Raking Ashes

A tingle started in her legs as she began to come.

She fell back on the lid and bucked her hips up as Gino pushed his face into her, shaking his head, holding tight to the back of her thighs as she cried out, carrying on when she tried to pull away, her cunt suddenly becoming unbearably sensitive.

She felt the vibrations of his growl through her body and then she came again, her orgasm unravelling before her, each layer, each pulse, each spasm taking her higher until she felt she could stand no more and her shrill cries of affirmation became desperate pleas for him to stop.

And he did.

But only when words had abandoned her and all she could do was lay atop the bin, helpless, betrayed by her body.

He stands back from her and runs the sleeve of his jacket across his face.

She can see him admiring her, admiring his work.

Ellen's exposed, dress hitched above her hips, her legs still apart, inner thighs twitching, her arms slung over her head, she doesn't care.

It's cold and a putrid, over ripe smell permeates the air around her.

From inside the restaurant there's the far away hum of loud chatter, cutlery on china, slow lazy jazz piped through to sooth the diners.

Gino lays a hand on her leg and she sits up.

She feels drunk.

"The pot boy was watching."

He nods and take her chin in his hand.

"Would you have let him join in?"

She smiles. "Yes."

"Would you have sucked his cock?"

"Yes."

"Would you have let him fuck you, in this filthy ally, like a little animal?"

She closes her eyes and shivers.

"Yes."

Gino kisses her fiercely.

"Slut."

"Yes."

In the cab Ellen crosses her leg and squeezes them together, can almost feel him, almost taste herself on that bestial kiss he'd given her.

Her fingers meet her lips subconsciously, mimicking the way he would touch her as they kissed.

She could almost believe that together they'd been perfect.

Almost.

*****

She threw things with a cold accuracy.

The vase hit the wall, shattering into evil glass splinters only an inch away from his head, would have hit him if he hadn't moved so quick.

"Fuck!" He cried, his hands raised to the side of his face, his fingers came away bloody, a sliver of glass having nicked his cheek.

He powered across the room to her even as she ran to grab a new weapon.

It was not an uncommon scene.

She couldn't remember how this fight had started, only that it was the sort that had built momentum frighteningly fast, the kind of fight where all the tiny niggles, and jealousies were raked over, exposed and fanned into a furious inferno.

She managed to hit him with a book before he grabbed her to stay her hands.

So she kicked him.

Gino swore then slapped her across the face open handed.

Ellen gasped and hit him back with her fist.

"Enough!" He roared into her face, making her shrink back.

With a cry of disgust he pushed her away from him and onto the sofa.

"I can't do this anymore."

Ellen froze, half on her feet, ready to confront him again.

"What?"

"I can't do this. I don't want to do this."

She sank back down, all the fight suddenly gone.

"Look at us!" Gino waved his arms around the room and she took in the broken vase, the crooked pictures, the scattered books, the dent in the plasterboard.......

"Look at what we're doing to each other"

...... The cut on his cheek.

"This... This is not healthy. Its not normal."

"We're not normal!" She spat the word out as though it tasted bad.

He looked at her and it wasn't with anger but with pity and her world fell from under her.

"I'm sorry." He sighed and he turned away and walked into the bedroom.

She should have gone to him.

Should have put her arms around his back and cried and said she was sorry, said they could fix it, find a balance between the passion and the fury.

Ellen couldn't move though.

Could only sit in stunned silence as she listened to Gino move around, emptying drawers, pulling clothes off hangers, could only watch as he came back into the living room with his big back pack and a holdall.

"You're leaving me." Her voice was small, tremulous, but still she couldn't stand.

"I'm leaving us." He put down the holdall and run his hand through his hair. "I can't stay. It's too much." He laughed nastily. "We'll kill each other."

And this is how it ends.

Not with drama and weeping and pleading, but with the metallic ring of door keys on the table, two bags of possessions and a firmly closed door.

Ellen sat in the sudden silence for a while and then slowly curled up into the cushions with a sigh.

She didn't even cry.

The hollow pit in your stomach stays, she realised as the cab drew up to the curb and the driver lent back to bark the fee at her.

She handed him a twenty and stepped out of the cab before he could give her change.

It just didn't feel important.

She wondered if he'd remember the significance of this hotel.

*******

Ellen was staying at the Richmond.

She finished her second drink and turned in her seat to leave, the prospect of lying in bed watching TV more appealing than sitting alone at this cheap hotel bar.

Then she saw him.

