Revelation Blues Pt. 03

Scott was wrong; Mary didn't think things over the way he thought she did. She was on a completely different plane. She was hoping that they would never have this conversation or talk about her affairs. The fact that Scott hadn't brought the matter up earlier led her into falsely assuming that he either believed her and put the matter behind them or that he simply didn't think it was serious enough to warrant further confrontations, they would eventually get over it and their happy family life would resume as before. Fiona had told her that Scott was probably as guilty as she was in having affairs of his own and the fact that he didn't bring the matter up again was in a way an admission of his own guilt. Now she was conflicted and under pressure again. She had totally misread Scott and was wondering what to do now. She couldn't come to terms with the idea of telling him everything and she couldn't refuse to talk to him. She knew that Scott was a very determined and driven man although he had also been very understanding and accommodating when they had arguments or differences of opinion in the past. But this was different, this was no simple argument. She had to play it by ear. Mary looked at him and simply nodded.

"Very well, now that this is said and understood, is there anything you want to tell me before I ask you some questions?" His voice was neutral, devoid of emotions.

"Honey, can't we just put this behind us and move on? We have a pretty good life and I love you, I always loved you, you know that. Why make this such a big issue. What happened is in the past. I feel lonely and bored at times, I also feel that I'm getting old and sometimes the flirting or attention I get make me feel a bit younger. It's really harmless. It hasn't affected our lives and how we are together. I will find an activity to kill the boredom and keep me busy during the day so that I won't be as exposed or vulnerable to the attention Don has been giving me. I don't love him, never have, he was just a distraction when I was alone and bored. It's over now. Things are back as they were before, they'll be even better, I promise you."

Scott knew that there may be some truth in what she said. He had worried in the past about Mary being bored or lonely during the day. Still, she could have done several things to keep herself busy and entertained and fucking others was not one of them. He had to focus and control his emotions. If he lets his emotions overwhelm him he will lose both his concentration and objectivity. The worst thing he feared is that his love for that woman, and he knew he still loved her, will lead him to find excuses for her acts, and that was the last thing he wanted. Scott also felt outraged that Mary was dealing with this as a minor inconvenience in their life and therefore persisting in her lies. She hasn't offered any form or apology whatsoever. She seemed totally unconscious of the seriousness of her acts. She didn't even ask him how he knew that she was lying. There was no point in letting her know now that he had made up his mind, he needed to know a few things first.

"Mary, that is the whole point of this conversation, to find out what 'this' is that we are supposed to put behind us. Whether 'this' is a big issue or not depends on what 'this' is and how and why 'this' happened. 'This' isn't forgetting to buy milk or denting the car's bumper, it is a serious breakdown in our relationship compounded by blatant lies. I can get over many things, within reason, but not something that is planned and conducted on a regular basis. I certainly can get over some small lies, but not something that is purposely deceitful and insulting. The fact that you seem to want to avoid discussing it reinforces my belief that it was, and still is, a very serious matter."

Mary eyes were now focused on some precise point on the carpet that apparently bore a particular interest to her at that point in time.

"How long has 'this' been going on with Don?"

Mary sighed, shook her shoulders in a dismissive manner, the slowly started to respond. "He's been calling me for over a year, in the beginning we would just chat and occasionally meet for a coffee or lunch. Later, he started telling me about how miserable he was in his marriage and hinting that he was attracted to me. I dismissed it then and ignored his flirting. But one day about six months ago I was bored, you were on travel and I felt lonely, I was almost depressed. I told him so when he called me. He suggested we meet for a drink and I accepted. Then one thing led to another, I needed the company and we eventually ended up in bed in a hotel. I told you it wasn't good. He couldn't get an erection and when he did he came quickly and I didn't enjoy it."

"Obviously. That's why you had to work on it a few more times to get it right. How many times did he help you relieve your boredom?"

"Please don't be so sarcastic Scott. He seemed to expect this from time to time and I gave it to him to preserve our friendship. It was only a few times, maybe five or six. I don't really remember. There was no love or affection, just keeping each other company."

