Roomers Ch. 07

'Shit, Kelly, it's less than a year. Love's a strong word to take on board.' She worried my ear gently. One thing about Kelly, she never left marks. Didn't much like the ones Annie left either, but had kept quiet about them so far.

'Just so as you know how I feel. This is my heart talking, and it's never talked this way before.' Romantic bullshit of course; trouble was, she was serious. She slithered down my body, and took my cock into her mouth, running her tongue over the head, coaxing me hard again. Shit, I could manage that. Made a note not to kiss her till she'd cleaned her teeth though. I'd been deep in her ass only twenty minutes before, but she didn't seem to care. Those well brought-up girls will surprise you every time.

Annie sure called it right when she said that people in love want more. Hell, it seems to me love is wanting someone till you got every last ounce of them and they kinda disappear. Sure enough, Kelly began hintin' about the time I spent with Annie and I hadta start lyin' to her some, and then tell Annie that I might be seeing a little less of her for a while. She smiled and pulled my ear.

'Happened before, Doug, and it'll happen again. I guess I know you pretty well by now. I been crazy in like with you since that day you sweet talked me into having a fuckin' pizza and you never done anything to make me change my mind, nor nothing to make me love ya either, except that trip to Florida mebbe; I kinda liked that. You gonna do that thing with your tongue like I want you to?' God bless skinny little hippies.

Hell, I'm not telling it too well; even now I get a kinda hot flush when I look back, feel ashamed of myself. Not that it was illegal: hell, I took real good care about that. Paid my taxes, cleaned up behind me, all the stuff I'd learned the past year.

What happened was, McCarthy got clever, decided to leak the fact that he was interested in the company, ramp the shares a little more and sell out before he hadta declare an interest. Kelly didn't like it, sailin' too close to the wind, she said, but McCarthy had his eyes on getting everything. I guess Kelly argued with him some, but she did what she was told; didn't enjoy it though, and her performance in the sack tailed off some. She never had learned the trick of separating business and pleasure. She set up the strategy, and her computer told me, and I grinned and opened another brokerage account and piled in. McCarthy wanted greedy, then I'd take some of the fuckin' cream too. I bought big on the margin, sweated like a fool through a couple of little spikes and dips, sold out two days before McCarthy dumped his stake and sent the price through the floor. Another three hundred big ones for me. I reckoned that with the bonus at the end of the day, that'd take me into the six zeroes that I'd promised myself. So the wanting it kinda faded away. Mission accomplished. When I'd closed the account I cancelled my gym membership too, just to show I wasn't a greedy guy. Nothin' to do now except sit tight and then get out gracefully.

I wish. Too late to stop it by then.

The real mistake was letting myself relax. I'd hated that whole part of the last year so fuckin' much, the pointless exercise, having to be careful the whole time, that I guess my wanting had been as much for a quiet life as a rich one. No goddam time to myself, no music, no reading except the fuckin' financial press. I counted the money in the bank and kicked back.

Kelly was purely lovin' when I told her I was tired. She scampered round bein' attentive and thoughtful, picked up some of my workload, acted real devoted. Spent a lot of time pointin' out that this was what love was about, caring for each other through the hard times and all. Scared the shit outa me, tell the truth, and started that little tickle of guilt as well because what I really felt was fuckin' wonderful: no gym, reading what I wanted, markin' time and no more at work. Good thing McCarthy was concentrating on the project and didn't notice much. After a while she got worried though, started bein' extra caring. Made me even more uncomfortable.

'I don't know what's come over you, Doug,' she said one day. 'It's as if you're somewhere else, not concentrating on me or anything.' She'd taken control when we went to bed after lunch and had fucked me slow and gentle, crouched over me and moving so smooth that I'd just layed right back and let her get on with it. I knew she wanted me to join in, turn it into something harder, but somehow the idea didn't appeal. Funny thing, but I never felt like that with Annie: tells you something, huh? Time to disengage is when you're unwilling to screw.

'Hell, Kelly, I'm just not sure 'bout what we're doin'. I mean, McCarthy's goin' to end up screwing some people's lives up, but royally, just to net twenty mill, and you're helpin' him so you get your cut, and I'm doin' the same I guess, but it's only a fuckin' game. Told you a long time ago I wasn't sure if it's the career I want.' Bad move. Her eyes went from concerned to relieved, and she leaned forward over my chest and kissed me.

'I know exactly what you mean, darling. You've looked as if you were forcing yourself for a while now. When we've got our bonus we'll take a holiday until you feel ready to start again. Mr. McCarthy will just have to manage without us for a while.' Oh, shit. I guess when people are in love they only hear what they want to.

