Running out of Love

"I mean not have to wait until next week" I said quickly, trying to clean up my mistake.

"No I should be here with you" she said looking at me suspiciously.

"Carly, go!" I said firmly.

I really believed she was going over to fuck "Goober" but I didn't care where she went, or how long she stayed, as long as she had her ass back here tomorrow at 7 to be served with her divorce papers. I was still trying to decide whether I wanted to be here or not.

I took a nice long bath to recover from my long run. Then I really did get into bed and tried to find a way to get to sleep but I was just too wired. I kept thinking about Becca and not all of my thoughts were pure.

What was the difference, I asked myself, between what Carly was doing and what I was thinking of doing? The only difference I could see was that Carly had actually done it. I hadn't even considered it or anything like it until I realized that there was no way I could ever go back to life with Carly as it had been.

As I closed my eyes my head was filled with visions of Carly and Gomer Pyle fucking next to me on a bed. They were so quiet and boring that I didn't wake up, and then she told me we were going to have a baby. But she was smiling as she said it, so I knew it wasn't mine. When the baby was born, it came out wearing a straw hat and chewing on a sprig of hay. The baby's first words were "Sha zayam"

I finally fell asleep, so I don't know what time Carly got back. She may have only been gone for an hour or 2 or she may have been out all night. I doubted that though because there was food on the bedside table and Carly didn't eat after 8p.m. there was also a book open on the table, which meant that Carly had another frustrating night of no sex, so she was probably raring at the bit ready to head for the trailer park and her true love, "Sam Drucker". I looked at the alarm clock's glow in the dark face and counted the seconds until the alarm would sound ending my marriage.

It's not too late I told myself, you can still call this off. Carly had once again wrapped herself all over me, as if I really meant something to her. Maybe I should buy a cowboy hat. If I put her actions out of my mind, it felt so good to lie there with a woman who seemingly worshipped me. Especially when she just folded herself over me, squeezing her-self into what had to be an uncomfortable position just to be closer to me. Then the alarm sounded and I could feel the tension enter Carly's body. I decided to let Carly's actions call the play. If Carly didn't go today, I'd still confront her about it, but I'd try and save our marriage. But if she went, we were history. I wouldn't try to influence her one way or another, it would be her decision. She'd have to pick one of us, him or me.

Carly started to get up, I don't know why but there were tears in my eyes and I actually threw my own rules out the window.

"Why don't you stay home today?" I asked; so much for not trying to get her to stay.

"Maybe next time sweetie" she said kissing me "But today I really need to go"

"One run more or less won't kill you" I snapped.

"This one is really important" she said "it's just something I need to do"

So as they say the die was cast. As I watched Carly dress for the last time, I was really saddened. Sure she'd picked up a few pounds, even over the last year while she was "running" 3 times a week she'd still gained weight, but I didn't care. Until 3 days ago she was still the sexiest thing in my universe, and I would miss what we had greatly, even if it was a lie.

"Feeling better?" she asked as she kissed me lightly on the cheek.

"Physically, I guess" I mumbled.

"That's the part I need. When I get back, have your clothes off and be ready for me" she said smiling.

"And don't forget tonight, we're having our talk" she said more seriously.

As soon as Carly's car drove off, the trucks started arriving and John's Lexus pulled up.

I opened the door and men started pouring into the house as I dressed. A guy started working on the front door while another started on the back. Excluding John and myself there were only 6 men in the house. Somehow I'd expected more. They quickly packed everything even remotely feminine including all of her toiletries and bath items into really nice boxes and labeled them so that almost any and all items could easily be found. They left about 10% of the boxes on the front porch and the rest they loaded into a large truck that would follow Carly to any location she wanted, and even unload it for her. I was trying to be as nice as possible for the sake of the first 7 years when we'd been really happy.