It became apparent then to Scott that Mary had opted for the lying approach. She had no idea how much he knew so lying was tempting. Although admitting more than she did the first time, she was still trying to hide the truth and minimize the gravity of her actions. He noted something else; the number of times she admitted to, although a lie, was the same as the one Don admitted to Carla. He suspected that she must have either discussed this with Don and agreed on a scenario or, most likely, spoken with Don after his chat with Carla and is sticking to his story. Despite his rising anger he didn't want this lying game to go on all evening, he had to focus on the essentials and get it done and over with.

"Have you ever done it at home?"

"No... of course not, he rented a single room at a hotel in Miami Beach, he didn't have much money so he went for the cheapest room available."

"So you only did it in that hotel, right? Never here or at his place or somewhere else?"

"No... no... only in the hotel." Even Mary didn't sound convinced by her own answer.

"Does anyone know about you and Don?"

"No, not until Carla called you and I told you. I guess she must have told our friends. She is such a bitch. No wonder Don is miserable living with her."

Scott decided to ignore her remarks about Carla.

"Are you absolutely sure no one else knows? Don is the bragging type." Scott was thinking of Fiona.

"Well... I guess Aldo knows..."

"Aldo?" Scott wasn't expecting this one.

"I was having a coffee with Don one day when Aldo showed up... we were talking and joking... he seemed to know about me and Don. Aldo called us 'love birds' and Don made a sick joke about a threesome... so..."

"And? Did you have that threesome?" This was a new discovery for Scott. His question was more the result of a reflex than a planned need to know.

"Noooo... of course not. It was a joke." Mary even managed to sound outraged.

Scott thought about this for a while. He didn't want to wander down that road. It really made little difference what actually happened with Aldo. He needed to return to familiar territory, a space where he knew the answers or had proof.

"Have you seen Don during the last two weeks?"

"I spoke with him a couple of times... He wanted to tell me what was happening with Carla. He wanted us to meet for a coffee and a chat but I told him that I won't be seeing him again."

"I asked if you saw him."

"No, I haven't, it's over."

"How many times have you slept with Andy?"

"I really don't remember, maybe two or three times, but it wasn't really the sex, we talked a lot about his depression, his missing his daughter and I just wanted to cheer him up. The sex was just to show him affection."

"That's interesting Mary! Sex sounds more like a therapy with you. It relieves boredom and cheers up the depressed. I wonder how many people benefited from your therapy?"

"What do you mean?"

"I was wondering if you ever had other affairs, with anyone other than Don and Andy."

"No, never! How could you even ask." The funny thing Scott noted is that she really did look outraged.

"Last question, have you ever cheated on Martin?"

"No, never! Why do you keep asking those questions? What has Marting got to do with that?"

Scott anger had subsided, in fact he felt totally dejected but equally relaxed. The case was hopeless. He had hoped after his earlier warnings, when they started their conversation, that Mary would tell him the truth, or at least not lie that much, show some remorse, maybe even express sincere apology. But even his lowest expectations have not been met. There was no hope of working things out between them, their marriage was dead and awaiting burial. Had Mary been honest and apologetic, he would be kinder in dealing with the divorce and the settlement. If there ever was the slimmest hope of a kind settlement, that hope had just died, along with their marriage, a very painful and a very definitive death.

"Mary, I keep asking those questions in the hope that you will remember what I told you when we started this conversation and that you will find within you the strength to admit your deeds and tell the person you were married to for 15 years the truth. Obviously, you decided to ignore my advice and decided to persist in your lies... Don't look surprised, I know a lot more than you think I do and Don has been most generous in his admissions to Carla, although I also know that he was still lying to her. You two seem to have spoken and agreed to a few things to tell your spouses, but you weren't thorough enough."

Scott looked at Mary, her face was ashen and she was twisting her fingers nervously. He could tell that she was trying to say something but wasn't sure how to go about it or whether it would help her cause or make things worse. He continued.