The next few weeks were sorta difficult. I guess Kelly let somethin' slip to McCarthy because he had me in his office coupla days later, sat me down, looked at me kinda hard.

'Wasn't sure before but now I am. You've got somethin' going with Kelly, haven't you? Not very professional, son'. I looked right back at him. Didn't need clicks for this. A child could see this was the get outa jail free card.

'Not on your time, Mr. McCarthy. She was hurtin' kinda bad about somethin' and I guess it just grew from there. And I gotta say we don't talk about work outsida the office either.' His shoulders relaxed a touch.

'Dam' glad you ain't denying it, Doug. Any fool could tell she was goin' through a bad patch eighteen months back, but since then she's blossomed like a rose. Real nice to see her smile properly again. If that was your doin', well fine. What about the job? You're doin' exceptional, more than I thought, and you've made me richer, but your heart ain't in it. You wanna talk about that?'

Well, shit, I gave him the story. Past year or two had taught me a lot about myself, not really sure about number crunching and then counting the take, thought I was a more people oriented guy, could he give me any advice, deep sounding bullshit. I acted like I was pourin' my heart out to him and he looked kinda pleased with that. I didn't say squat about Kelly though.

Upshot was that my bonus was safe, his word, and if I wanted to slide outa the operation it'd be with his blessing, or stay if I wanted, until I knew what I was gonna do next. Terry was marryin' some other millionaire's kid, and I'd been the one who saved her ass, plenty of stuff like that. I told him I'd stay till September if that was OK by him, get two full years on my resume, I ever needed it. He chuckled and looked pleased again, said he was glad I was still thinking long-range, and I could just do make-work till then, and he knew I'd understand if he changed the passwords. Shit, I didn't care.

What I didn't expect was Kelly's reaction. When I told her she stared at me and her face kinda crumpled and she started cryin'.

'Shit, Kelly, what's wrong?' She didn't say anything, just cried some more. Fool woman was waiting to be comforted. Hell, I know where that can lead, so I just sat back and waited for her to finish. Felt kinda bad about that: she was hurtin', and the tears were real, but damned if I knew where they came from. After a while she stopped and wiped her eyes. Shit, she looked a mess. I sighed and got ready to be kindly but firm.

'Why didn't you talk to me about it, Doug?' Because it's none of your fuckin' business, dummy.

'Hell, Kelly, I was talkin' to McCarthy and he asked me what my plans were. I wasn't gonna say I needed to consult you first. It's all stuff you knew anyway.' Her eyes were pools of blue pain.

'But... but... didn't you feel we should have discussed it first? If I was thinking about changing my life you'd be the first person I talked to. Doug, we're so good together, but suddenly it's as if I'm not special anymore.' I sighed to myself and started damage limitation drill.

'Kelly, you're as special as a person can be, and I sure don't want to upset you, but you knew I was unhappy about the work and when McCarthy asked me I didn't wanna lie to him. He's a man of his word and he said the bonus was safe whatever I decided. Hell, Kelly, I can go relax for a while, do whatever I want to.'

That didn't fuckin' work at all. Turned out that I shoulda been usin' the word "we" a lot more often, that she'd offered me her love and I'd ignored it, and this and that and that and this. Thinkin' back, I guess the heart of the matter was she was thirty-one and wanted marriage and babies so bad she was hurtin', but I never realized that at the time. She calmed down in a while of course, but her eyes were so full of pain and she wanted so bad for me to say I loved her that I couldn't bear it and said I hadta go, needed to think some. She watched me as I left, her eyes fillin' with tears again.

Fuck, thinkin' about it makes my balls ache even now. You really wanna know the details of how everyone except me was fucked over? Shit, you could always check the goddam newspapers.

I didn't want to argue none with Kelly, but I sure as hell wasn't gonna get sucked into another Judy situation, so I took up a fall-back position. Friends with privileges I'd said, and friends with privileges she'd fuckin' agreed. I didn't wanna go any further; I was a young guy, still searchin' for my direction in life, just being her friend was a hell of a privilege and sharin' her bed was heaven, but... that sorta stuff. Completely fuckin' reasonable, I thought, but all that happened was she got more and more desperate, as if I was her last chance in the world. It was like havin' one of those goddam yappy little dogs, wants to be loved all the time and craps on the carpet if you push it off your goddam lap. Except she wasn't a dog: she was a beautiful loving woman and she was totally sincere and the pain was real. The sex got more and more intense. Her forcing herself to keep on lovin' me, tryin' to make me understand. Hell, it was good: the worst sex I ever had was excellent, but there was something about her need that made me feel kinda glum once in a while.

