

Drawing her into a tight hug, he wrapped himself around her so thoroughly that she had no choice but to wind her arms around his waist and hug him back.

It felt so right, being in his arms.

They were quiet for a long time until Aidan's voice broke the silence. "We're so much alike," he whispered, slowly rubbing his cheek, a little rough with stubble, against her own. "It's been a long time since I've had a woman as a friend."

His words were simple, straightforward and clear; Rainey felt them settle heavily into the empty pit at the bottom of her stomach.

She'd been a fool to expect more from Aidan. Stupid to allow herself to hope that they could ever be anything more to one another than just friends.