"The reason why we didn't have this conversation earlier is because I suspected that you would lie to me. You confirmed my suspicion when I first confronted you after my chat with Carla. I needed to find the truth by other means. What you just told me now proved me right. When you told me it happened only once, and despite any common sense I pride myself of, I wanted to believe you. I wished I could put the cheating part past us and find a way to move on with our life for the sake of the love I thought we had for each other, for the sake of the fifteen years we've been married, and last but not least for the sake of Dean. Unfortunately, the more I found out about your affairs, the more remote the possibility of getting over it became. Eventually, it reached the point where the apple was so rotten it had to be thrown away. This may surprise you, but what really made it impossible to get over what you did and continue living together is not just the amplitude or the cheating, it's above all the knowledge that you were and will continue lying to me. I can't continue living that way. I will always think of you as a liar and our life, mine at least, had we stayed together, will become miserable at best."

Mary was now well into the panic zone. Although Scott didn't spell it out distinctly, he was announcing the end of their marriage.

"Scott, honey, I am not lying to you. I promise. Don't believe what Carla is telling you. I promise you it's over, I'll never see Don again, I won't even talk to him. We can stop seeing the Weldon altogether. It may take a bit of time but we can get over it and our life can be as wonderful as it has always been. I love you and I don't want to lose you."

"Really? I thought you wanted to leave me and go live with Don as soon as your new car is delivered."

"What makes you think that? I would never leave you for anyone else."

"That's what Don told Carla. Apparently you told him that you will be leaving me because you were terribly unhappy with our life."

"I never told him that! I am even shocked he imagined that I would leave you to be with him. He is a friend but he has no class or culture and he doesn't even have a job. I don't love him and never told him I did. I told him that I was bored but I never told him that I was unhappy with our marriage or that I don't love you. You know how much I love you."

Scott wished he had recorded what Mary just said to give to Carla to replay to Don.

"The sad part is that I believe you when you say you love me. At least I believe your warped vision of love, but that vision isn't mine and love to me does not have the same meaning it seems to have to you. Of that I am sure. What I am now inclined to believe is that you love the convenient and comfortable life you had so far, a secure life with a person who loves you enough to be totally unsuspecting and unaware of your deeds and true behavior. What I am also sure of is that you will always lie to me. I am also sure that you and Don deserve each other. You didn't lose me because of what happened with Don, you lost me fifteen years ago and kept on losing me although I was unaware of it until a few days ago. Don was the incident waiting to happen, the trigger that would expose your acts. It could have happened earlier, much earlier, or later. To my deepest regret, and also relief, fate had it that it happened now."

Scott paused to observe the effect of what he just said on Mary. He was wondering if she finally understood the extent of the damage she caused.

Mary was silently shaking her head, tears started to fall down her cheeks as Scott spoke. She suddenly felt her world falling apart. All that she had imagined, all the assurances given to her by Fiona, and all the hopes she had fostered have faded away. She knew her husband. He had never spoken to her that way before, he would never say such things unless he really meant them. She was trying hard to control her panic and say something that would make Scott reconsider. She was startled when Scott spoke to her again.

"Could you please bring your diary over."

"W... what? why?"

"I'd like to check a date with you."

Mary got up and slowly headed towards the kitchen, she returned with her diary and hesitantly handed it over to Scott. Scott moved the pages to the last two weeks. He noticed the two small dots on Tuesday and Friday the week he was away in Malaysia. His rage returned with a vengeance.

"I finally figured out what those dots mean Mary, they represent the number of times you have been intimate with Don. If you bothered counting them, you will find that you have been with him 38 times up until Carla called me to share her suspicions. Make that an even 40 if you add the two days last week. I trust you kept an accurate record of your fuck fest. I'm not going to point out your lies, the list is too long but I'm sure you'll figure them out quickly."