I couldn't help crying as I took it all in. They were done in less than 30 minutes. John introduced me to an officer of the court who would serve the actual papers. I shook his hand and ran toward my car. I quickly drove my usual route and got Carly's favorite coffee and doughnuts for her, for the last time. I was back by 6:55. I got my new keys to the doors and watched everyone with the exception of the driver and loader of the remaining truck leave. John told me that everything including the restraining order for the building I worked in was in effect. Due to his former friendship with Carly he didn't want to be here, and neither did I. As we drove off in opposite directions I could see Carly's car pull into the driveway. I don't know why but I stopped halfway down the block to watch. I saw her step up on the porch, she looked really happy and why shouldn't she. She had just gotten back from trying to drive "Fred Ziffeld's" bed through his floorboards, and was expecting to give me another mercy fuck.

I saw her struggle with the door but apparently she hadn't noticed the boxes yet. I saw the man from the court approach her. They spoke briefly, he handed her the envelope and she screamed so loudly I could hear her halfway down the block. Carly fell to her knees and just sat there. I drove away.

I wish I could say that seeing her reaction took all of my pain away or that it made me feel better, but it didn't. But it did take a tiny bit of the edge off the pain, and start me along the road to getting over it. The next few days with Becca really helped to make the pain go away. I'd often heard that love can't be turned off like a switch. But I guess when you replace a painful love with a much better one, miracles can happen.

Part II

Carly

It had been 24 hours since I got the biggest shock of my life. My soul-mate, the love of my life, was divorcing me. Though he threw me out of the house, in typical Robbie fashion, he had done it in the nicest possible way. That told me that he still loved me but for some reason had decided that we couldn't go on. After I got done crying, I had the truck driver take me to my mom's place. I had just been there the day before to share a different kind of news with her, so this would come as kind of a shock.

I didn't unpack any of my things because in my mind I wasn't going to be here long enough to need to. I saw John Berman was acting as Robbie's attorney and called him.

"Hi John" I said into the phone, barely avoiding crying again.

"Carly?" he asked tentatively.

"Yep" I said.

"Carly, we shouldn't be talking without your attorney being present" he said.

"I don't have one" I cried.

"Well speaking as your friend, you really should get one" he replied.

"Why John, I don't want a lawyer, I don't want a divorce, I just want Robbie" I cried. "Tell him I'll do whatever he wants, I don't know why this is happening, I love him so much"

"Carly, if you get a lawyer we can set up a meeting to discuss the matter. Robbie is trying very hard to be extremely fair with you" he stressed. "He wants this to be an amicable divorce, you keep all of your stuff and he keeps his" he continued.

"The only thing I want to keep is my husband" I said tearfully.

"He only wants the house, and his Mustang, You can have everything else including all of the furniture. Plus, even though you bought your car together, he wants you to keep it" he said.

"Why is he doing this" I screamed.

"Carly get a lawyer and we'll have a meeting" he said.

"OK I'll have one in an hour" I told him.

"We'll set the meeting up for 9.a.m. Tomorrow morning in my office" he said and hung up.

The first thing that went through my mind was that someone was forcing Robbie to divorce me.

Then I thought about it and remembered that he'd been acting weird and we hadn't had sex since Thursday morning. I know that it's only been a few days but we were used to multiple times daily, even after 8 years we were still like newlyweds. I craved his touch, just seeing him got me wet and there was no way I'd ever give up on him. That started me crying again and I thought about it some more. And I was sure I had the answer. If I was right, I could get Robbie back, easily. I'd just have to give up something that I thought I wanted, but now in perspective wasn't really that important.

And the timing was about right too. I'd mentioned it to Robbie Thursday or Friday, and I was sure he knew now and was not keen on the idea. It would be a major change in our lifestyle and maybe he wasn't ready for that yet. I was but without him, no matter how much pleasure I got from it, it just wasn't worth it. Of course if he had signed on for it, like some men just seem to do, it would have been great. I guess Robbie wasn't that kind of guy.

I picked up the phone book and just called the first lawyer they had listed. We talked for about a half hour. He had me read him certain passages from the divorce papers and said he needed a copy of them. He told me that it basically sounded like I was being dumped for another woman, and I could probably get more out of this. I told him I didn't want more, I wanted Robbie back. I told him about what I wanted to talk with Robbie about, and he said a lot of men just were not ready for that. And if that was the case, then citing irreconcilable differences was a good reason and the settlement was really fair. We should just go to the meeting and talk to them; we could plan our strategy after that. He asked me if there were any other reasons that Robbie might want a divorce and I really couldn't think of any.