Work was fuckin' terrible. She spent half the day givin' me reproachful looks and the other half disappearin' into the bathroom to recover. McCarthy noticed, naturally, and as she could do no wrong he gave me the hairy eyeball some. Eventually, one Friday afternoon, after a long hot day of downright sobbin' from Kelly and frenzied clucking from the two old biddies, he suggested I take my bonus now, he'd pay me through August, let the office get back to normal, and hope that Kelly would be able ta get on with her work, things were at a delicate point. Give the man his due, he didn't try to give me any grief, told me that shit happened but he wanted me out, no blame attached, hope she and I sorted everything out, drop in any time once that happened; gave me a big fuckin' kiss-off check too. Enough to get me up to a round million. One percent of the net he was expecting. Like I said, a man of his word. I thanked him and left, never went back. Went round to Annie's instead.

When I walked in she took one look at me and put up the "Closed" sign.

'Dad's too out of it to handle anything,' she said, 'C'mon up, Doug.' She put me on the couch and made some kinda fuckin' herbal tea and made me drink it, fixed a small bong, then came and sat down next to me.

'Suck on this,' she said, 'and then you can tell me the bits you wanna tell me and then we'll fuck. It's been a while. You hurting?' I nodded.

'Thought I'd come round, tell you were needed. I got what I wanted and I hurt her on the way, and now I got it I'm out and that's gonna hurt her more.' She passed me the bong and nodded.

'Just like that poor fuckin' Judy. You're an easygoin' guy Doug, but when you decide you want something you're a for real danger to the folk round ya, and you know it and it still don't stop ya. Take another hit on that and lay on the couch.'

So I lay on the couch and let her wriggle her hand into my pants and slide them down some. All I could see was the back of her head moving slowly as her mouth wrapped round my cock, warm and familiar, knowing what I was and not caring. I guess Annie's the least judgmental person I ever met in my life. Jeez, there are times when I miss her.

The grass was hummin' through my head and I surrendered to the feeling of her tongue sliding over the other head, soothing and arousing at the same time, coaxing me to life. I started to thicken in her mouth and she chuckled deep in her throat, her hand caressing my balls and her lips closing slightly as she increased the tempo. Shit, she coulda suck-started a Harley, she put her mind to it. I could feel the tension draining out of my neck and shoulders and puddlin' in my groin, ready to unload into her, but she wasn't in any hurry. She was happy to bring me along slowly, make me feel better. I guess she wanted me to be glad to be back, but she was pleased too and I knew she wasn't fakin. Her free hand had pulled her long hippie dress up and was burrowing between her thighs, and even through the sweet, heavy smell of the grass I could detect the faint aroma of her arousal. My hips began to rise to meet her and she chuckled again, the vibrations rolling through me and turning the screw another notch, and her hand jacked me a little harder. I had a rush of blood to the big head and reached down and stroked her hair.

'Shit, Annie, I wanna get you naked, taste you some.' The words were still in the air when she lifted her head and jumped up. Her face split into a huge grin.

'Jeez, Doug, you reading my fuckin' mind or what? Shit, mebbe you like me some after all.' The hippy dress was round her ankles and she was just wearing a weird little shift, knee length macramé or some fuckin' thing. That followed the dress and she grabbed me and hauled me into her room. She pushed me onto the bed, didn't even bother with my shoes, just pulled my shirt open and my pants further down and hopped on board. Her asscheeks brushed my chin and I reached up for her, and as her lips touched me again I pulled her down onto my tongue.

When you're with someone you know and it's been a while, there is for sure something special about rediscovery. As I plowed my tongue into her I knew how she was gonna react, and the familiar feel of her mouth on my cock, urgent but somehow undemanding, got me so fuckin' hard I could hardly concentrate. Her clit welcomed my exploration and her pussy fluttered round my probing tongue. When I hit her spot she mewed round my dick and clenched her skinny thighs tight over my head before relaxin' and bearing down some more. It felt as if we were helping each other along and when she came, wailing a little and I followed her, spurting the months of tension into her welcoming mouth I felt as if I wanted to cry.

Afterwards she crept into the crook of my arm and chewed at my neck like she always did, and for the first time in weeks I slept without a shot of scotch to help me on my way.