Mary was well and truly panicked. How did Scott figure out what those dots meant? How could she have been so careless to keep track of her meetings with Don? Damn her habits of wanting to keep track of everything. She had to fire another lure to deflect his attention.

"These are just to indicate that I saw him, not that we had sex on those days." Damn it. The second the words came out Mary regretted them. Why did she even have to concede that? She could have found another explanation, unrelated to Don. Time, she needed time, Scott is not giving her time to think straight.

"Unfortunately, I don't believe you Mary. Not that the number of times really matters at this stage, but for some reason you are unable to stop lying and be honest with me."

Scott explained to Mary how he had reconstructed her activities for the last year, and more specifically since the dots started appearing in her diary. He showed her the spreadsheet he had compiled and pointed to the days she saw Don without having sex, the days she had written a D or occasionally a D + C in her diary, the dates she saw Fiona, even the days with blanks where she could have been with Don, then the dates corresponding to the dots in her diary.

"You know what Mary? Even now, I am having a hard time believing that you fucked Don on our wedding anniversary and had sex with me that same night. I cant believe that you two so wickedly used the excuse of the ring to fuck that Saturday. I don't believe you when you tell me it's over when I see that you fucked him twice while I was away last week."

Mary was hunched on the couch, sobbing and shaking her head. She was lost for words. What could she say to stop her life from collapsing? She never realized that Scott knew so much already. It suddenly dawned upon her that she gambled with her life and lost. She had two options, tell Scott the truth or lie and she chose the wrong one. She had no idea how Scott would have reacted had she told him the truth but she was certain now that she lied and lost him forever.

"Why have you persisted in your lies, why didn't you simply tell me the truth?" Scott voice was soft, it wasn't warm but all anger in his voice was gone.

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings," replied a sobbing Mary.

"Surely you must be joking! Do you think that lying to me doesn't hurt my feelings? Do you think that finding out that I lived a lie for 15 years doesn't hurt my feelings? Do you think there are scales linking the severity of the hurt to the number of times you fucked somebody else?" Scott paused for a second, "Since you at least figured out that my feelings would be hurt, why did you cheat in the first place?"

"I told you the truth Scott, I was bored and it wasn't the sex, I just needed the company."

"I see, and you were bored, sorry, you were helping Andy with his depression. What were the other ones suffering from?"

Mary was startled and looked up at Scott, "Wha... what other ones?"

"You really can't help yourself Mary, you can't stop the lying even if your life depended on it. Very well, I am referring to Brad, Frank, and Jimmy. Should I add 'among others'?"

Mary felt as if a bomb exploded in the room and sucked away all the air. She was having a hard time breathing and whatever she was trying to say sounded like incoherent stuttering. Her mind was on an uncontrollable downward spin. How could Scott know so much?

"Have you ever cheated on Martin?" Scott was relentless. The answer to this question was irrelevant as far as he was concerned, he was just conditioning Mary for the next question.

Mary was looking at him with eyes wide open, her head shaking in denial, tears welling down her cheeks.

"No... no... I already told you ... we just drifted apart."

"You are a hopeless case Mary. I met with Martin on my way back from my last trip. He told me why he petitioned for divorce. Our marriage is just a repeat of the same sad old story. The only sadder part is that it took me much longer to find out. I told you I know a lot more than you think yet you persist in your lies. I now know that this is something you will never be able to overcome. Lying is very much part of who you are. What really upsets me is why I never detected that before."

Scott had left Fiona to last on purpose. He had no proof and he needed an admission. Not that it would have changed anything at this stage but he didn't like lose ends. There was still something unexplained and for which he needed closure. He hoped that he had worn Mary out and maybe now she would be more truthful, if that was ever possible.

"Tell me about Fiona."

"What about Fiona?" Mary's tone was resigned, all hope had gone, all her defenses had crumbled. She was now aware that Scott knew a lot more than she ever suspected, in fact he seemed to know practically everything there is to know. She wanted to get up and leave but she felt paralyzed.

"What is her involvement in all this and how much does she know?"