So here I am sitting at a table 24 hours later waiting for John and Robbie. My attorney looks a little young, but I don't care. He's only here to get me into the meeting so I can talk to Robbie. There isn't going to be a divorce, I'll die first. Or if Robbie is playing around with some slut, she will. Just because I'm getting a little fat, is no reason to throw away our marriage.

John walks in, followed by my husband. Robbie looks really good today. I smile when I see him, but he doesn't return my smile. In fact he looks away from me and I can see the hurt in his eyes.

That look in his eye like I'd done something bad to him hurts me really bad and I can't stand it so I just blurt out "OK Robbie if you don't want to have a baby with me, I'll forget about the whole thing, let's just go home"

Robbie looks shocked, and so does John, they have no idea what I'm talking about.

"Carly, what are you talking about?" asks Robbie very gently.

"I know that you figured out that I was going to tell you I wanted to have your babies, and you're not ready to be a father yet, maybe never" I said. "So you just figured that since I want kids and you don't that we should get a divorce so both of us can have what we want. But Robbie, I love you" he snorted when I said that "I love only you, and without you I don't have a life so we don't have to have kids yet or ever" I said sadly.

For a while no one said anything. The quiet in the room was almost tangible.

Then Robbie went to a television at the end of the table and turned it on.

"I was hoping not to have to do this" he said gently. "I was only going to do this in the event that this got ugly"

I noticed that as he spoke he was fighting back tears, and my heart broke all over again.

"Carly, I would have loved to have kids with you, I can't think of anything that would have made me happier up until Friday morning" he said choking back the tears.

"Then, Robbie why can't we have them?" I asked.

"Because I'd never know whose they were, and I can't share you Carly. So we need a divorce" he said

Robbie pointed a remote control at the TV and I saw a video start playing. It was so strange seeing my-self on the screen. Seeing yourself on video is a strange experience. You don't really look the way you see yourself in the mirror. The first thing I thought was that I was a bit chunkier than I thought.

As I watched in the video I recognized the place, and my mouth dropped open. Oh no I thought, please don't let this be. But it was. My image on the screen started shedding her clothes as she walked across the room. Was my ass really that big? Mark was already on the bed, playing with his dick as I approached. As I watched myself climb up on the bed I thought "Damn, my ass is huge." I lowered my vagina onto Mark's waiting face, and realized that this whole thing didn't really look like what was really going on. I was only letting Mark eat me to get me wet because the sight of him just didn't do it for me. Would they understand that? It didn't seem likely. My lawyer looked as if he was the one who was betrayed.

Then I saw myself lowering my pussy down onto Mark's dick and us having sex. I felt embarrassed beyond belief and ashamed. And as I watched the tears freely rolling down from Robbie's eyes it was like someone had just put my chest in a vice, and was squeezing the life out of me. It suddenly became clear that I might lose him, for real and for good. Up until now none of this had really made sense. It was just a dream, a nightmare that I would awaken from and have everything the way it was supposed to be.

I was not going to go out willingly.

"Robbie, it's not what it looks like, I can explain. Robbie, I don't love him, I only love you" I said.

Robbie just sat there with his head down on the table crying, he wouldn't even look at me. John suggested that though this wasn't court, we should probably take a recess to confer.

He left the room taking Robbie with him.

As soon as the door closed, my attorney started screaming at me.

"You stupid bitch, why didn't you tell me about this?" he screamed. "You've already lost so sign the fucking papers before they change them. You were right, he really is being nice to you and his lawyer is playing softball with you too. If I were representing him, we'd be filing for adultery and releasing that video to all of your friends and family. We'd also be suing your lover for alienation of affection, and if he's married I'd be taking her case as well" he said.

"Just sign the fucking papers" he snapped.

"But I want my husband back" I whined.

Have you ever seen people who take their kids out for an ice cream cone and get there just as the place is closing? Then as soon as they step away from the counter, the kid drops the ice cream cone? That was how my lawyer looked at me. His look said "Bitch I bought you this ice cream and you dropped it, there is nothing we can do about it so get over it"

"We can suggest counseling" he said, "but it won't work. He's obviously, like you said, a nice guy and he loves you a hell of a lot, but you just fucking destroyed him. Any idiot can see that he loved you, but if you put him in court, and he cries like that over you, and then shows that video, you'll lose everything" he snapped.

