Runaway Monkey

The "New in town party" came off exactly as expected. Some important people in town were introduced to us approximately 40 newcomers and thereafter they mingled around. As expected, our friend "Don Juan" or DJ as we came to call him nowadays approached Melissa and me and asked some very polite questions about how I liked the town and what we did for a living. When Melissa told him what she did at her job, he became interested and told her that he needed somebody with her qualifications to take care of some matters for his "Fan Club" a few hours a month. She could do the job in her own home and get well paid. I had to admire him; he was both polite and charming and I'm sure that we would have believed him completely if we had not known his real intentions. Melissa pretended to be interested and he gave her his card and she promised to call him in a day or two.

Emil suggested that Melissa call DJ for further information about the job. She rang him and he agreed to bring the material to her apartment so they could agree what to do and how to take care of it so she could show him her suggestions of how she intended to send him electronic reports. She suggested Friday of the next week after work because I was out of town visiting friends so they could get the work done in rather short time.

Her suggestions sounded sensible and DJ swallowed the bait and even persuaded her to have a dinner with him in town after the job instead of sitting alone at home waiting for me to came home sometime on Saturday. She pretended to hesitate for a while until he had promised "only a dinner and nothing else." We were a bit worried that he would get suspicious because the game went too easy for him. Melissa rang him one more time for further details about the job and he told her how much he appreciated her cooperation.

The next Friday was a great day for us in the Monkey Business Team. All of us - me, Fredrick, Roland and Emil - were anxious to get into action after all the planning we had done. I was waiting with Melissa in her apartment. Others in our team were waiting in their cars at various distances from Melissa's apartment. I got a call on my cell phone when DJ arrived in his Porsche and went in with briefcase in his hand. When he rang her doorbell I went into Melissa's wardrobe. Now the next important step was up to her. Her phone was hidden with the line open to Emil's cell phone so he could hear them talking about her job. Once again we had to admire DJ for acting very seriously. After about 30 minutes Melissa came to the bedroom and opened the wardrobe. I took her phone and said, "He is ready."

Emil, Roland and Fredrick came into her apartment with a large bag. DJ had fallen into a deep sleep after drinking a cup of coffee spiced with strong sleeping pills. We undressed him stark naked and dressed him in a monkey suit that Emil had bought at an auction when a theater closed down several years ago.

The monkey suit was in two parts basically with a separate hood for the head. When DJ was in the dress we glued the zipper with "super glue" so he could not open it. When we had put on the head, we glued it to the dress with textile glue and sewed several stitches with a strong thread. It was totally impossible for DJ to get out of the monkey suit without using a sharp knife.

The next step was to lay DJ's clothes and the briefcase with his papers in his Porsche, drive and park it outside his apartment.

DJ was still in deep sleep and now we had to wait a few hours before the next step in our action, which so far had gone exactly after as we had planned. We used the time for a coffee break and talk about our plan. Late in the evening we took out DJ to Emil's Audi A4 Avant and he and I drove to Emil's brother who was living just outside the next town, about 30 kilometers from our apartment.

The reason why Emil had chosen his brother's house as the next base in "Operation Monkey Business" was that he was living next to a female member of our parliament. Few people outside her hometown knew that and even fewer people knew why she had gotten the job.

Probably not even her party boss who obviously had needed some females on their list. Nobody knew what she did or if she did anything at all in the parliament, which was probably the best guess. The main advantage of such a situation was that nobody was opposed to her and the police regarded her as low risk person who didn't need any extra protection. Therefore there was no risk for us to be seen when we dragged DJ to her glazed garden pavilion, laid him on the floor and put a piece of board under the handle so the door could not been opened from inside.

Now we had to wait and see what happened. Finally things began to happen at half past eight on the sunny Saturday morning. The MP's two small daughters used to play in the pavilion. They went out, saw the newly awakened DJ sitting in a chair, and ran back to the house screaming, "Mommy, mommy, there's a big monkey in the pavilion!"

Obviously their mom didn't believe them because it took several minutes before she came out with the children. She walked close enough to see DJ sitting inside her pavilion and had the children run back to the house and she ran after them. Now DJ decided to escape, crashed a window with a chair and ran away in the opposite direction from us. That was the last we saw of him for a long time.

Emil had a police radio scanner with him and a few minutes later we could hear on the radio how the police officer in command contacted the nearest patrol car, which was 45 kilometers away and directed it to the MP's address where a huge gorilla had slept in her garden pavilion.

A young female voice replied from the car, "Are you sure about the animal? A pink elephant sounds better than a King Kong?"

"For heavens sake, she is a member of the parliament. Highest priority."

"We are on the way and will be there in twenty minutes. Any further information about the 'King Kong'?"

Nowadays the whole police force in this country is employed by the state and usually ruled from the county capitals. Many of the local small town police stations are closed down or only open Monday - Friday only during office hours. And during holiday season, from mid-June to mid-August, half of the force was off for summer holidays. The counties are of different size; ours is a rather large area.

During that quite Saturday morning at the beginning of June there were only two patrol cars out in the whole county, the nearest was about 45 kilometers from the MP's house and the other in the county capital 80 kilometers away. Young trainees from the police academy manned both of the cars. Not much for gorilla hunting so the odds were in favor of DJ.