That was the calm before the fuckin' storm. The next fortnight was pure hell. I guess I'd wanted stuff so bad, put myself through so much effort that the ability wanted to tie up the loose ends, cover my ass for me. The way it chose shook me fuckin' rigid, scared the crap outa me in fact.

After admirin' McCarthy's check for a coupla days I deposited it, turned most of it into bearer bonds, stashed them safely, and started wonderin' what to read, where to go eat, what CD's to buy, where to live. No hurry. I was comfortable where I was, but I could make some leisurely plans, let Kelly down gently; I was feeling mellow and at peace with the world, mostly.

She was the exception. She was feelin' so dam' bad, so hurt and rejected, that she kinda went outa control. I tried to reason with her, spent hours listening, more hours trying to point out that forced commitment is a non-starter, that I was a friends with privileges guy, that I wanted to be honest, stuff like that. Might as well have been singin' a Barry Manilow song for all the attention she paid.

Then she got the idea that I was seein' someone else. Went round and tried to face down Annie. Shit, I wish I coulda seen that. Annie wouldn't tell me the details though; fair enough I suppose, except I sorta got the drift of it from what Kelly said. She sat Kelly down, said that she'd known me a long time and lemme explain him to you. Said she and I had been friends a while and it was great as long as you adjusted your expectations, didn't go wanting more, because there wasn't a hope in hell of getting' any. Told her she'd seen this happen before, that I couldn't handle real commitment, stuff like that. Kinda harsh I guess, but it's one way of lookin' at it. She felt sorry for Kelly and she was tryin' to help, and it sure wasn't her fault she said the wrong things. Remember what I said about honesty? Most people plain can't handle it when they're shown it: the selfish ones can though, and Annie was as selfish as me so she said what she thought, no frills. Bad move. I guess the truth kinda tipped Kelly over the edge, flipped the coin of love over so it landed hate side up.

I got in late one evening and stopped dead in the doorway. Place was a fuckin' tip. All my papers scattered, personal stuff everywhere, computer on. When I looked at the screen I shit. There was a document on the screen and I can remember every word even now.

"Doug:

You tried to hide it, you bastard, but I found out. You're an evil man, Doug. You've used me and lied to me and now I know, and I know why too. The program froze again today and the helpline was useless so I called the computer doctor, you know? The guy on fifth and Broadway. He came and looked at it, and he found everything, all the sneaky spy stuff you put in. Mr. McCarthy was out of the office and I didn't say anything, but I came round here after work. You didn't know I had a key still, did you? And you thought I loved you so much that I wouldn't pry. Well, I hate you and I've pried.

All that time, Doug, with my heart in your hands, giving you everything, and you were just taking, riding my back and scooping up money. I've seen the files and I've looked at the papers and I know that when you decided you'd made enough you just walked away from me. You fooled me right down the line, and I hope you rot in hell.

I'm leaving this town, Doug. I don't think I can stand to breathe the same air as you. I know I'll never trust a man again. I just hope that you'll think occasionally about the life you ruined, the life that could have been so good.

I've left a note for Mr. McCarthy saying what you did and why I'm leaving, and I hope he cleans you out. Breach of a helpless woman's trust isn't illegal, but breach of confidence is.

My car's packed and when I've finished this I'm going to drive a thousand miles before I stop and try to mend.

From Kelly, who used to love you.

Well shit. I started tidyin' stuff up, gathering documents, trying to think it through. The hate oozing outa the screen was impressive, so I transferred all the fuckin' files to disk and wiped them off the hard drive, put the disk and the papers in an envelope, ran downstairs and mailed it to Annie. Fresh air always helps, and I was thinking better when I got back. I was pretty sure McCarthy wouldn't want to make a big fuss. He came after me, I could explain what he'd been doin' and he wasn't gonna like that. He sure liked Kelly though and could make life unpleasant if he wanted: man had a lotta clout, he chose to use it. Worse case scenario, I'd hafta leave town too. Shit, you play the hand you got. I finished cleaning up and went out to eat and decide where I was gonna move to. I was in the tavern, on the third beer, watching the local news and feeling kinda glum, when the newsflash came in. Jesus jumpin' Christ. Heart attack at the wheel, car crashed and burned, victim identified as William Madison McCarthy, millionaire and venture capitalist. I could scarcely fuckin' believe it. I'd killed the man as surely as if I'd stabbed him, just by wanting to be rich. From the moment his birdbrain daughter had driven into the Valiant, shit, from the moment I started wantin' to be rich, this had been waitin' in the wings. I ain't ashamed to admit I started shakin' a little, wondering if anything else was gonna happen.