Ellen hadn't seen Gino for over two years, her stomach lurched at the sight of him and she held her breath.

She didn't know what to do, didn't know if she should say hello or if she should sneak out of there, but as he walked passed he glance up and saw her.

Too late to leave.

Too late to pretend she hadn't seen him.

He stopped dead, his lips parted in surprise, an oh of recognition, she watched him recover himself and smile before walking over.

Mentally she checks how she looks, wearing old jeans, a shirt and sweater, her hair pulled back haphazardly. She'd not come to the bar with the desire to talk to anyone and now Gino was here.

She hated herself for caring how she looked, hated that, deep down, she still wanted him to be impressed.

Two years after walking out was standing in front of her.

"Ellen." He smiled broadly, but his hands strayed to his hair, pushing it back from his temples and she was glad he obviously felt nervous.

"Gino." She smiled back stiffly but didn't move.

The seconds stretched out silently until he finally coughed and cleared his throat.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"I was just leaving actually."

"Just one drink. Catch up. White wine?"

He motioned to the bartender and Ellen turned to him and said "Jack Daniels over ice."

Gino raised an eyebrow then said he'd have the same.

He sat on a stool besides her and waited while their drinks were poured.

"So. How have you been?"

Ellen laughed harshly. "I've been fine Gino. I've been great." She necked the drink and stood to go.

He grabbed her arm.

"Don't. Ellen, don't go."

She glared and hissed at him quietly, "What do you want Gino? You left. This is the first time I've seen you since you walked out my door. You want me to sit here and drink with you like an old friend? I'm not your friend Gino, I don't owe you anything. Let. Go."

He did.

Ellen noticed the bartender watching and she stared angrily at him until he looked away and moved to the other end of the empty bar.

"I don't know what to say." Gino said quietly. "I'm sorry. I should have tried to talk to you first but..." He trails off and sighs.

"Why didn't you?"

Looking up at her Ellen see's his eyes are shimmering and she's stunned at this display of vulnerability.

"Do you have any idea how close I was to hurting you that night?"

"You did hurt me."

"No. Not like that, not emotionally, physically."

She sits down.

"I couldn't get through to you. You'd wound yourself up so tight there was no reasoning with you and when I grabbed hold of you to stop you throwing things I..."

He finishes his drink and stares into the empty glass.

"I saw myself slamming you against the wall, grabbing your head and just smashing it again and again into the coffee table. I imagined putting my hands around your neck and just squeezing until you lay still and quiet."

She's too shocked to speak, too overwhelmed by this outburst to even stand.

Instead, she orders two more drinks, drinks hers in one.

"Take me to bed." She growls.

He stares at her then nods once.

"Ok."

As the lift doors close she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him hard, pushes him against the mirrored wall and attacks him with her mouth.

"I missed you, oh God I missed you." He say's again and again, like it's a charm to ward off the anger that bubbles just under the surface.

They practically run down the corridor, she fumbled with the door and they stagger through it, he kicks it shut with his foot, his mouth glued to hers, her fingers on his belt, his at her shirt.

The harsh buzz of a phone in his jacket pocket makes him hesitate and for a second she thinks he'll ignore it but then he's pulled away, fished the phone out of his jacket with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, it might be work."

He answers it and Ellen watches the blood drain from his face.

Gino can't keep the conversation neutral, couldn't pretend it was just business, but she didn't feel the need to move away from him until he said "Good night darling. Daddy loves you too."

She sat on the bed.

"I should have said...."

"You're married now?"

"Yes."

"A kid?"

"She's nearly two."

Ellen huffs, a half sob, half laugh.

"You didn't waste any time then."

"Its not like that."

He sits on the bed with her.

"Do you have a picture?"

He fishes one out of his wallet and hands it to her.

A smiling woman holding a toddler looks back at her. Mousey haired, slim, wide mouthed. Their daughter has Ginos dark hair and eyes.

She hands it back silently and he carefully places it back in his wallet .

"When I left I wanted to forget you. It hurt so much to think about us. I met Sarah and she got pregnant. We didn't plan it, it just happened."

Ellen just stares at her hands.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." He stands to go but she grasps his hand.

"Stay. Please."

He only hesitates a moment and then he's sat on the bed with her kissing her tenderly. Removing her shirt with care he bends forwards to kiss her breasts, sucking and nibbling at her nipples until she was squirming, kicking off her jeans and pulling him onto her.

He's hovering over her and pushing inside her as she pulls the shirt from his back.