Emil, who later on said that he happened to be close to the "King Kong incident" by a coincidence, did a good job and got his story and pictures sold to the leading nationwide tabloid newspaper. The comments below were included in his story.

A few minutes after DJ had escaped from the MP's pavilion, we heard a new message on the police radio, "The gorilla has stolen a bicycle and is escaping in direction south. Go for the gorilla. Next patrol will connect the witness."

The young female police replied, "Must have been a hell of a party last night there."

The owner of the bicycle later told Emil that his young sons had been playing on their lawn when the "monkey-man" had stolen his new expensive bicycle. Of course, he didn't believe the kids when they rushed into the house screaming, "Daddy, daddy, a monkey took your bike."

However, the bike was gone and the kids were really upset so he rang the police.

The next message to the patrol car was even weirder, "The gorilla has stolen a dog further down the road. Anything to report yet."

"King Kong must be hungry. Poor King Kong."

"Woman, it is very serious matter. Are you in the area yet?"

"No, we are in town but not in the right area. Something is wrong with the map in the GPS. We will find the right road soon."

"Get there, for heaven's sake. New information. The gorilla has stolen a rowboat equipped with an outboard motor. Get the boat under observation."

"On the way, but we don't have an amphibian vehicle."

It was no problem for Emil to find out the real truth about the old man's missing dog, though he didn't mentioned it in his story. The dog had been loose and found DJ so interesting that it had run after him. After some distance it had heard another Labrador barking some distance away, went there, jumped over the fence and the two dogs began to make puppies.

DJ had seen the path to the lake and the elderly man making his boat ready for a fishing trip when he understood that it was high time to skip the bicycle. The man had gotten a chock and made no attempt to resist when he saw a gorilla on a bicycle coming at high speed towards him, taking his boat, started the motor and went away on the lake. He had hesitated a long time before he dared to ring the police and tell them what had happened to him. At last he thought that the bicycle, which was there could be his evidence and dialed 112 on his cell phone.

While waiting for the police patrol, the MP had rung a retired policeman living a few houses away from her. When the ex-policeman saw that the pavilion was locked from the outside, he understood that it was only some kind of joke, probably a poor bride groom who had been dragged to the pavilion after "getting tired" during a wild stag party.

In the meantime DJ was out on the lake in the stolen boat, fearing a scandal if he got caught. He understood that a boat on a lake could be easily traced and therefore after a while he went to the shore and left the boat. He found a path, followed it and after some walking saw a summerhouse where a young woman arrived into the driveway in a white VW Golf convertible. With the engine still running she signaled and remained sitting in the car, obviously waiting for somebody. DJ didn't miss the opportunity. He rushed to the car, dragged out the screaming shocked woman and off he went. After a few seconds he noted a small dog in the back seat but didn't care.

DJ had problems, a terrible remorse, which got much worse when he heard the news on the car radio that a gorilla was a runaway after sleeping in an MP's garden pavilion. The next problem for DJ was the sanity problem because as he couldn't take off the monkey suit, he had no other choice than do his needs in it. A wanted "gorilla" in an open convertible wasn't any good choice.

Emil and I were talking with the boat owner when we heard the next message on the radio, "The gorilla has stolen a white VW Golf Convertible with a dog in the backseat. The license number is YDC 372

When DJ saw a blue Volvo V70 at a gas station he saw his chance. He stopped behind it and pushed away the man who was filling gasoline into the tank and drove away with a terrible scream from the middle-aged woman in the passenger seat. He drove to a back street, stopped the car, released the screaming woman's safe belt, opened the door and pushed her out.

Further down the street DJ saw a vegetable shop with merchandise stored outside, he stopped the car, rushed out and took a bunch of bananas. The shop owner saw a huge monkey steal his bananas and rang the police.

The commanding police officer's report to the patrol cars that "the monkey stole bananas" was the real highlight for the local county radio station, which had recorded it and interrupted their ongoing program for "A very important message". Lot of people, except the county police chief, got a good laugh.

The county police chief was playing golf with two other county police chiefs trying to get their support for the soon to be vacant national police chief job and the operator hadn't dared to disturb him with the monkey hunting. One of the golfers, who had a radio in his cell phone, switched it on to listen to the news and everybody except their host got a good laugh when they heard the local news about a monkey stealing a bicycle, a boat, dogs, cars and bananas. They suggested the local chief interrupt the game and take over the command, which he had done angry as a wasp.

He became pale and saw his chances to be the national chief of the police disappear when he rang his operation central and heard that it was the, in his opinion, incompetent Sven Peterson who was leading the operation with an force of four trainees in two patrol cars.

We understood that DJ was trying to get home or at least to one of his friends in the stolen car as soon as he could. With no police between him and our hometown it ought to be an easy matter. Therefore we went towards his best friend's house at the highest possible speed. On the way we heard about the blue Volvo V70.

