I take a deep breath as I put my car into park. Sitting there, staring at your house, wondering if it is okay that I am here; what you would think, if you knew? I take in the gorgeous view, feeling the weariness of the long flight slipping from me. Wishing you were here now; knowing you will be soon enough.
Pulling the keys from the ignition, I slide out of the car. Closing the door, the soft thump seems deafening in the silence. Shutting my eyes, I stand there and listen. At first the silence pounds in on me. My heartbeat loud in my ears. My mind struggling to conceive of not hearing the constant flow of cars, hum of street lights, engines starting, distant TVs and radios, which have always been a constant in my world.
Slowly, I hear more subtle sounds. A soft whistle of wind flowing across the open spaces. The rustle of leaves. Stirrings in the grasses. A bird cries out, in the distance. A horse whinnies, somewhere. I think of you ... out there somewhere.
With a deep breath I open my eyes and take it all in again. Wondering why so many people would leave this to live on top of one another, crowded and cramped. Laughter slips from me, as I realize I have lived my whole life like that. More so, sometimes then others. Feeling the heady freedom of the open space around me.
Walking up to the house, I run my hand along a one of the logs, moving around to the porch. Feeling the rough wood under my hand. Letting the sensation make this real for me. Reminding me that I am really here finally here. Standing here, waiting for you to come home.
Reaching the steps, I sit; something holding me back. Feeling as if by stepping onto that porch I will be violating some part of you. Knowing I have come on my own here; that you didn't invite me, don't know I am here. I stop, trying to savor everything. To bring it all into myself. Hoping that I will hear you steps behind me; that you will be glad to find me here.
I pull a small notebook from my purse. Wanting to capture the moment. Wanting to put down the beauty around me before it fades. Wanting to know I will be able to remember it again sometime, just as it was ...
Jotting down a couple words, I already know I am failing to capture what I want to hold onto. Some moments, some things are just too beautiful to be kept for always. Closing the notebook, I give myself over to the moment, knowing it will be gone soon enough.
I take a deep breath. Slowly standing, my leg tingles having fallen asleep. I take a couple steps and pull out a piece of paper. The day is growing short. It seems unlikely, you are going to make it home today. I knew that could happen, and I walk up the steps to leave you a note. Letting you know I was there, and where I can be reached when you return. Wanting so badly just to try the door. To feel the warmth of being in your space, but unwilling to do that.
I jot down a number of the place I found to stay. A quick note. And slide it into the door frame about eye level, praying that you see it.
Starting to leave, I turn. Stopping I run my hands along the back of the large rocker, that I feel I know so well. Closing my eyes ... remembering sitting in it with you.
Without thinking, I sit down. My hands running back and forth over the arms, leaning back, feeling so little sitting it in. I can almost feel the rhythm of your breathing as I slowly start to rock. Watching everything slowly sway with my movement.
I feel something move against the back of my neck. Jumping slightly, I turn to look, thinking it might be you. I laugh at myself as I do. Feeling the tip of my ponytail slide against the back of my neck, even as I turn my head to look. Slowly I turn back to the view. Rocking, letting my hair move along the back of my neck; imagining it is your soft touch. Remembering what it is like with you. How we sit and talk. Your questions making me smile and think. How easy it is to answer, even when you ask the hard ones. Feeling that warmth growing between us. I know how easy it is to turn my head and kiss you. What your mouth feels like, your hands.
I shiver a little. Feeling my hand sliding up along my leg. Knowing this is not the time or the place, and yet. I feel you with me . I wanting you. My skirt sliding up slightly as I slip my hand under the hem. Rubbing my thigh softly, closing my eyes and remembering you. Needing you here with me. My body shuttering slightly at the thought.
Blushing deeply, my hand moves up along my leg. I bite my lip. I shouldn't be doing this, wondering what you would think of my being here. Feeling my hand, imagining yours; sliding up along my soft skin. My finger tips, pressed softly against my panties. Squirming slightly. Knowing I shouldn't be doing this, but unable to stop myself. Feeling you here with me, unwilling to admit that right now I am alone ...
I notice, how wet the fabric has become. My finger rubbing against it. Moving slowly. Heat rising inside me. Teasing lightly at first. I squirm in your chair. Rocking. Building speed. My breath becoming shorter.
Closing my eyes. Feeling you behind me. Almost hearing you laugh a little as I turn red. Kissing you deeply, wanting you to be here now. Not tomorrow, not later. Needing you now.
I feel my legs slide open as a finger works my panties to the side. For a moment I almost stop, but I can't quite bring myself to. I have already gone too far. Watching the light fading from the day, I feel my finger rubbing against my clit. Squirming harder in your chair, a soft moan escapes me. Your breath at the back of my neck, as my hand slides down, a finger slipping inside . Eyes closed. Bringing you too me; feeling you against me. The chair rocking. I shutter. Unable to even try to hold back. Crying out I feel the waves roll through me. Savoring them, as I have every moment I have been here, as I would you.
Slowly I rock, coming back to myself. Knowing when I open my eyes, I will find myself alone in the dark. So I sit. Rocking. Letting my breathing slow to normal. Knowing I need to get back to the hotel and settle in.
I open my eyes , looking out into the darkness. Sighing softly. I start to move. Seeing something, I turn my head. Out of the corner of my eye, I see you standing there at the corner of the porch, staring at me.
My blush comes back quickly, not sure what you have just seen. Not knowing what to say, I bite my lip and wait...