She watches his eyes widen as he slides in to her and he looks like her boy Gino again, uncertain, worried about doing something wrong.

As he fucks her she starts to cry, big hot tears rolling down her cheeks and wetting the pillow under her.

He shushes her, brushes the tears away with the pad of his thumb, kissing her down turned mouth.

"Don't." She sobs, slapping his hand away. "Stop fucking me like I'm your wife."

His posture stiffens and his face hardens.

Ellen grabs his face in her hands and hisses "You used to fuck me like you owned me. don't you dare fuck me like your wife. Don't fuck me like you love me. Fuck me like you want me."

"I do want you." He growls.

She laughs through her tears. "Then show me."

In one swift move he flips her over onto her stomach and pushes himself roughly back into her, making her cry out.

His hands push her shoulders into the bed as he pounds into her and she laughs through her gasps and smiles at his anger.

He pulls out and she whimpers, pushes back to try and find him.

"Wait."

She feels his fingers push into her, moans as he moves them inside her, his fingers exploring, searching, then out and moving up, teasing around her arse, pushing one wet finger inside.

Ellen stiffens and goes to pull away, but he has an arm looped around her waist.

She knows what he'll do next and he's suddenly frightened to give herself over to him, to allow him to take her like this, feels the head of his cock press against her.

"No. Gino, no..... wait."

He stills and for a moment she just breaths and shudders, then slowly she backs onto him, feels him move into her, whimpers as he presses insistently, wonders how she will let him fuck her when it hurts at this point, when he's not even fully in her.

And then he is.

He doesn't move, he lets her adjust to the feeling of him in her arse, lets her relax and waits.

Tentatively she move forwards a little and then back.

Then again.

Gino starts to move. Slow, deliberate thrusts.

He takes hold of her hand and places it firmly on her clitoris.

"Play with it." He whispers in her ear.

As soon as she starts she feel it building, feels her body respond.

He's fucking her harder now and she realises she's not letting him do this, she wants this, she needs this, her body recognises this pleasure and rewards her.

She almost screams, settles instead for a drawn out howl of delight as her whole body shudders and bucks with the intensity of her orgasm, feel him crush her in his arms as he gives in to his own with a growl and a bite to her neck that nearly starts her going again.

Gino pulls her to him, lies on the bed curled around her like a protective comma, her back pressed to his chest, they lay still, waiting for their breath to find them again.

"You can't see me again." She whispers.

"I need to."

"No. I won't do that. I'm not the other woman. You'll hate me more than you already do."

Gino kisses her shoulder.

"I don't hate you. I've never hated you."

"I hate you." Ellen turns to face him. "I hate you because you make me feel like I can't live without you."

"Then don't!"

"I can't." She sits up and he follows. "I'm going to shower. Please be gone when I get out."

Don't look back.

She pads to the bathroom and locks the door.

Turn on the shower, stand under it.

Cry.

You did the right thing.

Cry anyway.

*************

The bar hadn't been redecorated in the fifteen years since she'd sat on a stool and seen Gino across the room.

Ellen fiddled nervously with a bracelet as she scanned the tables for him.

Funny how a chance had brought them together today.

A shared friend on Facebook and suddenly they were back in contact. Shyly, carefully and now....

"Ellen."

She turned and saw him stand to greet her.

He was greyer about the temples and thicker in the middle than he had been, but she still felt that flutter in her chest as he smiled at her.

"You look great." He smiled at her, holding her at arms length to get a better look.

"Oh. No. I'm fat now." She laughed.

"Not fat." He placed a hand on her hip, a curiously innocent but highly charged gesture. "It suits you. You've grown up."

An uneasy silence threatened to build up between them and with a great show Gino pulled out his phone.

"Look what Beth sent me."

He scrolled through until he found what he wanted then turned it so she could see.

The picture Beth has sent showed her with her arms around some boy, smiling broadly at the camera.

"Where was that taken?"

"Portugal, she's there with her Mum and Phil, seems the boy friend went as well."

"Phil's her step dad?"

Gino nods.

They both laps into silence again and she feel wretched.

"Look. Gino. Maybe I shouldn't have come."

He looks at her calmly and smiles.

"Are you afraid?"

"Yes."

He takes her hand and squeezes it.

"We're older now. Maybe the angers cooled. Maybe all that's left is the good stuff."

"I don't know....."

He traces the outline of her lips with his finger and she swallows hard.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

He leans forwards and growls in her ear ...

"Mine. Always."