If the chief had allowed Peterson to continue to lead the operation, it would have been closed down without any extra expenses. But now he wanted to show action so he ordered Peterson to call in available police officers that were off duty. A problem for Peterson was that all of them who had heard about gorilla hunting on the radio had immediately switched off their cell phones and didn't take any calls to their regular phones. At last poor Peterson succeeded in getting in crews for six extra patrol cars and even got a helicopter crew to work overtime during their meaningless gorilla hunting, which turned to total chaos as the gorilla reportedly had been seen in at least ten different places at the same time.

On our way back to our hometown, we rang our friends on the Monkey Business Team and asked them to watch some addresses and take pictures if DJ arrived in a blue Volvo V70.

To our great luck, just a short distance from our hometown, DJ overtook us in the blue V70 and it was an easy matter to tail him to one of his friends' house. We got nice pictures when he left the car. We got more pictures when he came out an hour later dressed in jeans and T-shirt and took the Volvo to a forest road outside the town where he left it. His friend picked him up in his red Toyota Avensis and thereafter they went to the garbage dump where they discarded a black plastic garbage sack. Emil had gotten very great pictures.

Then we tailed him to his apartment where he found his Porsche. He obviously had a spare key hidden somewhere under the car because he opened it and got his clothes, along with the key to his apartment. DJ shook hands with his friend, who drove away, and DJ went into the house.

We gave him five minutes to get into his apartment before Emil rang him. Immediately when he had answered with his name, Emil told him, "Hello, Mr. King Kong. Does it feel good to be at home again. Listen carefully; I'll give you a fair choice between two alternatives. Number one: You'll stop all attempts to fuck married, engaged or otherwise taken women in this town. Number two: You refuse to do that and prefer the scandal and jail caused by stealing a bicycle, a boat, two cars and kidnapping a woman. I want your choice now."

"Who are you? Why in the hell did you do that to me?"

"I'm representing the local Wife Guard Organization; that's all you need to know. We did it because you had collected enough with points to be qualified for that game. Nothing personal, we only have to act according to the valid rules of our organization."

"How can I trust you?"

"You can't, but you are a gambler and ought to understand that the odds are on your side in this matter if you agree to cooperate. Yes or no?"

"Alright, I accept the deal."

"Okay, if you try to fuck any taken woman in this town or try to trace our sources or harass any of those women you fucked or tried to seduce earlier, you are going to jail for what you did today. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Good. We'll keep you under observation."

We were surprised about how easy DJ had accepted our conditions instead of screaming about revenge and lawyers. Obviously his monkey adventure had been a terrible experience for him.

We on the Monkey Business Team celebrated the successful operation with a great party during the evening. When Melissa and I were back at my apartment early in the morning, she told me that she wanted a family with two kids, gave me a sweet smile and said, "Start working on it."

I did, and must admit that it is a very pleasant mission to do my best at getting her pregnant. Since it was her most fertile period; we made three serious attempts that morning. Melissa was the very best girl I'd ever known and we were in deeply in love with each other.

Monday morning at the job I had a serious talk with Karolina about her deal with DJ, who had cancelled all his silly attempts to seduce and fuck Melissa. However, if Karolina didn't want her husband to know about her deal to fuck DJ, I expected her to eat lunch at our table and ask Melissa to forgive her for the serious problems she tried create for her.

She asked, "How in the hell can you know about that? And how many days must I eat with Melissa and you?"

"None. You have a free choice. Today is enough, because you are the most shameless disgusting slut working at this company. It's like the rumors I heard about you. Be aware that some people out there hate you."

At the lunch most of the employees raised an eye when Karolina came to the table where Melissa, Anita and I were sitting and asked if the fourth chair was free, sat down and asked Melissa to forgive her for the nasty thing she did to her. Melissa said yes and the rest of the meal went on with polite small talk without saying anything about DJ.

After that day, the fourth seat at our table was seldom empty.

I think DJ got bored at being retired and not in position to spend any time on his old hobby of seducing married and taken women. Neither he nor any of his friends made any attempts to contact Melissa to get her to talk about her part in the monkey game. Probably the publicity about the matter and the consequences for DJ if he became known as the King Kong kept them from being more vocal. DJ accepted a PR and sales job at the national capital and moved to the new and happier hunting grounds there. He kept his word and bought a mini-bus for the junior teams in his old club and is still a very popular person in his old hometown.

The national police chief job is still an open question though two TV programs made fun of the gorilla hunting in our county.

The first was in the weekly stand up comedy show where one of the participants did a funny monologue about the big police action in a small country town with a helicopter and all available patrol cars for a monkey stealing bananas.

One of the commercial TV channels had a sketch in its weekly entertainment program in which the female MP and the gorilla where necking in a garden pavilion when her husband surprised them and the gorilla fled on bicycle chased by the angry husband shooting at least twenty shots without reloading his two-barrel shotgun.

The MP got much more publicity from her King Kong matter than she had ever gotten from her political work and deeply regretted that she had rang the police. She said on the TV that even if she found a whole zoo in her garden, she wouldn't lift the phone again.

After Melissa and I had found and bought a nice house, we had a romantic outdoor wedding at an old monastery ruin with our closest relatives and friends as guests. She was three months pregnant, so we had to take it rather easy with celebrating. One thing is for sure; I'm a happy man because I have a very loving wife.