"As a matter of fact, I am going to do you one last favor, I can't keep my professional detachment on this case so I'm going to quit, that means they can't proceed until you have the benefit of an attorney and that will buy you a little time" he said.

I watched as he packed his briefcase and left the room.

"I'll bill you" was the last thing he said to me.

As the door closed I heard him utter "Sorry man" to Robbie as he left.

Robbie and John came back into the room.

"I know my lawyer quit but I just need to explain this, can we please just talk?" I begged.

Robbie nodded his head and I could tell he just wanted to get this over with and I'd probably never see him again if I messed this up.

John said "Only if you'll sign a release, and acknowledge that you continued knowing that you didn't have an attorney and allow the conversation to be recorded"

"Whatever" I said.

"Robbie, I love you more than life itself" I began "But I hated running, and I was just not any good at it. So then I ran into Mark, whom I'd known briefly in college, and he had a lot of time to kill since he wasn't working. At first we'd just get together and hang out for an hour while I was supposed to be running, but with me coming into his house dressed in all those tight little running outfits all the time he started making comments on how hot I looked. I was feeling kind of vulnerable from picking up the weight, so I started feeding into it. Robbie, you tell me I'm beautiful and sexy every day, but you're supposed to, because you're my husband and you love me. But I guess hearing it from someone else, really was flattering and I loved it. Then one thing led to another and he started feeling me up, which led to the first time he got his fingers in my panties and, well, you know what started happening after that"

"It was never about sex, it was just something to do for an hour" I said, realizing how stupid it sounded as I said it. "Maybe, the thought that someone beside you wanted me, made it exciting" I said.

"But it had nothing to do with love, I love only you" I said.

I paused to take a breath. "The day you took this video was Friday right? That was the day that I was telling him that it was over, I was done lying to you and he and I couldn't do it anymore because you and I were going to start our family. I was going off the pill and I didn't want to risk anybody but you inside me. Then he started telling me that I'd be back in a week because I'd miss his dick and our hot sex. That was why I was laughing, because the sex wasn't hot, fucking him was boring. I was telling him that he didn't even compare to you and that most days when I got done with him I couldn't wait to run home and fuck you. He was just a snack to whet my appetite, Robbie, you were the meal" I said.

The words sounded hollow even as I said them.

Robbie held out the divorce papers to me and I backed away from the table.

"I need to ask you 4 questions" Robbie said. "The first 3 are really easy, if you answer all 4 I'll tear these papers up and we'll try to make this work. But if you can't answer any one of them you have to let me go"

I just nodded in response.

"Do you love me?" he asked

"With all of my heart and soul" I replied.

"Did I love you?" he asked

"You really seemed to. OK yes, I believe you did" I said

"Did I ever beat you, or mistreat you, or refuse to listen to your opinion, did I ever make it so that you couldn't come to me if there was something wrong?" he asked.

"Nope, none of that" I smiled.

"Then why was it easier for you to fuck some farm hand behind my back for a year, and destroy our marriage, than to simply say Robbie, I don't like to run?"

I had no answer for that question, I just sat there. But I still refused to sign those fucking papers.

I fought it for weeks and Robbie never did any of the bad stuff. He never released the videos on the internet or gave copies to my friends. In fact he never even said a bad word about me. He went to counseling, both alone and with me, but it never got anywhere. Month after month our goals just never got any closer. I wanted our marriage back. I was willing to do anything even live in separate houses and start dating all over again. Robbie just wanted out.

He said he could never look at me again, and he couldn't trust me. I showed him a lockable chastity belt on the internet but he just looked at me sadly. He even paid for all of the counseling sessions since I was missing so much time at work lately and didn't have the money. It just seemed pointless to go in there and bust my ass everyday for nothing. I also slowly watched the light in my husbands eyes change. Where once upon a time his expression brightened when he saw me, it was different now. When Robbie entered a room he was bright and happy; but as soon as he saw me, he became sad. It was like something or someone else made his light shine, and I was just a reminder of a sad past.